back to article Eddie Murphy heading for worst movie ever glory

Eddie Murphy looks a dead cert for the Razzies and possibly the worst movie ever award as critics queue up to give his A Thousand Words a righteous shoeing. The movie currently rates 0% on Rotten Tomatoes "Tomatometer", based on 42 reviews. The website summarises the plot thus: Eddie Murphy is Jack McCall, a fast-talking …

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Worst movie?

I nominate 'National Treasure'. The whole 'the British are all bad guys' thing gets tiresome after a while.

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Mushroom

Not even Plan 9 can even come close to Manos: The Hands of Fate for sheer terribleness. From a 10 minute intro scene of a family driving where literally nothing happens (it was meant to have the credits superimposed over it, but they forgot) to the "haunting" Torgo theme to Torgo himself who was supposed to be some kind of goat person but just looked like he'd crapped himself to an ending implied paedophilia.

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Pirate

Bad movies

Year One - what tripe. A whole year's worth. A movie sooo bad, even my teenage son wanted to walk out, and we did.

10,000 BC - could have been an OK movie, but cavemen versus Egyptians? Really?

But the worst offender - The Piano. Yeah, I know it won awards but that's still 121 minutes of my life wasted in the worst possible way. I'd much rather have had to suffer through the last two Terminator films consecutively. Or had boiling sugar poured into my eye sockets while being castrated.

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Coffee/keyboard

Re: Bad movies

"Or had boiling sugar poured into my eye sockets while being castrated."

You sir, should write horror movies.

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Unhappy

Murphy's pathetic, artificial-sounding laugh ...

makes me feel sick.

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WTF?

Titanic?

I know there's a version by James Cameron, and a cheap knock-off with a rapping dog you might have heard of, but I'd nominate the Orlando Corradi version. The full title is "The Legend of The Titanic",

Not only because it's english soundtrack sounds (at least on the German DVD release) like it came over a medium wave link, but also because it's amazing way of throwing rhyme and reason over board.

I mean it gets tiny things wrong, like 1 minute into the film, you see "The Times" with the date "Moday 14 April 1912", OK, in the US the date is written differently, and "Moday" is actually spelled "Monday" and that day in April was actually a Sunday,..... but why does it say "INTERNET EDITION" directly under the title?

I can understand them using mice to explore that topic, but then again, mice mustaches aren't conductive, and even if they were they wouldn't electrocute someone, and even if they would his nose wouldn't blink, and even if he wouldn't come back to life after he died.

I can also understand that one might explore the idea of everyone being saved, perhaps even by some strange circumstances, and dolphins are perhaps an interesting idea, and I can understand that in a world where mice can talk it might not be to strange that dolphins can talk too, but why does it have to be caused by tears and moonbeams hitting the ocean, and why does it have to cause the dolphins to be able to levitate???

And I'm not even talking about the love story, or the subplot explaining _why_ there was an iceberg. (hint: it involves Sharks in prison suits, and a naive dog-faces buff octopus)

Watch it, if you dare:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KaM0FIjz6oM

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Ultraviolet

I nominate Ultraviolet. Despite it managing only a measly 9% on Rotten Tomatoes I still can't help feeling they overrated it.

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Facepalm

Re: Ultraviolet

Visually a stunning film, shame that it was let down by everything else: plot, dialogue, acting, direction, etc. etc.

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Never Ending Story 2

Certainly felt like it...

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Re: Never Ending Story 2

Come on, part 3 was easily a _lot_ worse.

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Re: Never Ending Story 2

They made a part 3? For the love of humanity!

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Anonymous Coward

IMDB user reviews - a new game!

Though I usually look at Rotten Tomatoes for movie reviews, I often check out User Reviews on IMDB.

I looked at 2081 (2009) a short based on a Vonnegut story, and all reviews bar one were very positive. The one negative reviewer was seemingly incensed, so I clicked on his handle to what other films he had reviewed. He would only give films 0 stars or a full 10, and it has occurred to me use his 0-star movies as a shortlist of what to watch next!

From his reviews, I also find that he drinks Stella Artois, and that if he drinks it he is more likely he is to give a positive review. Now, his pet dog's mother's maiden name, his bank manager's inside leg measurement and his Casio Databank password I'm still working on!

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Bronze badge

Murphy has been in more bad films than good ones and he's played more bad roles than good ones. Had he not been in so many bad films before this would be surprising. He has appeared in more than his share of turkeys, so it's not surprising in the slightest.

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Anonymous Coward

Having seen Manos, I would still nominate "Frozen" (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1323045/) as worst ever movie. Just ... why?

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All of these posts ......

...... and not one mention of 'The Garbage Pail Kids Movie'

I use it as punishment for my 9 year old son.

P.S. With that I think I win :D

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Surf Nazis must Die

that is all

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Silly boy

It's a *troma* film

That's like placing a running chain saw against your leg and suddenly wondering why you're falling over.

You just did it anyway.

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Mushroom

I guess you guys have never seen...

Shark in Venice. Staring the ever infalable acting skills of Steven Baldwin.

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Windows

Lawnmower Man 2: Beyond Cyberspace

Sixteen years after the event I still bitterly regret sitting through the thing.

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Stop

There can be only one

Highlander 2.

Why oh why, in the name of all that is pure and holy, why?

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Megaphone

I am surprised.

Worst film nominations and nobody mentioned U571?

Most bad film I can ignore, and they will go away again. U571 is such an insult to what really happened in cracking enigma that it just gets my blood pressure up (and many others).

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(Written by Reg staff) Silver badge

Re: I am surprised.

Me too. Let's stick it on the list...

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Bah!

Plan 9 etc isn't a benchmark of bad. That title was unarguably taken by Van Helsing, the only movie I was glad people were texting in because it gave me something marginally more interesting than the movie to watch.

Best comment: "Well, the tickets were expensive but at least the movie sucked".

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Happy

I've seen far far worse

Planet of the Dinosaurs, now THIS is a bad movie!

http://www.rifftrax.com/rifftrax/planet-dinosaurs

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I use this one for a coaster

An American Carol.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1190617/

Has coffee stains; I will get my $5 worth out of it.

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Flame

One word...

Melancholia.

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Unhappy

Re: One word...

A film whose title is a fancy word for depression directed by a director with a reputation for directing depressing films who I think has been diagnosed with depression (well he's Scandinavian and they tend to run to the depressed viewpoint. The glass is *always* half empty).

Was there much doubt this was only going to end one way?

Melancholic.

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Thumb Up

I thought

I thought Eddy Murphy was already in the worst movie ever made.

The Adventures of Pluto Nash

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0180052/

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Happy

A few suggested rating rules...

Guns +1

Hotties +1

Hotties with guns +3

Obviously stupid physics -2

Clever plot +2

Unsentimental ending +1

Adaptation of a book by the author and/or there 1st time doing so -3

More than 3 writers for the movie.

Members of cast on my s**t list -1 for each member

Members of cast on my good list +1 for each.

Points 1 2 and 3 rescue GI Joe, all the Underworld series, Van Helsing and Doomsday and are essentially the plot of Suck Punch (Who didn't see Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction and think "I wonder what Fox Force Five would have been like?) while 4 stuffs Wanted. 5&6 kept me watching Eden Lake, Hard Candy (while parts of me tried to retract back inside myself) and Lucky Number Sleven. I'd say 7 is what made Stormbreaker such a miss able experiences. JK Rowling keep well away from the script for any Harry Potter movie and I think they all benefited from that.

Authors. Know your place. Learning to write screenplays by writing the first of what you *hope* will be a franchise with 10s (100s?) of $m at stake is *not* a good idea. Really.

The last 2 are very individual. Some performer *always* manage to choose good pieces to do. Others it's more of a mixed bag. Others just seem to guarantee fail. For every Anger Management you get a Don't Mess with the Zohan and a Big Daddy, with a bonus portion of Jack & Jill, for example. Not pretty.

I'm partial to Janeane Garofalo and chortled through Romy & Michelles High School Reunion, The Truth About Cats & Dogs and Copland. And Ben Stiller but *boy* did Mystery Men hurt. Almost *nothing* will make me abandon a film I've put down cash to view but I came close that day.

See how this helps you plan your viewing and happy viewing.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: A few suggested rating rules...

Aw, come on. Mystery men was *fun* schlock! How can you hate a movie about a city full of superheroes that focuses on the low-rent ones? William Macy was absolutely hilarious as The Shoveler (superpower? "I shovel very well."). And Invisible Boy, who can only turn invisible when nobody -- including him -- is watching? Brilliant!

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Re: A few suggested rating rules...

Never seen Mystery Men - but after that description I REALLY want to

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Happy

To be fair

Maybe the graphic novel on which Mystery Men is based is better.

I'll admit their are some neat *bits* but the don't happen nearly often enough. Eddie Izzard's dedication to the idea that "Disco is not dead" has a certain charm and I'd like to have seen more of some of Casanova Frankenstein's partners in crime.

For low rent super heroes trying to sort themselves out I'd go with "The Return of Captain Invincible."

Alan Arkin is Hancock 3 decades before Will Smith. Christopher Lee has a musical number (I'm *fairly* sure it's his only song in 9 decades). What's not to love?

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Happy

Re: To be fair

There was a line in Mystery Men that made me and my mate spray cola out our noses in the cinema.

Simply Wes Studi saying "You dress like a male prostitute!"

For some reason it just came across so hilarious. That gives it a pass in my opinion.

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Bronze badge

Yet another opinion …

In my view, the film Windows (1980, in those halcyon pre-PC days) continues to hold its spot against all competition at the nadir of filmed entertainment. It was nominated for five Razzies in 1981 — Worst Picture, Worst Actress, Worst Supporting Actress, Worst Director, and Worst Screenplay — and inconceivably took home none of them. It was robbed.

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Unhappy

Re: Yet another opinion …

"In my view, the film Windows (1980, in those halcyon pre-PC days) continues to hold its spot against all competition at the nadir of filmed entertainment. It was nominated for five Razzies in 1981 — Worst Picture, Worst Actress, Worst Supporting Actress, Worst Director, and Worst Screenplay — and inconceivably took home none of them. It was robbed."

On IMDB it looks like some quite promising soft core pron.

I suspect the reality falls *far* below the expectation.

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I take it that none of you saw "Gerry" then?

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Unhappy

Gerry

I guess you mean the Gus Van Sant movie of 2 guys who go walking in the desert without food or water.

It doesn't sound like much happens and I suspect not a lot does. In right hands this could be a profound mediation on the nature of friendship and sacrifice in adversity.

But personally I think within 5 minutes I'd be wondering "How could you be so f***ing stupid while managing to stay alive."

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Some very poor films nominated...

and some terrible slanders of others, e.g. Hudson Hawke. However, if you think Murphy can be bad, check out Bill Cosby in Leonard Part 6. The only good thing I can say about it is that there are no parts 1-5.

By far and away the worst film I have ever seen - and yes, I have seen most of the preceding nominations. Not that Shark In Venice number, though. That does sound truly god-awful.

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FAIL

...;but, but, but

What about Ishtar?

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Re: ...;but, but, but

Just finished reading 'Star', the biography of Warren Beatty. The stories about how his films were made are fantastic. Ishtar was indeed a turkey but apparently a worse one was his 'Town and Country'...

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Pint

Pearl Harbour

Never before have the Japanese Imperial Navy made a more welcome appearance in a film about the start of the Pacific War.

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Happy

I think it's difficult to make a film that stays either good *or* bad over time.

Citizen Kane lost to How Green Was My Valley but how many people have ever *seen* the latter?

Likewise Hudson Hawk's reputation has (slightly) risen over the years. Probably not too popular in the UK but plenty of cinematic in jokes some surprising casting and it did not take itself too seriously. "Breaking it down for the 'hoes back home" is not something I'd ever expect Richard E. Grant to say.

But I wonder what movies have been released and people at the time said "This is s**t" and 2,3,4 or more decades later still say "This is s**t" ?

I'm not talking fast and furious straight-to-DVD stuff. That's a given.

I mean something that actually got to a *cinema* that a recognized studio spent some reasonable cash on but still turned out s**t.

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Perhaps it’s a second tier superpower?

John Smith 19, I saw Windows in a cinema, thought poorly of it at the time*, and still think poorly of it three decades on. I don’t know which studio made it or what its budget was, though. I can only hope that generations yet unborn will be spared exposure to it in any media format.

* — Spontaneous heckling improved its entertainment value, which made sitting through it bearable to me. When the final credits started rolling, the remaining audience roundly booed it.

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Silver badge

Re: I think it's difficult to make a film that stays either good *or* bad over time.

Personally, I rate "Citizen Cane" as on of the most over-rated piles of steaming manure ever committed to film. Boring, badly acted, and with absolutely no point whatsoever - I really don't understand why it is so highly regarded.

However, the worst film must come from the never-ending spew of "plucky girl makes good in a nasty world" genre. Some are good, but many are so banal they are just an utter waste of time.

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Alert

OK

ANYTHING with that fuckwit Adam Sandler.... And STILL he turfs them out.... He should be taken outside and pelted with his own shit. He is quite without doubt the unfunniest man in the universe. 'Jack and Jill' ffs...

Hey hey hey! I've just realised - no one's mentioned Steven Seagal yet! Taught at the Plank School of Acting. Actually that's probably a good thing, otherwise these comments will get drowned.... His films seem to be on continuous rotation on UK Channel Five (I think) at the moment, rendering it even more unwatchable.

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Re: OK

"And STILL he turfs them out.... He should be taken outside and pelted with his own shit."

Thanks for making me laugh but I really think he should be pelted with shit that he is totally unfamiliar with.

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lets add

Open water was a waste of almost 2 hours of my life

If it was based on a true story, and they both died, how did the scriptwriter know what happened overnight?

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Manos, Hands of Fate

The worst move ever made was ""Manos, Hands of Fate," but maybe Eddie will do a remake?

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FAIL

Worst Film

And are we really forgetting this film:

Gordon Ramsays' - Love's Kitchen which only took a paltry £121 at the box office. Yikes

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Two Headed Shark Attack

Well, my nomination would go to Two Headed Shark Attack. You would think, from the title that it would be quite good. I mean, a shark, with two heads, attacking.... what could go wrong? And it has Carmen Electra..... but no. Really, just.... no!

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