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back to article So, what IS the worst film ever made?

Our piece last week on Eddie Murphy's cinematic train-wreck A Thousand Words - a possible nominee for the worst film ever - had El Reg commentards queuing up to recount their celluloid nightmare experiences. And chilling reading it made, to be sure. Inspired by your litany of cinematic shame, we've decided to run a poll this …

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WTF?

Re: Anything with the number 2 in the title

You can't count Jaws 2 when in the very same series there is the laughably atrocious

Jaws 4: The Revenge.

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Re: Anything with the number 2 in the title

And there's always Godfather 2 to ruin your theory. It's brilliant.

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Re: Anything with the number 2 in the title

And Airplane 2!

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Re: Anything with the number 2 in the title

Terminator 2 - I think was very good...

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Angel

Re: Anything with the number 2 in the title

I have to disagree: Naked Gun 2.5 - The Smell Of Fear

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This post has been deleted by its author

How about

Ilse, She-Wolf of the SS?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: How about

It's pretty bad, it's now available in the UK after being banned for years

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FAIL

Two that come to mind

National Treasure (well the franchise really) - Suitably showcasing Nicolas Cage's complete lack of talent alongside suspension of disbelief-busting plot lines.

Piranha 3D - seriously, I can't even believe this made it to Blu-Ray. Usually I manage to finish even the blandest movies.

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Battlefield Earth gets my vote!

I've no taste at all and even I couldn't watch all of it

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Devil

What about the Beniffer 2003 classic: Gigli

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0299930/

Or Pitch Black the only free film I have attended were half the audience got up and left after the first 20 minutes.

Anything with Vin 'Wooden Actor' Diesel in or similarly any film made by Michael 'I can massacre this perfectly good franchise' Bay

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Shame, those that left missed out - it's a slow starter but the film improves immensely.

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MJI
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Pitch Black

Great film - it had a Farscape actress (Claudia Black) in a minor role.

Low budget and better for it.

As to Vin Diesel - I remember someone having a go at inventing back story for him saying he was related to Rudolph (THE Diesel) but it was foiled by being a stage name.

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Worst! Film! Ever!

especially for IT geeks, must be Hawk the Slayer

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Re: Worst! Film! Ever!

Saw 'Hawk the Slayer' when I was a kid (in a double header with either 'Damnation Alley' (which might be another candidate) or 'Saturn 3' (which most certainly wouldn't) and absolutely loved it.

Hankered after it for years and was so excited when finally catching it on VHS only to be gutted when it turned out to be complete cack.

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Re: Worst! Film! Ever!

"I once punched a man in the face for saying that Hawk the Slayer was rubbish"

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Re: Worst! Film! Ever!

Good for you you but what you should have done was said 'Dad, you're right, but let's give Krull a try and we'll discuss it later. '.

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Devil

Devil

M Night Shylalllalalalalalalalaman's work about the forces of evil and how they relate to lift maintenance.

I couldn't stop watching because I had finally found a film worse than Highlander Source. If you have not seen this film, do not. you gain nothing by doing so.

At least the icon is appropriate.

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MJI
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Manoj Night Shysomething

First few films were good - then they plummeted.

Unbreakable is my favourite of his.

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Anonymous Coward

Fat Guy Goes Nurtzoid.

AKA: Zeisters

Easily the worst film I've ever seen and I'm an avid Mystery Science Theatre fan.

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Anonymous Coward

I've never heard of that!

I would think the worst film made never made it into the cinema. Or if that is being too pedantic then perhaps we should at least acknowledge that the truly worst film ever would have disappeared without trace fairly quickly and not many people will have heard of it. Perhaps "Worst Blockbuster Film" would be a more appropriate title, however you'll have to assume that it is only a blockbuster by way of people queuing to get away from it.

You could just looking at every films box office takings and whichever took least can be assumed to be the worst. Or are we trying to decide which film duped the most of us into actually watching it? In which case look at all sequels ever (the first had to be at least ok for a sequel to be made) and whichever took the least takings will be the worst.

Anonymous because all opinions are rubbish, including this one.

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Citizen Kane

I know it's often voted one of the best film ever made so I watched it. At least I tried. I gave up waiting for something to happen after the first hour.

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Stop

Re: Citizen Kane

Citizen Kane doesn't really count. That's like comparing cuniform tablets to Umberto Eco. Orson Welles pretty much invented modern film-making techniques with that one and all the stuff that bores you was astonishingly revolutionary when it was first done.

Is it old hat and boring as all hell now? Sure. But without it, all cinema would be shit.

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Gio
Pirate

One for all - maybe not!!

The latest version of "The Three Musketeers"

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Speed 2 Cruise Control

Why is the boat still moving?

Why is the boat still moving?

Why is the boat still moving?

Why is the boat still moving?

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FAIL

Hancock an ego trip for Mr Smith, I suffered it one Christmast whilst visiting relatives.

But the Americans produce so many films, that many are utter crap.

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Halle Berry's Catwoman..... nothing more needs saying.

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Anonymous Coward

Halle Berry's Ursula Andreas rip off

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I feel ever so blessed....

...that I haven't seen so many of these films, but quite surprised no one's nominated Tomb Raider. (I hear the sequel was worse, but didn't bother.) I saw it with friends in the theater and we laughed we cried and kissed 8 bucks goodbye. I thought that was the end of it, but no. 3 months later I'm with other friends for a movie night and with a stack of ten or eleven dvds to choose from, enough people said Tomb Raider that I had to sit through it again. They didn't believe or trust me when I said, 'no, really - it's 2 hours of my life I'll never have back.' 11 years later, it's still four hours I'll never have back.

Mind you, I quite enjoyed both Love and Human Remains and The Fountain. All of our tastes are suspect.

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Skyline

Skyline - I still want 90 minutes of my life back, even now, after seeing it!

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Windows

Manos: the Hands of Fate

If I told it opened with 9 minutes of driving scenes in West Texas, was written, produced, and directed by an El Paso fertilizer salesman (who also starred in it), had long periods of no acting or dialogue or sense, and implied paedophilia at the end, you still have no idea how bad this film is. Even Mystery Science Theatre 3000 couldn't do anything with it. Even "Attack of the Killer Tomatoes", trying to be bad, couldn't get anywhere near this bad.

It could only have been worse if Adam Sandler had been in it. And barely.

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Pint

Re: Manos: the Hands of Fate

It wasn't that bad. It has women in negligees having catfights, and a guy who looks a lot like Arthur Brown.

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WTF?

Re: Manos: the Hands of Fate

Actually, I thought it was one of MST's funniest episodes ever. My face hurt from laughing so much.

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Go

Re: Manos: the Hands of Fate

Oh, it was one of the funniest episodes ever. But they found movies that were way worse than that in later seasons...

As Tom Servo said a few movies later, "Boy, just when you think you've seen the worst movie ever made, along comes the worst movie ever made!"

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Re: Manos: the Hands of Fate

Wait a minute.. you wouldn't be the Petrea Mitchell who contributed to the MST3K fan pages back in the day, would you? [Bows appropriately]

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Happy

Re: Manos: the Hands of Fate

Oh no, my nefarious past is catching up with me!

Yes, all right, that's me. :-)

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Anonymous Coward

So many

Dances with Wolves - unmitigated shite

The Post Man - Sentimental old bollocks

Robin Hood - 2010 version, though the Prince of Thieves is drivel

Alien Vs Predator 1 & 2 - cashing in on the franchise

Terminator Salvation - A travesty

Remake of The Italian Job

Remake of The day the Earth Stood Still

Remake of the War of the Worlds

Cloverfield - appalling

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Re: So many

Cloverfield was interesting. Not the plot but the presentation - the non-hero(es) and the slice through the bigger drama.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: So many

I'd agree on all of those, except Dances with Wolves, I liked that.

One of the first 3h films that showed audiences had a longer that 90min attention span.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: So many

You make an excellent point, but Dances with Wolves wasn't the film to do it with. Hitchcock got it right when he said that the length of a film should be in direct proportion the length of endurance to the human bladder.

It's a miss quote, but you get the idea. The film was taking the piss long before I needed one!

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Worst film ever made?

Zardoz. Absolutely no redeeming features. It's so mind numbingly awful that it goes beyond being so bad that it's worth watching for a laugh.

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Re: Worst film ever made?

I find Charlotte Rampling a highly redeeming feature.

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Linux

Re: Worst film ever made?

It's a movie you have to watch for yourself to fully appreciate. It immediately jumps the shark with that opening monologue from the big giant head. It's so bad you can't turn away and you've got to watch the rest of it out of demented morbid curiosity if nothing else.

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Pirate

You can't leave out Michael Caine's crime

Little Voice

An unspeakable act which should be used by the American Torturers at Guantanemo Bay to make the prisoners talk. "Tell us where the dirty bomb is or we turn the sound back up on Little Voice"

I know Mr Caine is responsible for some great films but nothing he does can ever remove the stain of Little Voice from his history or my memory.

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Devil

There's bad... then there is truly awful...

I get the feeling that some of you guys haven't seen truly awful movies...

Never watch Cthulu Mansion: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0100108/

or High Crusade: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0110024/

And no-one mentioned Surf Nazis Must Die!: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094077/

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Unhappy

Matrix Revolutions

Matrix Revolutions is surely one of the worst films ever made.

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Alien

Serenity

Utter tedium! Made worse by the high level of fanboys in the cinema and the cult following online. If the TV show was good it wouldn't have been cancelled. Get that into your nerdy skull!

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Serenity

Coronation Street has been running for decades, so you must think that's one of the best shows ever.

How about X-Factor, Big Brother, I'm a Celebrity, are these all your favourite shows?

The quality of a film, show has little to do with how long it lasts. Get that through your daft skull!

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Unhappy

Re: Serenity

firefly - 1 season -

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Silver badge

Re: Serenity

It was Fox. They have a long tradition of cancelling thier best shows, usually just as they're starting to gain a decent following. Meanwhile the shows on that network that should have been cancelled years ago just keep going and going and going. Don't ever make the mistake of judging the quality of a show on Fox by how long a run it got.

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