back to article Wikileaks: Berlusconi useless, Pope Catholic

The release today of leaked US State Department cables is unlikely, despite some media claims, to shake western democracy to the very foundation of sub-prime mortgages on which it stands. Among the Wikileaks shockers are the descriptions of Silvio Berlusconi as "feckless, vain, and ineffective as a modern European leader", …

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  1. Pawel 1
    Black Helicopters

    Title containing letters and/or numbers

    You may not remember but some time ago there were a few reports of "red mercury" and a lot of speculation on what it is - mostly conspiracy theories.

    Now, one of the memos confirms that it is part of plutonium enrichment process.

    In 1994 (?) a mix of mercury compounds and plutonium was found by police in germany on some individual (see wikipedia for links).

    Connect the dots.

    I need to hide, helicopters are near...

  2. Steve X
    Coat

    This is nonsense

    Not even al Quaeda could inflate the price of seafood on Fisherman's Wharf to levels that people wouldn't pay.

  3. Mike Hunt 1
    WTF?

    Let me get this right.....

    a bunch of Arab countries that rely on the USA for all their aid / support / military equipment want the US to bomb Iran. Bit of a win-win for them really. They get their despot neighbour eliminated at no expense to themselves.......and we call them 3rd world countries! They have got the good old US of A running round like a big soft dog chasing a stick.

    I did notice that Jordan wanted Iran bombing too.......bit much - just because she couldn't visit good 'ol Peter Andre in hospital!

    /sound of coat being fetched

  4. James 85

    Treason

    Treason doth never prosper.

    What's the reason?

    If it prosper,

    None dare call it treason.

    Sir John Harrington

    or as Seneca said: successful and fortunate crime is called virtue.

    Invade a country, kill 750,00, internally displace 2,500,000, externally displace 2,000,000, corruptly enrich your mates (Cheney and Rumsfeld) and make Iran a regional superpower with significant influence over the irate Shias in Iraq = good

    Show this happens = bad

    1. Mephistro
      Unhappy

      And don't forget...

      ... that these are the same guys that 'ruled' that waterboarding isn't torture. Why isn't the ICC asking for Dubya to be extradited and judged? -Yeah, I know... :(

      1. HaplessPoet
        Joke

        Is he any good then?

        I think our openers did a good job in the last Test, so I fail to see why the ICC would want Dubya?

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  6. mmiied

    department of the bleeding obvious

    am I the only person who thinks we need one of these.

    it's job could be to interveine when a polotition is going to open there mouth and say somthing stupid or to point out the masive holes in there policy?

    they could have stoped such noticable gaffs so tony blaires "martch youths to cash points" speach

  7. Elmer Phud

    Of course it's bleedin' obvious . . .

    . . . but then so were the emperor's new clothes. Everyone was shit-scared to say so until some upstart foreigner opened his gob

    .

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Why did you stop?

    The more you wrote, the funnier they got.

    I don't think you should have stopped until you got to the one about Reagan screwing Thatcher (or the other way around).

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    DNS cock up

    The whistle blowers thought they were downloading communications from the US gov, but a DNS cock up got them to download the latest issue of The Sun instead.

  10. Mephistro
    Joke

    I have had a revelation!

    With very minor changes, these sayings about Popes and bears could be used to imply improbability instead of certainty.

    "Does the Pope shit in the woods?"

    "Are bears Catholic ? "

    or even

    "Does the Pope shit bears?"

  11. Olivreghw
    Pirate

    Really ?

    So everything seems so obvious that it's time to spit on wikileaks ?

    Cheap I would say...

    So easy to say "I knew it" afterward.

    Whatever you think about wikileaks and Assange they did it. They took insane risks to open a little window on what's going on behind the scene. I'm glad they did. I hope they'll continue and still be safe (but for Assange i'm a bit worried, rednecks look ready to show us how democracy works, waterboard him and hang him asap).

    The US gvt doesn't seem so happy about this new leak, so maybe there is more than already old and useless information inside.

    Journalists (even those of the great El Reg) should try to dig more, to harvest informations from this, do their job instead of making not so funny jokes about all this. Isn't it a bit weird that whistleblower are going through organisations like Wikileaks instead of going directly to the newsmedia? It should make journalists ask question about their job.

  12. Bilgepipe
    Jobs Halo

    Saviour

    Julian Assange is the Saviour of Mankind. Let us all kneel and give thanks for his benevolent "leaking" of a substantial list of new Trivial Pursuit questions for us mere mortals to enjoy. In fact, I'm off to set up a shrine.

    Saint Jobs, because there's no Saint Assange.

    1. TeeCee Gold badge
      Joke

      Re: Saviour

      Ah, you missed the leaked CIA memo on Steve Jobs being Julian Assange's secret identity? They have surveillance footage of Steve Jobs going into a phone box, emerging as Super WikiMan and flying away to right the world's wrongs.

      Spandex, laser eyes 'n everything. Scary stuff.

  13. Mr Larrington
    Coat

    Or, as Eddie Izzard said...

    ...Assange est dans l'arbre.

    1. Chris Holt
      Coat

      Re: Or, as Eddie Izzard said...

      ...Assange est sur la branche (because monkeys struggle to hide in trees, too many bananas)

      Assange est là-bas. Regarde! Il est sur une bicyclette!

  14. skellious
    Go

    we need more like this

    This is the funniest thing to ever come out of government. More please! (and does it really do any harm to know the government are human too?)

  15. Bilgepipe
    Joke

    Assange

    Do you think he'll leak the memo where the US government calls him a nosy tw*t?

  16. Rex Alfie Lee
    Thumb Up

    A Little Gem...

    Loved this & look forward to lots more. One of the best reads ever from The Register, not for its technical savvy rather its comical value. Hilarious & possibly an insight into real people's views about the jerks they have to deal with & the American rednecked jerks who vacuously impart their scrotal deductions about people they deal with.

    Hilarious! Bring it on...

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