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back to article Japanese toilet can save penalty kicks

Just when you thought Japan had moved on from its stereotyped image as a nation that creates bizarre, useless technology, it comes up with the Super Great Toilet Keeper (SGTK) – a bespoke toilet designed to save penalties. The football-mad throne is a bizarre, one-off collaborative project between Japan’s leading toilet-maker …

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  1. jungle_jim
    Trollface

    shit!

    0 1
  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Motion analyser?

    Err...

    5 0
    1. frank ly
      Reply Icon

      Re: Motion analyser?

      There is a high-tech Japanese toilet that does medical analysis on the 'motion'. They are becoming more and more capable as time goes by. I for one welcome ....etc.

      0 0
  3. LaeMing
    Trollface

    I can see this technology being very useful

    in some men's bathrooms!

    3 0
    1. Elmer Phud
      Reply Icon
      Happy

      Re: I can see this technology being very useful

      Noooo -- it would mean men standing at the doorway idly peeing in the general direction of the pan - hoping some of it might go in.

      Oh, so no change there then.

      2 0
      1. Thomas 4
        Reply Icon

        Re: I can see this technology being very useful

        I am deeply concerned about how the sensors identify a "ball".

        2 0
        1. Francis Boyle Silver badge
          Reply Icon

          What

          could you possibly be doing on the toilet that would cause your balls to move at 160km/h?

          1 0
          1. LaeMing
            Reply Icon
            Alert

            Re: What

            In this case, sitting on the toilet might cause that!

            1 0
  4. Sp0ck

    This really does bring a fresh perspective on the phrase "smashing your back doors in"!

    1 0
  5. Neil Barnes Silver badge
    Pint

    Whatever it is the designer was drinking...

    I want one.

    2 0
  6. James Micallef Silver badge
    Pint

    Can it save a Panenka?

    If it is designed to calculate the trajectory super-quickly to handle 160 km/h shots, maybe it can be fooled by a dipping trajectory of a chipped shot? Inquiring minds etc...

    Beer for whoever thought this up, and god bless teh Japanese and their wacky ideas

    1 0
    1. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge
      Reply Icon

      Re: Can it save a Panenka?

      Once it has determined the ball's initial vector it can predict the rest of its path. The influence of gravity is the same in all cases. If it's continuously tracking the ball it also might not even need to explicitly account for air resistance.

      0 0
      1. James Micallef Silver badge
        Reply Icon
        Thumb Up

        Re: Can it save a Panenka?

        Yeah, I guess you're right that it will automatically handle gravity-induced dip. That leaves a couple of unexplored route to goal I guess...

        1 - blast the ball low and hard at the toilet bowl itself, just a little off-centre. The 'saving' ball cannot reach here, it needs to be physically blocked by the toilet bowl itself. So maybe the ball can just deflect off the edge of the toilet bowl and go in

        2 - If it's not continuously tracking the ball, putting some (OK, a LOT) of swerve will confuse it

        If it IS continuously tracking the ball, a combination of 1 and 2 might do the trick. Hit hard just to the right of the bowl, swerving to just go in off the left part (vide Roberto Carlos free-kick vs France in '97, it's possible to get 2-3 metres lateral displacement off a good swerve).

        Damn, where can I find a toilet keeper, I'd like to give it a go!! (Now that WOULD be a great fairground attraction)

        1 0
  7. Richard Rae
    Joke

    A new way....

    ......to take the piss

    1 0
  8. Evil Auditor Silver badge

    The difference between 'merkins and Japanese

    Japan: toilet-maker produces something hi-tech, completely useless but fun.

    USofA: similar technology but instead of a toilet-maker it's DARPA, Raytheon or such and instead of completely useless it's a new, creative way of killing people. And instead of fun, well it's still fun, but...

    6 0
  9. Graham Marsden
    Alert

    So...

    ... You're sitting on the loo, minding your own business and one of your "mates", for a laugh, kicks a ball under the loo door...!!!

    5 0
  10. Soruk
    Go

    Graphics...

    Straight out of HHGTTG - Hitch-Hiker's Guide to the Garderobe.

    2 0
  11. Rob - Denmark
    Boffin

    Why not link to the original video?

    Instead of linking to someones copy?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XV6so87RZNQ

    0 0
  12. david 63

    As if...

    ...life wasn't weird enough already...

    0 0
  13. Anonymous Custard
    Joke

    And in other news...

    ...the BBC deny that it's Japanese remake of Dr Who is suffering from budget restrictions.

    0 0
  14. 1Rafayal
    Trollface

    iToilet

    Apple already patented this in 1972.

    0 0
  15. Roby
    WTF?

    I'm so confused. What could possibly compel anyone to even come up with the idea for this, let alone follow through to completion.

    I mean, it's actually quite brilliant. But utterly, utterly useless at the same time.

    0 0
    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      "Quite brilliant, but utterly, utterly useless"

      And your point is what, exactly?

      1 0
  16. Spleen
    Trollface

    wwwwwwhhhhhhooooooaaaaaaaa....................

    you're a shitter-aaaaaaaaHhhhHHH....

    0 0
  17. Esskay
    Coat

    Could be useful

    I've seen a few pub loo's where this sort of "catching" tech could be useful...

    0 0
  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    With that sort of pressure..

    .. it doesn't just clean your rear end - it'll reverse the whole digesting process flow..

    0 0
  19. System 10 from Navarone
    Joke

    To score against this...

    'u bend' it like Beckham.

    Sorry.

    0 0
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