Mornington Crescent
Following my own suggestionHere's the thread for Mornington Crescent ...
Monument
This topic was created by JimmyPage .
We've learned to expect this sort of madness from you lot.
Besides, it's not as though we have any room to complain; so-called "alternate reality games" were invented over here, after all, and compared to that nonsense Mornington Crescent looks like a fine way to pass a dull afternoon.
A very funny panel game show.
It started in the early '70s and has been running ever since, with a short break a couple of years back when its long-running presenter, Humphrey Lyttleton (a well-known jazz musician) passed away. You can find out more details from the usual online sources, so I won't bore you with the details here.
BBC iPlayer (radio) is your friend: for some inexplicable reason, most of their radio shows can be streamed overseas, although their TV shows can't unless you have the iPad / iPhone "iPlayer Global" app. (It's complicated.)
I only got into the series a few years ago myself, so it's not a given that every Brit has actually heard of it. It's also quite hit-and-miss as, aside from the presenter, there's no scripted material and not every ad-lib or improvisation can be successful. Even so, it's much funnier than it has any right to be.
I recall hearing the first time Paul Merton appeared on the show, something like this:
"And now the Mornington Crescent round and as new boy, Paul Merton gets to start us off."
"I've been listening a bit and I think I understand this. Can I start from any tube station."
"Yes."
"What, anywhere at all?"
"Yes."
"Right then. Mornington Crescent."
"A fine win there for Paul Merton!"
I think this may have been the first time that was done.
@ Sean:
The radio shows can be a little hit & miss, but I can highly recommend the collected shows on BBC CDs. These are longer than the broadcast shows as they include bits that were edited out which basically means that the double entendres get ruder and the running jokes run longer. Plus you can listen to them in the car - if it isn't considered too dangerous to be crying with laughter whilst bombing down the autoroute at 130 kph, which is when I usually listen.
Laughing while driving? A mate nearly killed himself doing that. He was listening to the radio and there was a phone-in on the theme of "Body modifications you have had cause to regret".
Someone phoned in to say they knew someone who had the classic crap biro tattoos of "LOVE" and "HATE" on his fingers, just below the knuckle joints. He was a sheet metal worker, had had a nasty moment with the guillotine and ended up with "LOVE" and "HAT"....
This nearly caused a nasty encounter with a bridge pillar on the M6 at about 90mph.
Being one of the small number of stations where two lines run in parallel, I can simply travel one stop north on the Northern Line to Charing Cross and then immediately one stop south on the Bakerloo. BAM! Instant auto-triangulation round a short loop.
So, Embankment again, but not in huff this time.
Indeed, very well played sir. A classic auto-triangulation.
Except that <gentle cough> you're now facing the wrong way.
And because the previous move reached the end of the Circle line, I can claim one additional platform, make an occulting turn at Holborn and jump over to
Goodge Street.
(Spivey's Adjudication, October 1973, Berlin All-Comers, I believe)
I can see the source of your confusion, as it is a little-used rule, but you must have forgotten that there are currently escalator replacement works underway at Charing Cross, and this permits me to invoke Petherington's Limited Disabled Access Exemption! So I was simply able to reverse direction by performing an axial gyration at the midpoint of the journey; there was no need to cross parallels and Morton's Fork is irrelevant to the case.
However, as Mike so ably pointed out, I was still facing the wrong direction, which is why I did not contest the point.
Erm. which river did you cross? They're both South of The River [tm]. Or did you go via the Limpopo? I believe we need a ruling on this. Has the chairman fallen asleep?
I'm sorry to hear about your experiences with the fiendish Chinese Master. I had heard that in Soviet Russia, the dragon enters you. But I'd never believed it until now.
Highbury Crescent^W & Islington [1][2].
Beers all around at the Hope & Anchor. (Yes, I know it's not the same as it was when I was hanging out there in the late 1970s and early '80s ... I'm just being nostalgic here.)
[1] See why I see no need for strike?
[2]Yes, I know how physically close that is to the actual MC ;-)
Oh, I beat Mr Bung in the end. Managed to invoke a Take-Away Return and left him on the Dollis Hill loop stuck behind an engineering train with adverse possession. That'll learn 'im.
It counts as a simple river crossing if you don't reverse direction until you reach the end of the line OR change platforms at a junction. I was going to over-double at Stockwell, but would have risked being in nip to our friend waiting at the Elephant & Castle (Stovald, 3.11.25.16. para 2 if memory serves).
So let's pull a Stuart Retreat:
Royal Oak.
Nicely done, sir. The alcohol-free zone covers the whole of the sub-surface lines though, which means that according to the latest pricing structure for off-peak travel, there's no penalty for stopping at Zone 2 with the DLA on hold.
Which gives me a choice here. I could possibly call a Thameslink Divide and come back in on the Metropolitan line, which would seem to force a follow-on at Angel, but that means I stop at the end of the block and risk being in Nidd.
So instead I think I'll go for Rafferty's gambit:
Baker Street.
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It's got to be Stebson's Gripper - how could I play anything else?
So I'll spin back off the loop, to:
Theydon Bois
If anyone's caught lisping, touching or groping at this point then they'll have Samantha to answer to! As well as being in Spoon, and possibly in chokey.
A brave move, Mr !Spartacus. I can either lose a pilot engine and reverse in the loop, or continue knowing that you'll overtake at the next junction. Should have spotted that before... thinks, thinks...
Ah, of course. This is a risky move, and far be it from me to risk the wrath of the lovely Samantha at this stage in the game, but I appear to have no other option. Time to play the Ecologist's Conversion:
Turnham Green.
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Shirley Kew Gardens?
Might be another Tulip Rule violation there ... And I think this round is on you, if I read the rules correctly. On the bright side, from your perspective, I'm just a Yank, so I've probably lost something in translation. Wouldn't be the first time, nor will it be the last.
During the meanwhile, I'll side-step the issue ... Gunnersbury
Or so the Bill of Rights says.
So a reversed wrong-road at South Kensington (allowed under the Museum Amendments 1976, ratified by the Stovald Committee's Fourth Article on 26th August 1977) even though the Tulip Rules originally mandated go-around at Heathrow takes me straight to:
Arsenal.
Clearly, Sir, you are a better man than I.
But I must riposte. The fine print of the third Fizzbin clause in the Original Handbook suggests that getting to Hyde Park Corner, then taking a cab to St. James Park is a valid move at this point.[1]
Obviously, from there: Temple.
Ha!
[1] Sorry, I've had entirely too much email. I had to give my fellow Yanks a hint. That probably puts me in Nidd permanently ... On the other hand, I'm kinda surprised TheMods@ElReg haven't closed this thread in the obvious manor ;-)
Gentlemen, the lovely Samantha has been known to reanimate the dead with the flicker of an eyelash. It's no good losing the will to live; you don't escape from the Northern line that easily.
I'm unsure whether Jake's move to Turnham Green is a compliment, a threat or just an attempt to make me envious.
So I'll redouble on escalators, take a PlusBus and go where I can see for miles:
High Barnet.
I have no ego in this forum. I never threaten. Must be a compunment ... SWMBO has convinced[0] me that The Lovely Samantha no longer has any affect on jake (note the lower case "j" ... it's an ego thing[1]).
Hansom Cab to Hackney, and on to Abbey Road.
[0] Side one, track two ... and THAT is no joke ;-)
[1] amanfromMars will probably now spontaneously combust ...
Rayners Lane......Claire Rayner.......Agony Aunt......Agony......Torture Chamber........Chamber of Horrors.......
Baker Street!
Of course, that leaves me with the Harrow Dilemma: Whether to alight at Harrow-on-the-Hill and chance the faster Watford train turning up soon enough to save a few minutes, or just stick with the stopping service out of Uxbridge........
Ah yes, of course. I'd completely overlooked Mansion House being huffed. Nice move.
How to respond? Well I suppose I could go for a Rushton's retrograde and call Angel, but I'm not sure that's advisable without the orange rule being declared first. I'd better go for safety.
Regents Park.
Okay, it's taken me two weeks to think of my next move.
My wife suggested Tottenham Court Road, but then my brother reminded me that I'm not married and I must have forgotten to take my pills again. So scratch that.
I do believe I still have an "Obscure Media Reference" card to play, so, I'll need my passport to get to...
Pimlico.
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It's not quite June here in California ... the Wife & I had a totally home-grown Insalata Caprese as a starter for chow tonight ... Tomatoes, onions, basil & mozzarella were harvested/made here at the ranch, today. Nice to have a working garden and dairy.
Unfortunately, given the above & reading the "Martha Stewart incarceration pamphlet", my only true option is Kew Gardens. Can anyone get me out of this 'orrible fix?
Curse the rampant foliage at this time of year! It's a jungle out there[1] and that said from my vantage point in the Palm House too.
Overground moves only I'm afraid as I neglected to pack a machete. Willesden Junction.
[1] Although a very well kept and neatly manicured jungle, it has to be said.
I rigged up a camera obscura in the kitchen, so we could watch it as we prepped supper. Pinhole in a bit of over exposed film, taped over a hole in a piece of cardboard. 112 inches away, a sheet of white cardboard. Provides an image about an inch in diameter ... The wife is fascinated. She's never seen this kind of thing.
Unfortunately, I think that the Lick Solar Rules means that her ignorance puts her firmly in Nidd until December, 2117. So it sucks to be me ... On the otherhand, I think the same rules say I have to go to Greenwich, which I think I've already used in this round, so I have to join her in Nidd :-)
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And I'd definitely give the fish course a miss.
Where were we? Ah yes: Grange Hill. Nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there. (Mr. Bronson. Mrs. McCluskey. Pills. Not a good combination. I'm still having therapy.)
I think I'll make use of the Travaglia Manoeuvre, which should get me to...
>> CLICKETY! <<
Oh him? He's my boss. Bit the worse for wear, I'm afraid. I don't what he was drinking.
Great Scott! I appear to have accidentally violently torn off my boss' glasses and hurled them onto that nice, shiny, rail over there. Yes, that one there, sitting on top of the shiny white ceramic mountings.
Give me a moment while I push him off help him down to track level while nobody's looking...
>> BZZZEEEEERT! <<
Why no, officer! I have absolutely no idea what he was thinking!
The CCTV cameras were conveniently on the blink, were they? Gosh! How unfortunate!
No, no, no, officer! I swear, he stumbled, dropped his glasses and, before I could say anything, the poor fellow had leapt down from the platform to fetch them!
Where was I? Ah yes:
East Finchley!
... Swiss Cottage having been played previously.
On the bright side, it's a short walk from Knaresborough to The Mile Post for a pint ... and they have an actual fireplace for you to dry out in front of.
So, obviously, York.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know ... but I like steam trains :-)
That was a crafty move.I did indeed miss.it And I note with the platforms on both sides, you're trying to force me into swing.
Now then... a quick look at Stovald suggests I could step over the zone crossing by wrong-roading for one block, but that gives you a chance to advance to the Metropolitan line using Bazalgette's recursion.
OK, I'll risk it:
Piccadilly Circus.
I think we can restart at any station that allows bi-directional running off-peak, irrespective of the moon phase as I'm sure you're allowed a step entry on sub-surface lines.
Best check, though. Has anyone got a copy of Stovald to hand? I've left mine at home.
The truth is indeed there - codified in the 1971 Fifth Quarter Amendment after the High Wycombe All-Comers ended in a draw and the players in Zone 1 had to move to hump-shunting arbitration. Seems it all got a bit messy after the second player to move misread the signals and ran over open catch points.
So now it becomes very easy:
Lancaster Gate.
Since it is 3 weeks since my last posting, I believe I am entitled to re-post with a second attempt to perform the Yaesu Deltic manoeuvre, made famous by Teddy Petter (who was able to do this in a Canberra II). Not easy I know, and sometimes hard to see the wood for the trees just 2 stops along :- Debden
Good grief! Is this still going on? I've got a gig in Hull next Thursday?
Mornington Crescent!
Anyone's been able to say it for at least the last 7 moves, if only you'd bothered to read your 'Mornington Crescent for Dummies' by Rushton and Lyttleton.
Even Tim Brook-Taylor's 'My First Baby Book of Mornington Crescent - New Prince George Edition' covers this! And that was written in crayon, during one of his regular stays at Broadmoor. Well they say it was crayon, I've not seen many crimson crayons myself, they never did find where he hid the stolen kitchen knives... The smudged bits are probably just dribble though. It's amazing how no-one in the audience ever comments on the straight-jacket - and of course you can't see it on the radio. They replace Samantha with the rippling Sven only when he's having one of his dangerous periods.
As far as I know, the rule goes back to the original Greensleeves edition - so named as Henry VIII wiped his nose on his doublet while signing the original manuscript, and smeared bogies on the title page. It's Wolseley's Offence - and possibly one of the reasons Henry had him executed - that and wanting to nick his lovely palace at Hampton Court. I don't believe it's ever been superseded, so long as no signals cross-phasing has taken place at any time in the round.
I guess the next thing to do, is play a game of Bordeaux?
jake Old Chap,
I'm never in Nidd! One would never do something so indecorous (if not positively disgusting). I prefer to consider it a state of an under-abundance of non-Niddness. One must try to maintain standards don't-yer-know.
I'm not sure quite why your original declaration of Mornington Crescent wasn't accepted by the chairman. Perhaps he's asleep? But by my reckoning you should have declared a crowned-and-consummated right there, and thus had irreversible title to the win. Hence the game would have had to be re-started.
But seeing as that didn't happen, you allowed another move to be made - and so forfeited your chance of the win. Now obviously Morton (the double-strike without clearing rule) would normally apply here, meaning that it's virtually impossible to ever clear Mornington Crescent and so therefore the game can never end. However, only a mad sadist would implement the rules in that way. Exactly who is the chairman anyway?
On an unrelated note - wine, cava, beer or margaritas tonight?
The lovely Samantha says (with a ::wink::) that nobody's immune to being in Nidd, not even her lovely self. Your move is thus declared invalid, according to the rarely used Ilkley Moor rule, as published in "The Dalesman" in 1978 (October issue, I think ... naturally, it was raining).
The Chairman doesn't seem to understand this medium ... Kinda like most management. According to an RFC I read awhile back, I think HE'S in Nidd, too, as a direct result.
Tonights booze of choice? Wine. We thieved from three barrels of my 2011 crush[1] ... a Pin-Grig, a Cab-Sauv, and a Merlot. None are quite ready for bottling, but all are coming along quite nicely :-)
Anyway, my move of Clapham North stands, unless someone can show otherwise.
[1] NHRA big-wigs are in town, and paid an arm & a leg for the privilege ... They all split half an hour ago ... I just finished walking the dawgs, and am about to open a Lagunitas Maximas IPA to erase the memory of the pompous assholes who know nothing about wine. May I pour you one?
Is a long way from Clapham North, and even has a famous song based there (without hat). Yet a hat is just what you need on the wild and desolate moors depicted by local artist Ashley Jackson, who now lives in Holmfirth.
My own favourite Yorkshire song "Pratty Flowers" is also known as the Holmfirth anthem, the whole area being founded on the wool trade and the consequent growth of toll roads, hence :-
Turnpike Lane
Today, yes.
Since Kibblesworth was your opening move I assumed you were referring to the test tunnel the Metropolitan Railway dug there in 1855 prior to building the first part of what would later become the London Underground. The Met's grand opening was on 9 January 1863 with a ceremonial run from Paddington to Farringdon - so I thought I'd choose my first move from the stations on the original Met network line.
So, Epping. Interesting.
High Barnet.