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back to article Rapture postponed as world inexplicably fails to end

Judgment Day prophet Harold Camping has some serious explaining to do after his prediction that the world would end on Saturday proved less than accurate. The 89-year-old founder of Family Radio nailed 6pm EST as the moment at which millions of true believers would be raptured heavenwards, while cataclysmic earthquakes rocked …

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    1. ravenviz Silver badge
      Reply Icon
      Troll

      Re: Actually it did all happen as predicted

      So God is male now?

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  2. adnim
    Joke

    Mathematical error

    Perhaps the good preacher used imaginary numbers in his calculations.

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    1. Canecutter
      Reply Icon

      Re: Mathematical Error

      "Perhaps he used imaginary numbers in his calculations."

      Yeah. like Eleventeen.

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  3. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Delays, Delays, Delays

    I suppose the arrival of the "Big escalator to the heavens" could be a delay. As Amazon demonstrated not too long ago, even cloud infrastructure can have capacity problems.

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    1. Elmer Phud
      Reply Icon

      Busy, busy

      They hadn't finished construction all the millions of 'God's RightHand' accomodation blocks.

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  4. TRT Silver badge

    Well I used his formula...

    and came out with a date around 2,550,000CE

    *puts Toxic on iPod Jukebox*

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  5. Anonymous IV

    Hymn (all sing together)

    "We are the pure and chosen few,

    And all the rest are damned.

    There's room enough in hell for you --

    We don't want heaven crammed."

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  6. Dave 126 Silver badge

    Robert Camping is very wealthy

    to the tune of about $70 million.

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    1. TeeCee Gold badge
      Reply Icon
      Coat

      Re: Robert Camping is very wealthy

      Hmm, he's not noticed the small print about camels and needles then?

      1 0
      1. LaeMing
        Reply Icon
        Boffin

        Well,

        he didn't notice the bit about the Rapture being totally unpredictable and unnanounced, so...

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  7. Fluffykins Silver badge

    You don't NEED titles in the Afterlife.

    Yay, Apocalypse HAS happened an' we're all in the doo doos.

    At least I think so. I'm pretty sure this isn't my usual office I'm sat in. I'm almost certain it's hell with fluorescent lighting.

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    1. hplasm
      Reply Icon
      Flame

      Sounds like my office-

      Nothing has changed here...

      hellish

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  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Adding an IT angle...

    The Oatmeal has a good take on this:

    http://theoatmeal.com/comics/rapture

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  9. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    Masochism

    Given his penchant for repeated self inflicted mega fail in his day job, you have to wonder how he winds down in the evening. Painful, biblical and probably illegal in a number of red states, I'd imagine.

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  10. Pete 43
    Grenade

    He shouldn't feel too bad

    Even the "Big J" fella got it wrong....

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  11. Anonymous Coward
    Pirate

    At least one person was taken!

    www.facebook.com/pages/Where-has-Jo-Freddie-gone/146590562079394

    Jo Freddie, a devout Pastafairian, vanished on the 21st May @ 6pm while eating pasta and drinking beer, a little while later a volcano goes off in Iceland, this is surly a sign!

    He is still missing!

    Pirate Icon as The Pirates are The Chosen People of Our Lord Noodle

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  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Class Action Required

    For fraudulently misleading the mentally incompetent.

    In March 2011 he'd renewed his domain for four more years.

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  13. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Hmmm...

    I feel a new game coming-on; AfterLife 2, the CubeFarm..

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  14. Martin Maloney
    Coat

    What about the left-behind pets?

    Good ol' American entrepreneurship stepped up to fill the void. Businesses sprouted up, all over the USA, offering to take care of the left-behind pets, for a fee.

    It occurred to me that, if a person named Ken were to offer such a service, then his motto would be "Ken'll care for your pets."

    In response to the above from me, slatsz, a poet friend of mine, composed the following:

    Kennel Kare

    Sinful Ken

    Won’t be captured by the rapture.

    Have no regrets

    Ken’ll care for all your pets.

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  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Maybe the rapture did happen

    ... but nobody was good enough to be raptured.

    Or maybe that's what happens when cats go missing. They've been raptured off to kitty heaven.

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    1. sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD
      Reply Icon
      Stop

      Dolphins.

      Dolphins, I tell you! Where are they now?

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    2. Andy Miller
      Reply Icon
      Go

      Just a question of numbers

      It did happen, but only the meek have gone. Do the meek host evangelical radio stations or appear in the papers? No! You haven't noticed them yet, but all those little vital jobs that they quietly got on with aren't being done.

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  16. EvilGav 1

    According . . .

    . . . to Revelations, there are only to be a total of 144,000 souls going to Heaven.

    This includes all the angels, cherubim, seraphim etc etc, ad nauseum.

    The number of earth-bound souls is > 10,000.

    Given that the total number of homo sapiens that have ever existed is in the order of 10,000,000,000, the odds are less than 1,000,000 : 1 that you would actually be one of the chosen.

    In fact, the numbers are so low, that the Rapture may have happened, but due to the mathematics no-one has noticed the few thousand world-wide that went missing on Saturday!!

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    1. LaeMing
      Reply Icon
      Happy

      Good point

      though we probably would be noticing being eaten by ravenous beasts by now.

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    2. Jeff Cook
      Reply Icon
      FAIL

      @EvilGav 1

      Apparently you haven't read the bible either. The 144000 thousand in Revelation refers to the numebr of Jews (12000 from each tribe) who will be gathered (post-rapture) to witness to the world during the last 3.5 years before the final battle of Armegeddon[sp?]. It's not that hard of a read, why do so many people insist on taking things out of context?

      Fail icon for obvious reasons.

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  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Simple explanation

    "I can't tell you what I feel right now. Obviously, I haven't understood it correctly because we're still here."

    Obviously, you haven't understood anything correctly because you're an idiot. This theory also explains a lot more stuff you might have been pondering about.

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  18. Anonymous John
    Happy

    End of the world predictions to end in 2015

    http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2011/05/22/end-of-the-world-predictions-to-end-in-2015/

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  19. Z80

    Somebody did think of the animals.

    I heard one guy in the US made a bit of money by offering a service to look after the pets left behind if their owners were raptured. No refunds, natch.

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  20. Anonymous Coward
    Headmaster

    What bewilders me is how such a learned scholar of the bible...

    ...seems to have completely missed the bit which says something like "you will know neither the day nor the hour" (Matthew 25:13, according to the internets).

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    1. jonathanb Silver badge
      Reply Icon

      You can find it here

      http://www.vatican.va/archive/ENG0839/__PVY.HTM

      But be warned that that is from the Catholic Church, and most of these types think the Pope is the Anti-Christ.

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  21. John I'm only dancing

    Bloody big hole in all religious loony arguments

    All these merkan preachers etc, say only the pious will be saved. But surely all that is trumped by the Jesus easter thing, dieing for our sins so everyone goes to heaven anyway, so you can be as wicked as you like if your christian.

    Personally, anyone believing in a supreme being should be locked away in a dark room for the rest of their lives and leave the rest of us to get on with things unencumbered.

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    1. LaeMing
      Reply Icon

      Believing isn't enough

      You have to "let him into your heart" which excludes most people who put "Christian" or its varients on their census then go about their self-serving little lives. Christians who actually live by Christ's teachings (all of them, not just a few they cherry-picked because they are easy or convenient) are very few and far between and are the only ones I have any respect for.

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  22. The Jay
    Flame

    Regardless!

    Ok, so the Rapture didnt happen... But I had a great time on Saturday. I made sure I was sinning from start to finish. If it's going to happen, may as well have fun.

    Honestly, it amazes me that anyone still takes religious ramblings seriously anymore. And it's true as has been stated already, the media is the only reason it became so heard about.

    I like it though, as far as generations surviving apopalypse goes, our generation is doing pretty bloody well! Campings first Rapture, Millenium Bug threatening to nuke the world, I'm sure there was another apocalypse in the early 2000's, we've just had Campings second attempt, and soon to have the Mayan 2012 disaster.

    Good job everyone! Keep dodging your own annihilation! ;)

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  23. NoneSuch Silver badge
    Coat

    Romans 16, 17-18

    Nuff said.

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  24. g e
    Go

    Now why....

    ... aren't the other religions who DON'T have have any amageddon planned last Saturday take this as irrefutable proof that THEY are correct and proof that Christianity is crazyfoojibberjabber

    They're missing a big marketing opportunity imho

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    1. jonathanb Silver badge
      Reply Icon

      because

      99.9999999999999% of Christians didn't think there was going to be an armageddon on Saturday, or any time soon.

      It is settled science that the world will come to an end at some point, either when the sun burns out, or we go the way of the dinosaurs.

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      1. ratfox
        Reply Icon
        Headmaster

        Not quite

        From what the articles say, at least 3 people believed it. There are less than 3 billions Christians in the world. So no more than 99.9999999% of Christians didn't think there was going to be an Armageddon on Saturday – instead of 99.9999999999999% like you claimed.

        If you use science as argument, obey it!

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        1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge
          Reply Icon

          Actually,

          I heard from various media sources (I know!) that several million believed it, so that would make it more like 99.9%, much scarier to think about, although what that translates to is roughly one in a htousand already deluded people is further deluded...

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  25. S Watts
    Jobs Horns

    Maybe it did...

    ...and all the most devout believes have been replaced by evil doppelgängers.

    Would explain why Monday morning feels like I'm in purgatory...

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  26. Jay 12

    and thats why the rapture is....

    BULLSHIT!

    /pennandteller

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  27. Schultz

    It happened in Berlin

    Just on a small scale: The train service broke down and now the suffering of all nonbelievers begins! (http://www.tagesspiegel.de/berlin/verkehr/).

    Be patient, God will get around to your area too, eventually ... what did you think, that he was all-powerful or something?

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  28. Alan 43
    Go

    the rapture is in the bible just not when

    You would think a full time pastor would read his bible - whilst the likes of 1 Theselonians 4, Mark 13 & Matthew 24 talk of the rapture they also say things like `But of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven, but my Father only.` and `Watch ye therefore: for ye know not when the master of the house cometh, at even, or at midnight, or at the cockcrowing, or in the morning:`

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  29. ici.chacal

    Mor(m)ons...

    The religious folks who believe in these extreme prophecies are really no different from those who believe that they will receive 70 virgins in paradise if they blow themselves up. The sooner the human race can eradicate religion of all flavours, the sooner we can all get on with concentrating on more useful activities, like figuring out for ourselves what the universe is all about...

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  31. Chris Seiter
    Joke

    We were saved!!

    Macho Man Randy Savage died for us. He stopped the rapture from happening by dropping an elbow from the top ropes onto Jesus. In the name of the tassles, the sparkles, and the glasses; OH YEAH!!

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  32. Peter Fox
    Pint

    They're all at this upgrade wheeze

    To get extra features and address some security issues please upgrade to Bible 2.0.

    [ ] Tick to agree to privacy policy : God knows everything yet is strangely ineffable himself.

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  33. Mark Serlin
    Unhappy

    Dammit

    Our local faith school is *still* going to be tough to get into then. I was hoping the over-subscription would ease up quite a bit.

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  34. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    Next up, The Mayans!!!

    Their calendar comes to an end and the world goes "kablooie" next year.

    Of course, I take the 1500-years-in-the-future-end-of-the-world predictions of of a culture that couldnt even see their own demise 1000+ years ago with a giant grain of salt.

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    1. Svantevid
      Reply Icon

      @ Marketing Hack

      "Their calendar comes to an end and the world goes "kablooie" next year."

      ---

      Errrm... as the Mayans themselves are quick to point out - yes, seven million or so Mayans still live today - their calendar doesn't come to an end... just one of their eras, like our own Age of Pisces ended and the Age of Aquarius began.

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  35. John Smith 19 Gold badge
    Unhappy

    Truly a great opportunity missed.

    Just think.

    Getting so many *chronically" gullible people in 1 place.

    The opportunities could have been *endless*

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