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back to article Slovakian cannibal's dinner calls in cops

A Slovakian would-be cannibal was shot and cuffed after his intended dinner alerted cops. The 43-year-old man, from Kysak, was grassed up by his own main course - a Swiss man who answered an internet ad looking for someone willing to be butchered and eaten. He thought the whole thing was simply a "macabre fantasy game", but …

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  1. Richard Jukes

    The title is required, and must contain letters and/or digits.

    Seems like the canibal has been fair and honest from the start, its not like he's going around digging up dead bodies...

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  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Let's just hope...

    ...other animals don't evolve to the point where they can communicate with the police.

    Nothing ruins a fry up like the police turning up at the request of the soon-to-be sausages and bacon :-(

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    1. Ian Ferguson
      Reply Icon
      Happy

      Easy solution

      Genetically engineer the pig to want to be eaten!

      (RIP Douglas Adams)

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    2. Code Monkey
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      Joke

      Pigs

      I always like it when the pigs show up for breakfast.

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  3. defiler
    WTF?

    Seriously?

    What the hell is wrong with people?

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    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      @defiler - What the hell is wrong with people?

      They taste of chicken, or so I'm led to believe, and as you will have noticed most of us would prefer something a little more bacon flavoured.

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      1. laird cummings
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        Pork...

        ...not chicken - It's snakes which taste of poultry.

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      2. Dagg Silver badge
        Reply Icon

        Not chicken..

        Pork, in the pacific island missionaries were normally referred to as "long pig" because of the taste.

        Also to all those people who have the name "Kai" be very careful when you go to New Zealand. Kai means food in Maori!

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        1. Marvin the Martian
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          Not pork either.

          Given that "pig" was already a made-up word for a foodstuff [which was recently introduced by white sailors/traders], therefore "long pig" would not necessarily refer to pork but the underlying known food that their word for "pig" referred to. Also realise that human and pig probably taste alike in comparison to the other proteins available (there on the Marquesas): fish, seafood, chicken, turtle.

          But anyway, the "long pig" anecdote comes from a Robert Louis Stevenson travel diary. He's not unknown for making up stories, or is he? None of the regular consumers of human meat familiar with pigs (e.g. Papua NG) used this analogy so it's doubtful. [Most superpredators (tigers, lions) seem to avoid it because it's salty and lean.]

          It's a great story though.

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        2. Anonymous Coward
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          Anonymous Coward

          I despair

          You try to make a humorous comment and people take you literally.

          For all bacon lovers

          http://failblog.org/2011/05/12/epic-fail-photos-win-van-goghs-delicious-starry-night/

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      3. Dave 15
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        Amin reckoned humans tasted of salted port

        Just think how much less cemetary space would be required, the lower CO2 emissions, reduction in slaughter of other animals if people could be used for food (either for other humans or animals) after death... Sure my dog wouldn't mind eating someone, he tries to eat the postman often enough.

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  4. Major N

    Anyone else.

    ..think maybe he'd watched a little too much The IT Crowd?

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    1. Bob Foster
      Reply Icon
      Happy

      Actually...

      The IT crowd episode was heavily based on the German cannibal incident, apparently even the "Oceans Eleven" part came from that, someone before the eventual victim was killed went to see this guy as a potential meal, and then bottled out, at which point the cannibal asked if he wanted to watch a movie, to which he agreed and it was ....."Oceans Eleven"

      Saw an interview with the IT Crowd director (think it's on the DVD extras) where he was saying he couldn't believe someone sat down to watch a movie with someone who earlier had planned to kill and eat him

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      1. Andrew Moore
        Reply Icon

        my thoughts too...

        Moss: 'He was a fine young cannibal'. And the brilliant anti-piracy ad 'You wouldn't kill a policeman...'

        And it neatly explains this story's IT angle...

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  5. Jerome 0
    IT Angle

    Once again...

    Proving that life is stranger than The IT Crowd.

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  6. Winkypop Silver badge
    Happy

    Think....

    ....Moss and the German.

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  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    This is what the internet is for!

    A German chap called Armin Meiwesdid the same thing, but more successfully, a few years ago.

    I guess speaking to your lunch before eating it just works for some people.

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    1. Anonymous Coward
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      Badgers

      Denn du bist was du isst

      Wasn't this the one where they cut off, fried and shared his man part before killing him, hence the inspiration for the Rammstein song Mein Teil?

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      1. Anonymous Coward
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        Anonymous Coward

        Rammstein

        Yes it is. Fantastic band and a shade under Pink Floyd in my opinion.

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        1. peyton?
          Reply Icon

          The great thing about that song

          Is not speaking German, and not knowing the background.

          So one day I'm all 'wonder what this song is about'.... queue some googling, which progresses into open-mouthed incredulity, and ending with a cross-legged dear-god-no-they-didn't?!

          Then to cap off the horror of it all, the realization settles in that this gruesome story is what you've been rocking out to all along. Gotta love some Rammstein.

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  8. The Fuzzy Wotnot
    Pint

    Shame he got caught!!

    Sounds like he was doing us all a favour by removing complete f**king twats from the planet! A one man Darwin-machine removing the human rejects from the pool.

    The advert quite clearly stated, 'butchered and eaten'. "Duh I fort it woz a game, I fort we was gonna play funny games, duh!!"

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  9. David 45

    Yummy

    You want fries with that?

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    1. Anonymous Coward
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      Coat

      Calf Fries

      @David 45:

      I think you meant:

      "You want calf fries with that?" (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calf_fries)

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  10. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Targetted advertising

    "a Swiss man who answered an internet ad looking for someone willing to be butchered and eaten."

    I wonder what the Google AdWords price for that was??

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  11. Crazy Operations Guy

    More proof

    More proof that you can find literally anything on Craigslist. Well, except for things that are actually useful...

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  12. Big Al
    Dead Vulture

    Dead meat

    The alleged (or perhaps wannabe) cannibal died in hospital of progressive organ failure earlier this afternoon, according to local press reports.

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    1. laird cummings
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      Coat

      I guess...

      ...He won't get his just deserts now.

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      1. serviceWithASmile
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        Coat

        well you know

        what they say about hospital food

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  13. Smith
    IT Angle

    IT angle

    The perp was an out of work admin...

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