Somtimes you just need better engineers

Working a helldesk for a major electronics chain, and this gem come through:

User: My computer doesn't want to accept disks

Me: Could you elaborate on that for me?

User: When I try to put a disk in, it just falls on to the floor. Your engineer that set this up earlier said it should all be fine

*thinking surely the engineer isn't that useless* Me: The disk drive, is it at the top or the bottom?

User: At the bottom

*bearing in mind the user is an elderly lady*Me: I'm very sorry for this Madam, I'll call the engineer to come back and install your computer the right way up for you.

Of coures, Lusers can still be idiots, like this cracker on Xmas day:

User: I want to complain. Your computers are shit and your salesmen liars. They said this laptop would work on my wireless network and it doesn't

Me: Have you turned the wifi switch on?

*10 seconds of dead air*

User:*literal phrasing* This is Mr M Uppet signing off *hangs up*