Just ask for 200 ml. THAT'LL get you service! Ha!

You poor sod! I sympathise.

I have a German missus so no food worries here, just a lot of everything else (education, childcare, cars, etc...)

Re: House coffee

The other acceptable request is "Filter Coffee".

(Although you're as likely to get an Americano if they only have an espresso machine)

Re: Sir

"The fancy name for black coffee isn't black coffee, it's an Americano. Which isn't just black coffee (filter) because it's made with espresso."

I suspect I'm not the only one who gets really really pissed off by repeatedly having to answer the question 'do you want milk in it' when I've asked for an Americano.

Which is rather than point here, isn't it? The Italian / pseudo-Italian terms are misused and misunderstood (even by those making the coffees) Perhaps Debenhams are right: let's have some plain coffees.

I just wish I could be confident that they'd be made well - as well as they are in Rome rather than as well as they are in Starbucks....

Re: Sir

Pero, Jo estoy Americano.

Pazhalsta!

That would be true to one of those Italian labels.

Ask a Roman for an "Americano" and you've asked for an instant coffee - something foreign. The English use of the word apparently refers to something else, to which no self-respecting Italian would stoop.

"A cynic would think that it's an attempt to ensure no wankers who work for marketing come in, and start loudly asking for overly-faffy coffee and WiFi."

Yeah, god, asking if somewhere has wifi is entirely unacceptable, those horrible wankers.

*facepalm*

"Though come to think of it: Asking for wi-fi *is* a bit lame, really. It infers that you can't spend two seconds looking at your device and noticing that they do, or reading one of the "we have free wi-fi" signs."

Clearly you live up a stick in a field, or somesuch. In a built-up area, there is often no obvious way to tell if any of the multiple networks that you can see from a tiny coffee shop is actually theirs. If none of them are open, even if they do have a sign, you need to find out which network belongs to them, and what the credentials are.

Still, don't let reality interfere, eh? I am sure that some strange male pride means you'd rather use rainbow tables than actually ask.

Re: Sounds fair enough to me.

I love coffee, but it shouldn't take more that 4 words to describe the coffee. It is getting seriously mental stateside, it takes people 30-45 seconds to describe their order. Yes fauxtalian size names is a little silly as well. Just because the style of coffee is derived loosely from an italian concept doesn't mean every other word on the menu needs to be in italian. We use Hawaiian where we can here, and yes that means entire sentences, but ffs it's not like you are actually ordering in italian, just stealing a few words to justify it costing 5 bucks.

I also concur wholeheartedly with the above sentiment regarding the quality of the coffee. It is rarely better than instant (which is fine in the same way a Hollands steak pie is fine, but it isn't a fillet) and frequently abysmal, despite costing a small fortune. Personally I found carrying a small flask of coffee made from local beans cheaper and nicer.

Re: Sounds fair enough to me.

"I hate Starosta coffee places where you have to piss around translating faux-italian names just to order a simple coffee. "

Simple solution: use a local independent. Here in the near of Reading we have plenty and they tend to pay their taxes. We even have one called Picnic right next to Starbucks - very friendly and not full of trendy dorks showing off their Apple devices.

The be fair Costa does pay tax on it's profits.

Re: Sounds fair enough to me.

"For people who are happy with "just a coffee", any coffee will do, so if you^'re not arsed to learn, just order yourself a regular coffee."

Except that you're then met with an incredulous look from some minimum-wage prick with a chip on their shoulder, who then patronises you along the lines of "I *think* you mean an Americano" and tuts of derision from a queue of faux coffee snobs. Because these places seem incapable of 'just' giving me a cup of 'normal' coffee (and I've already compromised, because what I *actually* want is a drinkable a cup of tea, but I know from experience that there's fuck all chance of getting one in a coffee shop).

For the record, what I really *want* if I'm going in a coffee shop and paying £3 for a coffee is a Turkish coffee. But for all the pretentiousness, none of them actually serve that stuff.

@James Micallef

But if you ask for "a black coffee" they flog you an "americano" which isn't a "normal black coffee" it's an espresso with water added. If you want a "normal" cup of coffee as I grew up with you have to ask for a filter coffee.

I'll admit if you ask for "a beer", in the UK at least, you may be asked to be more specific but if you ask for a lager or a bitter or a white or red wine there's usually a "house" one. They don't then ask you how many shots you want in it or whether you want sprinkles (OK, so i made up the sprinkles).

Re: Sounds fair enough to me.

So why not simplify it and just ask for a drink? All this faffing about with "coffee" vs "water" vs "beer" vs "tea" vs "juice" and all that just confuses the matter!

Re: Sounds fair enough to me.

Not quite that far Nick :) It just seems to have developed into a huge pain in the ass to order a coffee. If I walk into a cafe and in Italy, approach the bar, and say "un caffe per favore", I get a cup of espresso (at least in the mornings, like the French what you get will sometimes vary across the day which is only right!). I say "grazie", add sugar and go pay. Its that simple. I walk into a starfooks and I have to give a shedload of parameters, all in a mix of Italian and English. I would have more respect for them if you actually had to order entirely in Italian. Sure the coffees should have their correct names but thats where it needs to stop. I am not impressed with marketing bastardising a foreign language to make themselves seem more genuine when frankly they couldn't be farther from the real experience if they served ground beef in the cups. The staff aren't really trained so much as churned out and they rarely get decent raw materials, let alone have well maintained clean equipment. French and Italian cafes are frequented by a huge number of people on their way to work or on their lunch break. As such ordering is rapid. Starfooks et al is frequented mostly by soccer moms and people wanting the wifi, in general people not in a huge rush and who want 'an experience', so it is set up to make them think they are getting an authentic Italian experience. It really comes nowhere close to actually going into a cafe that trades on its reputation for quality and speed. Given that only 10% of Americans have passports and only a fraction of those will have been to France or Italy, I suspect you could flog them snowcones and they wouldn't know the difference (Hartlepool monkey style).

"the panini will be off the menu as well"

Surely being British that should be "paninis", shouldn't it?

The usual British rendering is panini's.

Re: rantomatic

sometimes I also dream that after fucking with me over the namingconvention of the size of my beverage, the next person behind me in the queue specifies their entire order in italian.. obv this scenario only works if the fucker-ista behind the counter isn't italian too....

I think maybe I need to try decaff for a bit...

Re: rantomatic

What pisses me off about Starbucks is that they don't even use real Italian terminology for coffee, they make up their own. All the Italian terms are well-understood by every barista in every bar in Italy. Only a 'Starbuckee' can understand Starbuck-speak for coffee ordering.

'Venti' literally means 20 because in Starbucks that's a 20-oz serving. No Italian in their right mind will EVER order a bucket of coffee. On the other hand, why do they use 'tall'? It's translating the italian 'lungo' to mean 'long' or 'large', but using it to mean something completely different.

Re: "lungo"

Yes. Lungo does not specify the size, it specifies that the pressurised steam passes quickly through the coffee when brewing. It produces a distinct flavour that would be less strong than a typical espresso and also a 'longer' drink.

It is the opposite to Ristretto (think 'restrictive').

Re: rantomatic

>If you want to be really annoying, pull out an English-Italian phrasebook and labouriously flick through it as you peer up at the menu, and reply to their questions in broken Italian.

Drop your panties, Sir William, I cannot wait till lunchtime. My nipples explode with delight!

Re: rantomatic

They wouldn't even know what an ounce is.

Re: rantomatic

Everyone knows what an ounce is, and can eyeball it from across the room.

Oh fluid ounce. My bad.

They microwave BACON!!!!!!!!!!!

Burn the heretics

That's because the customers actually were idiots (not all, but too many to be a coincidence)