COMET WILL DEFINITELY NOT HIT EARTH – NASA
Rather worryingly, US space agency NASA has out of the blue issued a strident denial that an approaching comet poses any threat to planet Earth. "COMET ELENIN POSES NO THREAT TO EARTH," begins the NASA statement emailed to the Register. "Often, comets are portrayed as harbingers of gloom and doom in movies and on television, …
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Don't eat it!
*ignores NASA information totally* Looks like we're going to be covered in snow here soon. I'm from Canada, so it's no biggie for me. But I'd just like to remind those of us who aren't as familiar with this form of precipitation to avoid eating the yellow snow.
This is related to that big arrow on the face of Titan
because obviously that's entirely innocuous as well
REGISTER IN GRAVITATIONAL GENERATOR AUTOMOBILE COVER UP
You INTENTIONALLY omitted this, from NASA's FAQ
"So you've got a modest-sized icy dirtball that is getting no closer than 35 million kilometers (about 22 million miles)" said Yeomans. "It will have an immeasurably minuscule influence on our planet. By comparison, my subcompact automobile exerts a greater influence on the ocean's tides than comet Elenin ever will."
That's HIS subcompact car, which he does not deny may be some DARPA developed doomsday tidal force and conspiracy theory generating subcompact. Now we understand the bailout of General Motors and Obama's directions to emphasize smaller cars. We're talking about a subcompact car that generates more tidal forces than one of the most worrying comets in decades!
Maybe it is a Comet itself! Or a GALAXY!?!?! Or a Fit.
I don't care if it hits or not
I just want to see a really bright comet some point in my lifetime (possibly right at the end just before the impact). We're well overdue one to rival the beautiful comets of the 18th and 19th Centuries.
How old are you?
Hale-Bopp was pretty damned impressive: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comet_hale_bopp
They generally look better
side-on than end-on.
Though because of the way the tail orients relative to the solar wind rather than behind the direction of travel, getting hit on its return loop might be rather interesting.
Me too
Though I well remember Bennett in 1970 as a spectacular naked eye object (West in 1976 was brighter, but not as well placed for viewing). Since then, they've mostly been fuzzy blobs - even through binoculars. We're overdue for a good one.
But we should also remember that night skies were much darker before 20th century street lighting, and that we rely on "artists' impressions" for older comets.
WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?
Tell me, was the email subject line in caps? Bet it wasn't.
Not loving the recent caps-friendly headline tendency, FWIW. What's wrong with an exclamation mark? Or are you finding this idiom necessary, lest the shouty headlines be confused with Ones! About! Yahoo!?
Only a fraction less annoying than your love of <strike> tags that renders your headlines gibberish in most RSS readers.
And just for the sake of adding something of value(?) while detracting, the redacted wordy answers are here:
http://www.space.com/12657-comet-elenin-nasa-questions-answers-facts.html
Altogether now....
"Always look on the bright side of life!"
Bloody idiots
I have to wonder if anyone is stupid enough to ask essentially "If it isn't a risk and it isn't important why aren't you talking about it more?"
Because it isn't important enough to warrant the effort and there really isn't anything interesting to say you complete pillock.
Some people are too stupid to deserve the internet.
Averages
To misquote the head of the CBI "Half of the population are below average intelligence". This is the reason NASA also had to produce a disclaimer for the Mayan prediction of the end of the world in 2012 http://www.nasa.gov/topics/earth/features/2012.html
"Nothing bad will happen to the Earth in 2012. Our planet has been getting along just fine for more than 4 billion years, and credible scientists worldwide know of no threat associated with 2012."
Shame about the incredible population.
I need to know!
Do we run _for_ the hills or away from them?
Tickets to the bunker only £20k
Im pleased to say i am inviting selected applicants to my personal bunker and a rock bottom price of only £20,000 per seat. We have to see photographs of the applicants beforehand and interviews will take place for these places. Preference with go to 19 year old blonde girls, applications on a clean £50 note to....
John Cleese
Anyone else remember the pilot sketch:
"This is your captain speaking. There is absolutely no cause for alarm" and then steadily downhill from there...
Maybe...
...Steve Ballmer, Bill Gates, Larry Ellison, Steve Jobs and Nickleback will drink some "special" Koolaid in preparation to go up to the mothership that is behind the comet?
This one, you mean?
http://9to5mac.com/2011/06/07/steve-jobs-presents-ideas-for-new-apple-super-campus-to-cupertino-city-council/
Comet
strange I read almost the same response to this visitation in Starynight news letter some days back they even stated that it wasent even Naburu that plannet destroying behemoth that has our number on it.Hmmm strange.
Spleling* mistake in the headline
"COMET WILL DEFINITELY NOT HIT EARTH"
Shirley if you're aiming to ape the panicked message, it should be spelt "DEFINATELY" or "DEFINIATELY"
* Yes, that's deliberate
You're all morons.
NASA says there's absolutely nothing to worry about, so why the needlessly scaremongering article? THERE'S POSITIVELY DEFINITELY ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT! *wink wink*
<----carefully modelled computer simulation of WHAT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
dying is highly underrated...
...everyone should try it at least once.
Aaiee! We're all going to die!
True, but not all at the same time.
What NASA are really saying ...
... is give us more money.
I believe them
You forgot to ask "If it hits the moon, will it act like a fancy pool shot and pocket the moon into the Pacific?"
Then of course a nod to the others that have already stated this is precisely what they would say if the comet was definitely going to chew off a sizeable chunk of our planet. At least they didn't say "What comet? There's no comet on a direct collision course with the earth.."
Another "Deep Impact" parallel?
The first three letters of comet Elenin are "ELE". As anyone who has seen the fine piece of apparent future history that is Deep Impact can tell you, ELE stands for "extinction level event" occuring when a heavenly body (like, say, a comet) collides with Earth! Plus we have an African-American (who is unfortunately not Morgan Freeman) in the White House!!
So, with this information in hand, I will bid you all adieu and retire to my mountain survival bunker, or maybe just the bar on the corner. In closing, let me say.....
RUN!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!! Anarchy!!! Anarchy!!!!!!!
URL
for the release is http://www.jpl.nasa.gov/news/news.cfm?release=2011-255
P.S.--If anyone sees Bruce Willis, tell him that NASA was asking for him
But NASA told me to tell you to tell Bruce that its definitely not about the approaching comet, which is absolutely not going to hit Earth causing a 2000 foot high tsunami and enveloping the earth in a nuclear winter-inducing shroud of dust for the next 6 years--no sir-eee!!!
In fact, NASA said that they don't even know why they mentioned the comet at all, and could they please have all my canned and dried foods for some kind of office party involving putting the world's leading scientists in a former salt mine, which I thought was kind of a strange request--but of course I gave them the food.
Anyway, if anyone sees Bruce Willis....
Anyway, if anyone sees Bruce Willis...
...oh, wow, yeah, that's a helluvan idea; Bruce Willis actually played a retired astronaut in a movie once. He's just the guy they need.
No thanks.
I would rather take Team Dædalus to a bunch of drillheads.
I've read Lucifer's Hammer
..and apparently the key to survival is to cosy up to a senator with a stunning red haired daughter, support your local nuclear power station and avoid cannibalism.
Unfortunately
That story was before Fukushima.
We now know that US-designed 1st-generation nukes pop a gasket and croak at the slightest tremor.
so Harold Camping is a few days out then...
Here is Harold Camping's response from a press conference on Monday 23 May, 2011 at Family Radio headquarters, Oakland, California:
"On May 21, this last weekend, this is where the spiritual aspect of it really comes through. God again brought judgment on the world. We didn't see any difference but God brought Judgment Day to bear upon the whole world. The whole world is under Judgment Day and it will continue right up until Oct. 21, 2011 and by that time the whole world will be destroyed,"
Hey, laugh if you want...
...and I know _I_ am, but you wouldn't believe how the Drudge Report reacts to this stuff. It's flat-out comical -- sad, but comical. If a NEO is predicted to pass so much as a million miles from Earth, Drudge runs a 72 point bold ALL CAPS headline across the top of the page reading OH, MY GOD! IT'S COMING RIGHT FOR US! with a production still from "Deep Impact" and that stupid-assed animated spinning police light over it.
Golden Opportunity
Apparently, the minor, tiny, and obscure Comet Elenin was an opportunity for some people to spread panic, and fleece a crowd of worshipful followers. Hence the statement from NASA.
Comet?
I though airlines has stopped flying those things long ago.
Hmm...
Yep...didn't they have a nasty habit of hitting the earth?
Damned if you do and ........
damned if you dont.
Poor NASA, if they hadnt said anything about this comet, sooner or later people would start saying the LACK of news meant a cover-up and that it was going to hit us.
If anyone wants me I will be sitting in a supertanker full of food and teenage girls over the deepest part of the Pacific ocean on that day... purely coincidental I assure you!!
Thank God!
I haven't even STARTED on my hobbit hole w/built-in geothermal power generation yet!
<shakes fist at imaginary assembled reporters>
;)
I also remember seeing Halley's comet
And realising there's not a lot left of it after all that ablation by the Sun. Hale-Bopp wasn't that much of a spectacle either - at least from Australia
Two comets that have stood out here were Hyakutake (1996) and McNaught (2006). In fact McNaught was the most spectacular astronomical sight I've ever seen; like the famous Donati's Comet (1858), it had a huge, curved tail that spanned half the sky.
Where is Dr. Hans Zarkov now that we need him?
Clearly we have to send "Flash" Gordon, college polo player, to Comet Elenin, where he can overthrow its evil tyrant, and use the comet's radium-powered rockets to divert it from its collision course with Earth!
I mean, that's what this is all about, isn't it?
But since the comet is passing by in November 2011, it's clearly thirteen months too early for the end of the world... as any idiot can plainly see.
I was worried about where elenin spelt backwards was taking us
but I see they've left out an e and the nev needed to really crank the conspiracy chaps up
Take away pizza
Relax, it's just an intergalactic pizza delivery.
I hope it's still hot.
We DID have $15k to spend on comet avoidance...
... but we spent it on Legos instead.
out of the frying pan then
Depending on where it hits, there's a good chance the tectonic shock would trigger the Yellowstone super volcano.
Try the Canadian shield much more stable.
22 million miles
So, like, the same distance to the nearest open petrol station on a wet Tuesday at half eleven, when the tank is on red line.
That seems pretty close to me !! But hey, I've only ever actually run out of petrol once... oh
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