Oh, the humanity!

Seriously, it shows that she has a human family (which actually gives me comfort.. I thought she was an alien, with all the general level of empathy she seems to share with the rest of the human race, given her policies)..

It gave me a huge laugh.... Still snickering away..

On the scale of cash she deals with, this kinda thing is easy to miss (a triviality in the grand scheme of things).. I'd happily pay the bill myself just to get the laughs..

It does kinda knock her credibility on all the puritanical legislation she puts out there, and it'll be interesting to see her cross those bridges when she comes to them..

Happy Husbands and Willing Wives

This is just the tip of the iceberg, there are far more substantial expenses claimed for:

Two pay-per-view adult movies - £5 each

Two pay-per-view screenings of the Hollywood blockbuster Ocean's 13 - £3.75 each

Pay-per-view screening of the animated cartoon Surf's Up - £3.50

Habitat stone model sink - £550

Bath plug - 88p

Dining room table - £460

Sofabed - £704

Antique fireplace - £1,000. Also claimed for coal to burn in it.

Hotpoint cooker - £399

Connection fee for installing cooker - £15

Hotpoint tumble dryer - £189

Ariston washing machine - £249

Zanussi washing machine - nearly £300

Entertainment centre including DVD players, two Samsung widescreen televisions and two digital set-top boxes - more than £1,100

Total: £4987.88 (est.)

Not too shabby! Nice little earner on the side. Not forgetting it is excluding the £23,000 per year for her 'second house' in London (that belongs to her sister).

My favourite quote of the day: Lembit Opik, the Liberal Democrat MP, said that Miss Smith had been "compromised".

<yawn>

Once again, NuLabour and Mrs. Timney demonstrate that they (and those close to them) do not understand the difference between "right" and "wrong".

I had an attack of the giggles when a "Downing street source" used the phrase "done the right thing" in respect of this fiasco. Downing Street wouldn't recognize the right thing to do if it jumped up and bit them on their asses.

Why is there no "I'm bored and going to sleep" icon for comments on these endless reports of NuLabour malfeasance? It's gotten so predictable that . . . I'm bored and going to sleep.

PS: I have a horrible idea that the Conservatives would do no better.

PPS: But if anyone's willing to make the trade, Canada will be happy to swap its Prime Minister and his too-close-together beady little eyes for Mrs. Timney. I think the CBC could make good use of her in a comedy show.

@ Mike Richards

Unfortunately The Telegraph is not being terribly specific - it's just says that those films were showing on one of the nine possible channels on the nights in question. So we haven't yet nailed down the blighter's viewing habits.

Working logically, I deduce that one of the features must have been scat-related, because shitting all over everyone is obviously a Smith family trait. I guess that the the other must have been a BDSM film - on the basis that she's been trying to thrust a ball-gag in the mouths of anyone who speaks their mind for a long time.

All true I'm afraid

Sorry if you thought I was joking - I'm afraid not, the truth is stranger than fiction.

Source:

Jacqui Smith expenses claims total £157,631

http://sundayexpress.co.uk/posts/view/91920/VIDEO-JACQUI-SMITH-PUT-ADULT-FILMS-ON-EXPENSES

Quote:

"Documents submitted to the Commons authorities show Ms Smith has claimed £150,304 for the cost of running a second home since 2001, including fully fitting it out.

The Sunday Express has seen the documents that show Ms Smith has claimed for virtually every major household item over the past five years, right down to the kitchen sink."

In other news, Virgin Media report a surge in demand for their pay-per-view adult channels following their detailed analysis in the national press, especially the Daily Fail:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1165611/Blue-movies-expenses-Jacqui-Smiths-husband-apologises-watching-porn--paid-taxpayer.html?printingPage=true

You cannot make this shit up!

"The curtains remained drawn today at Miss Smith's constituency home in Redditch, where her husband issued an apology yesterday.

There was no sign of Mr Timney at the property today and the only notable activity was a visit from a glamour model sent by a tabloid newspaper to offer him a selection of pornography.

The woman, armed with a wicker basket laden with more than £100-worth of DVDs and magazines, including the latest editions of Razzle and Fiesta, received no reply after pressing a buzzer at the gates of the house.

Wearing a white sleeveless crop-top adorned with the logo of the Sunday Sport, the model then exercised her chihuahua-terrier cross, which was wearing a miniature hoody, on a grassed area opposite Miss Smith's home."

Lembit Opik, the Liberal Democrat MP, said "I haven't got any particular issue about what they watch in their own time, I do have an issue about the fact that he has compromised her.''

I did not need to hear that, it has conjured up a horrible image in my mind.

David Davis, the former shadow home secretary, added "My first response was under what category would this expense claim be?"

Absolutely hilarious! It's made my day - couldn't have happened to a nicer woman...

Pigs in the trough

"Miss Smith is being investigated because of complaints about her decision to designate her sister's house in south London, where she stays, as her "main" home, allowing her to claim back the costs of running her family house in her Redditch constituency.

The arrangement allows her to put the cost of running the family home in her constituency of Redditch, Worcestershire, on the public purse, on top of her £141,866-a-year salary.

Her overall expenses claim, including travel, office and staffing costs, was £157,631.

That sum included 25 journeys for her husband, Richard Timney, who is employed as her Parliamentary assistant, at a cost to the public purse of £2,531."

@That list being a joke

Can't vouch for the truth of it but http://in.news.yahoo.com/139/20090330/882/twl-jacqui-smith-s-household-expenses-cl.html claims it was reported in the telegraph.

Re: [What]dangle contest

Isn't "Hoist on own petard" good enough?

Why invent something new when a perfectly good expression already exists?

I'm sure you can google an explanation of where the expression originally came from?

Who was Chez Smith on the nights in question?

Interesting that Mr Timney 'fessed up outside the garden gate so quickly. I wonder who else was Chez Smith on the nights in question? Because if their 15 or 10 year-old boys were exposed to some racy material* deliberately, the Smiths might be facing a police enquiry into possible offences of grooming and/or exposure under the same Sexual Offences Act that Jacqui has so assidiously used on the rest of the population.

* Knowing the reputation of Beardy, one cannot imagine that his offerings were anything but the purest 'e-row-teaker' .

Call for Kevin Turvey!

We need Kevin Turvey, Redditch's premier investigative journalist to check out the story!

[img]http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51JWC0Q5CXL._SL500_AA280_.jpg[/img]

Two Tugs Timney

No oranges, asphyxiation, nazis... this is pathetic. In any other circumstances I'd say Mr Timney should be ashamed of himself, but in his household, I can understand him being a little repressed. Still, I imagine it's menage a un's for him for quite some time now - hopefully he'll broaden his horizons.

Delicious, too, that the Home Sec has suffered a little taste of privacy invasion. Data captured for an apparently straightforward, commonsense reason (and she often reminds us what a straightforward, sensible lady she is) has ended up betraying entirely unintended information about her home life. She's intellectually bereft and is a major error of judgement on the part of the PM.

More to the point...

WTF are we doing paying for her to have cable TV at all! I don't have it at home, I don't think it comes under a necessary expense, especially with the option of freeview, or don't they have to justify any expenses?

Motion of no confidence

the good folks of Redditch should call one. Unless of course they condone her actions.

The opposition should be using motions of no confidence continually on this Labour government, the sooner they get Labour out the sooner this country can recover.

It is the oppositions democratic duty to do this, and the media should be looking into how MPs can be unseated so people are aware of the methods to do it. A democracy is rule by the people, not rule by government, they are put in until they screw up, and this government have set a new record on screw ups.

Re: AC@17:23

"Isn't "Hoist on own petard" good enough?"

No it isn't. In terms of notoriety, it sucks, inasmuch as it is far too broad and it doesn't roll off the tongue. We live in a short attention span society and as such any phrase over three syllables is passe, insignificant and obscure unless it can be presented in a single word. The whole world has become about branding and if the best brand you can come up with is a line from Hamlet you don't get any points for originality, style or grace. That said, the reason for a contest is simple - for shits and giggles. So lighten up, stay away from the hoitards and have a brew.

We must be kind to him...

Folks, please, as a public show of understanding to Mr. Whacky, please send him something to view on the telly as he won't be allowed to charge it anymore. Remember to address the DVDs and VHS tapes to him personally so his wife doesn't open them and throw them out.

Re: @Just a thought, but....

That was my first thought as well. Isn't there an anonymous tip-off line for reporting such things, after all, we're all supposed to be poice informers these days. Such sweet justice.

@Tony 13:25 (was "Perhaps...)

" ...If she spent a bit more time looking after her husbands needs and a bit less trying to f**k the rest of us he wouldn't have to rely on shite pay-per-view porn?"

That was going to be my comment ... did I know you in Yorkshire in the '70s?

The people are beginning to get really irritated ... This is going to become interesting before long.

"May you live in interesting times." --Old Chinese curse.

What else did he need?

Has Jacquie claimed on her expenses for Kleenex tissues - a possible accessory for solo viewing of porno films

you know

It's funny that there's a new government propaganda series "sex education vs pornography" I mean they must have found the dumbest teenagers in the world if they didn't know that porn was - you know - not the best guide to real life, and as if any teenegers watch it, just a load of miserable people tutting, except maybe a few dozen teens who have less brains then sex drive.

and lets face it, any really good realistic porn runs the risk of being illegal becouse it doesn't come with a bbfc rating on it.

Crime and Punishment

So how will Wacky punish him - deny him sex or <shudder> oblige him to perform?

Obvious excuse = "I was told to research effects of a physical stimulation."

Fiscal stimulation, geddit? ( probably causing, fittingly, a chorus of groans)

The Mind Boggles

Nothing wrong with watching porn at all. Would the money not have been better spent buying Wacky (Does she wack him?) Jacky a basque, nylons, sussies, and heels? Must go now. Please excuse the shaky handwriting------------ At least now she can say NOTHING to the erst of us real people!

Gary