back to article Shakira attacked by sea lion who mistook BlackBerry for a 'fish'

Latin pop singer Shakira was "paralysed with fear" after a sea lion lunged for her BlackBerry, she recounted on Facebook. The animal appeared to have mistaken the BlackBerry for a fish, Shakira explained, and lunged for her while she was taking pictures of it on the phone. "I believe what happened is that it confused the …

COMMENTS

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  1. Simon Harris
    Coat

    "lunged for her BlackBerry"

    Is this a new euphemism?

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    it didn't confuse her breasts for mountains then

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      That's lucky.

      Coat, gone...

    2. moonface
      Facepalm

      breasts are small and humble

      "Lucky that my lips not only mumble

      they spill kisses like a fountain

      Lucky that my breasts are small and humble

      So you don't confuse them with mountains

      Lucky I have strong legs like my mother

      To run for cover when i need it

      And these two eyes are for no other

      The day you leave will cry a river"

      I think she needs to rewrite the bit about her legs.

      1. MJI Silver badge

        Re: breasts are small and humble

        Tune of?

        I am guessing Whenever Whereever.

        As constantly played on Freeview channel 18 The Hits before it went live

  3. Mint Sauce
    Meh

    Darwin award..

    ...so close... so close....

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Whats next?

    "At least someone is enthusiastic about RIM products these days."

    Just wait for the upcoming lawsuit I guess, I can see it now; "endangering people by producing mobile gear which too closely resembles food for underwater predators without warning its users for the threat of attack by 'cute' animals"

  5. Audrey S. Thackeray

    Latin pop singer?

    magnae clunes mihi placent, nec possum de hac re mentiri

  6. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge
    Big Brother

    Hang on lads. I've got an idea...

    New TV show. It's called Celebrity Photo Safari.

    Celebs are given a camera. It's explained that real wildlife cameramen don't use zoom lenses, they get in close, to get the perfect shot. Said celebs are then left in the veldt for a day, in an area known for lions, leopards, hippos and snakes. They're told that the public will vote the one off who gets the worst shot.

    The survivors are brought in at the end of the day, fixed public vote gets rid of the dead ones, and they're sent back out the next week, to do the same, after some 'camera instruction'.

    Jordan must be in the first series. Wearing bacon perfume.

    I estimate that we should be able to get rid of between 50-100 pointless celebs every year with this program. Don't thank me, the Nobel Prize will be enough. Either for Science, for increasing the average IQ of the whole planet, or for getting rid of Jordan, the Nobel Prize for Peace and Quiet...

    1. Steve the Cynic

      And from that list of animals...

      ... do you know the dangerous one?

      Not the lions, they're lazy sods, even the females. Lying around on the ground all day.

      Not the leopards, they're lazy sods too, lying around in trees all day.

      Not the snakes, they're generally scared of people.

      No, the dangerous ones are the hippos. Everybody thinks they're docile lumps. But they are grumpy, aggressive so-and-sos with *huge* teeth, and they are large (up to 3 tons) and significantly faster and more agile than you'd give them credit for.

      1. Doogie1

        Steve the Cynic,

        If the leopard is lazing in a tree there's a fair chance the hippo is lazing in water. I know more people are killed by hippos (mainly because people think they're so docile) but I'd rate my chances of outrunning or out climbing a hippo higher than outrunning or out climbing a leopard.

        1. admiraljkb

          Odds of escaping Hippos or Leopards are slim

          The best bet gets down to being a faster runner than your mates. :)

          1. Doogie1
            Happy

            Ha ha. The only problem is, one of my mates is built like a hippo!

            1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

              It's funny how hippos only remember they're vegetarians, after they've bitten your head off. I wonder if that sort of thing ever happened to Linda McCartney?

              From memory, don't buffalo kill even more people than hippos?

              My latin teacher spent the 70s in Southern Africa. Apparently his favourite game was to play chicken with elephants. All you need is one Land Rover, and one herd of elephants. Keep getting closer, when boss heffalump charges, back off, then move in again, until they either get used to you, or charge again. At some point, they simply won't stop charging. Normal procedure is to run away, terribly fast. On no account should you stal, and then have to abandon ship, and run away on foot (as he once did).

          2. Powderfinger
            Devil

            Last One?

            Devil takes the hindmost! Mine's the one with the chomp out of the tail!

      2. Frumious Bandersnatch

        Dangerous animals

        Dear Shakira,

        I get letters telling me since I moved away

        you've taken to hanging out on that rock about a mile from shore

        given what I know about that rock mainly that it's populated by seals

        I strongly suggest to you that you not hang out there anymore

        'cause the seal is a wily and a vicious creature

        and the seal will bite you if you give him half a chance

        yeah the seal has a mind set on violence

        and the seal is the sworn enemy of man

        now when I say that the seal is vicious I use the term advisedly

        according to webster's 9th new collegiate definition 4b.

        which states that vicious means marked by ferocity

        and offers as a synonym...savage

        'cause the seal is a vicious and a wily creature

        and the seal has a mind full of evil designs

        and the seal will harm you and laugh about it

        yeah the seal is not a creature you want to toy with

        yeah the seal is not a creature you want to toy with

      3. tony2heads
        Go

        You forgot the crocodiles!

        and mambas have a reputation for attack - so don't underestimate the snakes

        1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

          Re: You forgot the crocodiles!

          A lot of people don't realise that your odds of outrunning a crocodile on dry land aren't great when they can gallop at you at around 10mph.

      4. This post has been deleted by its author

    2. Nick Ryan Silver badge

      Great plan... and this could also be combined with a companion series called Celebrity^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h^h below-average-soap-actors dancing on ice special version involving the Arctic. I hear Polar bears are quite hungry these days therefore we can solve two problems at once with this one... :)

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Better luck next time seal.

  8. Gregg Stuart

    Of course, the adult movie industry is still very interested in rim products.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "Latin pop singer Shakira was "paralysed with fear""

    Exactly how I get when she starts yodeling.,, er I mean singing.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I think this can only be properly visualised using the medium of Playmobil.

  11. admiraljkb

    Cute Sea Lions?

    They're cute from a distance. Up close, not so much. I see this sort of behavior all the time from folks who don't have exposure to animals much. One of the hazards of city life I suppose is very little familiarity with wildlife and the warning signs of when you are about to be attacked. That's like most wildlife. Great news for Blackberry though, they need to focus more strongly on the under-marketed aquatic mammal market!

    1. Mike Powers

      I saw a sign down in Monterey:

      WARNING

      SEA LIONS ARE WILD ANIMALS

      AND CAN MOVE VERY FAST WHEN STARTLED

      MUCH FASTER THAN SMALL CHILDREN

  12. admiraljkb
    Happy

    Geese make for nice entertainment as well for the widlife-impaired

    In a related personal story of wildlife interactions gone wrong - from the 3rd floor of my office a few years ago I got to watch a dad and his son attacked by a Canadian goose when they stood across the pond from the nest and stared at father goose. The goose was paddling along in front of some bushes where the nest was, and the eye contact was a big mistake. The goose gave him some warning while starting to swim in their direction. The Dad's still standing there with his boy pointing at the good seemingly mumbling isn't that cute. Goose was now getting visibly agitated, swim speed picked up (presumably squawking vociferously but hard to hear from the 3rd floor). Dad's still oblivious to impending doom and still pointing at it. Now goose is nearly at full tilt, neck fully extended and almost to shore and the Dad is still oblivious. Goose hits the shoreline - wings come out and the goose goes straight for the eyes as the Dad and son both panic and go running for cover as the goose keeps aiming at at their heads. Hilarious to watch, but I can't believe they just stood there the whole time thinking that goose wasn't going to attack them when it gave a whole mess of warning signals to back off. As the goose got an increasing reputation, I also got to watch a couple of folks who took a $10 bet that they could withstand that goose for more than a minute without retreating (and lose), but they knew what they were (stupidly) doing. That goose ignored everyone else walking around the pond though. It only cared about the ones who'd just stand there and stare at it. The second they turned away, so did the goose.

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      Idiots: staring in silenct contemplation at wonders of nature

      Goose: 'Ere! Are you lookin' at my bird?!

    2. multipharious

      My answer to Geese?

      Foie gras with a smile. Nasty aggressive creatures. I'd exterminate them all if their fatty livers weren't so darn tasty. Eat up bitches.

  13. Triggerfish

    @ Steve the cynic

    I'd say lions, leopards and snakes can be pretty dangerous tbh, maybe not as many attacks as the Hippo on humans but still good enough odds to make Jordan and the bacon perfume idea perfectly fine.

  14. sabba
    Paris Hilton

    Seal mistook her blackberry for a fish?

    Jeez!! I knew he'd not done a lot lately but I hadn't realised things had got so bad. Poor blighter. Must be on more drugs than Whitney!!

    Paris - cos' she'd not be afraid to 'ave a go with Seal!!

    1. Allan George Dyer
      Black Helicopters

      I initially thought it was a navy SEAL

      ... and maybe a FISH is some kind of IED?

  15. Gordon 10

    Seals or sea lions

    There is a difference.

  16. admiraljkb

    It was sea lions. I verified on other news sources

    Otherwise this article didn't make sense. Seals aren't on land for one thing, and are generally quite friendly towards humans. The Headline and story were incongruous on that point. :)

    1. I ain't Spartacus Gold badge

      SEALS generally friendly to humans?

      You ask Osama Bin Laden!

      On a serious note, no they ain't. If you get between a seal and the sea, its route of escape, or its nest, it can be not very nice indeed. And some of them get pretty bloody big. Wild animals can get pretty grumpy, if you trespass in some way. As can tame ones. Terry Nutkins got a couple of his fingers bitten off by an angry otter.

      1. cordwainer 1
        Linux

        Macbeth of Cawdor's Wild Kingdom

        "Is this an otter which I see before me?"

        [penguin because it's the only animal available, plus "Oppugnant Otter" would have been a great Ubuntu release]

  17. David Haig
    Go

    @I aint Spartacus

    The bad news is that they already did it - unfortunately using real people not celebs and allowing long lenses. Can't remember what it was called though .... But Channel 5 might be interested in reviving it even if it would cull most of its presenters

    1. MJI Silver badge

      Re: @I aint Spartacus

      Was that the jobbie on BBC HD where the girl won and the runner up chap was a wildlife photographer?

  18. aBloke FromEarth

    Loose seal!

    She could have lost a hand.

  19. Concrete Cowboy
    Stop

    Please do not feed the animals...

    In these days of healthy eating, one should always check the list of ingredients. Do you know how much artificial preservatives are in the average celebrity?? And the amount of plastic packaging!

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Am I the only one....

    who thought this article would be about Shakria and the singer Seal. I'm a little disappointed.

  21. Albert Hall

    Shirley...

    she was just holding it wrong.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Gimp

    18 posts so far.....

    And nobody mentions that this would have never happened if she had bought an iPhone??

    (And I too would not be above a nip or two at Shakira, at least in the right spots!!)

  23. Jim Carter
    Coat

    Perhaps she was after a kiss from a rose?

  24. earl grey
    Paris Hilton

    i would be interested in her rim

    seriously.

  25. TeeCee Gold badge
    Coat

    Oh dear.

    Well, that's Super Tony's secret identity busted then.......

  26. btone
    Facepalm

    that wuz one klum sy critter...

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    When i read this

    for some reason i was expecting a story about "Seal", ya know, Adamski's other half...

    Imagine my dissapointment....

  28. Rune Moberg
    Pint

    Do not play with the food

    Seals have surprisingly tender meat. When prepared correctly, a cut of beef from a seal will melt on the mouth. The taste takes a little bit getting used to, but is delicious and quite savory. It kind of reminds a bit of whale beef, but somehow 'stronger'.

    Seal meat is very nutritious and contains plenty of omega-3 fatty acid. There is a decent fish restaurant in Kirkeveien near Frognerparken in Oslo. They know how to prepare seals the proper way.

    So Shakira, next time don't take pictures of the food. Just whip out your knife'n'fork and get down to business. Yum!

  29. adnim
    Joke

    Maybe it wasn't the Blackberry...

    Maybe she just stunk of fish,

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's an easy mistake to make

    I once mistake her singing for a cat in pain.

  31. David Evans

    Sea lions are deceptive

    Yes they look cute, they also have a seriously scary set of mouth furniture, and unlike Seals, they can move surprisingly quickly on land; as I found when I was chased up a beach in New Zealand by a male I disturbed when he was trying to cop off with some females out of sight of the Alpha Bull. He was (understandably) not a happy camper.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Dude!

      You cock-blocked a frigging Sea Lion?!?

      Wow, that's quite a claim!

  32. Shakje

    Is no-one surprised

    that she's actually pretty eloquent? Press release, granted..but it's far better than a lot of UK 'celebrities' usually manage.

  33. Jay 2

    On a recent trip to Kruger Nataional Park in South Africa, some sound advice imparted to me was that virtually everything in the park could move faster than a human (inc those slovenly looking hippos and water buffalo). Fortunately the closest to grief I found myself was in a 4x4 that was having a Mexican standoff with an elephant. In the end we reversed a bit and he got bored, but it definately taught me a new respect for elephants!

  34. carl 10
    Coat

    Surely....

    Surely Apple has a patent somewhere on "erroneous attacks on celebrities by wildlife with food recognition issues" and will soon be blocking sales of RIM devices?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Surely....

      They soon will now someone's thought of it first.

  35. Zest
    Unhappy

    Cute animals do kill

    There was a tragedy in Malaysia late last year when an Australian tourist got killed by a pygmy elephant. The tourist, who was a veterinarian, took flash photography of the animal, which startled the elephant and it ended with the the elephant piercing its tusks fatally into the young female tourist.

  36. grumpy ray
    Holmes

    townie should stay in the car, it's a dangerous world out there...

    " I thought it was cute' (almost a set of famous last words)

    Their teeth are damn cute too luv! Perhaps you might like to cuddle a Tasmanian Devil one day... They're cute(ish)

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