back to article Bottomless, unsatisfied Xbox widow cuffed after boyf flees nookie

A Pennsylvania woman whose boyfriend was keener on his Xbox than a roll in the hay faces charges of indecent exposure, simple assault, open lewdness, and harassment after allegedly assaulting the gaming aficionado, then giving pursuit naked from the waist down as he made for a nearby convenience store to call 911. Heather …

COMMENTS

This topic is closed for new posts.

Page:

      1. Danny 14
        Coat

        Re: Pix or it didn't happen.

        It is very difficult to unsee something. (2girls1cup, goatse, 1man1jar etc)

  1. Wallyb132

    I cant say as i blame him...

    A quick google search turned up this article on huffingtonpost.com:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/03/15/heather-hayes-pantless-arrest_n_2877913.html

    If you take a moment to browse huffingtonposts.com article you will quickly understand why this fellow chose the xbox.

    I'm curious how he landed himself in the relationship in the first place. Was the xbox his escape from the relationship, or the cause of it?

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Achievement unlocked

    Time for a new challenge!

  3. Baudwalk
    Coat

    What's the problem?

    >>>bit him on the left forearm, and grabbed his testicles and began to twist them<<<

    Sounds like perfectly fine Sexy Times to me.

    1. Steven Roper
      Flame

      Re: What's the problem?

      Sounds like fucking sexual assault to me.

      As someone who was assaulted in that manner way back in high school, I can tell you that having your balls grabbed and twisted like that IS REALLY FUCKING PAINFUL. Then add the ignominy of being subsequently punished and ridiculed for attempting to defend myself against the female offenders in question.

      Maybe you'd like me to make some jokes about your other half being raped? I didn't fucking think so.

      1. Chris Houston
        Mushroom

        Re: What's the problem?

        Someones a bit sore

  4. Chris D Rogers

    Tomb Raider?

    Was he playing the new edition of Tomb Raider by any chance?

    Anyway, think I'd prefer looking at Lara Croft than Ms. Hayes - I also find the behaviour quite beastly, particularly given we have 7 billion souls on the planet already.

    I suggest she take a cold shower or bromide, perhaps even get a Xbox paddle for herself!!!!!!!

  5. Gert Leboski
    Unhappy

    Ewww the horrors.

    Just look at her will you?

    He ain't no oil painting, but give him a break.

    Picture it, stood next to a bin, with her love triangle obscured by her over-hanging gut...

    Would you? *shudders*

    "Finally, consider your own prejudices. If the genders were reverse and it was a naked man chasing a woman around the neighbourhood and demanding sex would you still feel the same way?" ~ The Spectacularly Refined Chap

    Good point.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      "If the genders were reverse..."

      "the spectacularly refined chap" who does not understand what capital letters are for or believe in the past tense does indeed have a good point.

      However in fact, due to the above reasons I would seriously doubt his credentials as a "spectacularly refined chap".

  6. oddie
    Thumb Down

    I for one am glad to see that there is still justice in the world..

    after all, when a person is subjected to attempted partner rape, domestic abuse and sexual assault you would definately want to charge the purpotrator with indecent exposure, simple assault, open lewdness, and harassment... at least two of which seems to have only came about because part of this ordeal took place in public...

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    "But...

    ...I can't do it when the Kinect is watching"

  8. Bernard M. Orwell
    Megaphone

    No means No

    No means No, and I' m not obliged to give a reason for saying no either. Am I right ladies....I'm sorry, I mean Gentlemen!

    if this sitiuation were reversed, a man would now be in prison for public nudity, assault and attempted rape.

  9. Crisp
    Coat

    Why didn't she just grab another controller and join him?

    You know what they say, if you can't beat them... play co-op.

  10. MikeyD85

    New quick-time-event

    Have sex to not die.

  11. BluePaintIsNotASuperhighway
    Joke

    The arresting officer

    Maybe it's just me, but the first time I read the article I thought the arresting officer was "Officer Oh! Why", which seemed very appropriate.

  12. The Real Tony Smith

    I didn't even read the story.......

    ... the headline was enough!

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Reverse the roles and

    screams of attempted rape would ensue

  14. Tachikoma
    WTF?

    Wow the comments aimed at this womans appearance are staggering, why don't you all post pictures of yourselves and your sigificant others for the rest of us to judge?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      why don't you all post pictures of yourselves and your sigificant others for the rest of us to judge?

      What? And take you off your game?

      Honestly...

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      As many comments were aimed at the appearance of the man but I don't see you complaining about that.

      Double standards much?

  15. jestersbro
    Trollface

    Hayes "began to slap and punch him about the head and back...

    ...bit him on the left forearm, and grabbed his testicles and began to twist them",

    It would appear that far from being a completely abnormal bloke Mr Zuber not only found solace from his slightly nutsoid Crocodilomuntopig by playing online with his mates, he was also not aroused by having the crap kicked out of him.

    She on, the other hand explained "it was because she was anticipating having sex, and that she didn't want to go upstairs and put on pants before following Zuber to the convenience store".

    Good grief. Thank Gods I got a divorce from mine. They all start out okay you know, then one day... POOF!!

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Hayes "began to slap and punch him about the head and back...

      As my ex-wifes father used to say:

      "Women are like a badly wired plug, they can seem to work perfectly fine for a while, but you never know when they are going to go bang and take the whole house with them".

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: badly wired plugs

        You Sir, owe me a new keyboard!

        I almost considered creating some dummy El Reg accounts just to upvote you some more, LOL

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Trashed the Xbox?

    I'd call 911

  17. wim

    women

    seem to have a problem with accepting refusal.

    1. Psyx
      WTF?

      men

      seem to have a problem with confusing and grouping individual behaviour with that of 50% of the world's population.

      1. NumptyScrub
        Trollface

        Re: men

        quote: "seem to have a problem with confusing and grouping individual behaviour with that of 50% of the world's population."

        I see what you did there

  18. Wzrd1 Silver badge

    ...bit him on the left forearm, and grabbed his testicles and began to twist them",

    Sounds like a cross between STNG and The Eastenders.

    With slightly less class of character for the latter, done with American, erm, flair.

    The police officer spent the remainder of his shift disinfecting the rear seat of his cruiser.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    First time for everything...

    Never heard of a bottomless American before. Wiat, what? You didn't mean her arse?...

  20. Dropper

    Relationships Eh?

    It's funny, but you can tell very quickly which commentors have been in a long term relationship and therefore have regular opportunities for sex and which haven't. Those that have been in relationships or marriages for a few years know exactly what I mean. There's no point in trying to convince the uneducated, but the truth is once the newness wears off, the desire to have sex more than few times a week wears off too. Of course to someone who hasn't had it available 2-3 times a day for as long as they can maintain the pace will never understand the need for sleep and how awesome sleeping is.

    1. Mike Smith

      Re: Relationships Eh?

      Quick regexp for those with kids:

      s/week/year

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Relationships Eh?

        @Mike smith -

        So, you have kids and still get it 2-3 times a year, then?

        Wow.

        You lucky, lucky ....

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Relationships Eh?

      "Of course to someone who hasn't had it available 2-3 times a day for as long as they can maintain the pace will never understand the need for sleep and how awesome sleeping is"

      And than add a sceaming whining crying shiting pissing bundle of "joy" into that mix ...

      ah the joys of a 8am Saturday monring "lie in"

  21. Matt Bryant Silver badge

    What game was he playing?

    Just curious to know.

  22. Martin Budden Silver badge
    WTF?

    "woman arrested by rubbish bin"

    Very confusing sub-head: for a moment I imagined a Dusty Bin style robo-cop!

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    She's a rapist

    Funny how if it were the other way around he'd be a rapist and it'd be all serious but this gets reported by some outlets like a light hearted fun news story. She's not just big but obese, she should be used to sorting it out herself...if she can even see or reach the target.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    You can't PAY for advertising this good

    Just wait until Stephen Colbert gets ahold of this for a spoof Microsoft commercial: "Xbox -- Better than SEX!" ;-)

  25. Jimboom
    FAIL

    Am I missing something here?

    If she was really that pissed off with him playing too much xbox then why didn't she just go switch off the electricity to the house/flat? Or just pull the plug?

    That is what my wife used to do when she was pissed off at me playing World of Warcraft instead of coming to bed with her. For the record though I stopped playing that years ago when I realised just how much time and money I had wasted on a game I didn't even actually own.

  26. Shasta McNasty

    Article Edit

    Heather Hayes, 24 stone,

    There, fixed it for you

  27. tkioz
    FAIL

    Yet if he'd turned around and given her the bop on the nose she desperately needed he'd be the one facing charges...

  28. This post has been deleted by its author

  29. adam payne

    Can't really judge as we don't have any information about the stare of their relationship.

    First thought was turning down sex to play on an Xbox, someone needs to sort out their priorities.

    1. Oz
      Childcatcher

      Google the lady involved and you might change your mind - unless you're a feeder

Page:

This topic is closed for new posts.

Other stories you might like