Straight from a Bond movie
No mister Bond, the dolphin expects you to die!
Ukraine navy to deploy DOLPHINS WITH GUNS ON THEIR HEADS
The Ukrainian navy is to deploy specially trained dolphins equipped with "pistols fixed to their heads" against possible enemy frogmen, according to reports. Russian newswire RIA Novosti broke the news last week, reporting from the naval base of Sevastopol on the Black Sea. This was formerly home to the Soviet Black Sea Fleet …
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Tuesday 16th October 2012 08:19 GMT rurwin
" judging by their results on minehunting tasks it appeared that the dolphins may not have been taking the whole business entirely seriously."
"Man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much - the wheel, New York, wars and so on - whilst all the dolphins had ever done was muck about in the water having a good time. But conversely, the dolphins had always believed that they were far more intelligent than man - for precisely the same reasons. " -- Douglas Adams.
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Tuesday 16th October 2012 11:25 GMT Anonymous Coward
Re: Nothing new there then
And we should never forget Operation Acoustic Kitty:
'Acoustic Kitty was a CIA project launched by the Directorate of Science & Technology in the 1960s attempting to use cats in spy missions, intended to spy on the Kremlin and Soviet embassies, recording the links between the buildings in the area. A battery and a microphone were implanted into a cat and an antenna into its tail. This would allow the cats to innocuously record and transmit sound from its surroundings. Due to problems with distraction, the cat's sense of hunger had to be addressed in another operation. Surgical and training expenses are thought to have amounted to over $20 million.'
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acoustic_Kitty
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Tuesday 16th October 2012 08:39 GMT Anonymous Coward
Be careful with the training...
From the wikipedia page on Anti-tank dogs.
Soviets used their own diesel-engine tanks to train the dogs rather than German tanks which had gasoline engines. As the dogs relied on their acute sense of smell, the dogs sought out familiar Soviet tanks instead of strange-smelling German tanks.
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Tuesday 16th October 2012 08:44 GMT TeeCee
Pistol.
"...Ukrainian dolphins of death will not be required to learn how to shoot ranged weapons such as the Heckler and Koch P-11 or one of its Soviet/Russian equivalents..."
I should hope not. While the things would probably fire underwater, the back pressure caused by having the barrel full of water on firing could cause some exceedingly unpleasant results.
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Tuesday 16th October 2012 09:34 GMT Psyx
Re: Pistol.
"I should hope not. While the things would probably fire underwater, the back pressure caused by having the barrel full of water on firing could cause some exceedingly unpleasant results."
Ummm: No. They're specifically developed to fire underwater. The Soviet AK variants are actually damaged by firing outside of the water.
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Tuesday 16th October 2012 16:56 GMT Psyx
Re: AK variants
"er what? I dont have an AK47 but is there anything else that I could look after better by using it underwater? my car? my laptop?"
Because it's a specialised underwater variant, it lacks rifling (firing steel darts) and is simply not designed to operate effectively outside of the water. It reduces the life-span of components.
But don't take my word for it: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/ASM-DT_amphibious_rifle
"In addition, when it was used out of the water, it wore out quickly—with a barrel life dropping from approx. 2000 to only 180 to 200 rounds."
Anything specifically designed to operate underwater that has moving parts or creates a lot of heat probably isn't going to last as long outside of that environment, because it was designed to be surrounded by, resisted by, and cooled by water. Get a nuclear submarine, but it on bricks, and see how long the props will run for out of water, compared to when submerged.
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Tuesday 16th October 2012 10:56 GMT Voland's right hand
Re: Pistol.
P11 is an underwater firearm. However, considering the level at which Dolphins rely on sound there is no way in hell you can make one fire this firearm more than once. The negative conditioning from the splitting ear pain will make sure of that. Ditto for the Russian equivalent.
However, there is something else that used to be made in Ukraine which is more suitable. I used to have one of their harpoons - pneumatic reservoir with hydraulic arrow actuation. The thing could split rocks and the end of its range and 200g+ of 9mm metal arrow can do at least (if not more) damage compared to a gun.
It got broken beyond repair in the 90-es - the hydraulics were using sea water and they got clogged up. During that time the Black Sea pollution induced blooms became so bad that they stopped running the regular intercity hydrofoil services because their cooling was being clogged up by gunk faster than they could clean them.
This brings me to the more interesting question - how the hell do the dolphins survive in what has become of the Black Sea. Toxic plankton blooms, industrial pollution, leftovers from the Chernobyl effluent - you name it. Everything you can dream of and even more. Dolphin? In that soup? They will need more money for specialized dermatologist veterinarians than for trainers.
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Tuesday 16th October 2012 09:08 GMT Mystic Megabyte
Flipper
I was once sitting on the sea bed filming a dolphin from about 20ft away. When it started to flick it's tail the pressure waves hit me in the gut with quite a force. I think it could easily incapacitate a human if it was nearer and meant business. No pistols needed.
See http://www.southwest.com.au/~kirbyhs/dolphins3.html Paragraph: Jean-Louis
Training them to kill people should be outlawed, hopefully the trainers will suffer.
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Tuesday 16th October 2012 11:47 GMT Dodgy Geezer
Re: Heavy petting...
...I've just stuck a nuke up my cat's arse. Now all I have to do is get Cameron/Clegg/Millipede (delete according to choice) to pet it...
Actually, all of those would be fine. Together, if possible. Why not send the cat down to the cellars under Parliament when it's sitting and do even better? Nov 5 is coming up....
(Actually, blowing up Parliament nowadays would probably not be too effective - most MPs don't bother to attend any more...)
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Tuesday 16th October 2012 10:02 GMT Beavercheese
Flipperski 1 "Dolphin suicide squad - ATTACKski !"
Flipperski 2 "Sir, I'm confused, they're carrying tins of dolphin friendly tuna"
Flipperski 1 "Attack anyway for the glory of the DSSR !"
Flipperski 3 "Sir, I think we're in the wrong pool - this one's full of disabled kids!"
Flipperski 1 "DOHski"
*Penguin - as certainly something fishy about this story
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Tuesday 16th October 2012 14:14 GMT Nick Ryan
Re: It keeps me awake at night, it does...
Having swam with them and seen how they act... very true, they certainly do have an intriguing sense of mischief. Sometimes bordering on the painful, but considering their sheer strength, they're generally very careful with what they do.
Not sure why they'd need any help though when it came to killing frogmen considering a dolphin tactic to kill sharks is to just swim very hard and fast at them and hit them in the side, either breaking the back or causing enough harm that the shark, however hungry, will leave very fast if still able... and they use team tactics to make this kind of attack possible.
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Thursday 18th October 2012 01:01 GMT Spidy
Hey Mr LP, if you'd done more than a dog watch as an MCDO you may have met the MMS that is trained in this particular field. :D Relatively easy to do as well, compared to other MMS that is, although I agree they are as temperamental as the mine hunters ;). They are trained to 'nudge' a diver thereby ‘encouraging’ him to surface. The nudge is none too gentle either, trust me. They return to their handler to say "what a good dolphin I am, look a diver!" (Babel fish essential in ear of handler for that part of course). If the diver appears on the surface the dolphin gets a fishy treat, the diver gets apprehended -the jobs a good 'un. No diver, no fishy treat. Pissed off dolphin. Back to diver and said hapless frogman is forced to the surface. Simple. Put a large CO2 hypodermic on the dolphin’s nose and the diver appears first time every time. Funny that. Not that I’m suggesting that that is done of course. Apparently they are the scourge of San Diego harbour during one of the final tests in BUDs training.
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Biting the hand that feeds IT
