F*ck you, thunders disgruntled fanboi Apple user

it's not aaron kempf again is it

the 3rd fotw (that I'm aware of anyway) if it is. must be some sort of record.

bo

... The fanboi says: "I can't jump, I'm locked-in!"

I can't jump ....

"Look", says Windows, "there's a shiny new iThingy in that field".

The fanboi is gone.

"Look", says Windows, "that shiny new iThingy with a fanboi splattered next to it can apparently be hacked to get telnetd running and then, if you can find the sources, create a build system, do six impossible things before breakfast, it can be re-flashed to run Ubuntu Netbook Edition".

The open source fanboi is gone.

"and it can run Chrome", says Windows.

A third, previously unseen, fanboi dashes from the toilet and dives from the plane.

"Look!", shouts Windows, "clouds!"

A dozen stowaway fanbois exit.

As the plane returns to horizontal flight the pilot announces, "business as usual".

I can't jump because...

...I don't crash!

(The plane then gets three bombs and blows up)

Brown Trousers Time

There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

...my god is still alive and wont be waiting for me when I die. Several seconds pass before the penguin and windows user throw him out of the plane. The windows user says to the pilot "We've thrown out the fanboi, will that save enough weight to save us?" - "Oh I think we're going to be juuuust fine." said the pilot, Captain Adobe.

er

I sold my legs to buy an iPad

I can't jump because...

...I already jump the gun whenever Apple releases a new product.

*cough*

There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows user in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go..

The Linux penguin says "I can't go - Ubuntu is just about ready for the mainstream. I have to be around to see the desktop revolution!"

The Apple fanboi says "I can't go - the iPad is a genre-changing leap forward in tactile computing. A bidirectional sense-interface can only be around the corner!"

The Windows user shuffles his feet and says "Those things are all pretty cool. I don't know that I can compete with those right now. But I can't jump either!"

"Why not?" ask the penguin and the fanboi.

"I don't know how, unless you guys show me the way..."

Post script: The pilot, listening in over the intercom listens to each story of hope and aspiration and feels pity for the three. He thinks of his own life - successful, fruitful, and all goals complete. He thinks of his kids, now full grown and out on their own. He thinks of his wife, independent and successful in her own right. He thinks of his career, once brilliant but now in its autumn ebb. He thinks of all these things, and then of the three hopefuls. He is suddenly steeled by resolve. He unbuckles his seatbelt and pulls himself out of his seat. He strides to the nearby external door and, with a great effort, flings it open. The wind and cold batters him as he struggles into the doorway. With one last glance astern, he flings himself into the gale...

...taking the only parachute on the plane.

"Ive worked too damned hard to let my wife and kids live in a world run by those sad freaks!" he thinks as he floats gently down to earth...

can't jump because...

that would be an interpreted command.

Linux jumps. Windows crashes...

The pilot saves us all....

If the pilot were a real hero, he'd let the plane crash and extinguish 3 OS bigots in one go.

(says the chap who runs OSX on netbook & imac, android on iPhone & hero, IOS on GNS3 & routers and has IOS, OSX, XP, Solaris and occasional Linux all running at home. I've bought 2 versions of BeOS and liked OS2. You can't accuse me of bias.)

I can't jump because....

.... I paid way over the odds average tech and a pretty OS. You need to get rid of the Windowsman and linuxboy, they paid far less and their wallets are so much heavier than, plus the extra wads of cash will cushion their fall

and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

... and is cut off brusquely by the Windows user, who says: Nobody is going to jump unless I say so. This whole carrying excess weight thing was MY IDEA and I happen to think it's a damn good one. Besides, the vast majority of planes around the world are carrying excess weight so it MUST be a good idea.

I can't jump because...

there's NOT an app for that!

Mac OS X

There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows user in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

... I send other UNIX boxes to /dev/null **push**

** That's an old Mac OS X PowerBook ad slogan in case you were underground in the early noughties!

No app for that.

There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...

There's no app for that.

I can't jump because...

'Parachute' is over 10Mb and requires a wireless connection...

...because...

"There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows user in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because..."

because I'm a Linux/Winblows fanboi - there are only two of us here now, does that solve the problem?

because...

"I can't jump because non-U.S. fanbois all over the world are counting on me to sell them the iPads I've got stashed in the boot!"

because... (perhaps a better phrasing...)

"I can't jump because I've got a wife, two kids, and 200 kilos of gray-market iPads stashed in the boot."

I can't jump because

I can't jump because I'm jailbroken and if I die it will be out of warranty.