Nude trampolinist bounces free from court
A 55-year-old described by the BBC as a 'man' and by Scotland's Daily Record as a 'pervert' has avoided jail after being spotted by neighbours having too much fun with too few clothes on a trampoline. James Burden of Falkirk, a man of apparently hardy stock, was having a jolly good jump around on the apparatus in his back garden …
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*Ten*.
ISTR she was present in the court room, and he'd picked her up at some bar. So even if he didn't spot the obvious because he was a bit tipsy, then perhaps the presumably sober doorman, if any, should've noticed. Or any of the other patrons, or personnel, wondering what a girl of 10 was doing in a bar past the watershed. So perhaps it wasn't obvious after all.
Not something that you'd expect or happens that often, but that doesn't make it impossible. I recall she didn't want to press charges, didn't even want to tell her parents, but they, ah, disagreed after they figured it out afterward.
Can't find the article though, natch.
Ah the Daily Record...
...The only rag that regularly pulls off (sorry) the feat of managing to be more reactionary, self-righteous, puritanical and downright hypocritical than the Daily Mail.
Of our protagonist all I can say is I'm not surprised - he is after all from Falkirk. This is the town that suffered a heroin epidemic shortly after a major bust caused the local cannabis supply to dry up.
IIRC central Scotland was experiencing a bit of a warm spell round about March. Of course when I say "warm spell" I mean comparatively speaking and I am in no way attempting to detract from Mr. Burden's exploits.
New take on the abbreviation TWoC.
Rather than Taking without Consent, Police were called to a new kind of Twoc, Trampolining Without Clothes.
At all wouldn't we all like a TwoC everynow and then, You know you would if you could!
You cannot be serious
Sorry, wrong sport.
I just wonder who would have been in the dock if the sexes had been reversed, more than likely the perverted peeping tom, for spying on his neigbour.
Disgusting and abhorrent behaviour!
To march into a man's property and incarcerate him then potentially ruin his job prospects for the rest of his life, and to lump him in with people who rape children just because he wanted to have a little fun in his own garden is the work of a sick society. I hope the scum who did this get what they deserve.
5am in March in Scotland?
This judge should be shot. If that doesn't count as "privacy", it's hard to imagine what does.
"Hot"???
Being not really qualified to judge these things myself, I have to ask the author how he was able to determine the temperature of said birds.
You could call him a disgusting pervert...
...or equally just a harmless eccentric. What real damage has been done? So he had a jolly on a trampoline. So what? His neighbour spotted him but it sounds unintentional, indeed he has taken some precautions to prevent being spotted.
Regardless of any offence that may have been caused he has surely paid more than high enough a price by the simple embarassment of this being dragged to court. Being placed on the sex offender's register and given probation seems disproportionate on top of that.
I was going to say a simple discharge would have been more appropriate but then I noticed the unavoidable double entendre which will no doubt amuse many here.
EH?
Whats so bad about having a nude bounce on a trampoline in your own back garden at 5am? I dont think this chap is the pervert, I think his neighbour who was watching was.
Well....
According to the article, he wasn't just having a bounce but cracking one off at the same time.
And the neighbour was so shocked she had to continue watching and eventually call the police rather than shut her curtains and go back to bed.
Prudes.
If he'd have been playing deafeningly loud music, the police wouldn't have bothered.
If his kids had been vandalising the neighbourhood , the police wouldn't have bothered.
And if his cat had been crapping in his neighbour's garden, the police wouldn't have bothered.
So, your neighbours can ruin your sleep, drive you insane with noise, let their kids run riot and allow their pets to leave crap in your garden that can cause blindness to toddlers. But a bit of early morning monkey spanking on a trampoline when you'd assume your neighbours are asleep brings down the wrath of the law and gets you banned from half the jobs out there.
Pathetic.
Mock-up!
Can I assume from the lack of supporting pictures that Playmobil do not have a trampoline in their range to provide a mock-up?
Not quite his own back yard
He was actually in the shared gardens in a block of lo-rise flats, using a trampoline belong to neighbouring kids.
So, not quite the police/nanny state, "do what you like in your own back yard" issue that is being moaned about by some.
personally
i can only blow my power whilst on a trampoline. once you get into it, you can never go back.
Me? The 13th Duke of Wybourne?
Naked on a trampoline?
Wanking?
At 5 o'clock in the morning?
With my reputation?
What were they thinking of?
It does seem a bit of an overreaction
Surely the police could have just had a quiet word with him and let everyone getr on with their lives.
Gotta admit though the bit about the ciggy in one hand and thestaff of life in the other whilst on a trampoline is impressive ....
How long was he out there?
Because, at 55 yrs old, 2 wanks on the bounce would be impressive......
Mines the one with the spring shoes and slightly crispy velvet glove in the pocket.
But...
Is it ok to do it in your own garden? Maybe not - I guess I better keep my heid doon for the meantime?! Ok - I'm going now
What is it with the Scots?
Here's another one:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-north-east-orkney-shetland-10818168
Re: What is it with the Scots?
Lol that one is a classic - "A man, also believed to have been naked, was also checked over at the scene but was uninjured. Grampian Police said the incident was being investigated".
They get extra nutcase points for it being Aberdeen, but have points deducted for it not being March.
Lots of tenements and town houses in Scotland have double-peaked roofs with fairly easy access. Great places to go if you want a bit of peace and quiet. I've also heard (ahem) that they can be especially attractive for partying purposes - clothed or unclothed - after a few midsummer shandies.
Picking up Penguins for 75 years
Here is another one as well
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-10794227
Re: BBC link
Reports that it has been moved or removed... Not surprising, really.
Alarm and distress? Really?
If I woke up at 5am, looked out my window and saw some oldster giving it the beans on a trampoline out the back I'd pee myself laughing. The complainant must have had a way sheltered life - so sheltered it's amazing that she even knew what she was looking at.
Of course, given the Daily Record's tendency to rip the arse out of any story with even a hint that social orthodoxy has been transgressed, and a large section of the Scottish population (I'm Scottish btw - glad to be out of it right now) willing to believe their inflammatory proclamations are holy writ, it's amazing this guy wasn't chemically castrated and sectioned.
A spank on the wrist from the coppers would have done the job, not an entry in the sex offenders register. And what ever happened to mens rea?
A simple explanation
James was just trying to "un-Burden" himself.
Perhaps he should ...
get together with the transvestite stately home mutt-shagger to see what they can come up with?
That would be awesome
...and he's on the register now...might as well get his money's worth.
ROFL
"A neighbour who got up to go to the toilet happened to look out of the window and observed the boinging Burden with cigarette in one hand and - as Falkirk Sheriff Court heard - his "manhood" in the other."
That is all.
Really?
This man was added to the Sex Offenders Register for being naked in his own back yard. Really? The MOST that this deserves is a caution; and I can't help but feel a simple friendly warning would have sufficed. Our legal system has completely lost the plot. If the guy was doing this repeatedly in front of children or neighbours then it would be a completely different matter but this is a disgusting abuse of the law.
What the hell happened to common sense?
Oo ...if i was his neighbour
and saw him bouncing on a trampoline naked at 5am, i`d have video'd it and got my 250 quid from you've been framed.... or made the geezer the new Tron Guy. sex offenders register bit harsh
<3 to share the love :)
Really...
Unless you weren't an overly sensitive, hyper-sheltered, dudley-do-right wouldn't you just slap a video camera up and see how many hits it gets on Youtube?
Seriously, people need to start laughing more and stropping less - it'd be a better world.
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