back to article Bloke claims ex swiped his sperm to make twins

A Texas man claims his ex-girlfriend stole his sperm to inseminate herself three months after they broke up. Joe Pressil, a 36-year-old telecoms manager, is suing Advanced Fertility Center and Omni-Med Laboratories in Houston, saying they used his misappropriated man oysters to produce a brace of bouncing babies without his …

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  1. Ken Hagan Gold badge

    "A lawyer for the clinic [...] maintained that the clinic had signed consent forms from Pressil"

    That's going to be a very short court case then.

    1. TimeMaster T
      Boffin

      Only if ...

      A hand writing expert confirms that it actually is his signature on the form.

      Wouldn't be the first time someone forged a signature on some legal document to get what they want.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        DNA

        in this day and age a signature should be treated as suspicious unless accompanied by a few skin cells or DNA of it's alleged owner.

        1. Decius
          Facepalm

          They do have the DNA of the guy. That's what it's about!

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            @Doh!cius

            You appear to be suggesting that the form was handed in with the guy's Semen next to his signature?

            I sure wouldn't want a job in your local bank.

            1. FredScummer
              Alien

              Clearly if you are referring to this guy handling bank notes/coinage which could be smeared with DNA output from his nether regions then I think you would have to take into consideration that shaking hands with anyone, or getting change for your cup of tea, would offer the transfer of chemical materials which you hadn't intended.

              I don't bother trying to count the number of blokes who use the loo and don't bother washing hands afterwards, but it seems to be a disease that is very widespread. In fact even washing hands can lead to chemical transfer due to taps being turned on and off - if only loo's had those elbow-operated taps used in hospital surgeries!

              I went into the company's loo a while back to find a guy using the urinal whilst having a conversation with his customer on his mobile phone. I assume he wasn't using a camera phone....

      2. LateNightLarry
        FAIL

        If the "consent form" was not signed in the presence of clinic staff, and ID presented at the time of signing, they would be hard-pressed to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that it was his signature. That is, unless he signed the form in front of a Notary Public. A Notary in most states must keep a journal (recommended for notaries in ALL states where not required by law) of the notary signings he or she performs, and the signer must provide government issued identification. Only certain government issued identification is acceptable, usually drivers' licenses (with photo and description), US or other passports, etc.

        Because of the potential ramifications, and potential for abuse by a jilted lover, if the clinic's consent form did not require notarization, they might be in trouble.

        Somebody failed here, the question is who?

    2. ShadowDragon8685
      Alert

      Not nessessarily a short court case, mate.

      After all, if he's telling the truth about his ex having stolen his sperm, and about his religious objection to IVF (probably just a smoke-screen to get a jury on his side, but I imagine he objects to it under these circumstances,) then there exists a chance that she had the consent forms forged.

      After all, if men don't want to go to the clinic to produce their baby batter on demand, they probably wouldn't want to go there in person to sign forms, so the clinic probably handed out the papers to the girl to take home to him to sign.

      So there's a good probability that this is going to wind up with an allegation of forgery as well as the theft of sperm and all of that... This one oughta be good.

  2. Rob
    WTF?

    ?

    You just couldn't make this shit up could you, nutters seem to be evolving faster than average humans as they are churning out a new breed a frightening rates nowadays.

  3. DavCrav

    "But he maintained that the clinic had signed consent forms from Pressil, and called the lawsuit disingenuous and suspect."

    Then present them. If they are signed with "Michael Mouse", start lubing up for a fucking.

    1. That Steve Guy

      "But he maintained that the clinic had signed consent forms from Pressil, and called the lawsuit disingenuous and suspect."

      if you read the other article it expands on this...

      "He also said the clinic has signed consent forms and information sheets from the father.

      Sheena said he couldn't say for certain whether the father had ever actually been to the clinic and it's possible that the forms could have been fabricated by the mother.

      "When patients provide information like [the ex-girlfriend], we rely on truthful and accurate information," Sheena said. "

      ""We do know that we do have his blood work, we do know that his insurance was billed for it, and we do know that his credit card was used to pay for [some of] the visits," Sheena said.

      Pressil admitted he allowed his then-girlfriend to sign onto his health insurance as 'domestic partners' when they were dating, but he said he thought his insurance was being billed for treatment of the fibroid condition."

      This is going to get messy...

      1. DavCrav

        "This is going to get messy..."

        Not nearly as messy as the lead-up to it was, if he's telling the truth!

  4. Jimbo 6

    didn't think anything of it ?

    I've known a few girls leap out of bed and run out of the room after sex, but they've never bothered to take the condom with them.

    >Giggity giggity<

    1. Sir Runcible Spoon

      Sir

      That would depend on their level of internal muscle control surely? </joke>

  5. BristolBachelor Gold badge
    Stop

    Seen this before with a seriously wacho b**** ahem lady, who took used condoms out of a bin, turned them inside-out and erm...

    Perhaps we all need micro incinerators in our homes?

    1. Stoneshop

      More of those cases

      are around.

    2. TRT Silver badge
      Paris Hilton

      Thank the Lord...

      for nonoxynol-9.

      Paris: Because she reads the packet and doesn't want to progenate. Which would be another reason to give thanks.

  6. Red Bren
    WTF?

    Religious Beliefs?

    Which religion outlaws IVF but permits sex outside of marriage and using condoms?

    If this bloke has genuinely had his seed stolen, then I can understand his upset, but using some hokey religion as a legal argument undermines his case.

    1. TRT Silver badge
      FAIL

      The Pressiltarian Church, obviously.

  7. yoinkster
    Thumb Down

    There's a problem when real life gets more batshit crazy than the latest fiction novels.

    1. LateNightLarry
      Pint

      The latest fiction novels are nothing... there's a serious problem when real life gets more batshit crazy than the current crop of RepubliCON wanna-be Presidential candidates.

      I need something stronger than beer... anybody got a bottle of brandy?

  8. Lamont Cranston

    "loss of enjoyment of life"

    He's got kids, so he should win on this, at least.

    1. Stoneshop
      Thumb Down

      @Lamont Cranston

      Yours is not a view everyone shares

      1. TimeMaster T
        Meh

        Nor is yours.

        1. Stoneshop
          Headmaster

          @TimeWaster

          Yes, I already acknowledged that by stating "not everyone".

          And pointing out the blatantly obvious fact that not everybody likes kids gets a downvote? Come on, this is The Reg, not some namby-pamby coddly parenting forum. Kids are like users, only 24 hoiurs a day, 365 days a year. It's to be bloody well expected that kids are not seen as an enrichment to one's life by everyone.

      2. Lamont Cranston
        Happy

        Leave off.

        I love my kids, but retain my rights to moan about them to all and sundry.

  9. TRT Silver badge

    Like I've always said...

    the only *safe* sex is videotaping everything.

  10. proto-robbie
    Pirate

    Reg misses convoluted headline?

    "Lone Star slag in shag-bag grab scam"

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Inb4 Liz Jones?

  12. Craig 12

    I nearly believed this, until I got to the part where he was trying to avoid paying child support.

    1. That Steve Guy

      "I nearly believed this, until I got to the part where he was trying to avoid paying child support."

      true but wouldn't you naturally want to avoid paying for child support if this had happened?

      1. Craig 12

        ha, 8 thumbs down, from people that obviously didn't quite grasp my point. I'm saying this child was fathered naturally, and the tall story was invented to avoid paying money. People lie to avoid things, makes sense to me. Occum's razor and all that.

    2. Michael 47
      FAIL

      Why not?

      *If* it's true (and I'm not necessarily saying it is at this point) that she stole his baby gravy then he shouldn't be required to pay crippling child support payments.

    3. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      sperm donors

      do you think they should pay child support too?

    4. Decius
      Trollface

      Why should any actions of the mother affect payments made (theoretically) on behalf of the child?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        @Decius

        For the same reason that rape victims should be entitled to free abortions.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Come On.....!

    really......

  14. Mako

    Assuming his story is true, (and whether these signed papers exist will probably be the clincher), it is a fine example of one of life's great truisms. One which cannot be taught, but which must be learned for onesself, through experience;

    "Don't stick it in the crazy."

    1. Olafthemighty
      Facepalm

      Don't stick it in the crazy?

      NOW you tell me!

      1. Dr. Mouse
        Joke

        But shirly...

        ...that would rule out all heterosexual intercourse.

        All women are crazy!

        Joking of course... or am I?

  15. MrXavia

    In his position, I would demand custody of both children, and that SHE pay child support.

    If he wants to abandon those kids, well he doesn't have a third leg to stand on...

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      If he never wanted children in the first place (which his use of condoms suggests) and his ex did steal his sperm and have the IVF treatment without telling him then why should he be forced to take any responsibility for the children she's had using his sperm without his consent?

  16. Andy 6
    Meh

    ......

    It's enough to make you spit......

    :|

  17. hexx
    Thumb Up

    ROFL!!!

    "The whole episode has left Pressil "devastated" and "violated", and presumably somewhat drained, deflated and empty inside."

    - this bit made my day

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Bitches

    be crazy.

  19. Ty Cobb
    Devil

    I believe him

    Why you ask? Why do IVF if you just managed the Natural Fertilization method?

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    The Clinic is in a Run Down Strip Mall so I was Not Surprised

    I drive past the clinic every day on my way to my office and always wondered who in their right mind would use a fertility clinic in a run down strip mall.

    I saw a report on this case on local news a week or two ago and thought ok the woman nust have been a bit coo coo in the first place to go to that clinic. But after the report I was open to the case going either way.

    The relationship did not sound solid so I cant imagine the guy agreeing to be a lab father. Also, the procedure was done after he broke up with the lady . . .

    Sounds crazy but I was not surprised after I realized it was the clinic I passed everyday. It would take a certain kinda personality to have this kind of medical procedure in this specific location.

  21. Big Al
    WTF?

    Sounds like a CSI:NY plotline lift...

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Always use protection

    go to her place not yours

    and

    never tell them your real name

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    My vote goes to the woman.

    She certainly fulfills the Darwinian requirement of successfully adapting to the environment and I hope that her offspring prosper. One can only hope however, given the apparent gormlessness of her ex-partner.

    But maybe she was the one with the brains and he was the pretty one.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      but...

      can't be the sharpest tool in the shed, if she would risk her kids inheriting their father's stupidity. Having kids just for the maintenance is just despicable.

      Guys, some women will go to any lengths imaginable. I've a couple of friends that have been entrapped this way and embroiled in custody battles. You do not want to go there.

      If you're going to indulge with anyone and don't want kids, then keep an eye on your goods *at all times* ... take condoms, tissues etc. home with you and dispose of properly...

      (If they've swallowed instead, then administer an emetic, just to be sure!)

  24. skeptical i

    Tie your tubes, boys, tie yer freaking tubes.

    Whatever it costs to get done (and then undone later, should you so choose) will be much MUCH less than the financial and emotional costs of a scheming skank looking for a payday (or solving the problems resulting from an honest no-fault "oops").

    1. TRT Silver badge
      Stop

      I wish I'd have been able to have a reversible op. Seriously, don't have the snip. I mean it.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Safe Sex

    I've just been through IVF and they do not trust anyone! I had to go there and produce it at the clinic in a special room. I also had to give a blood sample each time. They checked that they matched before they used the little fishes. It was all very romantic!

  26. TRT Silver badge

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-15876968

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