NEWSFLASH
Microsoft today announced a new version of fucking crap to be uploaded to all existing fucking worthless pieces of shit and it will also be pre-installed onto the newest item of wank you'll ever buy.
When asked about the exciting new release Steve Ballmer smiled and rang his broker - please note, no chairs were harmed during the interview.
After the initial furore had subsided other journalists at the event were surprised to see a certain William Gates in attendance: after brief conversations with Wired and Penthouse, Mr Gates was heard to utter the possibly prophetic words "fuck me is Steve really that fat and bald?"
We are now awaiting the evening sessions were I believe Sony executives may perform hara-kiri while rendering a beautiful karaoke of "I Will Survive".