back to article Tablets, copycats and Weird Al Yankovic

"They are not as cool." With these five words, Judge Colin Birss became Samsung's friend and tormentor in one. He had just found in the company's favour in its defence against Apple but ruined the moment for Samsung by hinting that the Galaxy Tab was, well, a bit crap compared to an iPad. Apple iPad Cool tablet Birss …

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  1. Richard Ball

    Saturn 3 was brilliant.

    Hector's gonna be wearing your head.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Didn't they over-dub Harvey Keitel's voice or something?

      But, yeah, cool movie.

      1. Richard Ball

        Yes, they reckoned he sounded a bit foreign or girly or something.

        I wish someone would release a decent DVD of it - mine only have mono sound and apparently there were 20 minutes of the original cut that were thrown away.

        I was going to write some software to try and combine the compressed-but-stereo sound track from the laserdisc with the faithful-but-mono sound from the DVD, but then decided that time is a precious commodity and not to be pissed away quite as pointlessly.

  2. Tel Starr
    Childcatcher

    'but if I named the principal character ‘Patty Horror’ and the school ‘Bogfarts’, JK - Rowling, not the guy from Jamiroquai - would sue my arse off'

    And she'd lose as you safe under parody laws.

    '...and I’d deserve it.'

    yes, you deserve it, but she'd still lose.

    1. Miek

      The guy from Jamiroquai was called JayKay, I think.

      1. Throatwobbler Mangrove

        "the twat in the hat"

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @Miek

        Oooh, cutting:

        The guy from Jamiroquai /was/ called JayKay.

        Made me lol.

        I never liked the guy, all of his "we got to save mother earth" stuff would have been ok, if he didn't have some of the most conspicuous consumption you could imagine. However, as he backed it all up with generally behaving like a prize penis, that was the icing on the cake for me.

        1. Tigra 07
          Thumb Down

          Re: @Miek

          I watched a show about him once and was amazed to learn he has leather WALLPAPER??!!

          If he lectures anyone on consumption having leather WALLPAPER and about 20 cars then he's a massive hypocrite

    2. Tom 13

      Beat me to it/Minor Nit

      You'd probably be safe under parody laws, but it would have to BE a parody, not a cheap rip-off. Cheap rip-off and you'd still lose.

    3. Kwac
      Trollface

      Barry Trotter

      & the Dead Horse

      & the unwarranted sequel

      & the unauthorized parody

      all by Michael Gerber, the school is 'Hogwash'

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Re: Barry Trotter

        Does Barry Trotter have a brother called Del-Boy?

  3. David 66

    Is the Galaxy Tab still being offered for sale? it must be 2yrs old by now

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      It is, and still at the same price, as far as I can tell.

      Makes it very confusing when looking for the newest madels.

      The new one will be called Galaxy Note 10.1 (I think)

      1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

        Hooray for comfusing names

        I've just replaced my iPad, with The New iPad... Having skipped the iPad 2, as it wasn't worth upgrading.

        Presumably the next one will be the iPad 4, and then back to the New iPad again? I wonder how many people get confused when Apple's website are selling both the iPad and the iPad 2 simultaneously, but the iPad 2 (which should be newer) is the cheaper one?

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Hooray for comfusing names

          Buy a better product, dilema over!

        2. Miek
          Linux

          Re: Hooray for comfusing names

          The confusion you are experiencing with iPad naming conventions is actually a marketing technique pioneered by intel to push crappy celeron chips onto people prior to their Core iX naming convention.

  4. g e

    Not as cool?

    Not so sure it was a slur against Samsung than to force apple to declare it is at least as cool if they want to appeal.

    Could be the sign of a judge sick of the whole cockblock-your-competition-with-lawsuits thing having some judicial fun.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Not as cool?

      Also the judge's statements pointed out that Apple cannot patent the obvious and that the function of a device significantly dictates its form.

      1. Every tablet with a touch screen will be a thin rectangular object, just like all modern TV & Computer screens.

      2. Those thin rectangles will have curved corners so they are not sharp and therefore not damaging to clothes, furniture or people.

      3. Touching that screen in a way similar to turning pages in a book, or similar to using a mouse or cursor are all obvious and derived from previous works.

      1. This post has been deleted by its author

      2. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Not as cool?

        " judge's statements pointed out that Apple cannot patent the obvious "

        Thats Apple f cked then! That is, after all, what they pay someone else to produce!

        No innovation, just make it look shiny and the fools will follow like lost sheep.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Not as cool?

          Calm down, dear!

  5. Rampant Spaniel

    But

    Judges are rarely 'cool', therefore not likely to be acceptable arbitrators in that field. It's like having the BBC ban your song, immediate success follows, even if its pony & trap. If you parent's, no matter what age you are, think it's cool, it usually isn't often for no more reason than they think that. For example ;

    Exhibit A: The Scorpions (although Lovedrive is a bit epic).

    Exhibit B: Speedos.

    Exhibit C: Wine made from random shrubbery.

    I can't think of anything more devastating to Apple.

    1. sisk
      Pint

      Re: But

      On Exhibit C, let's be fair. The kids think anything with alcohol in it is cool, probably because the grown ups say they aren't supposed to have any. It's been that way for several generations now.

      Booze made from a shrubbery. Ni!

      1. Rampant Spaniel

        Re: But

        Ni Indeed! Perhaps our generation felt that way although I grew up in an environment where a tipple with a meal from a young age was encouraged to promote repsonsible drinking (it worked barring the the exception of a few notable incidents, one including an f150, gaffa tape and a teen wolf impression, "officer there is no open alcohol container inside the vehicle! I'm on the roof").

        Drinks targetted at kids these days seem to have to be unlikely colours and taste nothing like alcohol. Nettle wine is not cool next to alcopops, but I guess if you can't get alcopops (and lets be honest, from about age 12 onwards we all knew which offlicence didn't ask for id's) then random fermented plant is better than nothing.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: But

          @Rampant spaniel: Oddly, kids don't drink many alcopops because they're so expensive compared to a litre of white lightning.

          However I do remember seeing someone come up to the bar in my local (a Camra award winning pub) and ask for a Blue WKD being told by the fearsome landlady "Sorry, we don't sell childrens' drinks."

          1. Rampant Spaniel

            Re: But

            Good for your landlady!

            My friends at that kind of age tended to sup junk like concorde (cheap pseudo wine), alcopops weren't around. My much younger brothers friends were all fans of alcopops, mostly because they didn't taste of booze and the bottles were tiny so they could act like they'd drunk lots. Personally I was a fan of scrumpy (farm boy sorry!), I even like the cider you used to get at glastonbury in jerry cans that came with an inch or two of sediment, for the life of me I couldn't drink white lightning. You are entirely correct that it's cheap and strong but it tastes worse than that boxed wine that they refuse to identify beyond 'red wine'. Theres probably wide variations across the country in what kids drink or just what they can afford in any area. White lightning must seriously hamper your ability to play pool!

            1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

              Re: But

              Ahhh... Happy nostalgic memories...

              A bottle of White Lighting in my hand (Diamond White if I was feeling 'rich'), maybe some Thurnderbird to follow, the stench smell of Malibu drifting from across the other side of the room. The Dirty Dancing soundtrack on the stereo...

              Oh God! It's a hideous 80s nightmare! Help! Now I can afford proper wine, or single malt. My over-riding memory of parties when I were a lad is that my friends had appalling taste in music. It always seemed to be either the soundtracks of Grease and Dirty Dancing or Whitesnake. *shudder*

              1. Rampant Spaniel

                Re: But

                Whitesnake might be tolerated, malibu definately not. A friend used to drink malibu and coke until we had every bar in town refuse to serve him unless he shouted as loud as he could that he wanted a "girly and coke".

                I do miss proper British pubs. They just aren't the same in the states, the booze and the atmosphere, nothing like a country pub. They can't even name ales correctly.

                1. Fibbles

                  Re: But

                  Ah, the days when 'lets go to the park' was synonymous with 'lets go get pissed'. Lambrini (or a cheaper knockoff) and 20/20 for the girls and some White Lightning or half a dozen cans of Carling for the lads. I guess I'll have to wait till I'm a pensioner unable to afford a roof over my head before I can get away with drinking in the park again.

                  1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

                    Re: But

                    Fibbles,

                    Mmmm. I'd forgotten about the 'delightful' taste of Lambrusco blush. Yum. Thanks for reminding me. I must have had weird tastebuds when I was a teenager. I drank Lambrusco for the ridiculous sweetness. And yet I often drank proper scrumpy. Which I now can't stand.

                    I notice Black Tower is now back on sale, so I can always satisfy nostalgia with a bottle of horrible white wine of some kind. But I think I'll give it a miss. The wine gums that say hoc are nice though...

            2. r3ality66

              Re: But

              As an underprivileged child growing up on the "F'all-to-do" Isle Of Wight, I often found myself drinking White Lighting (because its was 1.37 a liter) , and you are correct; This drink seriously hampers your ability to do anything, including playing pool!

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: But

      I did feel a desire to get a Galaxy tab when Apple started kicking off about it, but it passed with a little help from "the spending committee". I'm currently waiting to compare the Series Seven with MS' Intel surface as I've decided to go for a "proper" OS on a tablet and use it as a desktop/laptop replacement as well...

  6. Miek
    Linux

    I used to love playing Beyond Dark Castle on my System 7 Macintosh Classic.

    Oh, I quite like the Galaxy Tab too, it's a great product that is being marred by Apple's refusal to compete fairly in the Market instead of using the courts to compete in the market. Before someone starts ranting about copying and intellectual property fights. Just think, "standing on the shoulders of Giants" and "Apple Copy too".

    1. Alistair Dabbs

      Beyond Dark Castle

      I used to make him walk into walls on purpose because he would do that silly dizzy head-shaking sequence.

      Ali

  7. jai

    <raises hand>

    Yep i had a macally mouse at some point. While it was, and still is, true that if you need a second, physical mouse button to do something, then it isn't worth doing, that mouse did make it a bit easier to play Starcraft. (These days all Mac interfaces are multitouch, so it's no longer an issue).

    AND i had one of those USB ports - and a printer in Bondi(ish) blue and white.

    and what's not cool about Wierd Al?

    Amish Paradise is a work of genius, especially the video - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOfZLb33uCg

    As is The Saga Begins - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEcjgJSqSRU

    1. Bassey

      Re: <raises hand>

      Amish Paradise is, indeed, a work of genius but I was always confused as to whether the original might have been a parody in itself. Certainly I find it difficult to believe it was meant to be 100% serious.

      1. Rampant Spaniel

        Re: <raises hand>

        Weird Al is a genius, there are several songs where I find ymself singing his lyrics not the originals, Amish Paradise and Dirty Deeds spring to mind.

        1. philbo

          Re: <raises hand>

          >Amish Paradise and Dirty Deeds spring to mind

          Dirty Deeds (Done With Sheep) is Bob Rivers, not Weird Al (and is far and away the best thing Bob Rivers has done - most times he doesn't even finish the song).

          I know the words to Saga Begins, Amish Paradise and many more far better than the original songs. But then, I'm a somewhat excessive writer of parodies myself..

          1. Rampant Spaniel

            Re: <raises hand>

            Thanks for the correction. Did Weird Al cover the parody then? Or is it just widely (and erroneously) attributed to Weird Al?

            1. Powerlord

              Re: <raises hand>

              A lot of Bob Rivers songs tend to be attributed to Weird Al.

              The general rule is, if you can't recognize Weird Al's voice, it's probably by Bob Rivers. Unlike Bob Rivers, Weird Al sings all his own songs.

              1. philbo

                Re: <raises hand>

                >A lot of Bob Rivers songs tend to be attributed to Weird Al.

                I'd be a bit pissed off if I were Bob Rivers, because the ones attributed to Weird Al are the best of his songs.. he's done a humungous number of really rather poor to mediocre parodies, but a few that are outstanding tending towards genius. And it's a bit like some people have gone "that's way too good to be Bob Rivers, must be Weird Al instead" :-)

        2. Frumious Bandersnatch

          Re: <raises hand>

          Indeed, respect to Weird Al. Loved his take on Subterranean Homesick Blues with the Dylan/Ginsberg style video, but all the lines are palindromes*. Called, fittingly enough, "Bob".

          * Note, doc I dissent. I diet on cod. A fast never prevents a fatness.

    2. Powerlord

      Re: <raises hand>

      Perform This Way is a more recent example, although some people may not like the music video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ss_BmTGv43M

      For no reason now,

      I'll sing in French,

      Excusez-moi, Qui a pété?

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: <raises hand>

      And this is Weird Al being awesome and cool all at the same time - "Bob"

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nej4xJe4Tdg

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    stargate atlantis

    The notion of tablet devices has been around for decades and the fact they have rectangular screens and a bezel with more or fewer buttons and connectors has zero copycat association; mischievious for anyone lawyer or journo to suggest otherwise.

    Stargate Atlantis (2004-2008) featured tablet devices heavily. There are also instances of hybrids I think, not so different to ASUS transformer and Surface. Chunkier than the iPad of 2010 or the Surface of 2012 but thats expected as technology shrinks. Cheeky of Apple to pretend they know nothing of SciFi.

    Cool is in eye of the beholder. I suspect Judge Colin was teasing a little.

    1. Paul Shirley

      Re: Star Trek TNG (1987-1994)

      Star Trek TNG (1987-1994) featured tablet devices heavily.

      It was nowhere near the first to feature them.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Star Trek TNG (1987-1994)

        1968. 2001 : A Space Odyssey featured IBM Telepads (using the same moniker styling of the latter day Thinkpad brand).

  9. eSeM

    "In those five words, he saved the company from a lawsuit and utterly trashed its product in the public perception. Who’s going to want to get a ‘not cool’ tablet for Christmas?"

    Anyone under the age of 18 is going to percieve anything a fuddy duddy old judge believes to be cool as exactly the opposite.

    :-)

    1. qwarty

      Correction. Anyone under the age of 68.

    2. Dazed and Confused
      Facepalm

      You can just seem the advertising strapline

      Bill board with a HUGE picture of an iPad and the legend

      Only a Judge could think it cool

      They aren't even going to need to put their own product on the ad.

      There are a million and one variations and in everyone Apple get to look like a total tit and yet won't have a leg to stand on.

  10. Steve Renouf
    Pint

    Personally...

    I'd rather be fully functional than "cool" any day...

    Well, because it'll soon be beer time.

  11. dotdavid
    Coat

    Uncool != Crap

    My anorak is uncool but perfectly functional.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Uncool != Crap

      How old are you?

      W O W, so uncool.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Uncool != Crap

        I was surprised when that I put a Peter Storm Pak-a-mak on eBay, it fetched £35 last year. Bizarre.

        Obviously! please grow up or sod off.

    2. M Gale

      Anorak != Uncool

      You'd be surprised how many people wear them. Rugged outdoor clothing is not just the domain of trainspotters and star trek addicts.

  12. Charlie Clark Silver badge

    Missing the point

    The judge's comment has pulled the rug out from under Apple or perhaps more accurately, the curtain from in front of the wizard. Apple may be "cool" but this is an entirely subjective judgement and no defence in court. It gave the judge his fifteen minutes of fame but it is the precedent set by his judgement that will be remembered years from now.

  13. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

    Erk! I've just read the Daily Heil!

    Alistair,

    You've just made me read the Daily Mail, and now I must cleanse my mind with bleach. Or possibly beer...

    However I was very tickled, amongst all the fakes, by Dolce & Banana.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Re: Erk! I've just read the Daily Heil!

      Also, I'd forgotten about all those dreadful iMac style peripherals. Not only were a lot of them both crap and hideous, as you say, but they also clashed really badly with my beige PC...

      1. Darryl
        WTF?

        Re: Erk! I've just read the Daily Heil!

        I remember being in a Best Buy in Chicago and laughing at the iMac styled microwave ovens, toasters, and irons

  14. Captain Scarlet Silver badge
    Coffee/keyboard

    Ohh

    I still have that scanner, but I was cheap so I got the white plastic one :(

  15. Mike Bell
    Meh

    Relative Worth

    The Judge's comments are worth more to Apple than any amount of money spent on marketing. Well worth the squashing of a few patents to them, I'd imagine.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Relative Worth

      And your reasoning for this is?

      I think it is exactly the opposite as hipsters like to be the outsiders so Samsung will now be on their shopping list

      Young people (Apples primary market) don't really want to be seen with something that Grandad thinks is cool. If the olds are getting in on the act in won't take much for the fickle youth market to move to something different.

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        Re: Relative Worth

        >Young people (Apples primary market)

        Evidence please? You may be right, but it sounds like an assumption. Cheers!

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Relative Worth

          No assumption, look at the advertising. It's all about being hip and cool and young. They have never done an advert showing someone in their 30s working on a spreadsheet.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    uncool, why not

    if Samsung had enough guts, they'd turn this story into a tongue in cheek advertising campaign: Our bestest uncoolest product, as per the "Samsung v. Apple", case No...

    yes, a bit risky, but they had something similar already, was in Nissan, or Toyota? The car they don't want you to drive? (and they didn't ;)

    Well, maybe they didn't, but then, how come I see that... horribly bland vehicle still on the roads?

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Similar situation, I think, was when Anheauser-Busch sued over rights to the Budweiser name in the UK to try to get Budvar-Budweiser to drop the Budweiser name and Budvar counter claimed that they owned the name. From what I recall having read the Judge eventually ruled that both companies could continue to use the name as it was unlikely that no beer/larger drinker was likely mistake one type of Budweiser for the other!

  18. Homer 1
    Coat

    The "not as cool" thing...

    ...was the judge taking the piss out of Apple's pompousness.

    And as for: "It’s about time the IT industry faced up to the fact that everything they do is derivative."

    Yes, Apple more than most.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    iMac copies? I definitely remember the way everyone+dog started to produce thei peripherals in semi translucent blue packaging .... however, due to the lead time in doing this the new products seemed to arrive on the market at almost precisely the time that Apple started to produce iMacs in a number of different colours!

    Also, at the same time adding "i" in front of a name seemed to take over from adding "v" or "e" which had in the previous couple of years been the way to make some boring name look "cutting edge"

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Lead time

      There is very little lead time if all you are doing is putting a different colour of plastic pellet in the hopper of your injection mould.

      1. Richard 12 Silver badge

        Re: Lead time

        ...and shipping it on a slow boat from China.

        Transport lead time alone is 6-8 weeks.

  20. sisk

    Will it really make a difference?

    Honestly I don't think the judges comments will make a difference one way or another on the market at large. True the kids won't want something that some old fuddy duddy of a judge thinks is cool, but how many of them are going to know about the judgement? For that matter how many adults are going to know about it? Patent warfare isn't exactly popular reading when you get outside of the tech sector.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Will it really make a difference?

      You're right, we need to make it viral so word gets around

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Cool is just so uncool.

    Daft kids trying to be cool don't know any better and think that happiness will only be evident if they are cool (popular).

    If you are an adult trying to be cool (and the worst example buying apple product to make people think your cool), then it would seem your trying to be younger than you are, which is a totally uncool.

    If cool is popular, then being uncool is cooler than cool.

    As for a JUDGE even using the word cool makes those trying to attain such status so uncool.

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Some adults don't have the inclination to learn about the technology, but they keep reading about these newfangled iPad things in the Telegraph, and they have the ready cash in their back pocket (unlike most youngsters)... They don't buy one because they are 'cool' but rather on the assumption that if lots of people have one, they must work without too much hassle.

      My old man uses his Tab 10.1 for precisely three things:

      -looking at photos from his camera, via SD Card adaptor.

      -Google maps (but only on the continent)

      -watching videos of Adolf Hitler being told things his doesn't like.

  22. Flugal

    Since when did judges decide what is and what is not cool?

    Traditionally (in the UK anyway, perhaps it's not as bad in the US) judges are hopelessly out of touch, e.g. "Who is Gazza" at the height of Paul Gasgoigne's fame.

    1. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Wasn't there once a judge who asked 'Who are the Beatles?'

  23. eek the geek
    Facepalm

    **LINK WARNING: DO NOT READ THE PANEL ON THE RIGHT**

    Why would you right that? It's like telling someone 'don't push the red button!'.

  24. Paul Shirley

    Mac System 7 and Windows 2.0 - by any chance related?

    I thought it was obvious they're both visually improved copies of Win8 Metro?

  25. Bad Beaver
    Trollface

    Panel on the right

    much more interesting than whatever was on the left. Carmen Electra is 40? Damn, time sure moves quickly.

  26. SteveE
    Pint

    "It was a bit like a judge finding you innocent of adultery because you’re too ugly to score."

    Thank you, Alistair. That quote had me laughing for a couple of minutes.

    I know, this is tangential to the article. But its always great to start the weekend smiling.

  27. Sarah Davis
    Coat

    and,..

    don't Mac System 7 and Windows 2.0 look like GEM

    1. Alistair Dabbs

      Re: and,..

      The one and only time I ever used GEM was to do a review of Ventura Publisher. Using GEM was never as good as the screenshots made it look.

  28. Malcolm Weir Silver badge

    I think all the fuss about "not cool" being a liability for Samsung is just noise being generated to obscure what really happened: the court ruled that the Samsung tablets is no more a copy of the iPad than the iPad is of a bunch of other designs. What amused me most was the judge talking about how the Samsung tablets seemed somehow "too thin", which we all know is a bit of an unusual perspective on mobile electronics!

  29. Fred Flintstone Gold badge
    Coffee/keyboard

    Excellent line, Mr Dabbs

    I actually stopped caring about the topic in question when I came across this line:

    It's probable that Windows 2.0 and the Macintosh OS looked the same to a computer virgin, but to those who actually use computers - usually virgins in a more conventional sense..

    Hahaha - those are the lines I love. Thumbs up.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Problem with those examples is,

    that they are all genuinly inferior to the real item.

    However the Tab is actually vastly superior to the iPad3.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "The U800..."

    "possibly the most unusable atrocity ever to claim the moniker of 'mobile phone'."

    Never used a U800 but not sure it's even possible to get worse than the HTC Touch Pro 2 that work forced on me. We called it the anti-productivity device. Bar none, it was the worst consumer electronic device I have ever used... but does make a decent toy for the three year old now.

  32. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Pint

    Hipster fa**ots!!

    What's wrong with Weird Al?

    Have some 1999s goodness when a Pentium was hot: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qpMvS1Q1sos

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Weird Al

    Weird Al is cool!

    Trust me, I work in government IT.

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