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back to article Microsoft's 'official' Windows 8 Survival Guide leaks

[Note: We received this FAQ document anonymously and cannot confirm its authenticity. However, it has such dead useful advice, we thought we'd share it with you - Eds] Q. Who is this guide for? A. This guide is for users who want to take advantage of new technologies in Windows® - such as faster performance, shorter boot time …

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Bronze badge

Context switching

Yes, this is exactly my problem. Context switching.

As a lot of people know, their productive regime can be destroyed by having to context switch - answering a phone you don't normally answer, changing the way you stack your papers, even switching between mouse and keyboard when playing a game like Counterstrike (I can subconsciously do everything with the buy keys on Counterstrike without problem, but the second I play a "automatic weapon spawn" game, I find myself trying to get into buy menus that don't exist, and taking my hand off the mouse to try to type two-handed when it's not necessary) - and that's exactly what Windows 7 and 8 do to me.

It's not even the fact that there are "changes", but the way those changes operate to make things different. This is also my exact problem with the ribbon toolbar - things change inconsistently until you've really, really used it a lot and then the advantage that those changes and memorising them give aren't worth the time it took you to learn them.

This is also my pet hate in browsers and other programs that pop up password dialogs - that's an entirely DIFFERENT beast that I need to know has changed, and the context needs to tell me that. I can't tell you the times I've typed a password (or more likely half a password) into a dialog that's popped up at random because of X and taken keyboard focus with no warning. How *dare* I look down at the keyboard for a second?! Fortunately, I have a long established habit of not pressing Return to login, so it's more a pain than a big security issue but how many old grannies type in their long, strong password and then look up only to find they've typed it not into their banking app but into a random website's "contact us" page?

Changes of context are THE key to an interactive desktop. I need to know when I'm going to break the system (i.e. for administrative modes, make you reboot into them, make all normal programs UNUSABLE while running them, and make everything go red so you *can't* use it for everyday use and certainly not without knowing - for general use, let things operate, don't let them steal keyboard focus EVER - for secure password entry, sound a note, clear the keyboard buffers, lock out all other programs from accessing the keyboard for the duration, ignore keystrokes with audible and visual warning if the user seems to have been typing from the previous screen, and then disappear once entered).

UAC was a very poor attempt at this that was worthless and seems to have corrupted people into thinking you don't need to do this. But you do. Desktop context is a big, major, design issue that if you get it right you never notice but if you get it wrong, everyone shouts. And, personally, that's exactly what puts me off a lot of software and the newer Windows OS. Hell, I'm just in the middle of filing a bug report on Opera because if you get an SSL warning while typing in another tab, it stops you being able to enter information and gets in your way. I consider it an horrendous bug for such an otherwise bug-free program.

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Megaphone

Re: Context switching

Your description is probably correct, but very long. I'll give a give an example of the terrible context switching that comes default on W8.

You are surfing the web and click to read a PDF file. It opens the 'metro' default PDF viewer which takes up the entire screen (no viewing the webpage and pdf unless you have multi-monitors). When you are done reading the pdf, what do you do now? There is no X. You can use the hot spot in the upper left to go back to the desktop, but the pdf doesn't close. Or you can ALT+F4 which closes the PDF viewer, but now you are at the metro interface not your original webpage so you have to take an extra step of going back to the desktop.

Metro, how work doesn't get done.

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FAIL

Piss off

Articles like this really fuck me off; especially as they're usual written by some smart arse cynical Appletard or some twat who is too stupid to figure out the most simplistic solutions. No Metro application will print?? Don't talk bullshit. Yes, OK, even I did question the fact that there isn't a PRINT button when you right click although there may well be in the RT only version. Back in the real world we hit Ctrl+p and get the option of which network printer to use. Or are you too fucking thick to figure that out?

People who have no knowledge or experience read things like this and take them at face value, especially the fucking idiots who thought it might be a Microsoft document just because of the colour choices, so you have a responsibility to provide at least mildly accurate viewpoints. If Windows 8 is a failure it won't be because of the OS, it will be arsehole commentards on various tech websites blowing minor learning points into deal breakers. I've been using Windows 8 as my work laptop OS, home laptop OS and home desktop OS and I have had almost no issues, certainly nothing that a quick Google search didn't fix. You still have a desktop and a taskbar for the 7 or 8 applications you use more often so quick fucking griping and talk about some of the nice features of Windows 8 instead of crying because you've shat yourself and need someone to change your nappy.

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(Written by Reg staff) Silver badge

Re: Piss off

Hi Steve!

Flame of the week.

C.

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Trollface

Re: Piss off

"If Windows 8 is a failure it won't be because of the OS, it will be arsehole commentards on various tech websites blowing minor learning points into deal breakers."

No... it'll definitely be because of the OS.

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Gold badge

Re: Piss off

Hooksie,

1) It's a humorous article. Calm down.

2) To take the example you picked up on. If you have to know that you have to press CTRL+P in order to print in Metro (disclaimer: I've not used it yet, I don't know), then it's broken. This is a consumer product. How's my Mum supposed to know that? What are the chances of her remembering that for the next time she wants to print an email 6 months later? It's supposed to be a UI, not an intelligence test.

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Mushroom

Re: Piss off

FOTW FTW!

Hook, who is MS trying to sell this too? Your flame points this out, even though you didn't expect it to. Right clicking and other 'hidden data' doesn't make it easy for new users who are looking for visual clues on what to do. Magic keycodes are only used by power users who know the codes in the first place, these power users are the ones that seem to be doing the most 'bitching' that Microsoft changed things for no good reason (and plenty of bad ones).

I do hate to say this, but... We need to take away the right mouse button from Microsoft for a while. Yes, Mac's sucked because they didn't have it, but MS is abusing the right click in places that it shouldn't. They have forgot that instead of letting the user blindly right click his way around, you need to give VISUAL INDICATORS. It's even weirder that MS is doing so much blind right clicking on the (metro) desktop when tablets don't have a right click.

And yes, this message was posted from Windows 8.

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Thumb Down

Re: Piss off

I never get Flame of the Week.

Andrew: you suck.

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Facepalm

Re: Piss off

Back in the real world we hit Ctrl+p and get the option of which network printer to use.

Which sort of misses the whole point of having a GUI O/S in the first place.

Soounds like another Heisenfeature: "Windows 8's UI is designed to be touchscreen friendly, apart from the bits that require you to use a keyboard to navigate it."

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Re: Piss off

..tell you what - go and introduce the keyboard commands to most end users and they'll remember 3 at the most. Satire or whinging? pah.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Piss off

Agreed, it is supposed to be an OS, not Monkey Island.

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Silver badge

CTRL+P for printing

Do you have to buy the keyboard upgrade to unlock the printing feature then?

Or maybe you can get an on-screen keyboard (multi-touch, of course). Should be fun to see people trying to hit multiple keys on a small screen.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Piss off

"not an intelligence test"

I think you mean "not a memory test".

The intelligence test is about which OS you chose in the first place !

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Piss off

Ah, Hooksie, you've outdone yourself in your one-man MS-fanboi crusade here, gathering downvotes as if they were leaves falling from the autumn trees.

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Facepalm

Re: Piss off

To add to Spartacus(ssesssss) comment, pressing control + P in a touchscreen device is not trivial. Doing it a the Citrix Xendesktop (yeah I know, right?) requires for that specific shortcut to be created, etc. So It is quie strange to remove the obvious user interface options we use in EVERY SINGLE PRODUCTIVITY APP.

In fact, if they love their damn ribon so much, why not create a windows_menu_to_ribon automatic conversor: almost every windows app uses windws menues, why not create a single application that can represent it as a ribon and create a single user experience ?

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Re: CTRL+P for printing

I think you hit the nail on the head... we are all going to have to unlock the various functionality features we want/used either by using the free to play method and gaining XP or buying the DLC at a later date... maybe if you link it with your xbox account you get achievements, such as "hot-key god" and "who needs a stinking mouse anyway"...

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Re: Piss off

Lol Glad I made so many people's day :-) I have to take umbridge with the fanboy claim though, as anyone who has read my rants before will know I have an iPad, an Android tablet and used the HP Touchpad before I got the iPad, all have their ups and downs, show me someone who has never had a problem with an iPad and I'll eat my own feet. It's about user education and that's not going to happen if people are told that's it too difficult to use.

And for fucks sake, the right click to bring up a context menu with more options has been around since windows 95 or earlier. And Ctrl+p for print?? Who doesn't know that? It's been on every Print button for the past 15 years.

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Re: CTRL+P for printing

Yes you get an on screen keyboard, it's a touchscreen based UI you noob. It's the little picture of a keyboard on the bottom right of your screen, and much improved from the Windows 7 osk. And it's just as easy to use as the osk in the iPad. And you get a keyboard on the touchcover.

Next.

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Re: Piss off

Haaaaaaaasve you used it yet?

What are your issues? Maybe I can help?

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Re: Piss off

Ok, we'll make sure it's these three:

Ctrl+c for the charms menu

Ctrl+p for print

Ctrl+w for search

And make absolutely sure that they know to right click on the start icon as this gives you instant access to the control panel, run command, cmd prompt (admin and standard) program's and features (appwiz.cpl) and a few other really useful shortcuts that would have taken longer to get to in Windows 7, a god send for admins.

Next!

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Silver badge

Re: Piss off

"Agreed, it is supposed to be an OS, not Monkey Island."

Unfortunately it *is* Monkey Island, not a usable OS.

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Silver badge

Ctrl + C for Charms?

Does Win 8 not have a copy function anymore?

Why in Dante's 8 pits of Hell did they decide to arbitrarily change common keyboard shortcuts just when users need them the most?

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Re: Piss off

How's my Mum supposed to know that?

She doesn't need to. You teach her to print using the Charms, that way it gives exactly the same experience in all the applications. That's kind of the whole point.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Piss off

Wait isn't the charms menu Windows+C,

What thicker than pigsh!t person could forget a simple shortcut like that eh Hooksie?

What sort of retards are failing at the simple things in WIndows 8!

Lets keep this factual and on message people are trying to learn this stuff.

Posted in the form of "Karmic Payback for condescending and self important rant"

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Re: Ctrl + C for Charms?

Sorry, my bad, that should have been win+c and win+w

I was too busy being a smart arse arrogant twat to get the details right, kind of like the author of the article ;-)

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Re: Piss off

My issues are that it pointlessly throws all standard usability out for no obvious gain.

Metro just seems to be an annoyance to me (I can see no use for it, personally), and there's no way to turn it off.

Luckily, I have Classic Start. But why should I need third-party software to make my purchase* work for me?

* Hypothetically

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Gimp

Re: Piss off

As a cynical appletard (nice terminology) who uses (virtual) PC's all day everyday and MS Office for a living I am glad that my clients are big corporates who will migrate to 8 in a few years if it's ever fixed (they all skipped vista). I'd just like to say that It looks like a fisher price operating system to me and i'm sure kids everywhere will just love it..

"Row, row, row your boat, merrily merrily, merrily, down the stream"

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Bronze badge
Paris Hilton

Re: Piss off

What is the maximum number of down votes ever received by a commentard here, and where can I read the comment?

Paris: She understands maxima

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"...Now, pressing the Windows® [Windows] key acts as a portal between two completely self-contained universes: the Metro Notro desktop..."

Andrew, you nearly pulled it off. The "Notro" reference was the give away, you are still the only person using this term. Now be a good little El Reg hack and confess in a bootnote so our cousins across the pond dont get too upset.

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Anonymous Coward

I think I know the new theme song(s) for Win8

Win95 used The Rolling Stones' "Start Me Up".

Win8 should use "Weird" Al Yankovic's "Everything You Know Is Wrong" for TIFKAM, and "Dare To Be Stupid" for the "classic" interface.

(and the rest of us can play "One More Minute" while we flee Windows....)

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Coat

Re: I think I know the new theme song(s) for Win8

Those who have already made the switch to Linux might wish to put on; "Fuck it, I don't want you back." by Eamon and imagine Steve Balmer miming it.

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Thumb Up

Re: I think I know the new theme song(s) for Win8

This video needs to be made and put on YouTube. It would go viral in no time....

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Thumb Up

Re: I think I know the new theme song(s) for Win8

Lily Allen?

Fuck you, fuck you very, very much

'Cause we hate what you do

And we hate your whole crew

So please don't stay in touch

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Thumb Down

"News"?

Last time I checked the word "News" featured in the title of this website, its a shame that its missing from the content of this article. While I appreciate that it's important to target your content for the audience, and that bashing Windows 8 is the "in thing" on the internet at the moment, I can't completely shake the view that this piece has somewhat missed the "information on current events" aspect of "News".

If I wanted satire I would be reading The Onion.

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Unhappy

Re: "News"?

oh dear...it seems that satire has a place here too; how else that can the hand be bitten? Or would you prefer another whingefest of how fecking bad it all seems. Bards in days gone by used to be the newsreaders, and when they did a satire 'on' you, your credibility left the building in tears...

...there are news pieces on the rest of the site, move along, move along...and try to change the batteries in your iphone, or find a forum for lovers of <unheard linux distro>.

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Silver badge

Re: "News"?

I don't see "news", however I do se "Biting the hand that feeds IT". Anyway, it does explain, in a very humourous way, exactly what is wrong with Windows 8.

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Re: "News"?

How about "The Register: Sci/Tech News for the World" (in the title of your browser when you visit the home page)

Nothing wrong with satire, as long as it is accompanied by actual news as well. Also it doesn't explain what is wrong with Windows 8, its an opinion. A very popular opinion, however an opinion nevertheless as opposed to verifiable information.

If I wanted opinion I would be reading reddit or the Daily Mail.

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Stop

Re: "News"?

How about "The Register: Sci/Tech News for the World" (in the title of your browser when you visit the home page)

Seems to be missing the word 'Exclusively' though ;-)

Satire doesn't need to be accompanied by an explanation, in fact it often works better when that explanation is absent, not least because comments sections get filled by the confused. If you read carefully, you'll see there are points highlighted (think Printing from Metro) it's just that it's subtly wrapped up.

If you want to verify the stuff they've posted, get your hands on Windows 8 and see what you can and can't replicate.

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Anonymous Coward

knew this was hoax

Irfanview?

Microsoft document naming non-microsoft product?

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Anonymous Coward

Re: knew this was hoax

Really? That was the ONLY thing that gave it away?

I thought IT professionals were supposed to have brains and insight.

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Thumb Up

Superb article

Started reading this thinking it was serious, then ended up laughing out loud in the office (with a mouthful of coffee).

Brilliant stuff, keep it up ;)

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Megaphone

Poke fun, by all means...

...but would it be too much to ask to keep things acurate.

It is not possible to turn the menu bar black. Turning all slliders down in the RTM version sets the bar to grey, not black, unless you have a buggy graphics driver perhaps?

Printing, as has been mentioned before IS possible from Mordern UI apps

Other myths being published by various bloggers:

The traditional control panel cannot be found, except by: pressing the start and typing "control", by calling up the charms (Windows+C) click settings, click control panel, by right clicking my computer and selecting properties, by opening windows explorer and navigating the bread crumbs (who gave it that name????)

IE App is the default explorer (not on Enterprise version)

Window 7 is better (He's never had to deal with the print driver interface, synchronous profile load times, boot times, wonderful desktop apps that create 25MB loads in app data just by being run for the first time... thank you Java, et al.)

Some of the benefits business is going to get out of windows 8 are going to be ignored because people keep extending these myths. My boss walked in the door one morning and said "Did you see that article, blah blah blah, you can't even bring up the control panel." It did not help that I turned round and demonstrated there an then how wrong that was. In the end he walked away muttering about how the reviews are still bad. I am beginning to feel a little BOFH coming on... Now where did I put that cattle prod...

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Re: Poke fun, by all means...

Printing, as has been mentioned before IS possible from Mordern UI apps

Morde, imperative or mordeo - To Rob

Quite fitting considering they robbed a UI people were familiar with and replaced it with tiles!

Some of the benefits business is going to get out of windows 8 are going to be ignored because people keep extending these myths.

I suspect it's more they'll be ignored because of the retraining that's going to be required for some of the staff (think the ones that complain if the desktop image changes). I very much doubt any of these 'myths' will be solely responsible.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: "from Mordern UI apps"

"Mordor UI apps" ?

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Trollface

Re: "from Mordern UI apps"

Where is the Orc icon when you need it, eh?

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WTF?

WTF!??! does this mean in normal language...

re "bugs" vs "features"

"The user is instead offered a holistic and integrated user experience where the old distinctions are no longer relevant. An aspect of the software’s behaviour may be a bug, or it may be a feature. For users unwilling to accept the distinction at first, this guide will help them maintain productivity while pivoting to the new Microsoft® Windows® 8™ user experience paradigm."

On another note, how well does Metro interface work in RDP sessions, especially over a WAN? I can imagine the excess bandwidth requirements, not to mention latency will be a nightmare. This on top of the difficulty in hitting the proper spot to pull up the Charms menu since this is now off-screen somewhere; that doesn't always work well when Win 8 is running in a window or a VM.

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Re: WTF!??! does this mean in normal language...

Seriously dude, wtf are you thinking?? What is an RDP session? It's a screen and some commands going back and forward, in what way will the new UI increase bandwidth? It works just fine to answer the question and is in fact very smooth. I use my iPad with Splashtop to control my desktop and it's great.

Next myth?

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Silver badge

I can see why they removed the Rate This Article option.

I'm sure it looks funny to the author, but to those of us who manage fine on Windows 8 and don't find it confusing or disorientating, it just seems contrived.

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Anonymous Coward

Golden

"This is true in all cases, except where it is not."

Awesomesauce.

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Got it from Harvard Lampoon imho

ROTFLMAO. Funny.

Using win8 as primary desktop for 8 months no issues not reslly although I have reset some of it - start button and menu, default aps in some cases.

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