back to article iPhone 5 has 'laser keyboard, holographic images'

US television station Fox 5 New York has aired a report in which it claims the iPhone 5 comes equipped with a laser keyboard and holographic projector. The claims appear in a news report, since posted to YouTube, in which reporter Lidia Curanaj meets fanbois queueing outside a New York Apple store. That part of the segment …

COMMENTS

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  1. nuked
    Meh

    If true...

    ..which I doubt, it would be a serious game changer.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      If it was true then

      If it were then even the fandroids would dump their Androids......

      1. Thorne

        Re: If it was true then

        "If it were then even the fandroids would dump their Androids......"

        Yes we would but since it isn't, we won't.

        1. VinceH

          Re: If it was true then

          "If it were then even the fandroids would dump their Androids......"

          This Android user wouldn't.

      2. Mr Brush
        Trollface

        Re: If it was true then

        >> If it were then even the fandroids would dump their Androids......

        If it were true, it would have already been around on Android for a year or two before Apple 'invented' it.

        1. Lost in Cyberspace

          Re: If it was true then

          True.

          Android would definitely have it first.

          Apple would add it 2 years later, and make it work properly and easily.

          Samsung would modify the feature and make it work completely differently to the Stock Android version.

    2. bdam
      Facepalm

      Re: If true...

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rdIWKytq_q4

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: If true...

      And it still wouldn't be an Apple innovation as they have been done elsewhere. Wouldn't stop Apple patenting them though with the magic words....on a phone

    4. Annihilator
      Facepalm

      Re: If true...

      Erm, if true, you'd think they'd have mentioned it in the keynote.

    5. nigel 15

      Re: If true...

      '..which I doubt,' - are you ill?

    6. Crisp

      Re: If true...

      It would be patented.

      Probably already is.

      1. Thorne

        Re: If true...

        "It would be patented.

        Probably already is."

        Actually laser keyboards are already being made so yes patents for that are out. You can already get mobiles with microprojectors and laser keyboards.

        holograms are getting there but are not quiet ready to be built into mobiles yet. They could patent it but in all likelyhood the patent would expire before the technology get small and cheap enough to build in

    7. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: If true...

      Honestly?

      Really?

      S A P! I bet you have your idiotPhone5 already.

    8. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

      Re: If true...

      If true...

      If what is true? That a Fox station took a fan wish list as a product description?

      Surely nothing in the article even implied that the iPhone 5 has the laser keyboard or holographic display.

      (Personally, I wouldn't find either feature attractive in a phone anyway. And I don't see what "game" would be changed - Apple would still be the Purveyor of Shiny, and if other manufacturers thought those features would drive significant additional sales, they'd add them too. All a big pile of dreary sameness.)

  2. Ralph B
    Black Helicopters

    In Fox We Trust

    With Fox's backing of this standard, Mitt Romney might well win the Presidency.

  3. Silverburn

    Made to make Fox look bad? So it's genuine Fox footage then...

    1. Rampant Spaniel

      Very true, it takes no effort to make fox look bad, they do it for you.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Ahh but...

      ..it can't be true, they didn't mention Communist China in every other sentence.

  4. Bad Beaver
    Trollface

    hahahaha

    See, Apple, people actually lust for you to put new and exiting stuff into your products. Take that as a free hint.

  5. tkioz
    FAIL

    If it actually had those features I'd eat humble pie and queue to buy it as well... but since it doesn't I'll simply mock both Fox and the Fanbois sleeping out in the cold to get a phone

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Do these people sleeping outside the stores use holiday hours or something? Isn't the release not for another 3 days?

  6. John Tserkezis

    Ah yes, but can it make phone calls?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Not out of the box, but there's an app for that. :-P

    2. Jason

      Only if you hold it between the index finger of your right hand, and left big toe, to your left ear while standing next to an Apple store

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Another surprise feature

    Error #2035

    Looks like Apple won't allow Google browsers to see their phones.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Another surprise feature

      Just face facts, chrome is crap.

      1. g e

        Re: Another surprise feature

        You must work in marketing or something...

        1. Mr Spoon

          Re: Another surprise feature

          No Chrome is crap in many ways. It's very nice and fast but the rendering still leaves a lot to be desired and it's pretty buggy.

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Another surprise feature

        "Just face facts, chrome is crap."

        You do realise that Chrome and Safari are basically the same thing? Go lookup 'webkit'. Fanboooiiii!!

        1. 0_Flybert_0
          Holmes

          Re:Re: Another surprise feature

          Safari renders like crap too .. or was that your point and I missed it ?

  8. Rick Damiani

    "...someone has gone to a lot of trouble to make Fox look bad..."

    It doesn't take much effort to make Fox look bad. All you have to do is turn it on and wait a few minutes.

  9. JaitcH
    Meh

    Someone, somehwere will be broken hearted ...

    when they turn on their little iPhone 5 and find their laser keyboard and holographic projector don't work, will take it back for 'repairs'..

    That's the problem with promising the world and not delivering.

    Still, there is always Samsung's Galaxy Beam with a built-in projector. That actually works. Maybe a keyboard later?

    1. Peter 48

      Re: Someone, somehwere will be broken hearted ...

      just buy the galaxy beam and this laser keyboard: http://www.amazon.com/Celluon-Magic-Projection-Keyboard-Touchpad/dp/B005ES6E6W and you too can experience fox news's iphone 5 "magic"

    2. TraceyC

      Re: Someone, somehwere will be broken hearted ...

      Even if the phone doesn't deliver, people will *think* it does. After all, some folks were handed an iPhone 4S, told it was a 5, and talked about how much more awesome it was than their own 4S.

      http://www.maximumpc.com/article/news/jimmy_kimmels_iphone_5_prank_hilariously_depressing

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Interviewer: Thursday Why?

    Interviewee: Well you know, iPhone 5 is the most amazing.. BEST Apple product everrr!

    I feel sorry for him, I truly do. I hope that they would release an App to help me get along with his life!

    1. g e
      Holmes

      He's right, it is the best Apple phone thing everrrrrr

      Just not the best phone thing everrrrrr

    2. Andrew Moore

      Reminds me of South Park

      Cartman: "It does email and web browsing and s**ts in Kyle's mouth? This is the greatest thing ever invented."

      HumanCentiPad.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Trollface

    So what?

    Even the supposed-to-be-cynical El Reg falls for fake Apple stories. (E.g. The screw story)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: So what?

      You mean this one?

      http://www.reghardware.com/2012/08/09/apple_said_to_be_redesigning_idevice_screws_again/

      Which part does The Reg fall for it?

  12. wowfood

    How many americans

    Are now going to go "holy shit" buy an iPhone and then attempt to sue either Apple or Fox for not delivering the laser keyboard and holographic images.

    1. g e
      Pint

      Re: How many americans

      Popcorn icon still needed!

      Pint instead

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: How many americans

      Let's do a little calculating on the back of this envelope:

      Republicans watch Fox and they constitute approximately 40% of Americans,

      Of Republicans, some 50% are impoverished religious fanatics unable to afford an iPhone,

      And 30% are tinfoil hat wearing paranoids unlikely to use mobile phones,

      Which leaves us with (at most) 7% of the population, or about 21 million who will believe this broadcast equivalent of the Sun.

      Anon because the Republicans are also gun-totin' NRA members.

  13. teapot9999
    WTF?

    WTF

    Is there anything you will not publish if it has iPhone5 in the title?

    I have an iPhone 4, I want an iPhone 5, but I do not want to read ever piece of crap about it

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: WTF

      yet you did..... and you even took the time to comment on the article!

    2. Asiren
      Trollface

      Re: WTF

      Is there anything you won't read if it has iPhone 5 in the title?

      You want an iPhone 5, and will read every piece of crap published about it, but it's the Reg's fault that you're wasting your time.

      Riiiiiiiiight...

      1. teapot9999

        Re: WTF

        yeah, good point :o

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Fox would not have been caught out like this ....

    ... had they used the iPhone 5's built in Internet bullshit detector

    1. Peter 48

      Re: Fox would not have been caught out like this ....

      Nice idea in principle, but seeing as this is fox news, the bullshit detector would have burn't out after one day anyway, rendering it useless.

    2. Robert Helpmann??
      Childcatcher

      Re: Fox would not have been caught out like this ....

      That would have been as helpful as a compass at the North Pole.

    3. Robert E A Harvey

      Re: Fox would not have been caught out like this ....

      I have a mental picture of people walking through the door at Fox and their phones exploding in thier pockets.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    If True.....

    Tim Cook would have crowed about it at launchtime and announced that the holographic image of St. Jobs could be projected anywhare and anytime a fanboy wished to offer worship, like a prayer mat .

    1. Toastan Buttar
      Big Brother

      Portable St. Jobs prayer booth app

      "My time is yours..."

      "Excellent...."

      "Could you be more.....specific?"

      "Let us be thankful we have commerce. Buy more. Buy more now. Buy more and be happy."

      1. Thorne

        Re: Portable St. Jobs prayer booth app

        You forgot "Release the hounds!"

  16. Anonymous Custard

    Laser Keyboard

    http://www.gizmag.com/ctx-bluetooth-virtual-keyboard/24077/

    There, now you can all have one...

  17. Melonfarmer
    FAIL

    Typical American News Story ...

    They make shit up and report it as the gods honest truth

    1. Peter Storm

      Re: Typical American News Story ...

      How very true. They do the same with their version of history.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Fox News is great....

    ...but The Onion has more reliable sources

    1. Rukario

      Re: Fox News is great....

      Like this one...

      http://www.theonion.com/video/apple-introduces-revolutionary-new-laptop-with-no,14299/

  19. sebacoustic
    Happy

    genuinely funny

    i think this bit of obvious-to-everybody-but-the-most-deluded parody has more merit than most of the rest of Fox's output (The only thing that's better are Chocolate Creams). On a par with yesterday's register piece about iphone5 delays (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/09/17/apple_iphone_5_shortage/).

  20. CmdrX3

    Sadly though

    There are many in the US that take Fox's reports as gospel, and will be pretty pissed off when they can't figure out how the get the laser keyboard and holographic images working.

    1. g e
      Joke

      Re: Sadly though

      They have their own theme tune, though...

      Dumb, dumb-dumb dumb DUUMMMMMB

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Sadly though

      "There are many in the US that take Fox's reports as gospel, and will be pretty pissed off when they can't figure out how the get the laser keyboard and holographic images working."

      They'll probably be too busy buying more assault rifles to protect the unborn of that great nation from the lieral sodomite abortionist atheist plague, so won't worry for too long.

    3. Norm DePlume

      Re: Sadly though

      To be honest, the proportion of Americans taking the gospel as gospel is worrying enough.

  21. Jash
    FAIL

    Its a blatant FOX FUBAR (Again)

    There's even a watermark in the corner of the video segment from Aatma Studios (http://aatmastudio.com):

    "We are driven content for television, film, advertising and interactive media". a 3d animation and digital content shop based in San Francisco. We specialize in producing animation

    Youtube link to the original 'CGI': http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=endscreen&NR=1&v=lzsBwnv_dAg

  22. Crisp
    Coat

    Someone has gone to a lot of trouble to make Fox look bad

    You don't really need to go to that much trouble to make them look bad!

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Facepalm

    Guffaw

    lmfao - so what's the "projector" projecting onto eh?

    Got to love the isheep :

    Iphone makes women WANT YOU!!! It performs better than viagra!!!

    isheep: Swallows hook line and sinker.

    Thanks for cheering up my Tuesday.

    Maybe I will see this on Fox soon - then again I do not watch it so I won't :)

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Guffaw

      In what way are your comments regarding "isheep" relevant? The story is about how FOX news were duped, NOT people who are buying iPhones.

      Also, I guess your use of the term "isheep" is supposed to be derogatory towards people who buy an iPhone thereby highlighting your assumption that people only buy the iPhone because Apple tell them to and because everyone else does and therefore it's a bad thing because they are all just following the crowd.

      Just like all those people who think they are being clever by using the term "isheep" (or even worse - "sheeple")

  24. Gil Grissum

    The studio Footage is actually a leak about the iPhone 6. So the model number mentioned in wrong.

  25. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Coat

    "Help me, Apple i Fanobi."

    "You are my only hope!"

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    and the iFools will believe it, the iDiots!

  27. Unicornpiss
    Flame

    Fox news needs no help to look like idiots

    Fox news needs no extra help in looking like idiots. The general quality of their reporting and their bias ensures that.

  28. ForthIsNotDead
    Thumb Down

    Balls

    I call balls on this one.

    Projected keyboard? Sure. They've been around for a while.

    Holographic projector? Pull the other one.

    As far as I know (not very far) it's impossible. The emitted light has to hit a surface in order to be reflected into your eye. That's how we see. What is there in the thin air for the image to be 'projected onto'? Nothing. So the light continues to travel until it hits a surface, and gets reflected (some of it) into your eye.

    Oh... Why am I even bothering...?

    You can stick your projected keyboard, holographic projector, teleport, and warp speed travel up your arse. Call me (on my Android) when you can change the batteries, and insert an SD card.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Balls

      Holographic projectors do indeed exist, here is just 1 example

      http://www.eyeliner3d.com/

      1. Uplink

        Re: Eyeliner3D

        Still requires a projection surface though. Anyone who manages to project into thin air, without any invisible projection screen, will be undoubtedly very very rich as a result.

        1. Thorne

          Re: Eyeliner3D

          "Still requires a projection surface though. Anyone who manages to project into thin air, without any invisible projection screen, will be undoubtedly very very rich as a result."

          http://tokyotek.com/aerial-3d-true-3d-hologram-projector/

          1. Michael Wojcik Silver badge

            Re: Eyeliner3D

            http://tokyotek.com/aerial-3d-true-3d-hologram-projector/

            If Burton's own description [1] is to be believed, their "true 3D hologram" system actually uses multiple lasers to excite oxygen and nitrogen atoms in the air into fluorescence. It's not a true hologram; it's basically a fancy laser version of waving your lit cigarette lighter around. As of last year, they were apparently claiming to be able to illuminate on the order of 50 000 points per second, with a frame rate around 15fps.[2]

            It's a cute technology and has some applications, but it must be hugely inefficient, and hardly up to Apple's "retina"[3] display standards. Not useful for a phone.

            Free-standing hologram displays have been a staple of sci-fi and pop-sci for decades. I wouldn't expect them anytime soon. That said, of course you can always fill the volume you want to project into with particulates or vapor or something else that will reflect, and light that up with your spiffy hologram - no one said the projection surface has to be a solid. It'll look rubbish, but then so do most display technologies, really. We got along for years with lousy broadcast TV, lousy computer monitors, etc.

            [1] http://burton-jp.com/en/product.htm

            [2] http://www.mobilemag.com/2011/11/18/burton-creates-true-3d-technology/

            [3] Ugh.

  29. An0n C0w4rd
    Facepalm

    Faux News

    proves their name YET AGAIN.

  30. phlashbios
    Meh

    Oxymoron ?

    Fox and news. Surely the very definition of an oxymoron.

    1. Anonymous IV

      Re: Oxymoron ?

      That doesn't *define* an oxymoron; it is just a *good example* of one!

      </pedant>

  31. Andy Enderby 1
    Thumb Down

    Take home lesson.....?

    Is that a lazy, dumb journo is both lazy and dumb, and unlikely to be taken seriously again.

  32. Stevie

    Bah!

    Obviously faked since there is no mention whatsoever of "quantums", and as any fule no lasers can't work properly without quantums.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Shiny example of Faux News

    ... so, nothing new. Move along.

  34. Adam Nagus
    FAIL

    Very poor news reporting as normal

    That video has been around since before the 4S came out. It was a fan video posted to YouTube over a year ago. Major fail by Fox

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What, you people overseas don't have that option?

    Sent from my holographic Iphone.

  36. billlandon

    What they really need to invent now is an expandable screen of some sort...anything bigger than the Galaxy S3 would be a tablet.

    Maybe we should think indifferent...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_DUziSVvUp8

  37. Arachnoid

    About as much chance of this happening as the US winning in Iraq

    1. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
      Big Brother

      Actually, as Iraq has not renewed the SOFA in spite of prodding of all kinds, they are outta there (though Team Obama and the Progressive Blogosphere has spun this as a wise decision by the Leader to move out of the country after liberation "head held high". Yeah, right.)

      This doesn't mean that the situation has improved, people might end up in Maliki's torture dungeon, be shot by some Shia armed outfit, be shot by Kurdish Peshmerga or be gunked by well-armed Sunni Fanatics in the sandy western part (if they are not busy rioting in Syria).

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