Ten... fantasy swords you wish you owned
At Reg Hardware, with the honorable exception of videogames, we tend to talk up tools that generally assist in everyday life. Today, though, we're going to break tradition altogether and run through some weaponry. Well, bladed replicas to be precise. If you've ever fancied yourself as a modern-day knight - Jedi or Dunedain - or …
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and Gdubs licensing & legal dept....
...will hit them with cease and desists before you can refresh the page
don't get me started on what they did to talisman, bastards!
Nice list...
..if you don't read books. Too many videogame, movie, picturebook swords (and non-swords), not enough Stormbringer. Even the Dragonslayer from Berserk would be better suited than Wolverine's claws.
snicker-snack!
What? No Vorpal sword?
http://www.destructoid.com/american-mcgee-s-alice-vorpal-blade-replica-is-nutty-178888.phtml
Although that doesn't really look like John Tenniel's drawings.
What, no Frostmourne?
The iconic blade from the uber-geek-fest World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King? (No, I still haven't managed to kill him yet. Dammit.)
And if you can't afford the $429 metal replica: http://www.epicweapons.com/products/frostmourne.php
...then there's always the inflatable version! http://i712.photobucket.com/albums/ww130/Missojai/Frostmourne.jpg
Et tu?
I never got the blasted thing either..
BUT, WAIT
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eHLpiCIdSk
(A letter opener sized version. Browsing a bit further indicates there is a variety of such items)
For the more ... errr... safety inclined I guess. Much more affordable and I guess, more readily available perhaps... Something you could put on your desk although in all likelihood it would end up being pinched.
Missed out two
He man's and Lion-o's from Thundercats
That is all
No Sword.....
...top ten is complete with out a Pork Sword!
Just so you know
Buying swords for decoration is not illegal in the UK. You can't buy katanas/curved bladed swords over 50cm unless you're a martial artist or re-enactor (or it's an antique).
I've got the Duncan Mcleod katana (licensed replica, not a chinese knock-off) which I bought in around 2003 (before the new law) and I think it's nicer looking than the movie version.
Personally, I would love Snaga the Sender (The blades of no return...) Could quite happily wander into work with that over my shoulder. But it's about £3500.
As for Jim59, What does it matter to you that someone likes collecting swords? It's not dangerous in the slightest, and it's not nerdy at all. There are plenty of people that collect replica weapons, just as there are plenty of people who collect books etc and they're not called nerds. :)
Wait wait wait
...you guys had a law passed sometime after *2003* restricting the purchase of swords?
Was there some sort of major incident? A disturbing rise in sword related incidents? The Bullet Tooth Tony scenes in Snatch?
Do tell!
Samurai Sword ban
What happened is that Britain is effectively ruled by tabloid newspapers and even though crimes involving Samurai swords only accounted for about 0.001% of violent crimes involving weapons the last Nu Labour government passed a law intended to ban Samurai swords, by making their sale or manufacture illegal (Basically a curved blade over a certain length), ignoring the fact that most violence is committed with standard kitchen knives and pandering to the tabloid media who regularly refer to attacks by kitchen knives and machetes as "vicious samurai sword attacks", as it sounds better and cooler.
The law has turned out to be a total farce, martial artists and collectors lobbied for, and got exemptions for hand forged traditionally made blades which exempted many carbon steel sharp blades from the ban however iai-to which are blunt practice swords used by many martial artists for practice are covered, and you need to belong to a martial arts club or theater or re-enactment group to buy one.
Similar silly situation to replica and airsoft guns which must be bright florescent colours to be sold legally, noticed the woefully bad sci fi drama "outcasts" has characters using bright orange painted firearms, so how long before real firearms are recognised as being painted bright orange?
Sticks and stones
Should have been banned - surelly they contribute to more deaths.
No they don't
Look at the statistics, the number of attacks using actual samurai sword replica's is ridiculously small (average about or less than 1 per year out of thousands of knife crimes) and for very good reasons, if you are thinking of carrying a knife what would you choose?, something with a 26inch blade which can be spotted 100 yards away and can only be construed as a weapon, or a kitchen knife you can more easily hide, and can be used in confined areas.
There is also the added advantage with a plain old kitchen knife of plausible excuses like "I lent it to a mate cos he's just moved house, now I'm taking it home", or that old favorite every police officer has heard "I'm a chef and I was just taking it to/from work".
There are many martial artists, collectors and enthusiasts who collect swords not because they are psycho's but because they are interested in the subject, the fact there are suppliers selling such products shows this.
The reality of walking down your local high street with a sword would be that you would quickly be either tazered or shot by an armed response unit, that's why criminals avoid them.
@celticguy75
The "nerdy" accusation is just my prejudice really. Some people, like yourself, seem to be genuine collectors with an legitimate hobby. However, one suspects that for others, perhaps younger people, a retreat into fantasy is an easy option, displacing other activities that would be more likely to build their characters and help them socially.
The Lord of the Rings is the best book I ever read. But I don't want to fondle a replica of Anduril, or tell the girls how it shimmers blue when orcs are about. Now if I could get my hands on the *real* Anduril...
Shadowrend...
...from the Oblivion extension packs. Made from a shard of obsidian, swallows souls, and looks lovely.
rampage through the houses of parliament
"Of course, we don't endorse such use, but if you wanted to go on a rampage through the houses of parliament with them, we wont stand in your way either".
I suppose that you are now hoping that nobody actually now does this.
Personally, I think it should be done from orbit (only way to be sure) and not with a sword.
Correction...
"...English folklore, the sword of King Arthur"
I take it that should mean english speaking folklore as opposed to folk lore of England? Since, as anyone with the inteligence to actually look for details knows that the Arthurian legend is Welsh in origin.
Robin Hood is yours, Arthur is ours...
Welsh vs. British vs. English
Why don't you compromise and call it British (as in the Celtic invaders of the island of Britain). The Welsh will be happy as they are pure British than the Anglo-Saxons (huh, Germans) Johann-come-Latelies and the sentence becomes even more correct.
Correction to your correction - I think you mean French, not Welsh
The Arthurian legends are in reality a mixture of English, French and Welsh mythology. Apart from the finer details, this influence can be gathered from the very English title of Malory's books 'Le Morte d'Arthur'...
Alternatively you might want to check out The Quest of the Holy Grail (actually don't - it's a terribly tedious book with constant Christian symbolism and one dimensional characters) written by a Frenchman or the various other collections of myths, also written by the French.
Correction to your correction to the other correction - No, I mean Welsh
Geoffrey of Monmouth was the guy who came up with the idea. The French, like others, took it and ran with it, but the Arthurian legend is Welsh in origin.
Terminus Est
By far the coolest weapon in fantasylanddom, thanks to the febrile imagination of Gene Wolfe.
An executioner's weapon with mercury in a hollowed channel in the spine, one edge for disposing of men and the other for women.
Not that I'd want a replica, hard to justify a use for it really unless you eat very large sandwiches.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terminus_Est
Can't believe I have to point this out
Wolverine isn't in every X-man comic, the original x-men were cyclops, marvel girl, iceman, the beast and angel with Professor X as mentor. Wolverine came as part of the New X-men, a reboot of the group that had wolverine, night crawler, storm, colossus and i believe cyclops stuck around as leader.
I thought you people were supposed to be geeks!
Its not the sword that is dangerous
Its the idiot wielding it . Pretty much every report you see in the papers is some idiot chav with a £20 wallhanger that will barely cut air . Those of us who collect pay a hell of a lot more for our hobby . I own an assortment of swords and daggers . All of which in the wrong hands are lethal . But then again so is a screwdriver .
Mines thye one with the slit in the back for my katana .
Since there are already non-swords in the list...
I vote for the chainsaw attached to the stump of a hand from "Evil Dead"
**'cause she'll swallow (but not your soul)
Al sword-shaped-objects
I don't see a single sword on this list.
Sure, there are plenty of sword shaped objects, but none of the things here are swords.
For instance, take an exacting replica of a car from cardboard. It may look amazing, and may even resemble the original car, but if you try to drive it, it'll go nowhere. The same applies here.
I strongly doubt that any of the items listed here are actually useable as swords. Take one and hit a hard metal object (another sword, for example). You'll either knick the blade severely, break the blade entirely, or have the blade simply separate from the handle (I doubt anything here has a real tang, too).
That's just pathetic.
Nevertheless...
Hypothetically, take the replica Riddick's daggers in the OA and stab someone with it...
Do you think the outcome will be much different from being stabbed by a K-Bar, replica tanto or a Kitchen Devil's cooking knife?
I assure you not.
Like other missing options, not strictly fantasy...
Variable sword, from Larry Niven's @Known Space' series. A variable length, molecular monofilament protected by a stasis field.
Chronicles of morgaine - Changeling
OK not fantasy - more scifa - but the concept is truly terrifying.
And I know quite a few non nerds with heaps of weaponry on the walls.
Boys toys are not solely a nerd thing :-)
Jacqui
Freddy Krueger wrongly accused
In the South Park "Insheeption" episode it was revealed that Freddy was only killing those teenagers for the US Secret Service to prevent the Russians taking over
Holy Rood Blade - Vgrant Story.
I'm surprised no-one has done a replica of the Holy Rood/Holy Win Blade from Vagrant Story. It's insanely unwieldly/impractical, but impressive to look at.
Stormbringer
Along with the above posters, I vote for Elric's infamous black blade, Stormbringer. Elric and Stormbringer were created by the great British fantasy writer, Michael Moorecock. And after going on 30 years, where is my Elric movie?
http://www.stormbringer.net/images/elric/elric11.jpg
Don't!
What's the chances that it would be done properly? Or are they more likely to give it to Uwe Boll or M. Night Shyamalan?
still some missing
These 3 come to mind:
The Sword of Truth
The Sword of Riva (Eddings)
and surely THE sword to have if u gonna have a replica of a fictional sword:
Gatz' (Gutts) sword from the anime Berserk!!
(http://www.bonanza.com/booths/GiveHarmony/items/60__HUGE_FANTASY_Buster_Sword_of_the_Berserk_Guts__Rage)
that's it on the left. Yes, it's 60 inches long.
Zatoichi's Cane Sword
That's the only fantasy sword I want.
A waste of steel
Don't see the point myself (pardon the pun !). If you want a sword, at least get a decent one - google Don Fogg, Scott Slobodian or Michael Bell and have a look at some proper craftsmanship. Just don't look at the prices...
I thought there was a law...
"There's no law against slaying vampires either"
How about mutilating a corpse? I mean, you end up with a dead body, and NOBODY is going to believe your explanation.
(unless you're lucky enough to encounter one that conveniently crumbles into dust, when you only have one of those pesky "offensive weapon" charges to handle)
Mine's the one with the flat space technology.
Still something missing
Not one mention yet of the Predator wrist blades, built to resist acid blood!
Do you have to be over 7 foot to own one?
These all seem a bit...underpowered.
No Slayer Scythe? I am disappoint.
Three ways to kill vampires and the power to give slayer powers to an army? Sign me up.
Grayswandir gets my vote, followed by Stormbringer
I even named my son "Corwin" after the anti hero wielding it.(I thought "Eric" was a bit much)
For Paris' sake,I should point out that no one has mentioned the best sword of them all; the pork sword!!
Are you guys kidding?
Really, no bat'leth? How could you leave that out?
Can we have
sex toys next?
Couldn't possibly be any less relevant to the Reg than this nonsense.
Final Fantasy
Since when did Final Fantasy have the "patent" on attaching a knife / sword to a gun ?
I am sure if anyone has a case for banning replica weapons it would be H & K for continual use of its weapons in nearly all (semi realistic) FPS and war games.
As far as i am aware most ground troops the world over carry a bayonet for attachment to their rifle during combat, they are also used for cutting barbed wire with the scabbard, ripping out throats with the serrated edge and it even has a blood channel to ease removal from the enemy and they are not even that sharp. Probably a lot more deadly than anything Square Enix can come up with.
I never understood lightsabres...
The blade is effectively a beam, right?
So it won't have any mass...
So - unless weighted otherwise due to components - the weapon's centre of gravity is smack in the middle of the hilt, and certainly not somewhere in the blade, like a traditional lump-of-metal sword...
... so why the heck do so many people wield them two-handed?!? No wonder Vader won so many fights - speed and agility for the win!
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My nerd brother bought me the Riddick things for my birthday.
Worst. Birthday. Ever.
...can't be treated seriously...
It ignores (at least) these (some already mentioned):
Stormbringer, Mournblade, and its/their various other incarnations from Moorcock's "Eternal Hero" series.
The swords from Saberhagen's "The Book of Swords" series.
Grayswandir, of course. And its counterpart in Tir-na N'goth.
Blackwand, Pathfinder, Nightslayer, Lady Teldra/Godslayer/Remover-of-aspects-of-deity, Iceflame (although it appears as a dagger on Sethra's belt, given that Lady Teldra changes form why can't Iceflame?) from Brust's "Dragaera" series.
Oh, and Captain Carrot's sword from Pratchett's "Discworld", probably the most *unmagical* sword in all the universes, but very, very sharp.
And no doubt many others I shall recall after I click on submit.
That's not a bat'leth.
Trust me, I've spent quite while looking for a good quality replica bat'leth, an that isn't one. The shape is completely wrong and it has two blades with a gap as opposed to a curved blade with two points.
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