It's taken us more than a week, but we're finally ready to raise the curtain on the contenders for the worst movie ever title. We're still a bit groggy after days of wading through the most malodorous cinematic effluent as nominated by you, our beloved readers, so while you get on with the voting you'll excuse us if we go for a …
Re: Worst Poll Ever!
Simply because Doom's not a film, Doom's a game. What they sold off as a film was some resident evil bastardry. I sat through this flick with a couple of Doom co-vets; we had some fun or rather made fun of it and therefore it disqualifies for the worst film. The only other member of the audience were two ubernerds who babbled something about a written Doom story - they took it seriously serious.
The people that time forgot
Not even the cleavage shots could save this one.
Surely the question to ask is what is the best film ever? The number of worst films is far too large a sample to use. Ease of use would mean that all films not on the great list are considered utter kack by default.
My personal view is that one should condemn in terms of years...in other words the last good film was in 1982 - Blade Runner (for example) and everything since was as watchable as anything by Tom Six or Takashi Miike.
Pint - its bloody Friday right ?!?!
Hmmm. The Matrix is a damn good and thoughtful sci-fi film made after 1982. Just like Bladerunner it defined (even if it didnt really invent) a lot of things we now take for granted (bullet time etc).
A metric I use amongst friend for films is "how quotable is it?". Films like Aliens, Bladerunner, Highlander, Terminator and The Matrix score really high on this, with Matrix topping out for me with so many memorable lines (I bought the script).
Well Aliens is a given (1979)...
However Highlander (in my humble yet fascistic view on film...people like Mr M. Bay should be kept away from anything film related or shot) was in no way equal to Blade Runner or Alien.
You do however make a valid point with the first Terminator and I hate to say it yes even the first Matrix film was pretty damn good. I am happy to conceed these points.
My point though is that it is it (or feels like) that it is decades between decent films and then you get a whole slew of films that are really rather good.
Then again I thoroughly enjoyed Rambo's latest outing so what the hell do I know?
Pint - in praise of Rambo - First Blood and Rambo
@ IT Hack
I agree, I enjoyed Rambo (4).
And I hope you'll enjoy the Onion News article, worth looking up for the whole thing:
Michael Bay Signs $50M Deal To Fuck Up 'ThunderCats'
"I couldn't be more excited to completely fuck this up," said Bay, who plans to begin production on destroying the live-action adaptation next month. "ThunderCats has a great story, endearing characters, action, adventure, space-travel, and fantasy. It will be an honor to run it into the ground."
You guys clearly haven't seen 'the room'
Honestly, the others are bad films, but at least have *some* redeeming features. The Room just doesn't have any, at all. The other films on that list just aren't even in the same league!
Re: You guys clearly haven't seen 'the room'
I couldn't agree more. "The Room" was properly awful in a way the others can only aspire to.
i) the acting was so very, very bad
ii) the lead (& director) couldn't speak properly - his intonation was all over the place
iii) the characters were ridiculous
iv) the storyline was ludicrous
v) why were they throwing that football around while stood so close to each other?
vi) seriously, nothing happened!
vii) (spoiler alert) I was so mind-numbingly bored by the end of the film that when the lead committed suicide I was unable to feel relief
viii) did I mention how bad the acting was? It does warrant at least one more mention
One title missing
Ishtar needs to be on EVERY top 10 list of worst films lest we forget just how bad it is, so bad it never even got a DVD release in the US.
Depends on your point of view
Ladies and gentlemen, I simply adore Zombie Strippers, but I'm sure most everyone else wouldn't.
Re: Depends on your point of view
Yes but that has enough comedic value to get over the mental scarring from the face-planted-into-zombie-miff scene... I'd not say it was a great film but it's a bit of a chuckle.
Re: Depends on your point of view
If you liked "Zombie Strippers", can I point you in the direction of "Nude Nuns With Big Guns". Modern day classic.
Re: Depends on your point of view
Thankyou Tom 38, I shall purcahse it from Amazon.....
Zoolander is a great film!
One of the only films that successfully pierces the boil on the arse that the "fashion industry" is!
Blimey, only four votes so far for that abortion of a film.
Never heard of it until I went looking after seeing this list. It is truly abysmal and plausible to think the director truly thought he created a masterpiece. It is utter trash even for its meagre budget.
Apparently he drove up and down hollywood boulevard promoting his film during the sundance festival or something, played annoying sounds from the film and had crappy bird graphics adorning his car, he spelled the film wrong on the crudely written banner!
The rest of the movies on the list (with a few exceptions) at least had slight redeeming moments such as interesting action sequences or watchable sfx. Birdemic is all out unintentional comedy.
P.S. How come no movies that have shown on Sci-Fi UK Channel are on here? They're bad in a really bad way too.
The Room by Tommy Wiseau
If you haven't seen it, see it with a group. Mind blowingly incompetent film making, but I laughed until I cried.
Should have been "Least entertaining film". Lots of utter shoite is really very entertaining.
There's plenty of feminist bilge that may not qualify as the worst films ever but they're as entertaining as genital herpes.
I always thought Titanic came out in 1999 and was made by Orlando Corradi.
War Of the Worlds...
...is that the film that bears absolutly no resemblance to the book other than the title?
.. cast/director for the Hollywood reimagining of this tale of woe ...
Well, you want a big-name director, and you're going to have to turn a script-doctor loose on the screenplay.
How 'bout James Cameron? So the groom becomes a disenchanted researcher into robotics, biology, and physics (especially temporal plication), so some humanoid-looking cyborg killing machine arrives at the wedding to commit mass murder, and the movie climaxes with an H-bomb detonation at the reception?
[You *would* *not* *believe* some of the stuff that got cut from the first draft screenplay of "Titanic"; Sarah Connor's grandmother on the boat, iceberg under the control of Skynet, nuclear bomb plus kill-droids hidden in the coal bunkers, etc etc etc.]
What a rubbish film the Wraith was. A total waste of an evening. Neither the topless girl nor the single funny line made up for how bad it was.
The most annoying thing was that the excellent "Bad Taste" was in the next screen, a film which i didn't see until years later.
I agree, Bad Taste is superb aussie comedy at it's best.
Out of every film ever made people are nominating WOTW, Avatar & Titanic? That's equivalent to asking a teenager "who's the greatest black man ever" and being told "Obama".
You're confusing "not liking" with "bad". A 'worst film' should be terrible in every possible department - no redeeming graces AT ALL. Terrible music and SFX must be included in that.
For "worst recent popular blockbuster" which is what most of these are, I nominate the remake of "Day the Earth Stood still" even though nominations are shut :)
How the hell did Catwoman not even make the list? If you can put Halle Berry in a leather catsuit and still make a film that I would rather gouge my eyes out with teaspoons than watch again, you have made the worst movie ever. QED.
Having watched most of the movies that didn't make the cut, and considering that they were, by and large, worse then the ones that did, and none of them come close to being the worst I have seen, I have to conclude that "worst" means different things to different people.
Take Eyes wide shut as an example. Beautifully made and lit, includes Nicole Kidman's arse and various other bits of tasty totty, but a completly meaningless storyline. So bad, I walked out of the cinema before the end. Worst ever? Not even a contender. How about the Postman? Kevin Costner at his self important best? Drivil certainly, but worse then Waterworld or Dances with Wolves? Perhaps, but not by very much.
How many have sat through Eraserhead and only realised that nothing was actually going to happen when the credits rolled up? (Thats the David Lynch one, not the Swarchenegger one).
Bad remakes of bad movies? Rollerball, DeathRace2000, Fame, Posidon, Taxi, Get Carter all have to be considered. All are brutal, but worst ever?
Bad sequals? Jaws2, Back to the Future 2, too easy (see what I did there? 2, too? forget about it?)
Bad Franchises? Fast & Furious, Matrix, Planet of the Apes, National Lampoon, Dumb and ...
I think this competition should start again, but this time with a debate about what makes a movie bad. I am now off to root out my copy of "Wombleing Free!". The true life retelling of the famous storey of the Wombles of Wimbledon Common.
Thank god you mentioned Eraserhead. For all these years I though it was just me.
Manos: The Hands of Fate
Saw that recently. Terrible, but in a so-bad-it's-good way, like Plan 9.
It's so, so tempting to vote for the execrable dreck that is Highlander 2. But I'm not sure I've actually ever watched it all the way through without giving up.
The Matrix Reloaded and Phantom Menace, however. Both appalling followups to brilliant, inventive originals. Both made to milk as much lucre out of the franchise as possible. It's got to be one of them, but which...
Bandwagon jumping? Me?
I'd like to nominate, (only a week late and with no hope of making a difference) the worst SciFi film ever made -- Walt Disney's "The Black Hole". From the horribly portentous soundtrack to the cutesy robots...I'm speechless... I'll quote a review from IMDB
"...if the FX are exemplary, the flesh and blood on display are not. Each actor supplies their own black hole; empty, dark voids where there once was talent but now serve only to suck away all the life and energy surrounding it. A shame, since actors like Forster, Mimieux, Schell, Perkins and even Roddy McDowell (in voice only) have all done good deeds on film prior and since..."
Did not vote...
because District 9 was not in the list. Walked out after 20 minutes. I didn't do that even with "Black Knight"...
Re: Did not vote...
If you'd carry on watching it, it would of started to make more sense....
Awesome film, but I accept it a love / hate one.
Re: Did not vote...
So you would have judged it without fully watching it?
The protagonist kills a man by throwing a pig at him... fantastic!
Re: Did not vote...
> District 9
> Walked out after 20 minutes
You know that movie was rated "R", right? How did you get into the theater?
There aren't many films on that list where I thought "My God, I've just wasted 2 hours of my life."
Mind you, during Avatar - I walked out of the cinema because I deemed a low priority task to be more important that watching the end.
There's another category film - when a friend mentions it to you and you completely draw a blank. You're sitting watching it on telly and only at a point approximately 45 minutes in, the entire plotline dawns on you and you realise you've watched it at least 5 times. US Marshals/Double Jeopardy (or was it idemnity - the one with Tommy Lee Jones), anyone?
so bad this one is BRILLIANT
a must watch when you are pissed
Re: so bad this one is BRILLIANT
Yep, it reminds me of early Peter Jackson films, like Bad Taste and Braindead. Superb! I think the sheep are getting their own back for having been blown up by a bazooka in Braindead.
Don't bother looking at the reviews on Rotten Tomatoes (69%) because the reviewers can't resist ovine based puns.
Re: so bad this one is BRILLIANT
I loved Black Sheep, it's hilarious (sometimes intentionally so).
Why was "The Sound Of Music" not in the list?
Anything with Leonardo Di Caprio in it
The most recent version of "Pearl Harbour"
Hitchhiker's Guide film was fairly amiable (As one who read all the books and enjoyed the TV series)
Real abomination: "Seven Brides For Seven Brothers"
Don't bring up unpleasant childhood memories like that. It could hurt someone, namely me.
Megashark vs giant octopus was a cinematic masterpiece!
Surely would have been easier to do a Worst film 2011?
The list contains a couple of true stinkers, but overall it's far better than the worst of the worst. I suspect the method involved in picking the movies for the list is to blame for the overall lack of movies deserving of this vote. With the exception of Plan 9 you'd have trouble finding 10 people amoungst us commentards who've all heard of the same true offenses to cinema.
The only hope you'd have of getting the requisie nominations for the truely horrendous movies out there are the MST fans, and lets be honest. They're not paying attention to whatever cinematic crime is happening in the current episode. The robots making fun of it are much more interesting.
Not convinced these are the worst
I blame myself for not nominating Bicentennial Man.
I agree with Paul Smith above, there should have been a debate on what makes a bad film. I didn't particularly enjoy Titanic and I know people that didn't enjoy Terminator which is one of my favourites, I think an inability to recognise the difference between a bad film and one that you just don't like is a major failing here as shown by there being two chick flicks in the list.
Having said that, I've only seen 8 of the 20 for various reasons. I've studiously avoided Hitchhikers simply on the grounds that having been brought up on the radio series I have the voices in my head and I knew I'd have hated it even if it had been good.
Re: Not convinced these are the worst
If we took the criteria as being technically bad movies, meaning poor acting, poor effects, bad backstage work, and a poorly written script, most of those movies wouldn't be on the list. There are a couple I haven't seen and several that I actually enjoyed. One in particular is only bad when compared to 2/3 of the truely great series of which it is a part. On it's own, it's only slightly below par for Hollywood.
Everyone seems to have missed the truly-crappest-movie-of-all-time (so far) which was "The Avengers (1998)" directed (hah!) by Jeremiah S. Chechik. Starring (if that's the word for it) Ralph Fiennes & Uma Thurman.
Utter pants. I paid good money and saw it in a cinema too. I hung on in there in the hope that it might get better - but it didn't. However, it seems so few people voted for it that it didn't even make the "nearly" list.
Compared with "The Avengers", there's no way "Titanic", "Phantom Menace" nor "Avatar" should ever have made the finals.....
Oh god no. I'd forgotten that. We watched it in the cinema too, and that really was awful.
Avengers - pretty forgettable but...
they should have had a spin off movie relating the adventures of the two henchmen in the fim, Eddie Izzard and Shaun Ryder : D