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back to article Bald? Looking old before your time? Don't panic, but you might DIE

If you look old, wrinkly, fat-eyed and bald, you might die from heart disease, doctors who spent years researching the matter have said. Looking old increases risk of heart disease Check out the fat eyelids on him! In a new study presented to the American Heart Association, the docs claim that people who had three to four …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Linux

    Wrong way round?

    But there was also interesting research looking at the frequency of incidence of heart attacks, especially the ones that occur in the late morning, correlated against the fashion no longer to wear hats (I'm not kidding.) It seems baldies leave their warm homes, do their commute hatless, losing heat from their bonces and thickening their blood, then going in to a nice warm office, where a little while later their thickened arteries cause the attack. That woud suggest that the hirsutically unenvied have no insulation that the follicaly gifted have, and this contributes to the thinning of the herd as well as the head.

    Gosh I'm bored....

    Tux - make up your own reason.

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    1. Ragarath
      Reply Icon

      Re: Wrong way round?

      Christ, I am off to buy a hat now.

      And I thought the familt curse was just the baldness!

      0 0
  2. frank ly
    Unhappy

    Oh dear,

    I'd better contact a solicitor and start making my will.

    2 0
    1. NomNomNom
      Reply Icon
      Trollface

      Re: Oh dear,

      even your (sad) smiley doesn't have any hair.

      <---- you should try trollface instead. a smile plus regeneration powers that will see off any heart attack.

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      1. Thomas 4
        Reply Icon
        Unhappy

        Re: Oh dear,

        It's been a blast guys.Have my ashes put onboard Vulture 2.

        0 0
    2. Stephen 27
      Reply Icon
      Pint

      Re: Oh dear,

      Really trying to work out why I'm not dead yet. Is there some sort of Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh

      0 0

  3. This post has been deleted by its author

  4. Will Godfrey Silver badge
    Meh

    In other news

    Old people are likely to die fairly soon.

    6 0
    1. Lars Silver badge
      Reply Icon
      Coat

      Re: In other news

      I think we need pictures of fat eyelids right now, getting really concerned, perhaps for no reason, just let me compare, please.

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      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge
        Reply Icon

        Re: In other news

        Don't worry about your fat eyelids - do something.

        A vigorous workout of 10minutes/day of blinking should give you toned 6pack eyelids and lead to a long and healthy ( or at least heart attack free) life. Seems a lot less effort than jogging and eating healthily

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        1. Anonymous Coward
          Reply Icon
          Anonymous Coward

          Got to die of something......

          - avoid heart disease, let Cancer get you instead? No thanks, I'd rather collapse in agony and get it over with in a few bad minutes, than suffer prolonged agony over months.

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  5. Pete 2 Silver badge

    So to prevent a heart attack

    ... all you have to do is shave your head and cut off your ears?

    Hmmm, tricky one - what would hold my spectacles on?

    1 0
    1. IglooDude
      Reply Icon

      Re: So to prevent a heart attack

      Rusty spikes hammered into your noggin. It's true, read the literature - no one with spikes hammered into their skull has ever died of heart disease or heart attack.

      6 0
  6. Anonymous Coward
    Facepalm

    (very limited) Zombie Apocalypse!

    I am the walking dead ...

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  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Who ISN'T going to DIE?

    What a load of wank!

    4 6
    1. NomNomNom
      Reply Icon

      according to the hit movie Highlander there are immortals walking among us. Although IIRC there was some complex rule stipulating a maximum number of immortals...can't remember it exactly it was so long ago I watched the movie.

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      1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge
        Reply Icon

        >. Although IIRC there was some complex rule stipulating a maximum number of immortals.

        I think it was; there can be only 0 or 1 or file-not-found

        1 0
    2. Stoneshop
      Reply Icon
      Facepalm

      Who isn't?

      Wowbagger the Infinitely Prolonged, that's who. And a small group of born immortals.

      1 0
  8. NomNomNom
    Alien

    all the comment icons so far have bald heads, even the one I am using. Even penguin icon is bald. Wait ALL the reg comment icons depicting faces have bald heads. even the angel has no hair. wtf this is freaking me out.

    2 0
    1. Captain Save-a-ho
      Reply Icon
      Paris Hilton

      All icons are bald?

      Paris, because she's bald, but not on her head.

      4 0
  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sounds like a perfect description on my old man who's worked as a bike/car mechanic, a life guard and a technical manager of a leisure centre. He's now retired and approaching 75, showing only small signs of slowing down slightly what with his walking his dogs twice a day, all his own DIY and looking after a 30ft square Koi pond in his garden. My Mum's passed on so he has to do all his own house work too. Finally he sometimes cuts my grass and does the odd DIY job around my house when he's bored!

    Not saying he's not going to drop suddenly but he's a lively bugger for his age like a lot of other golden oldies out there who've always kept active!

    1 0
    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Sample of one...

      ...proves the science wrong again!

      Not sure if you're trying to be ironic at your old man's expense. Probably not, so you've just got typoarreha.

      1 0
      1. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Sample of one...

        Make that a sample of two. I'm well up in the 70s, went bald when I was 19 and now walk the dog twice a day, beat most of the youngsters in walking up the hill to my house, do all my own housework, keep the companies servers going and in my spare time build and repair electronic equipment.

        Oh, and I', thinking of quitting any time soon.

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        1. Anonymous Coward
          Reply Icon
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Sample of one...

          Should be 'I'm not...'

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    2. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge
      Reply Icon

      I don't know, the description looks a lot like pictures of my grand-dad and he died bald at 30.

      Of course D-Day had a lot to do with that - so I need a hair transplant, iron my ears, slim my eyelids and keep away from heavily defended German coastal fortifications.

      5 0
      1. IglooDude
        Reply Icon

        Really, keeping away from heavily defended German coastal fortifications is good advice for anyone, even Germans. I understand in the US the FDA is considering mandating that a Surgeon General's warning be applied and clearly visible on even moderately defended fortifications.

        6 0
        1. Yet Another Anonymous coward Silver badge
          Reply Icon

          Not to mention the danger of "Passive Blitzkrieg" - I think they should probably be banned near schools or within 3metres of air intakes

          1 0
      2. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        Anonymous Coward

        On the other hand, my father survived having his boat hit a Teller mine on D-Day, but he had plenty of hair and thin eyelids. And he's over 90...seems there might be something in this (checks ears for creases)

        1 0
    3. Martin Budden Silver badge
      Reply Icon
      Headmaster

      click for enlightenment

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  10. smudge
    Joke

    Does Brian Eno know?

    So they're using his picture, but has anyone told him he's at risk?

    0 0
  11. Jason Bloomberg Silver badge
    Pint

    OMFG

    Does worrying you are losing your hair, gaining wrinkly ears and fat eyelids cause a greater risk of heart attack than actually having those attributes?

    Drinking Oil of Ulay from an early age avoids most of the signs of ageing and death by heart attack but only by virtue of causing early death through drinking Oil of Ulay.

    1 0
  12. FanMan
    Facepalm

    People in their 70s are more likely to die

    Well I never!

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  13. DF118

    I'm still getting spots at 30-something. Does that mean my physiological age is, say, 14?

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  14. Pat 4

    WOW!!! Just... WOW!

    So the older you get, the older you look.

    And the older you look... the more chances you have a dying of a heart attack???

    SHOCKING!!!!

    Next thing you know, they'll be telling us that you can loose weigh by eating a sensible diet and exercising!

    0 1
  15. Stevie

    Aiee!

    Aiee!

    0 0
  16. GotThumbs
    Boffin

    So was diet a factor at all in this study? No mention of it.....

    So if this "Study" were to be taken seriously, then each participant was given AND followed a regimented diet from the start to finish of this study.

    Else, I wouldn't put much weight into this.

    Best wishes,

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  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Correlation or causation?

    Is it the "looking old" that makes you more susceptible, or does having a body that ages faster in appearance also have internal organs that age faster?

    0 0
  18. sabba
    Facepalm

    And elsewhere on Planet of the Bleedin' obvious...

    ...if you're over 90 years of age it has been reported that your libido is likely to have drop, you probably can no longer do triple back-flips and are unlikely to have an 18 year old girlfriend (unless you are also very rich).

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  19. kwg06516
    Facepalm

    You are now feeling your earlobes.

    0 0
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