back to article Life on Mars means subsisting on grim diet of turd-garden spinach

Farmers are often heard singing about their desire for a brand new combine harvester, but they might not even need one if they fancy going to Mars. NASA bods have said the valuable skills of growing veggies and nurturing plantlife are vital to any Mars colonisation. Indeed, according to a talk given at the Human 2 Mars …

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  1. BossHog

    Vegans...

    ... sign up!

  2. Destroy All Monsters Silver badge
    Devil

    I'm sure we Monsatan can engineer a few crops growing in naturally moist Martian soils!

  3. thesykes

    Can't they just just eat the red weed?

    1. TeeCee Gold badge
      Coat

      Soviet cannabis farms........IN SPAAAAAAACE!!!

  4. Sporkinum

    cannibalism

    Make me wonder with it being a one way trip, if there would be cannibalism of the first to die. Maybe indirect, as in chopping up the corpse and using it as fertilizer.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Headmaster

      Re: cannibalism

      Depends on why they died. If it's due to starvation, there is sadly little time left to "grow" anything. Look at history and sieges for an example of what happens in these situations. We would hope to choose to wait it out (if I could hold out), but there is a high possibility others would not have the desire, or strength, to withstand the urges. :O

  5. sisk
    Headmaster

    ....grown largely in their own excrement.

    Growing food this way would make someone very sick. Compared to the animal dung used for fertilizer here on Earth human excrement is loaded with living bacteria, many of which would be extremely hazardous to our health if it came into contact with our food. We make up for this by having sterile urine (most animals do not).

    At any rate, I'd have a very low expectation of survival for someone trying to subsist on food grown from their own poo.

    1. The Indomitable Gall

      As stated elsewhere: the bacteria in shit is the bacteria in the human that produced it. Excrement is a vector for spreading a disease that's already present in the population. Sending people with cholera or dysentery into space would be a bad idea. But screening and quarantining will result in a safe population....

  6. grammarpolice
    Coat

    One way ticket

    At least you might not feel quite as bad that it was a one way ticket. In fact the prospect of an early demise might come as a welcome relief.

    1. asdf
      Joke

      Re: One way ticket

      Its hard to think of better subset of the population to make the one way trip to mars than reality tv stars. Please please let Tila Tequila make the final cut.

    2. ecofeco Silver badge
      Boffin

      Re: One way ticket

      The Marching Morons - C.M. Kornbltuh

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Linux

    Not so much Mars colonisation...

    ...as Mars colon ionisation

    Tux - 'cos have you ever been downwind of a penguin rookery?

  8. Imsimil Berati-Lahn

    Hmmmm.

    "Earthbound farmers are known to be at "high risk" of suicide,"...

    Statistical anomaly caused by easy access to lethal chemicals and firearms, I'd venture.

    1. sisk

      Re: Hmmmm.

      Actually it's insurmountable debt caused by Monsanto's monopolistic practices in a lot of the world.

      1. John Smith 19 Gold badge
        Unhappy

        Re: Hmmmm.

        "Actually it's insurmountable debt caused by Monsanto's monopolistic practices in a lot of the world."

        Ah, they are not called that anymore.

        Just as Windscale is now called "Sellafield."

  9. The Envoy
    Pint

    What about the beer?

    No beer = My turds stay on Earth!

    And I must say I am looking forward to the Mars One debacle mentioned/linked to in the article. All in the name of money ... er, no, that should apparently be science.

  10. All names Taken
    Joke

    Is there life on M'arse?

    Well, is there?

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Alien

    After 6 months of turd-spinach people are going to be ready for anything

    There's going to be a lot of jealous comments about how the guys back on the ISS have it soft, what with their "turkey in a tube" and all.

    Also a definite risk of future landers getting mobbed based on a vicious rumor that the incoming explorers have packs of saltines......

  12. ecofeco Silver badge
    Headmaster

    Oh please

    Modern hydroponics lets you grow and eat just anything you want in one fourth the space as dirt farming with substantially less water and much higher yield rate.

    The kind of thing that is perfect for hostile environments.

    1. John Smith 19 Gold badge
      Unhappy

      Re: Oh please

      "Modern hydroponics lets you grow and eat just anything you want in one fourth the space as dirt farming with substantially less water and much higher yield rate."

      Perhaps.

      But when you've grown those plants the nutrients are bound.

      So where does the next round of nutrients come from?

      It's a closed system remember.

  13. Daedalus
    Headmaster

    Sod it!

    Shit-kickers are cattle ranchers. If you grow crops you are a sod-buster.

  14. Paul J Turner

    Despite Amozon, Google etc...

    it appears the book should be free -

    http://forum.nasaspaceflight.com/index.php?topic=30393.15

    " Here's the VERY LAST SENTENCE IN THE BOOK:

    Quote

    Redistribution of this e-book is permitted, so long as it is distributed for free"

    PDF available

    In which case maybe some revisionism and backtracking is going on! -

    http://www.galactanet.com/writing.html (Andy Weir's page)

    "...The Martian:

    The Martian is going to be published in print by Random House. The hardcover edition

    is scheduled for release in February 2014. Until then, it will not be available in

    print or digital form. The Audiobook is still available. ..."

  15. Nogbad1958
    Alien

    Not so long ago, and not too far away...

    My mother was brought up in the english countryside, no inside loo, no electricity or mains services of any sort. All her food was grown in human excrement. Simple system hut with bucket, man with spade, hole, first year eat crops picked above ground, afterwards it's ok for root crops. Tomatos love it by the way, she's currently eighty-six and counting.

    Mind if you took her back to those days she'd spit in your eye, outside loos are cold and nasty, not to mention the spiders.

    Hmmm that sounds like a Dr. Who title "Spiders of Mars"

  16. JohnG

    Robots

    Wouldn't it be better to send some robots to start growing the fruit and veg? The robots could compost the uneaten vegetation and use this in place of human shit. The added advantages are that the robots wouldn't starve if their farming proved ineffective and humans could delay their arrival until the robots have food and drainage up and running. Hopefully, the robots would be less likely to commit suicide or get drunk and kill each other.

    1. Yet Another Commentard

      Re: Robots

      Would you send Bruce Dern with them? They may play poker.

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