A Northern Ireland man has been jailed for three months for causing £3,000 of damage to his flat after attempting to turn his own faeces into gold using an electric heater. Paul Moran, 30, admitted arson and endangering the lives of others, the Belfast Telegraph reports. He will spend 12 months on licence upon his release. The …
Oh yes you can polish a turd!
Mythbusters proved that you could. See, e.g. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiJ9fy1qSFI
Re: Mythbusters and polishing turds
Mythbusters may have debunked the "can't" part of the old saying regarding polishing turds, but the original metaphor of the saying still stands. Because a turd, no matter how much it is polished, is still a turd...
...that caused a stink!
"He will spend 12 months on licence upon his release"
his movements will be closely monitored, presumably
he should have used ...
an alchemical toilet
ya gota be shitting me!
You really couldn't make this shit up!
Shits really hit the fan (heater)!
I'll get my coat!
let´s look at it
the other way around: Wasn´t it this one Mr.Moran, who was first to conclusively prove that heating a feces on the electric heater will NOT turn them into gold?
Isn´t it a basic principle of science, that someone has to go first and then say : "Dead end, colleagues. Let´s find another way!"
As someone else once said
This research fills a much-needed gap in the literature.
so they say
Haven't scientist found a way to transform "fertilizer" into black gold (aka oil)?
This country needs more potty professors!
So he did try something like betting all his chips on the double zero at roulette. A low probability strategy. Scientifically speaking, he actually DID something though, or at least try.
Bell was laughed out of many rooms at first... talking into a tin can over a wire eh mr bell?...
Same for tesla in 1890 with his radio controlled torpedo with the Navy.
Flying like a bird, eh?
The list goes on...
I'll wager with anyone here that this transmutation stuff is something science of tomorrow will explain, if its real.
My point is that at least the lad wasn't only talking or reading, he actually applied the scientific method: he tried to prove an idea by doing shit, pun intended.
I like people that DO things, even when they fail.
Small minds rejoice in the failure of those that try things they do not understand, or challenges their dogmas.
"I'll wager with anyone here that this transmutation stuff is something science of tomorrow will explain, if its real."
The science of today explains it. It's called nuclear physics.
Harry King wannabe?
he is doing it wrong!
Turning faeces into gold would require a supernova.
Turning human faeces into diamonds is much easier but quite expensive.
He is a pioneer
Sure you can mock him, but if he had succeeded who'd be laughing then?
Gerald Ratner, Gerald Ratner to the court please.
Presumably he scoffed 18 carrots first.
I discovered a process for turning base metal into gold years ago.
I call it "counterfeiting".
Stories like this are why I love the register...
now if he wanted phosphorus that's doable from other bodily waste
The discovery of phosporous is usually credited to the alchemist Hennig Brand trying to make gold from urine in around AD 1669 :).
What a Moran.
Should have read the literature
Making gold requires no magic, he simply should have followed the standard synthetic procedure:
Mercury 198 + 6.8 MeV gamma ray ---few days---> Gold 197 + positron + neutron
Try again, this time after drinking vast quantities of Goldschläger.
Putting those faeces anywhere near a heat source might not be such an awesome idea though. Flames icon because, well, duh.
Oh, Edmund... can it be true?
That I hold here, in my mortal hand, a nugget of purest Brown?
Gold is valuable because it is rare. If you could turn poo into gold (or rather, turn human stupidity into gold - it's far more common) then gold would be worth very little.
And it IS possible to turn <just about anything> into gold - you just need a big enough particle accelerator. Of course, running it gets a bit pricy....
I know what I'll be doing tonight!
the night before he had eaten 24 carrots
his name was "moran"? you kidding me?
"Judge McFarland told Moran: “It was an interesting experiment to fulfil the alchemist’s dream, but wasn’t going to succeed.”"
Did a judge really describe heating up shit as an interesting experiment?
It hasn't been done before! The cutting edges of science! Next week in the lab stroke house I attempt to turn my piss into sparkling spring water.
Something about a gold ring
every alchemist worth his salt knows that poo + fire = hot poo
for gold he needed to also include 2 girls + 1 cup
Obviously he hasn't learnt the lesson of Sir Harry King
Perhaps he'll get a female lawyer... I wonder what feces going to charge for her work...
Every alchemist knows...
... his big mistake was not shitting a base metal for use as the feed stock. Still I bet he was shitting bricks when his house started to burn down.
turd of gold
Actually... The character Roger, in the TV show 'American Dad', once laid out a perfect 24K cable (without realizing it himself) studded with valuable gems.
Kinda makes me curious who copied whom.
What an idiot
First Gold isn't actually worth that much, second it would have been easier to use it to make diamonds. With the proper equipment he really could have turned his waste into diamond.
Or he could have tried electroplating, which is what alchemists used to do (or at least its a common theory of what they did)
It worked for Gerald Ratner, he sold crap for years, even said so himself.
Three months... for being stupid, bummer!!
Paris can turn shit into gold as well.
To quote George Carlin
"The only difference between Turds and Diamonds are what differences people have agreed on, and I don't always agree"
What a turd.
This is old hat...
I saw it in a movie in the 1970's - Jodorowsky's Holy Mountain:
Mine's the one with the shit^h^h^h^hgold in the pocket...what's that smell?
Need I say more?
Alchemy - there's a CRAP for that..
I tried that...
I turned into a Reg reader. It works!!!