back to article JEDI alliance: Jellyfish overlords won't rule Earth after all

The worldwide jellyfish-threat trouser state was officially downgraded from "damp" to "wear again if necessary" yesterday as top international boffins - operating under the title "JEDI" - announced that in fact there is little evidence to suggest that planet Earth will soon be ruled by wobbling gelatinous blobominations. …

COMMENTS

This topic is closed for new posts.
  1. jai

    These...

    ...are not the jellyfish you're looking for"

  2. stucs201
    Coat

    So is Cathy Lucas related to George?

    (The brown robe, yes the one with the lightsabre in the pocket)

  3. g e
    Black Helicopters

    Of course there's no apparent increase

    They are hiding in their undersea bunkers awaiting word from High Command

    My car is black. Like my helicopter.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So, you're saying that...

    ... while David Cameron is in fact a gelatinous blob zipped into a vaguely humanoid containment suit, it's unfair to blame him on the jellyfish.

    The hunt for the real culprit continues...

    1. Gordon 10

      Am I the only one

      Who read "David Cameron" but thought "David Tennant" due to all the Doctor Who references?

      1. Code Monkey
        Windows

        Maybe that's why so many people voted for the shittrumpet, then.

        1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge
          Pint

          +1

          For use of the portmanteau 'shittrumpet'

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            I do not think that word means what you think it means.

            PARTS of two words, glued together - not the whole words :)

            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Portmanteau

            1. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart
              Headmaster

              So it would be...

              'shirumpet' then?

              is crApple a portmanteau?

            2. Loyal Commenter Silver badge
              Coat

              Yes, it is a portmanteau...

              of shithead arsetrumpet. Now be quiet.

            3. John H Woods Silver badge

              Err...

              ... just read that wikipedia article and it says "A portmanteau (Listeni/pɔrtˈmæntoʊ/; plural portmanteaux or portmanteaus) or portmanteau word is a blend of two (or more) words or morphemes into one new word". So apparently it could be whole words - although I'm struggling to come up with one. Portmanteau itself is pretty close.

  5. Northern Fop
    Black Helicopters

    So a bit like Global Warming, but with invertebrates

    Scientist A: Aiiiiieeeee, we're doomed.

    Scientist B: This is normal. Calm the f*ck down.

    Joe Public: Huh?

    (to be fair, with AGW it's scientists A-J saying 'doomed'; K-X saying 'we need to worry about this'; and Scientists Y&Z saying 'drill, baby, drill')

  6. Neil Barnes Silver badge

    Cnidaria, Cnidaria, wherefore out thou, Cnidaria?

    Nah, somehow, it doesn't quite work.

    Still, I'm sure they'll be hiding somewhere.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Devil

    Irony

    Who kills and eats the biggest jelly predator, whale and turtle revenge!!

  8. Harry the Bastard

    well...

    i, for one, welcome our new wobbly overlords

  9. James Boag

    Lets look to the fossil records ...

    I am sure i read somewhere that they have found Jelly fish fossils on top of mountains, this would prove that at least in the past they could climb mountains, are we sure they are looking the the right places !

  10. blamblamblam

    How can you be so naive?

    How can you be so naive? These JEDI guys clearly *want* the world to be taken over by giant jellyfish! That's why they're trying to lull us into a false sense of security... they'll keep on saying "situation normal" till we've got giant jellyfish climbing out of the Thames! Think, sheeple, think!

    (yes, I'm joking)

  11. Simpson

    The JEDI are just a front for the PB&J industry

    1. 100113.1537
      Devil

      You mean..

      Big Sandwich...

  12. David 18

    A warning from fiction?

    Sounds like the start of this novel. Which is thoroughly enjoyable with just a little plausibility btw....

    en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Swarm_(novel)

  13. Stevie

    Bah!

    I notice you conveniently "forgot" to account for the space-station-sized hovering jellyfish of doom from the Star Trek:TNG pilot and the submarine-crushing monster from that Voayage to the Bottom of the Sea episode.

    Once again the true story is the one they don't want you to hear!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      ...And let's not forget the polar icecap melting jellyfish-like creatures from John Wyndham's excellent "The Kraken Wakes"

  14. Jelliphiish

    i will own you all. ALL!.

    <coff> sorry.

    normal service to resume shortly.

  15. DJ

    Sounds like a job for...

    ...Mr. & Mrs. Brainsample.

    Watch out, Angus!

    1. Michael H.F. Wilkinson Silver badge
      Coat

      Ah, so the blancmanges were really jellyfish in disguise?

      Mine is the one with "Angus Podgorny Fan Club" on the back

  16. Wombling_Free
    Coat

    Is there an app for that?

    "worldwide jellyfish-threat trouser state"

    Surely in this day & age of threat warnings, colour codes, health warnings, doomsday clocks & other associated mechanical Nostrodamii we can have a Worldwide Jellyfish-Threat Trouser State App?

    Suggested colour codes, in order of threat: Beige, Taupe, Lilac, Pinstripe, Navy, Charcoal, Saffron, Chardonay, Puce, Terracotta and full-on BROWN.

    And yep; I'm not wearing brown underpants for nothing, you know!

    1. Veldan
      Mushroom

      Wrong scale

      You're thinking of the fashion concious trousers scale.

      The Jellyfish -Threat scale is the same one used to asteroid impacts and nuclear plants and goes:

      - I could eat off these

      - Turn them inside out and they'll be good

      - I could wear them again in a pinch

      - *sniff sniff* uhh.... no...

      - Brown trouser time

      - Small sewage plant

      - Best not mentioned in polite or impolite conversation

  17. Paul Simmonds
    Facepalm

    Come back Steve McQueen....

    .....all is forgiven.

    It's obvious that what's actually happened is the crate the US airforce dropped in the Arctic in the 1950's has de-frosted due to global warming.

  18. Francis Boyle Silver badge

    Just what we want you to think

    Regards - the Rutan Host.

This topic is closed for new posts.