back to article Bah, humbug! Virgin Media censors Charles D**kens

Some Virgin Media telly customers attempting to tune in to various programmes over the weekend were greeted with ludicrous censoring of well-known names, such as Charles D**kens and Jarvis C**ker. The cockup was reported by The Media Blog, which posted various screenshots sent in by bemused viewers using Virgin Media TV's on- …

COMMENTS

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  1. Spiracle

    Just as well Any Questions wasn't in Scunthorpe last week.

    1. Shades

      Any Questions?

      Is that anything like Question Time?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        You mean the EPG doesn't cover radio ?

        *****ing **ers

      2. Handel was a crank

        Yes, almost exactly like Question Time but without the pretty pictures.

      3. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        probably not

        It started as and still exists as, I think, a radio programme (that funny thing where the pictures are in your head), called, "Any Questions". Damned good too, much less photogenic preening and self-importance. It had or has (I live abroad now and am out of touch) a follow up when listeners could write in, something like, "Amy Answers".

        Ah children, think you invented it all.

    2. Piro Silver badge

      For Radio 4 listeners

      Gardener's Question time always is.

      I never understood this sort of censorship anyway: anyone can guess what the missing letters are. Blank the whole thing or don't bother at all.

      1. KnucklesTheDog
        Facepalm

        @Piro

        As Tim Minchin point outs: "f*ck" has become the de facto spelling now anyway.

        What's worse is that in this case it draws attention to "offensive" words in places I'd never even spotted them before - "The golden age of CA**ls" - very humorous!

        1. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart
          Paris Hilton

          A re****al argument

          Yeah, these spam filters are a pain in the ****[1], as a magna ***[2] laude software spe******st[3] graduate whoever designed these filters should be ******inated[4] and their body thrown in a c****[5] I want to watch the cookery program about pan fried ****ake[6] mushrooms in ****burn's[7] Port.

          Added to which I can’t find out how to repair the ****el[8] engine in my bike.

          [1] arse

          [1] Cum

          [3] cialis

          [4] ass x2

          [5] anal

          [6] shit

          [7] Cock

          [8] Wank

          Paris, see 8 & 7 above

          1. Ignazio
            Devil

            I believe that's shiitake, sir

            http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shiitake

            Not that it implies anyone should take any of it.

  2. Shakje

    The worst thing for me

    is that it capitalises the first word of the censored word..does no-one do QA these days?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      @Shakje

      I think you mean "first letter". Does no-one do QA these days?

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Please tell me you meant first letter and forgot to QA your post.

      1. Cpt Blue Bear
        Happy

        Please tell me you mean QC not QA...

        1. Danny 14

          well it is christmas and I like the odd glass of port.

    3. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart
      Joke

      Shakje - putting the 'K' in kwality

  3. auburnman
    Go

    Good old over zealous censors

    I recall the PS3 chat would censor odd words like 'punching' and 'engine' because parts of them were naughty words in another language.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Reminds me of a few years back when our company firewall would prevent us from consulting the timetables etc on the Virgin Atlantic website as it was classified as "sex"

    1. Jedit Silver badge
      Thumb Up

      It gets better

      Tech advice forum Experts Exchange (experts-exchange.com) is frequently sent to Coventry by older and more monolithic corporate firewalls, having been blocked years ago before the owners added the hyphen to their URL and never removed.

      1. Richard 12 Silver badge
        Mushroom

        That place is deliberately blackholed by my machines for being utterly useless and cluttering up my Google searches. "Pay for a result that probably won't be useful anyway". Nope. I'm not going to pay for support from a company I've no service agreement with.

        It does look like PigeonRank agrees with me, as it didn't turn up last time I searched on a non-sanitised machine.

        1. Danny 14

          wut?

          pay for a result? Just add the HTML to google and look at the cache - most of the time it opens from google anyway.

          1. Daf L

            Experts exchange...

            Just scroll to the bottom of the page

            All the 'answers' are sitting there waiting to be read.

    2. Jim Morrow
      Coat

      not unreasonable. people are usually fucked if they travel on beardie's planes or trains.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I wondered why....

    the country "Belgi*m" was blanked on the news.

    (Gratutious HHGTG reference)

    1. gabor1
      Coat

      pendant

      You mean HHGTTG

      1. zb

        You mean H2G2

  6. ravenviz Silver badge

    ROTFLM*O

  7. Ken Hagan Gold badge

    The telly guide?

    I could sort of understand someone wanting to put, say, live subtitles through an automated censorship device, but if you trust the output of (notoriously unreliable) censorship software over the judgement of your own staff then I think it is time to find a new line of business.

    1. Richard 12 Silver badge
      Facepalm

      The TV guides are provided by each channel

      As a broadcaster or publisher you get the data direct from the channels in question.

      You can then ask for clips of specific programmes to do the mag writeups.

      That said, you're absolutely right that TV guide info should never go through a censorship application. If there's objectionable material in there then that's the lookout of the channel - it's ITV that gets bollocked when the X-Factor offends, not Virgin/Sky/Freeview/Freesat.

      Once Virgin re-write any of the TV guide data then they're opening themselves up to a bollocking from OFCOM, as it then becomes easy for the channel to claim they didn't put the objectionable content there, must have been Virgin - especially if nobody on other broadcasters objects!

  8. Ru
    Facepalm

    A clbuttic mistake

    Has automatic censoring ever worked well for anyone, ever? Genuinely curious here.

    Seems like the whole thing is so fragile it would make more sense to have a real human doing the job instead.

    (insert rant about the pointlessness of aste***king out letters in the hope they make things less rude despite the word meaning being patently obvious)

    1. Wize

      I had to tone down an automatic email filter

      After various emails were lost which referred to Temperature Indicating Transmitters and their acronym.

  9. Robert E A Harvey

    testing? that's what customers do, surely?

  10. Pete the not so great
    WTF?

    This is from the company with how many Effing pr0n channels

    funny though

    1. Ken Hagan Gold badge

      Re: how many porn channels

      Ah, so *that's* why they felt the need to deploy censorship software on their EPG.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    A clbuttic error,

    indeed...

  12. AndrueC Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Brings back happy memories of the /Earth & Beyond/ MMORPG. That censor didn't even pay attention to white space so "Gosh it's here!" would appear as ""Go%! *&'s here!"" leading to hours of fun from everyone trying to work out what the word was. They even added words from other languages which taught people how to swear in Swedish, French and German amongst other languages.

  13. marcinski
    Coat

    Vulture C*ntral?

    Vulture C*ntral?

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Ah, they have made the clbuttic mistake.

    The thing that makes me suspicious, though, is this: the EPG is hardly random untrusted data, it's not like they get it from user-generated content. So if they don't want any swearing in it, why use a filter when they create all the content in the first place? Just tell their employees who write it not to use any swears. Your publicity stunt theory is at least credible.

  15. bluesxman

    Panto Season...

    Widow Tw**key may not fare too well.

    1. Graham Marsden
      Coat

      @Panto Season

      Oh yes she will...!

      (Mine's the ones with the Buttons!)

  16. JakeyC

    Clbuttic censorship error

    The breastle says it all.

  17. DJ 2
    Facepalm

    I like the way that the Censored version of Arsenal is worse than the uncensored bit.

    1. Wize

      Thats the trouble with Arsenal

      They always try and walk it in...

  18. AceRimmer1980
    WTF?

    Hello, and welcome to Songs of Praise

    which this week, is from the town of Fucking, in Austria.

    1. Graham Marsden
      Happy

      Not...

      Twatt in the Orkneys?

      1. Field Marshal Von Krakenfart

        Obligatory Scunthorpe reference

        Or Scunthorpe, or Effin, or Penistone etc. etc.

  19. Number6

    Following in the BBC's footsteps

    Many years ago, the BBC website had an 'email this story' option where the sender could add a message. That too would censor Arsenal, Penistone, Scunthorpe, Cockermouth and even Saturday (shitty reason for that one).

  20. Old Timer

    @Shades

    Yes Any Questions is Radio 4 version of Question Time, slightly less Tabloid

    1. Shades
      Thumb Up

      Thanks

      See left and above.

  21. Matt Korth
    WTF?

    Looks like another...

    ...clbuttic mistake to me.

  22. Ged T
    Coat

    What kind of...

    ...Cupid Stunt would you have to be at V**gin Media, to come up with such a scheme?

    Mine's the one with the pamphlet "Marketing: 101" in the pocket...

  23. Ryan Clark

    I noticed that Hancock was censored on 5HD but not on normal channel5 (or maybe the other way around) on the EPG. I did wonder why

  24. Stevie

    Bah!

    I love it when young people find out about regular expressions for the first time. Those baby steps are so precious.

    Of course, you'll see them again and again and again, because a) people never learn and 2) the regexes are being written by people who cannot spell.

  25. Tom Maddox Silver badge
    Facepalm

    Torn

    On the one hand, I hate censorship. On the other hand, I hate Dickens. I think my emotional state, overall, is one of schadenfreude.

    I wonder how they handle the name of the author of many classic science fiction novels, Philip K. ****.

  26. BigUglyDean
    Joke

    Other banned words:

    - Kn*ckers

    - Kn*ckers

    - Semprini

    1. Graham Marsden
      Happy

      @BigUglyDean...

      ... OUT!!

  27. Richard Pennington 1
    Paris Hilton

    And in genealogy ...

    ... my great-grandfather was (and I'm not joking) named William Cockburn Dick. Cue all the schoolboy (and Reg editor) jokes...

    Paris, because she didn't censor anything ...

  28. DaveB
    Happy

    Automated smut filters

    I had a problem in trying to book into a London hotel from my US HQ. The confirmation kept being dumped by the smut filter. It was so bad that it went straight in the bin without notifying me that it had been filtered.

    This happened when I sent the confirmation from my personal system to the company system. In the end we captured the very dirty message and indeed it was just a hotel booking confirmation. It turned out that the designer of the WEB site had named all the image files used to render the pictures of the hotel TIT001.jpg and by the time the smut filter got to TIT003.jpg it was just too many T*Ts for it to take.

  29. This Side Up

    Just don't live in

    C*ckfosters

    B*lls Pond Road

    Sc*nthorpe

    Locks B*ttom

    P*nistone

    ...

    1. Tom 38

      Christopher Hitchens grew up in Crapstone, Devon.

  30. kain preacher

    I wounder how they wound handle the name Dick Butkus or Mike Ditka or even Gaylord.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    I bet that whoever's responsible for this is going to get buttbuttinated.

  32. gautam
    Happy

    Does anyone remember...

    the classic film : *hitty *hitty *ang *ang?

  33. Tom Cooke

    SpaceX

    I can't look at the Website for this program because our firewall counts it as "Weapons" :)))))

  34. Sooty

    Known in the trade

    As the Scunthorpe problem.

    It's a bit of a schoolboy error nowadays, most people writing swear filters try and take into account 'mid-word' swear words, in various ways, and ignore them.

  35. zb

    "which prompted us to ask if the whole thing was a PR stunt."

    Surely he replied that it was a cunning stunt.

  36. John 62

    Hot Fuzz

    There's an extra on the DVD of some of the bits they had to do audio re-records for for airlines and prudish tv channels. Some of the 'cleaned up' bits are worse than the originals.

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