back to article Toy train company bids for West Coast Mainline

We offer the Vulture Central tip of the hat today to toy train outfit Bigjigs for its audacious bid to run the UK's West Coast Mainline rail franchise. For those of you not up to speed on the West Coast Mainline fiasco, entertain yourselves with this blow-by-blow account down at the Beeb as to how the nation that invented the …

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    1. Nick Ryan Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: Ironic

      My daughter currently has several rigidly attached bogeys.

    2. Captain TickTock
      Coffee/keyboard

      Re: Ironic

      My keyboard now has ... etc etc

  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Can't be any worst than First.

    Come to Aberdeen (headquarters of First) and try their bus service. Noddy would be better at running it. Probably due to no competition in the area.

    1. 0laf
      Unhappy

      Re: Can't be any worst than First.

      I'll see your First Group and raise you Stagecoach.

      As useful as an ashtray on a superbike and as miserable as a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.

      1. nsld
        FAIL

        Re: Can't be any worst than First.

        Or for the ultimate full house you could do worse than suffer on First Capital Connect into Kings Cross.

        Dirty, late running, expensive and generally shit.

        The bod they have on twitter does have a sense of humour and some of the paid trolls can be amusing as well but thats the main highlight of what they offer.

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Can't be any worst than First.

      First bus Aberdeen have higher prices than elsewhere in the country compared to the area covered.

      The drivers regularly go on strike, with the last series of them planned for the run up to Christmas being averted by a pay rise. Not that they need it as they are the second highest paid bus drivers in the UK, London being highest. Throw in all their benefits too (free gym membership and the likes) and its a bloody good deal.

      But I suppose, when someone has to get a job driving, the rest of their skill set must have been low.

  2. Trollslayer
    Thumb Up

    Love it!

    This is the kind of things the brightens up a grey day.

  3. Leona A
    Coffee/keyboard

    that is great.

    Oh I loved reading that, very clever, I wasn't expecting a reply quite like that, very good and put a smile on my face. We need a bit of fun in our lives, life is far too boring and dull at times, low cost humour, we all could benefit from it. Well done.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Shamefaced

    Who else read it as BigJugs and was slightly disappointed to find out what they actually sold?

    1. Captain TickTock

      Re: Shamefaced

      At least 2 others (not including me)

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Bottom

      Richie: It's not very sexy, is it?

      Eddie: No. I must say, I expected a lot more from "The Furry Honeypot Adventure".

      Richie: I think this is for kids you know Eddie. I think those Hussein brothers saw you coming again. Well, what else did you get?

      Eddie: "Big Jugs"

      Richie: [excited] "Big Jugs"! All right!........" [reads box] ".......a history of pottery in the nineteenth century."

  5. SafetyNerves

    82 days for a response!

    Interesting that it took 82 days for a government response. I expect a final decision will be made sometime in November 2029 for the real franchise then!

  6. Oninoshiko
    Joke

    This may be a joke

    but considering some of the modelers I've seen, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad plan.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Go

    What you need is a distinguished English railway magnate to sort the WCML out.....

    Luckily, I hear Sir Topum Hat is interested!!!

    1. Hellcat
      Joke

      Re: What you need is a distinguished English railway magnate to sort the WCML out.....

      Unlike Bigjigs, the Island of Sodor has many documented (even captured on video) accidents. Staff ignoring procedures and a culture of cutting corners. There have been multiple run away locos, several bridge collapses, numerous trains hitting buildings and other infrastructure. It's only by the grace of God nobody has been killed.

      As you can see they have nothing to differentiate themselves from the existing companies.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Just wish We could still rate articles

    This one would be off-the-scale wonderful

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Marvellous

    I love the sense of humour of the toy company and the equal humour in the response from the DfT.

    I am a bit disturbed, though, that I didn't see anything odd in the title Toy train company bids for West Coast Mainline and had to read into the letter to realise that it was a spoof.

    Is it my befuddled brain, or has life got so strange that I could be forgiven for taking it seriously?

  10. MacroRodent
    Happy

    They also follow proper industry standards...

    From the photos, it looks like Bigjigs makes clones of the classic Swedish Brio train system (http://www.brio.net/ToPlay/3_years/Railway_Sets.aspx), which I recall playing with back when in the kindergarten in the 1960's.

    I guess Brio has had some design patent expire, since many toy shops now offer compatible no-name tracks and rolling stock. Much cheaper but often not up to the same quality standards, based on personal experience with supplying my own kid (don't know about Bigjigs, it is not available here). But it is nice that the non-Brio Thomas the Tank Engine locomotives he was a fan of could run on Brio tracks. Industry standard matter.

    1. Risky
      Boffin

      Re: They also follow proper industry standards...

      The stuff does work together. However the IKEA kit using plastic Lugs on the rails doesn't fit it well so avoid.

  11. MJI Silver badge

    Models

    Could you imagine someone relaying the WCML in P4?

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