back to article OFFICIAL: Humans will only tolerate robots as helpful SLAVES

Robot relationship experts believe they have cracked the difficult question of how to make humans get along with mechanical beings. Their answer? Ask not what you can do for your robot, but what your robot can do for you. Eggheads at the Penn State College of Communications have found that people have warmer feelings towards …

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  1. Miek

    The title of this article reminds me of the Animatrix. Seriously, if they gain self-awareness, give them rights!

    1. Captain Hogwash

      Re: "self-awareness"

      But is it self-awareness or just a simulation of such? That's your philosophy starter for ten.

      1. Robert E A Harvey

        Re: "self-awareness"

        >is it self-awareness or just a simulation of such?

        does it matter? (That's the round two question for you!)

        Would that affect how you treat them?

        If so, how can you justify treating humans differently? You have no way of knowing if the people around you are real, simulated, or a figment of your imagination. You just need to act in the right way regardless.

        1. Captain Hogwash

          Re: "does it matter?"

          That depends entirely on whether or not I have certain knowledge that the thing displaying apparent self-awareness is a robot or not.

  2. Mikezzz

    Make no mistake. Large numbers of robots will be "appointed" by governments and they will be telling us what to do!

    One of the first and prolific examples was the simple traffic light. Government loves this kind of technology because it's (relatively) cheap, politically correct, and a very effective instrument of control. Expect to see many more such devices deployed over the next 10-20 years. We will be required to comply with their instructions and that will be backed with the force of law.

    1. veti Silver badge
      Trollface

      Too right. You know what else? Road markings! We're being conditioned to follow instructions that are literally just painted on!

      And the government even employs people to wash off any markings that aren't authorised. Calling them 'vandalism' or 'graffiti' to stigmatise and marginalise them, but of course the real agenda is about control, maintaining the government monopoly on painting ton fixed surfaces.

      And those mechanical arms that go up to let you out of the car park? You actually have to give money to a robot in order to be allowed to go on your way! It's horrifying, the things we're being conditioned to accept!

  3. monkeyfish

    Assassins or police, not so much

    Unless you can make RoboCop, then I'd accept it.

    In fact I'd accept it if you could make it like any sci-fi robot legend. Hal running my house? Damn strait.

    1. S4qFBxkFFg
      Joke

      Re: Assassins or police, not so much

      Damn strait

      Is that a Knopfler/80s flavoured tribute band?

    2. Sorry that handle is already taken. Silver badge

      Re: Assassins or police, not so much

      Lucky for you they're (re)making Robocop for an early 2014 release!

    3. Michael Dunn
      Big Brother

      Re: Assassins or police, not so much

      "Hal running my house?" Oh yes?

      I'm just going to take a shower.

      I can't allow you to do that, Dave!

      I need a crap.

      I'm sorry Dave, you can't do that.

  4. RainForestGuppy

    Truth in humour

    In Red Dwarf, when asked why a series 3000 droid (a more basic model) looked my human like, Kryten (a series 4000) says that the series 3000 was a complete failure because people didn't like robots that were to human like.

    Ask yourself this would you be more comfortable giving orders to a "robot slave" that looked like a human or to one that looked like R2D2?

  5. Beaufin

    I'd be quite happy giving orders to a (sufficiently attractive) robot slave.

    Are they available from Amazon yet?

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Shouldn't the headline be :

    Robots only tolerate humans as helpful slaves ?

  7. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    Intolerance to robotic assassins?

    I don't very much like human assassins either.

    1. veti Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Intolerance to robotic assassins?

      Good point, and one made all the more telling when you consider how hot most of them are.

  8. graeme leggett Silver badge

    I learned all I need to know about human attitudes to robots

    By reading 2000AD a long while ago

    Robusters (yes, I know started out in Starlord)

    Judge Dredd - the robot revolution led by Call-Me-Kenneth

    Sam Slade Robohunter.

    1. Mark York 3 Silver badge
      Terminator

      Re: I learned all I need to know about human attitudes to robots

      Starlord had the larger market share, 2000AD was the cheaper to produce.....

      Anyway Starlord had the short story about Sheldon who lived & was eventually trapped in a automated house.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    FAIL

    Boll*cks

    Pick a product and you'll find an enthusiast that lavishes care and attention on it.

    Take car owners...

    1. FunkyEric
      Facepalm

      Re: Boll*cks

      And many more who treat them like shite until they fall apart. Then throw them away and buy a new one.

  10. T. F. M. Reader

    Sounds like another breakthrough research

    from the Department of the Bleedin' Obvious.

    Think of your relationship with your computer. Do you have warmer feelings towards it when it does something useful for you (maybe as a cron job) or when you need to fix something that is broken?

    Thought so.

  11. bearded bear can
    Devil

    Dear Santa ..

    I want my own Terminator. Or no robot at all.

  12. Tom 13

    Please tell me this was at least privately funded.

    It's bad enough I now have to bear the stigma that someone from my alma matre thinks this was worthy of being called "research".

  13. stupormundi
    Boffin

    Eye opener !

    "When they were asked about their feelings towards the robot, researchers found they were more positive about the robot when it was helping them."

    These guys are proper geniuses. Just where do they take it from? I'd have never come up with that. Breathtaking. Far out!

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Turing

    Anything that can pass Mister Turing's test should be treated under the same laws as human live under.

  15. Ed_UK

    Aldebaran Robotics = Sirius Cybernetics?

    Clever choice of name there. Aldebaran means "the follower" since it is the bright star which appears to follow the Pleiades across the sky.

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