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back to article So, what IS the worst film ever made?

Our piece last week on Eddie Murphy's cinematic train-wreck A Thousand Words - a possible nominee for the worst film ever - had El Reg commentards queuing up to recount their celluloid nightmare experiences. And chilling reading it made, to be sure. Inspired by your litany of cinematic shame, we've decided to run a poll this …

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Devil

Re: I've sat through some truly awful stuff...

I shared your misfortune in sitting through that, and I agree.

It's the only movie that's ever made me feel *ashamed* to have watched it. Pretty much as if I'd paid to watch a real snuff movie.

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Meh

Re: I've sat through some truly awful stuff...

One amazon.com reviewer said this, in part: "I began groaning within minutes of starting director Marc Evans's low budget horror film "My Little Eye." Why, you ask? Well, it looked, sounded, and generally felt like one of those shot on video disasters routinely released by companies like Sub Rosa. If you have spent even a small amount of time plumbing the depths of zero budget horror films, you know what I am talking about. Sub Rosa distributes the absolute worst movies imaginable, films so terribly awful that any sane viewer of such dreck immediately feels like lobbying Washington for some sort of legalized ban on this sort of stuff. The only saving grace in this situation, and I mean the only one, is occasionally stumbling over something of quality. Such a diamond in the rough might still need some polishing, might not shine as brightly as the viewer would hope, but said diamond is still worth watching. "My Little Eye" constitutes such a bright spot. It is hopelessly low budget, painfully so, but all the elements come together in the end to deliver a truly frightening experience that studio films operating with better actors, bigger budgets, and better special effects cannot seem to muster. This one is a winner."

I haven't seen it. Cursed or blessed? I'm still not certain.

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Pint

The worst possible movie

Is best forgotten as quickly as possible :-)

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Happy

Re: The worst possible movie

I really struggled to come up with one....

as you say some are best and often thankfully forgotten quickly

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xyz
Devil

Anything on in the Curzon in London, the haunt of the lost fanbois clutching their ancient macTops and trying to look cool.

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Headmaster

Bad, weak troll.

"Anything on at X" being "the absolute worst ever in this galaxy"? Sad.

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Alien

Green Lantern. It's worse than Battlefield Earth. I didn't think it was possible, but apparently it is.

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"it's worse than Battlefield Earth"

Really? Thank you for the warning - I shall give the Green Lantern a wide berth on the off-chance that you've discovered the anti-Holy grail that is a film less enjoyable than BE.

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Mushroom

I want to nominate a film 571 times

U571

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Re: I want to nominate a film 571 times

ROTFFLMFAO. I agree, make it 572 votes.

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The Matrix 2

Not only it was excruciatingly bad, but when I left the cinema I was almost in tears because they soiled the name of the film it was a sequel of. Which I adored.

Maybe it should be the Matrix 3, but I couldn't even be bothered to look for its torrent.

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Re: The Matrix 2

At least The Matrix 3 was funny.

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MJI
Silver badge

Re: The Matrix 2

2 and 3 are best forgotten.

But they are merely poor.

Reminds me of Camerons folly.

He really expected Titanic DVD to be a success with a non-anamorphic transfer and no extras - complete sales flops.

So what was released at the same time and topped the sales charts?

The Matrix, a really enjoyable film best watched without reference to the sequels

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Re: The Matrix 2

I dunno I liked the orgasm cake idea....

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Anonymous Coward

Re: The Matrix 2

Can I have a pre-emptive nomination for the Wachowskis' forthcoming film of Cloud Atlas?

At least with the Matrix series, they only ripped off bits several dozen uncredited books, rather than gutting a single name and loved book.

I'm cringing already

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Re: The Matrix 2

No they are not 'merely poor'

Matrix 2 was so bad that it managed to not only destroy itself, but another film that had come out years before AND a film yet to be even shown.

See also Terminator 3, Aliens 4 (for some reason I can give 3 a pass), Batman and Robin etc

Most annoying films aren't really the bad ones, but the ones that were 'nearly good'. My mind has clearly just emptied now I need to find an example, "In Time" fits the bill.

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Re: The Matrix 2

Any film with Monica Bellucci in a translucent rubber dress can't be all bad...

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Silver badge

Re: The Matrix 2

FatsBrannigan wrote: "At least with the Matrix series, they only ripped off bits several dozen uncredited books, rather than gutting a single name and loved book."

And on that note, I would like to nominate "I Robot"

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Bronze badge

Re: The Matrix 2

For the first category? Because I Robot really steals parts from all the Asimov robot books, not just one. And, actually, given that, I don't think it's that bad.

But someone really needs to shoot the studio for the sell-out crap on the Nike shoes or whatever it was. Excruciating product placement best left on the cutting-room floor.

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Silver badge

Re: The Matrix 2 (goldcd)

Terminator 3 stands out from the crowd for me. I went to see it in the cinema and distinctly remember there was no dramatic music during the car chase scene. Did the Director actually go to film school?

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WTF?

Re: The Matrix 2

I dunno what you guys have been smoking.

I realise that it used to be fashionable to diss anything that was immensely popular as "selling out" but that is so passé.

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Re: The Matrix 2

There is only one Matrix film. In the same way that there are only 3 StarWars films - the first of which was 1977.

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Facepalm

Re: The Matrix 2

Orgasm Cake?? I don't remember that scene.

Oh, it just realised why I don't remember it

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Silver badge

Re: The Matrix 2

Too bad they never made any sequels to The Matrix

http://xkcd.com/566/

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The title is too long

You may think I'm making this title up, so I'll put an IMDb link in here as well.

The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies

Directed by serial offender Ray Dennis Steckler, it's one of those films that could have been in the "so bad it's good" category, but it stays firmly in the bad camp

http://uk.imdb.com/title/tt0057181/combined

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Anonymous Coward

Re: The title is too long

Hah - thanks (not). Long titles reminds me of Anthony Newley's film, 'Can Heironymous Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Hump and Find True Happiness'.

It's not even as good as its own title.

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Silver badge

Re: The title is too long

Speaking of funny titles, a really bad movie I remember from my youth..

Captain Power and the Soldiers of the Future.

B movie supreme :)

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Re: The title is too long

Captain Power was a TV show and actually got quite watchable at the end when they actually added a bit of a plot. Not a lot of a plot but...

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I nominate

The English Patient.

Best Actor should've gone to Ralph Fiennes' bandages.

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Meh

Who remembers bad films? If it's bad enough you press stop or change channels.

If you watch it all the way through then more fool you.

Worst film I managed to watch all of was probably Dusk 'til Dawn.

The first 45 mins is the worst shite ever. Utter drivel

But starting with Cheech Marins "Pussy" spiel the last 35 mins is a blast.

So, can I nominate half a film?

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Silver badge

You mean you didn't laugh when Richard Gecko looked through the hole in his hand?

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The Abyss

What could be worse? Unless it's the Alien movie. (Only saw one. That was enough and much much more than enough.)

I know that this is way outside the parameters of the discussion, but the worst *genre* of movies, or games, ever conceived, has to be sci-fi horror. While it would not be true to say that every sci-fi horror movie is execrable, it would be correct to say that *nearly* all of them are. ]

A different kind of "worst" is the film that gets the "Pure Tedium" award: the Lord Of The Rings trilogy. All I can say about that is "wowwwzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.z.........zzzzzzzzzzz........"

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49

Alien?

Philistine!

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MJI
Silver badge

Re: The Abyss

Abyss AFAIR was OK, but Alien - that is a fantastic film

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Re: The Abyss

You don't like Alien? Downvoted for unacceptably poor taste.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: The Abyss

I don't fancy the downvotes much, but I have to say I agree. I've really tried to watch LOTR films, and yeah, they're just boring, simple as that.

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Happy

Re: Alien?

>Alien?

>Philistine!

Hey, don't be mean to the Philistines! They clearly have better taste than this guy.

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Anything

starring Keanu Reeves, graduate of the Woodentop School of Acting.

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Anonymous Coward

Re: Anything

Don't diss Bill and Ted

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Re: Anything

And with this I nominate Street Kings.

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Gold badge

Re: Anything

He was quite good in Parenthood.

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Re: Anything

A Scanner Darkly is good....

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Silver badge

The atrocities of big budget Hollywood pale into insignificance next to some of the many low budget howlers I've seen over the years. So my nomination is...

ZOMBEAK

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0462640/

No other film can be as excruciatingly bad in every way.

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Sorry

You'll do better to nominate something that anyone else has ever heard of, I suspect.

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Only in numbers. Big budget atrocity reaches far more people. Besides, I'm willing to cut small timers some slack but not when you are supposed to be the best and spent the GDP of a central African republic make the turkey.

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Silver badge

Every film listed so far is actually pretty decent when compared to the worst movies around, with the possible exception of Highlander II (which doesn't exist, I don't care what anyone says).

The most truely awful movie I've ever had the misfortune to experience is Plan 9 From Outer Space. Also high on the list is Legend of the Rollerblade Seven. I nominate both of them.

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Another movie that never was

Star Trek V, they went straight from IV to VI.

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Plan 9 From Outer Space

That may quite possibly be the original so-bad-it's-good film by which all others are judged.

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Silver badge

Re: Plan 9 From Outer Space

Call me crazy, but every so-called so-bad-it's-good film I've seen has struck me more as being just plain bad.

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Windows

Re: Plan 9 From Outer Space

As bad as Plan 9 is ... and it is ... it cannot hold a candle to Manos: the Hands of Fate; Monster A-Go-Go; or Child Bride. (Yes, MST3K fan here.)

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