back to article Microsoft, Adobe throw fire blanket over blaze of security flaws

Microsoft has fixed 26 security flaws, at least five of which are critical, in its software. At least one of the holes is being actively exploited by hackers to compromise Windows computers. The latest Patch Tuesday update from the company addresses these vulnerabilities, which are present in workstations and servers running …

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  1. kororas

    Jesus christ.

    1. Ragarath

      Yes he will be patching too.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        He had a couple of holes in his hands, although it is said they used to tie hands to the cross and that nailing was just a more dramatic way of crucifying just for films.

        1. Tom 7

          he cant eat maltesers you know.

          the dogs get them.

      2. yossarianuk
        Linux

        Jesus had morals so he won't

        No he won't. Jesus would only ever use a system created by a company/organisation with good morals...

        So that leaves only Linux (and bsd) distributions.

    2. borrel boy
      Alert

      "Common as Muck"

      Microsoft and Abobe have known about it all along. I've known about this for 10 years. It's been a very common way to watch your work being siphoned off as someone else observed then got paid for it.

      Sorry Microsoft and Abobe - you would treat OWN FAMILIES in your own house like this ?

      Never mind. We'll see what else hovers in the next ten...

  2. JDX Gold badge

    It is said by people who didn't ever study history.

  3. dharmaseal
    Trollface

    Abstinence

    Until a flash player condom can be found, I'm not in the mood ...

  4. janimal
    Stop

    Phantom update

    After applying the update 3 times flash player still says it is version 11.3.300.270 instead of 11.3.300.271

    Maybe thye need to patch the patch?

  5. btrower

    The usual Total Fail

    Imagine this being done with software that runs motor vehicles, air traffic control, medical devices and weapons systems. ... We are sorry, Mrs. China, that we bombed half your country back into the stone-age. It was a licensing issue. This was corrected in version version 8.1 of Windows Atomic Maintenance, Bombs And Munitions (WAM, BAM), thank you ma'am. Sadly, the delivery of the new system was delayed due to a tragic plane crash. As a work-around, we suggest you move your remaining population to a new country. Hopefully, so you can take care of the survivors, you have managed to get the latest patches for MS MedSystem, despite the recent spate of Truck crashes affecting delivery. We are in a transition period as drivers learn to adapt to the new and improved Feature Options and Driver Interface Enhancements (FO & DIE).

    Malcontents will always complain, but we think most users will be *delighted* that we have switched the brake and the gas pedals.

    Some drivers just can't get the new changes into their heads. They may be using MS Hardware Enhanced Access Device (HEAD)(TM) version 2.1, which is no longer supported. They need to upgrade to MS HEAD 3.1, Noggin Edition**. [**Speech, hearing, sight, memory and motor movement licensed separately; Multi-tasking only supported in Professional and Enterprise editions; Walking and Gum chewing in Enterprise Edition only.] Some customers say that if they have to pay for the features, then Microsoft can just give them HEAD. Microsoft is considering handing you your HEAD.

    Don't forget that the new licensing model requires valid MS Brain Access Learning Licenses (BALLs), version 2012 or higher.

    Activating the newly placed brake pedal requires you to log-in as Administrator, enter your BALL System Activation Key (SAK) and re-run Windows Activation New Key Extra Review (acronym and name pending). Each driver and passenger must have BALLs. As you know, Microsoft has BALLs. Just remember our catchy slogan: "Microsoft has your BALLs". Bonus:Remote Administrators get a BALL SAK with two BALLs.

    If you don't want to enter passenger keys for each passenger, you can pay a little extra for a Multi-Access User Licence (MAUL). You can get them directly from Microsoft. Contact support at Microsoft; they will MAUL your BALLs.

    If you really want to get with the program, join the Ballmer Intern/Trainee and Helper Program (BITHP). It is not very expensive. You can finance with Microsoft Finance (TM) and after a few years and some challenging Certification exams, you will be become a Ballmer Intern Trainee Certified Helper (BITCH). After graduation, you will be not only an MS BITCH, but Steve Ballmer's personal BITCH.

    -----

    Prior to seeing the article on Windows 8, I had installed and spent some time with Windows 8. It is a disaster. I will not be fighting my way past that ridiculous start screen and the capricious, arbitrary and fantastically irritating UI changes. Will they be an improvement if I shut down for a few weeks and try to train away 30 years of reflex arcs? Who cares? I have better things to do with my time.

    I already use Linux for most of my servers. If Metro is the future at Microsoft, then I am going to switch to Linux for the Desktops and for the remaining servers as well.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Meh

      Re: The usual Total Fail

      "Imagine this being done with software that runs motor vehicles, air traffic control, medical devices and weapons systems. ... "

      [Snipped a veritable tome of unnecessary waffle and tripe for brevity]

      But it isn't, so why waste your time - or more importantly - my time?

    2. RICHTO
      Mushroom

      Re: The usual Total Fail

      I guess you havnt heard of Windows for War Ships?

      They did consider Linux, but Windows was found to be more secure!

  6. Lars Silver badge
    Linux

    Linux

    I think Microsoft should build their Window on top of Linux like Linus suggested years ago.

    Everybody would gain and Microsoft would be able to charge what ever they like for their Windows version.

    1. Oninoshiko

      Re: Linux

      Wont happen for a number of reasons, some legal, some NIH, some technical.

      One of the technical being three little words, "Application Binary Interface," and that one wont get fixed until Linus is dead, if then.

      Now, something like BSD or Solaris... that's possible.

    2. dhcp pump
      Happy

      Re: Linux

      Where did Linus quote this ,please provide .

      Why would you do this ( except in a vm on linux) ,it would like trying

      to mate a chevy with a volvo and see what pops out :).

    3. RICHTO
      Mushroom

      Re: Linux

      That would be a move backwards though. Windows has a modern hybrid microkernel architecture whereas Linux has a far older monolithic design....

  7. Dick Emery
    FAIL

    Lovely update failures

    The initial update resulted in 8 failed updates. From Googling this is a common problem on the 64bit platform.

    http://answers.microsoft.com/en-us/windows/forum/windows_7-windows_update/windows-7-ultimate-wont-install-updates/4a5c1dbd-ec26-410d-b69a-9347166b13cd

    After disabling everything in startup and doing one update at a time it began to work. However one update resulted in Win7 no longer booting and I had to run Win7 repair CD to get it booting again!

    I then finished off applying the rest of the updates manually and reenabled the startup items I had disabled.

    This wasted at least a couple of hours of my day. Thanks MS!

    1. N2

      Re: Lovely update failures

      sounds about par for the Microsoft course.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Happy

        Re: Lovely update failures

        And they closed down their tech support in Australia.... and off-shored that to the cheapest foreign call center...

        And they ripp off their customers by price gouging different markets..

        And they put out an idiot browser to monopolise markets - it takes ONE little thing to fuck the browser and the whole OS opens up all the ports, shares contents with world and fucks your life up...

        Add infinitum... and the Anti-trust fines in Europe, corruption in the ISO with their vote rigging for their bullshit XML / Docx formats..

        Hmmm the greatest innovation MS can do is to steal other peoples work, to repackage the same old software in new wrapping paper and update the year stamp on the outside of the boxes....

        Buggy updates? We will need a patch to patch the patches....

        Thank fuck for Linux.

    2. RICHTO
      Mushroom

      Re: Lovely update failures

      Clearly the problem was the startup items. Not the Microsoft patches.

  8. ZZLEE

    Had run Adobie 5 or 6 times to get it to update 47 % = crash

  9. P. Lee

    Still?

    You think it would be cheaper for them to rewrite from scratch than keep patching.

  10. dhcp pump
    Unhappy

    PLS Fix It Redmond

    As the OP mentioned most of the exploits are rehashed OLD ( 10 years +) ,yes the year 1985-2002.

    Somewhat strange that MS hasnt heard of regression testing,and ffs normal release testing.

    And due to the entwinement/entrapment of the OS with the stupid browser nobody uses anymore,

    most of the bloated apps are affected by the exploits in a roll on affect.

    For crying out loud the browser was the cause of most of the issues for the last 10 years ,remove it

    or make it an add-on for those who need to use it :?.

    Unless they get off on the media attention and mayhem of patch Tuesday .

    1. RICHTO
      Mushroom

      Re: PLS Fix It Redmond

      These are all brand new issues. Read the releases.

      In fact I cant think of Microsoft ever making a security regression mistake. It is after all a professional organisation and not an amateurs playground like Linux where critical kernel issues are reintroduced:

      http://www.securityfocus.com/bid/43355 "Please note that this issue is related to the issue described in BID 25774 (Linux Kernel Ptrace Local Privilege Escalation Vulnerability). The vulnerability was reintroduced in Linux kernel 2.6.27-rc1 via commit d4d67150."

      IE9 actually has far fewer vulnerabilities than any other major browser - and is no longer tied into the OS.

  11. ReggieReader
    FAIL

    Another update FAIL

    Patches failed to load on both Windows 7 machines here - both 64 bit desktops.

    Is this a widespread Microsoft c@@k-up ?

    1. RICHTO
      Mushroom

      Re: Another update FAIL

      Nope - works fine here across a large number of Win 7 64 bit sytems.

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