back to article So, what IS the worst film ever made?

Our piece last week on Eddie Murphy's cinematic train-wreck A Thousand Words - a possible nominee for the worst film ever - had El Reg commentards queuing up to recount their celluloid nightmare experiences. And chilling reading it made, to be sure. Inspired by your litany of cinematic shame, we've decided to run a poll this …

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Facepalm

Avatar: the last airbender

a wonderful quirky show destroyed by M night

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Silver badge

I believe the title was just 'The Last Airbender', so as not to be confused with Avatar since they came out relatively close together.

At any rate, I got the impression that Night hadn't even bothered watching a few episodes before he started making the movie.

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Unhappy

Didnt help ..

....that they also left out the best character toff a blind earth bender -

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Anonymous Coward

Blood Tracks is the worst film I've seen

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Thumb Down

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

Many many years ago at a sci-fi convention in Cardiff I sat through this drivel at about 3am in the morning.

Even drunk and sleep deprived it's sheer awfulness left a lasting impression.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0058548/

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Childcatcher

Re: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

There is a very good reason that I didn't see that at the Cardiff con in question - I had already seen it at a Glasgow con not long before.

I watched it again recently to check if it was really that bad.

It was.

HO HO HO!

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Meh

How has no-one mentioned...

Mac and Me!

The worst film ever produced by far.

Effectively a very long advert for McDonalds, Coke and Skittles. The McDonalds dance off is a wonder to behold.

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My Vote...

is for 'Call Me Mrs. Miracle'. I really like Jewel Staite, but it seems like they sent the writer to cliche school, then overdosed her on every sweetener in existence before letting her loose on the script. 'Plan 9 from Outer Space' I could at least sit through, not 'Call Me Mrs. Miracle'.

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Gregg Araki's, "Doom Generation." Could fill pages and pages on how awful it is.

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Taxi - the remake set in NYC

Clerks 2 - Kevin, what happened?

Troy

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Bronze badge
Meh

You know, that US Taxi remake was on telly last night

And I actually watched it. It really wasn't as bad as I expected. And to be honest Luc Besson went a bit 'out there' with the farcical police action, and then really lost his marbles in its sequels. To maintain those are preferable to a Hollywood remake is clutching at straws.

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Facepalm

Shark Zone - 2.8 on IMDB. The combination of jumping out a helicopter into the sea 100 yards from the the beach, the talking underwater whilst having scuba gear clamped between teeth and no sign of any radio gear and then when the shark roared like a lion, all within the first 5 minutes means this must be a clear candidate for this award. I turned it off after this - no idea what the rest of the film was like!

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Unhappy

Depressing Drivel

I propose all of the grim excuse for films directed by the miserable Ken Loach. What a complete waste of good celluloid. The world would be a much happier place if he'd never got anywhere near a camera. http://www.theregister.co.uk/Design/graphics/icons/comment/unhappy_32.png

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Meh

Re: Depressing Drivel

"Kes" was quite good. (Also one of his first, and they don't get better).

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Silver badge

Easy. Titanic: The Animated Musical.

Titanic: The Animated Movie. I'd give it the title on these points:

- Blatant ripoffs of Disney characters, plus one Bluth.

- Painful music.

- Really, really cheap animation.

- Appalling voice acting.

- Totally shameless reuse of shots, even to the point of reruning some shots more than ten times - and one four times consecutively.

- Being so incredibly lazy that they only drew half of the night sky, then mirrored it across the frame centerline.

- Giving Titanic a happy ending where no-one dies.

And, best of all,

- Insulting the memory of 1,570 people.

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Silver badge

Re: Easy. Titanic: The Animated Musical.

You're pulling our legs. Aren't you? Please??

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Anonymous Coward

Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

I thoroughly enjoyed it, as I think it wraps around and becomes funny again. It includes on of the best "science" scenes I've ever seen.

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Megaphone

Re: Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus

The only redeeming scene in that pile of crap was where the Shark ate the jetliner - and you see that in a trailer so you don't have to see the damn thing

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TRT
Silver badge

Lost in Translation

Oh, I've got to put something in this bit... I've nothing to say about this movie, which isn't a surprise as the movie had nothing to say.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Lost in Translation

Nothing to say?

You don't derive any positive message from patronising put-downs of 'abroad' and wish fulfilment fantasies of glum jowly oldsters making it with sensitive but hot young chicks?

Not to forget the inspirational notion that any rich, connected wannabe director can have a chance to make their very own Jim Jarmusch movie.

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Pirate

Re: Lost in Translation

Worst movie ever made. Should have been called "Two Actors In Search Of A Plot".

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TRT
Silver badge
Windows

Re: Lost in Translation

@ fatsbrannigan.

Thinking about it, I got the message that I was now 102 minutes closer to being a glum jowly oldster; a place where making it with a sensitive but hot young chick is firmly the preserve of Hollywood fantasyland.

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Childcatcher

Mama Mia

MrsJ got this out but even she could not stomach it. I don't mind musicals, I have even hummed along to Abba in the past but third rate singing and acting that made a chair look like John Guilgud was beyond the pale. Managed 30 mins.

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The Last Airbender

This is the most recent bad film I had the misfortune of watching.

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Battle Beyond the Stars

Worst. Movie. Evar!

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Silver badge
Linux

Re: Battle Beyond the Stars

Battle Beyond the Stars? Worst? No. You have forgotten about Star Crash.

...and I am sure you will curse me for reminding you about it too.

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.Q
Facepalm

Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!

There is no need to say anything more.

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Re: Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!

I think you missed the point of Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. Go watch the intro to the kids' cartoon series (yes, I am serious - yes, I watched it as a child). You'll get the idea.

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Re: Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!

Return of the killer tomatoes was comedy gold, though, that redeemed the original film.

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Linux

Re: Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!

Doesn't this violate the No Troma exception.

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Thumb Up

Re: Attack of the Killer Tomatoes!

I wouldn't be so harsh with AofKT. I was a comedy that was really trying to be bad. Besides it had some funny moments (the sheet music scene).

And, any work that points out that Donny Osmond's work was mostly crap needs a thumbs-up.

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FAIL

Samurai cop

Watch this clip, and you'll be left in no doubt:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fvni9KbZfoo

(And yes, it's a real 'serious' film, and not meant to be a spoof.)

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Alert

Re: Samurai cop

Why did you make me watch that - WHY?!?!?

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John Carpenter's Dark Star

I still remember trying to watch this and giving up.

I expected an SF film - instead it was 83 minutes of tedium and a frigging Space Hopper.

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TRT
Silver badge

Re: John Carpenter's Dark Star

This is one of the greatest films of all time. Without this film, there would be no Alien.

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Silver badge

Re: John Carpenter's Dark Star

It was complete genius. Sure, the special effects, er, weren't. But it was made on a budget that wasn't so much a shoestring as a single thread of silk too short to make anything with. Except that he did. Sure, you have to turn the spacehopper into an alien in your imagination, but that's not so hard.

The whole thing was a pitch for a chance at a big budget, that worked. Except, I prefer "Dark Star"!

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Bronze badge

Re: John Carpenter's Dark Star

Let there be light...

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FAIL

Skyline

Without any doubt, the worst movie ever made - worse acting and plot than any porno (and i've seen some bad ones), repeating like 20 minutes of the film at the beginning, and that scene with the black dude in the car getting stomped on? Wtf? I wanted to laugh, but I wasn't going to give it the satisfaction. It's one of the few films to actually make me feel angry. Hulk smash!

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Anonymous Coward

Naked lunch - boring and surreal at the same time may have to go and look at it again to make sure it's as bad as I though.

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Anonymous Coward

Repo! The Genetic Opera

I was not capable of watching it continuously for more than fifteen minutes... My friend did not make it that far, but now I know how to easily get rid of him when the need arises.

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Paris Hilton

Re: Repo! The Genetic Opera

I actually liked it... But then, again, I like everything she's in...

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Facepalm

sIMPLY THIS

Aztec Rex ... not even worth 700mb's of bandwidth ..

Not even Bad enough to be Good.

Avatar .. quite Good

Igby .. Bad

Green Latern .. Cheesy

WIll look out for troma film's

Also how about RAMBO (1, 2. 3 or 4)

And GAme of Death with BruceLee looked like it might have truly awful.

Mong the merciless!

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The Langoliers

Simply dreadful adaptation of a Stephen King short story (from the same collection as The Shawshank Redemption, if memory serves me correctly, which makes it rather ironic!)

Please, don't watch it to verify my opinion of it, you'll never get those hours of your life back!

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Re: The Langoliers

Hey, for a made for TV movie, is wasn't too bad. And, y'know. James Woods.

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Re: sIMPLY THIS

The first Rambo film was good in parts.

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Silver badge

Re: sIMPLY THIS

The first Rambo was excellent from start to end. the sequels on teh other hand were not up to scratch, but by no means 'worst film ever' material

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Re: The Langoliers

It wasn't from the same collection as Shawshank, that came from Different Seasons, the langoliers was in four past midnight

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Bronze badge

Re: The Langoliers

Nope - "that's a so bad it's good" film. Last seen at 2am after a bout of insomnia...

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Re: The Langoliers

"I have a meeting in Boston AT NINE O CLOCK SHARP!"

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WTF?

I thought Vanilla Sky and A Time to Kill were tied for worst until I saw

Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus starring, ugh, Debbie Gibson

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1350498/

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