Vote now for the WORST movie EVER
It's taken us more than a week, but we're finally ready to raise the curtain on the contenders for the worst movie ever title. We're still a bit groggy after days of wading through the most malodorous cinematic effluent as nominated by you, our beloved readers, so while you get on with the voting you'll excuse us if we go for a …
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Re: Starship Troopers 2 - Starship Troopers 3 is alright!
I haven't seen ST2, and don't intend to. However, Starship Troopers 3 reprises the satire of the first film, but with a contemporary twist. Not amazing, but good fun! Plus nudity, exploding heads, the brain bug and the return of Rico. The special effects are a bit shoddy, but it is a true companion to the first film, IMHO.
[ET, obviously!]
Which: Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
Why: Because the Radio Series is the only true version and this is even worse that the TV series
no more needs to be added
Because the Radio Series is the only true version
Too true. I haven't even seen the film, but I still voted for it...
Re: Because the Radio Series is the only true version
Douglas Adams always wanted it to be a movie, the original version was a film script. The movie was made in his honor. OK, it was shite but at least it was made for the right reasons.
Re: Because the Radio Series is the only true version
If you want to play intellectual medium trumps - the books are the only true version.
I enjoyed the TV series, it has a bit of charm to it.
The movie was alright, wouldn't say it was the worst film of all time, its a nice way to spend a couple of hours.
Re: Because the Radio Series is the only true version
I think you might well find that the Radio series came way before the books.
No Bayformers?
Surely Bay's three Transformers films count as crimes against both celluloid and humanity?
Re: No Bayformers?
Splorff!!!
"crime against celluloid..."
Love it! But you owe me a new keyboard!
The Phantom Menace Haters
I see your point: it was a massive disappointment but it sill had pod-racers and Darth Maul.
Independence Day and Jurassic Park should also be down with the worst but maybe they can just slip quietly into oblivion?
Re: The Phantom Menace Haters
I to looked for independence day
Re Independence Day
If you consider ID for the worst you clearly haven't watched 2012. But what would one expect from Emmerich...
Re: The Phantom Menace Haters
You think the pod races were a plus?
Re: The Phantom Menace Haters
Not really, but they made for a good game on the Nintendo 64... I think there was a PC version, too. It was no WipEout, but it was alright!
Re: The Phantom Menace Haters
"You think the pod races were a plus?"
Kids loved them.
Mind you they also loved Jar Jar Binks.
No idea what either was doing in a film made for men in the 30-40 bracket though. If Lucas wanted a movie with them in he should have made a kids film.
Independence Day
Independence Day is down as the worst movie plot ending.
Seeing the cities blown up, forcefields, aliens, as an audience willing to suspend belief to get into it, for mid 90s at the cinema the effects were quite spectacular.
Then they ruin it by having "I'm a mac" Goldblum plug a Powerbook into a totally alien interface, have it send and execute a virus, then display a laughing man on the monitors.
So either:
- Lazy script writing. "Hey aliens use computers, we use computers, and viruses kill computers! Bingo! Apple will pay us $x billion for product placement! Ding ding!" while the rest of us see a machine that could barely talk to a contemporary PC, never mind an intel OSX machine, connect, execute a virus on an extraterrestrial computer.
or:
- Aliens which live light years away, millions / billions of years in advance to us used all of their technical knowledge in building spacecraft, and never got their computer tech past 1st generation PowerPC architecture, Appletalk, ethernet cabling and VGA screens, making them susceptible to mac attacks.
Re: The Phantom Menace Haters
"No idea what either was doing in a film made for men in the 30-40 bracket"
George Lucas repeatedly said that the movies were made for kids.
Hudson Hawk
Glad to see its not on the list. Has it got to the stage of "So bad it's cool"?
Pearl harbor
Lester,
You simply watched the thing in the wrong country. The Dutch subtitler was apparently unaware of a certain English idiom, and so the US became the proud owner of a battleship named Row. And the Japanese keep sending more planes after her, because they hit Arizona, they hit Missouri, and so on, but whatever they do Row is still there.
...So you imagine earlier on the Row sailing into port, sailors on the deck dressed smartly and the music is "Row, Row, Row your boat"...
This sort of thing can make up for a lot in the movie proper.
Avatar?
Amazing how many people can think something is a terrible movie when millions think it is one of the best of all time.
Re: Avatar?
OK - remove the special effects and what are you left with? Fern Gulley with Smurfs... minus Robin Williams playing a slightly entertaining, crazed bat.
Has to be one of the most over-rated films ever (though I'd say it's not one of the worse).
Re: Avatar?
Pocahontas with the most 2D bad guys ever to appear in 3D. I could not name one of them, unlike say Darth Vader.
But not the worst ever, Avarar 2 might have a chance.
Re: Avatar?
Avatar was my nomination. It's not even a real film but is a mashup of EVERY FILM CLICHE IMAGINABLE.
The dialogue is awful, every character has been plucked straight from another film, and as for the love story element, "Now we are mated for life", after one roll in the bushes, COME ON, thats not love, that's a scary-blue-stalker-lady-who-one-day-will-boil-your-bunny.
Re: Avatar?
"remove the special effects and what are you left with?"
Would the same not apply to e.g. Star Wars?
I think there's a place for films that are just awesome visual displays.
Re: Avatar?
"remove the special effects and what are you left with?"
...
Would the same not apply to e.g. Star Wars?
Yes and no ... the original Star Wars has a very old, tried and tested plot with a "dashing" pirate, a princess, her magician brother and their evil father... without the space opera setting or the special effects there's still a (fairy) story underneath.
The same cannot be said of Avatar really; generic bad people are chopping down the forest... stopped by magical blue elves with the help of Dian Fossey. It's not a terrible film, just hugely over-rated... you could probably get the same effect from getting drunk and staring at old Yes album covers.
Re: Avatar?
"you could probably get the same effect from getting drunk and staring at old Yes album covers."
Classic comment
Blair Witch for me
Oh god yes... never before had I seen a film in which I'd wanted "the bad guy" (who/whatever the hell it was) to murder the whole bunch of whining, snivelling, annoying fecktards quite so much... plus "shakeycam" fake documentaries really, really annoy me and this was probably the first - would have probably enjoyed Cloverfield had it not been for that.
Re: Blair Witch for me
I recently sat through this again with someone who had never seen it.
Before it started, I warned her that it in the end it was a "Feel Good Movie". However she was disapointed that there was no Chopping up of the snivelling b*tch with a blunt butter knife.
Re: Blair Witch for me
That, my companion in taste, says it all....the only film that I've ever walked out of..GF wasn't amused to say the least, she was a BIG fan of that sort of tripe - shortly thereafter she became ex-GF.
I'm a typical, thrifty (mean) Scot, and I've sat through some dire films in my time, just because I'd refused to admit that I had effectively shoved my entrance fee down the toilet - but this one had me silently begging for someone to firebomb the cinema...then I broke and ran.
Re: Blair Witch for me
You might have a point were it not for Blair Witch 2 which defaults Blair Witch to not possibly being the worst film ever.
Re: Blair Witch for me
Ahh... that actually gives one tiny minor benefit to the original. It was such an execrable pile of shite that there is absolutely no way on Earth I would waste a single second of my life on the sequel. The first sort of acts as a warning.
Re: Blair Witch for me
"...the only film that I've ever walked out of..GF wasn't amused to say the least, she was a BIG fan of that sort of tripe..."
I very nearly walked out on "Moulin Rouge" back in '01. Jeezus, what a stinkburger. Nicole Kidmon singing... Christ, that should've been against the Geneva Convention. And, yeah, my wife thought "Moulin Rouge" was adorable. I damn' near left her alone in the theater while I went to a bar across the street and tried to kill off the brain cells storing the memory of that wretched pile.
Megashark vs Giant Octopus
Seriously, if you don't vote for this film you literally have not seen it! :) A few highlights:
It stars Debbie Gibson!
The megashark jumps out of the water and catches a jumbo jet!
The giant squid eats a bridge!
A scientist mixes coloured liquids for absolutely no reason!
This film is stuffed to the gills with so much incomprehensible ridiculousness as to render all other films ever made into potential oscar winners! Seriously you have to see it and even then you won't believe what you are watching :)
Re: Megashark vs Giant Octopus
... ye-es, but those things are what makes it great! Try Sharktopus, that's even MORE EPIC! :D
(avoid Megapiranha though - or switch it off after the first 10 minutes because that's where all the good stuff happens)
Re: Megashark vs Giant Octopus
All the stuff you have mentioned nominates it as a good film, not the worst film!
Well, apart from Gibson.
Re: Megashark vs Giant Octopus
I got this out to watch on DVD about a year ago after hearing it might be in the "So bad it's good" category.
It isn't.
The only 2 hours of my life that have ever felt longer were 7-9pm this last Tuesday evening when I had to sit through my 5-year-old's end of term school concert. I've barely slept since.
Re: Megashark vs Giant Octopus
He was mixing coloured liquids to make...SCIENCE!
Re: Megashark vs Giant Octopus
Yes, I voted for that! I watched it mostly disbelieving that my eyes could have betrayed me by letting this travesty be seen! The torture ended somewhere towards the "middle" of the film.
Perhaps these films should carry a new pre announcement warning saying:
"Warning: the following film is so bad you will want to poke out your eyes with cocktail sticks then eat them! Seriously, do not watch this film if you value your (in)sanity!"
The worst of the best
None of these films really counts as "worst", they're simply bad films that managed to salvage something (not a lot, but something) by spending their way out of awfulness.
To get to the truly bad films, you have to go down a couple of levels to films that had neither the money, not the script or acting talent to produce anything of worth. However, since nobody watches anything that bad, knowledge of their existence is, mercifully, highly restricted. If you do want to discover the real worst of the execrably worst just have a look at the UK Syfy Channel's filmic offerings for any randomly chosen week.
Re: The worst of the best
I think the point is that the films listed here are mostly big-budget films and many have high reputations. Though I haven't seen them all, most of the ones I have seen have been well-made - but bad.
the exception is Blair Witch Project - deliberately badly-made, boring, annoying, and ultimately pointless.
The other group that should be included is a raft of well-regarded arty films from several decades ago. Directors like David Cronenberg, Eric Rohmer, and even Ingmar Bergman.
Re: The worst of the best
> mostly big-budget films and many have high reputations
Yes, so they're not really the worst films, just the ones that were promoted as being good and failed to meet expectations. So that would make them the most disappointing movies.
Re: The worst of the best
The most fantastically bad film was offered Free on an IPTV channel.
Kung Fu Mummy.
Try it- you must.
Re: The worst of the best
I know it's not a film but can mention Eastenders?? I mean really, if life was as bad as this hmm.. soap shows, most (all) of the cast would have jumped on masse in front of a train (or equivalent plot device).
There, got that off my chest, do carry on :D!
...title and cast/director... (for the wedding video)
Title: "My left hand". Apologies to the maker of "My Left Foot" which is brilliant.
Director: Rick Moranis. Well, looks like no-one would want to marry him. Not even Audrey. "Ohhh, Sstheymour!"
WTF
Hitcher-hikers Guide and Get Carter are great films. Seen a lot worse. Avatar for example. Or any other 3D film
Re: What... you missed it ?
...obviously didn't read the article.
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