Love in the time of the internet: A personal memoir

Satisfied Customer

When I started contracting in Germany in 2000 I used German dating sites and went on lots of dates, finding a short-term girlfriend, several girl friends and finally the woman I've been with ever since. My advice is to exchange the bare minimum of messages beforehand, just enough to agree and arrange to meet up. No amount of e-mails or messages will make up for physical unattraction or incompatibility. I also recommend meeting for just a coffee or tea so that you can limit your time together in case you are stuck with someone you find intolerable; if it goes well you can always order food! I've been stuck with some women where that one drink seemed to last forever and in one case I met up and we didn't even bother ordering, just left.

ACs online dating

Being the socially awkward / shy person that I am, I never found it easy to find dates.

I had friends who could go on a night out and guarantee to pull. One of them wasn't even particularly handsome in the conventional sense, but he managed to get into conversations (usually outside smoking I might add...) and could talk his way into anything.

I'd tried the 'big name' sites such as okcupid and match, but to no avail. It does seem like sites like these are made up of 70-80% guys trying to chase the same small group of ladies.

Had more success on a local classified site (which no longer has a dating section).

Some you would email for a while, then never hear from again. Others had the courtesy to reply that they aren't a match. Some wouldn't reply after seeing your photo.

Got a few dates off it.

Usually met at a coffee shop, time for conversation, no chance of getting drunk.

Some were nice, got a couple of weeks of dates, but it would go nowhere.

Others were a bit of a mistake. One asked me to agree to just be friends, then phoned me up the next day to go somewhere when I was already on a roadtrip, then texted me angrily that I didn't say no to just being friends. Another set up a date at a dodgy local football social club. The type of place that has a buzzer on the door to get in, no windows, sticky tables but cheap pints. After hearing some frankly scary views on community integration, I ended it the next day. Feared for my car for a while after, as daftly I had let on where I worked.

Did meet my current other half online, and we have been going strong for a few years.

However, when anyone asks where we met, we give a false story that we met in a bar over a spilled drink incident.

not worth the effort

I was single around the age of 30 (10 years or so back) and tried internet dating. Waste of time.

I gave up after 3 months and just decided to be single, go out drinking with my mates when they were available and somebody would turn up. And if they didn't, at least I'd have had a skinful and a kebab. You might even pull on the bus or train home.

After a year I met a very nice girl from South America in a bar, and I'm now married to her and we have two kids.

I think the best thing you can do to meet people is to join some clubs and go out drinking. Just put yourself in situations where you actually meet members of the opposite sex and eventually you'll find someone. Internet dating was a miserable, disappointing experience for me. I'd far rather go to the pub or a club and see real people who I might get talking to than sit alone at home clicking through the internet hoping desperately that my messages don't get ignored.

"In 1986, Matchmaker.com was set up in the US"

Really? The domain name was only registered in 1997. How would Internet dating by Telnet and FTP work exactly, anyhow? :-)

I met my other half online

It used to be an awkward thing to mention to anyone. The internet, smart phones and all that stuff used to be seen as a thing for just geeks but more and more are using it.

These days, we quite happily admit to it.

Though there are a lot of crazies out there. Going to a pay-for site does help filter most of them out, but they still make it on there.

AC for obvious reasons

I tried Match and plenty of fish which led to three relationships that lasted several months each. Joined a swingers site after the last one, obviously not looking for anything meaningful, but met someone who I just clicked with. Been together three years now, and will be married in a couple of months. Internet dating does work, not always in the usual way.

Needless to say, both families think we met on Match. There's not many that would lie about meeting on there as its the better option. LOL

What are you looking for...?

Travelling the world and living overseas for extended periods, is a great way to meet someone and if nothing else you'll have some great stories to tell. This can be especially true If you're finding you can't meet someone in your own home country!

In Asia and South America women are clearer about what they want IMHO. Many are traditional too, and are happy to meet western guys. I can only say positive things here. I don't mean to offend anyone, but I found dating women from the US and UK to be head-wrecking!

I know AOL doesn't count as 'internet' strictly speaking (particularly in 1992), but that's where I met my first wife. Divorced a few years later. Surprisingly quickly, met another lady on AOL, and she's now my wife of seven years and it's looking good for the next few decades. So, hit or miss for me personally.

In my experience, chatrooms tend to bring out folks' natural personalities (for better or for worse). If you're very socially withdrawn but are a sharp wit with a keyboard, it's the place to go. Bonus points for correct grammar and spelling, which seem to be the equivalent of pecs and biceps at the local club.

And if you're into less 'vanilla' pursuits, look up FetLife. It's not a dating site per se, but a social site with plenty of potential.

If you're going to spend $ to find love then why not do ....

Pick-Up-Artist training..

Its much more empowering than online dating. Don't take it seriously though, as the industry and people working in it are creepy to the point of Scientology!

It all depends on what you want really.

If you are into anything specific or unusual (my partner and I are; we are a pair of bi males so wanted a female playmate), there will be websites full of people to chat to (fetlife for example is an ok one) but really you're be better off going to real life events, mainly because you know that everyone there is real, more likely not to be insane and not a time waster. That said, my partner and I met our playmate on collarme (one of the spammiest, craziest sites around). That was after a good few years of looking for the right person and having lots of let-downs though. So persistence can pay off.

On the other hand, if you are a young, single guy who wants a LTR then you'd have no trouble on something like OKCupid. Plus, the match process there is actually quite good.

Where as you ladies - you really can take your pick because on any site there'll be hundreds of guys messaging. So for goodness sake - limit their number by explaining what you actually want on your profiles. Many guys will ignore it but we aren't all like that so write more than a couple of lines and be honest.

Whoever you are - good luck and don't worry - you'll find someone eventually.

Shag ratio

Its the game to play.

How many you get to shag per Internet introduction.

Two week rule applies (no shag within 2 weeks ditch the bitch)

Always call them not by their real name but a cuddly made up one you use for all of them (or you can get mixed up)

Get a 20 quid PAYG phone from the supermarket, give her that number.

I have a 1:5 ratio on match.com and a 1:3 on morefish.

And I am still playing the game!!!

WHHHHUUUU HA HA HA HA HA HA (my evil laugh)

Snail dating

It all sounds rather like the snailmail Computer Dating of the early 1970s. A biq-ish questionnaire to fill in - from which the matching process only seemed to select male/female. The dates were either women who had applied as a uni prank several years earlier - or were looking for a specified man to marry after a previous jilting. The number of members who were men considerably outnumbered their pool of women.

The 1970 "Carry on Loving" film probably captures the zeitgeist. I can never hear the sound of a zip without thinking of Terry Scott & Imogen Hassall.

Working in various countries was good - local women you met who wanted someone "different". Being foreign conveys an automatic aura of mystery and exoticism anywhere. Didn't marry any of them - but they did give me a crop of "godchildren" (unrelated) to entertain on holidays in London. Good friendships that have lasted forty years.

Aha!

" this now–happily married Reg hack thought it a good idea to take a look at the current state of play for internet daters"

good excuse when wife caught you in the personal ads?

Just researching an article darling

The dating site of my time was Myspace - and it worked. Smiley faces and pic comments was all the girls needed

Accidental..

I accidentally "met" my wife using ICQ (instant messenging app). I had recently moved to a new town and together with a group of friends, started using online chat sites for geeky stuff - usually to setup online gaming sessions with friends from work or to bitch about the work day. Some of my friends from my old neck of the woods joined and suggested we use instant messaging to keep trolls and other twats out of our chat rooms. I quickly got addicted, you could search for people to chat with from any country and usually find groups centered around any topic. I'd always wanted to take a trip to Canada or somewhere in the far north, so I fired off a few messages to some people on that side of the ocean. Only one person responded, a woman from Alaska, and after a few months of chatting about life in each country we handed over more personal information..our real names and addresses. A short time later phone numbers were exchanged and after a couple months I was invited out to Alaska for a visit. Long story short, we met and eventually got married.. lasted 11 years until she passed away in 2009. Pretty much as successful a story as you can find I think (apart from the dying part) but I doubt it could be repeated today without the help of a subscription site.

Match.com & eHarmony.com are a SCAM!

There are numerous cases reported wyhere Match.com was found to be creating fake profiles. In addition Match.com and eHarmony have bucket-loads of angry reviews online, with people claming they’ve been ripped off, particularly regarding sneaky credit card billing i.e. over-extending membership and non-refunds of credit card fees. I've have stayed clear of both. There are plenty of free services, so why pay?

Something active

I met my girlfriend online ~ 5 years ago, and one of the smarter things we did, was choosing something active to do on our first date. We ended up at a small(ish) nature park halfway between our 2 cities, and besides being public, it has a lot of animals and stuff to talk about. We both hated the idea of looking over our starters in a restaurant, with nothing to talk about for the following 2 courses. As it turned out, we spent the afternoon in the park, and went to dinner afterwards, because of the great "click" we had, and still have.

Online dating is way better than offline

The selection of people is greater and crucially the ability to filter. I've had relationships develop in real life but it's a slow, unreliable process. This is especially the case if you have non negotiable requirements such as 'doesn't want kids'.

it's all very well saying shared interest groups are a better idea - and generally I agree - but the logical conclusion is joining a group or going to a club you don't actually want to just to find a date. If you're a man that fancies women, go join a dance class. the question is : do you actually want to join a dance class?

Even if you find an activity with plenty of women they have to be available, in a sensible age range and you need to fancy each other. Friendships are good though.

dating site's Achilles heel is relationship fixation; not that I'm great at them but I don't consider 'we will have a relationship' as a healthy starting point - better to establish mutual interest/attraction and have it develop.

I've had good results through OKCupid and some through plentyoffish (that's a crapshoot - so many awful profiles). I would agree with a friend that said 'generally the women on okc have coloured hair, whilst the ones on pof have orange skin'. fortunately there are exceptions.