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back to article Better pay your taxes: The world's NOT going to end this year

Those folks counting down to the end of the world, currently scheduled for 21 December according to the Mayan calendar, are going to be disappointed, a gaggle of experts have said. Archaeologists, anthropologists and other experts in old things meeting over the weekend in Mexico have suggested that the Mayas may indeed have …

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  1. King Jack
    Holmes

    The Calendar Explained

    Some clerk was given the job to make a calendar. He began, but eventually as with all things, he had to stop. 2012 was so far into their future that it made no difference. Idiots, sorry experts today put meaning to the end of days. My brother has been bleating on about it. As the date draws closer he keeps changing altering what 'the end' means. The Earth will split in two, the poles will shift, the world governments will implode, they way mankind behaves will change... The list goes on. I predict that he will shut up on that day.

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  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    But...

    I always thought Doomsday will be caused when an as yet unknown scientist working on quantum power generation accidentally initiates a Big Bang.

    We all know that the words of creation were in fact "Hey I wonder what this button does"...

    Shortly followed by "Oops.. Call insurance, we have another black hole in the lab again."

    Said black hole expanded outwards into M-space "creating" our Universe as it went.

    AC but not as we know it...

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    1. Jtom
      Reply Icon
      Alien

      Re: But...

      Actually, this world is just a recurring dream I have. When I am awake, you don't exist (you think you're sleeping). When I sleep, the dream - and this world - resumes.

      This world will end when I die. Absurd? Are......you.....s u r e?

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      1. Magister
        Reply Icon

        Re: But...

        Only two things in this life are certain.

        Death and taxes.

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        1. Anonymous Coward
          Reply Icon
          Anonymous Coward

          Death & Taxes

          I understand death can sometimes be painless though

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        2. swampdog
          Reply Icon

          Re: But...

          "Only two things in this life are certain.

          Death and taxes."

          They way they drive round here, the two go hand in hand! Could be handy on the Styx though.

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          1. Local G
            Reply Icon
            Unhappy

            "Only two things in this life are certain."

            I thought they added root canal in '02.

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  3. Anonymous Coward
    Mushroom

    Oh bollocks

    You mean I have to pay back all this debt I racked up from a reputable loan shark who maybe break legs?

    Damn you scientists! :)

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  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Depends

    Death can be excruiciatingly painful, such as being forced to listen to Lady Gaga over and over at 95dB until one's head explodes.

    Although the electric chair improperly used has to be pretty high up on the list, death by fire is pretty nasty.

    I've heard of the infamous case where someone's hair turned white due to the pain...

    AC/DC

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  5. Stevie

    Bah!

    Clearly the "apocalypse" is a world shortage of bacon. Mayans:1, Hogfarmers:0

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  6. JaitcH
    Happy

    I support Romney, so I don't have to pay taxes

    I have decided to join Rooney's 47% non-tac paying fraternity, whether he likes it or not. Then I can claim my free telephone.

    I'm not alone, over 2000 households earning USD$1,000,000 plus last year in the US also collected unemployment benefits.

    Good place America, regardless of what the Mayans say.

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