These...
...are not the jellyfish you're looking for"
The worldwide jellyfish-threat trouser state was officially downgraded from "damp" to "wear again if necessary" yesterday as top international boffins - operating under the title "JEDI" - announced that in fact there is little evidence to suggest that planet Earth will soon be ruled by wobbling gelatinous blobominations. …
... just read that wikipedia article and it says "A portmanteau (Listeni/pɔrtˈmæntoʊ/; plural portmanteaux or portmanteaus) or portmanteau word is a blend of two (or more) words or morphemes into one new word". So apparently it could be whole words - although I'm struggling to come up with one. Portmanteau itself is pretty close.
Scientist A: Aiiiiieeeee, we're doomed.
Scientist B: This is normal. Calm the f*ck down.
Joe Public: Huh?
(to be fair, with AGW it's scientists A-J saying 'doomed'; K-X saying 'we need to worry about this'; and Scientists Y&Z saying 'drill, baby, drill')
How can you be so naive? These JEDI guys clearly *want* the world to be taken over by giant jellyfish! That's why they're trying to lull us into a false sense of security... they'll keep on saying "situation normal" till we've got giant jellyfish climbing out of the Thames! Think, sheeple, think!
(yes, I'm joking)
"worldwide jellyfish-threat trouser state"
Surely in this day & age of threat warnings, colour codes, health warnings, doomsday clocks & other associated mechanical Nostrodamii we can have a Worldwide Jellyfish-Threat Trouser State App?
Suggested colour codes, in order of threat: Beige, Taupe, Lilac, Pinstripe, Navy, Charcoal, Saffron, Chardonay, Puce, Terracotta and full-on BROWN.
And yep; I'm not wearing brown underpants for nothing, you know!
You're thinking of the fashion concious trousers scale.
The Jellyfish -Threat scale is the same one used to asteroid impacts and nuclear plants and goes:
- I could eat off these
- Turn them inside out and they'll be good
- I could wear them again in a pinch
- *sniff sniff* uhh.... no...
- Brown trouser time
- Small sewage plant
- Best not mentioned in polite or impolite conversation