For zis, ve will need.....
....ze bottomless wetsuit and ze bucket of soapy frogs, non?...Too much was it?...OK then, let me seeeeee...aha!
<Tomas De Torquemada sound effects dept>
<snap of rubber glove being fitted>
<squeek of lid being removed from Vaseline jar - buggrit...empty>
Now Mr Smith ...if you'll just bend over please?.....this won't hurt at all...
<extended Tarzan call, with added tremelo, length adjustable>
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alternatively, my choice for a ring tone, apart from one that goes "ring, ring", would be a discreet cough.
Friday icon on a Tuesday?
WTF...why not..