F*ck you, thunders disgruntled fanboi Apple user
Here's a poser for you: What's the difference between a fanboi and an informed Apple user? The answer? Well, here's the opinion of one Aaron, in response to our piece Apple in Brazilian iPad shocker, in which this hack evidently failed to distinguish between discerning technology aficionados and slavish worshippers at the Church …
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Re: iDeviceOfChoice
So... an iDOC? Pretty useful after landing/crashing, eh?
Can't jump
Because Apple patented flight related passenger rights guaranteeing that despite prior art, no one but a Fanboi is allowed to actually remain as a passenger .
I'ts ok I'll jump
There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says,
"well, I can't jump because I'll need permission from Steve first and he isn't answering my emails".
The penguin replies " well I cant jump because penguins cant fly".
The luser looks out of the window and sees the sea below and says "It's ok I'll jump, the sea reminds me of the BSOD"
I can't jump because...
...Newton has already discovered gravity
Because...
There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and...
...the three spread out, fingers poised above their holstered smartphones. The cabin lights beat down mercilessly, and somewhere in the distance a spanish guitar twangs as a harmonica strikes a discordant note.
Sweat beads, eyes flicker back and forth, and fingers twitch as the guitar quickens into a crescendo. And then -
The Windows luser draws first, stabbing frantically at his custom skin. The Linux penguin is only a split second behind, grasping at the strange chin on his Android phone...
...but too late. In a blur, the fanboi draws his iPhone, pairs with his rivals' phones, launches the "iTaser" app and sends a high-voltage pulse coursing through their bodies. As they convulse, he drags them towards the emergency exit.
First to go is the Windows luser, screaming into the darkness. Breathing raggedly, the Linux penguin clutches at the doorframe, and gasps "How... were you... so fast...?"
The fanboi holsters his iPhone, then gives the penguin a hearty shove. As the penguin drops into oblivion, the fanboi's last words ring in his ears... "Sequence shortened"
Re: Sequence Shortened
Ah... like they do in the commercials. Brilliant.
What really happened
There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...
Who will save me?
Dont worry said the Penguin, I see a super hero.
Who they cried?
"Its Flash aaa aaaa saviour of the universe"
He cant save me cried the Fanboi
No one can they replied your doomed to the jobsian prison mwwwwha ha ha
I can't jump because. .
Jobs hasn't told me to, and that's not cool.
First prize.
Is it wise men think alike or foolish men seldom differ?
While not verbatim, that's instinctly what I thought of, pretty much.
Thumbs up
There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says,
we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because ...
... we'd loose the weight quicker if either of those 2 jumped - they can be gone in a flash!
Doesn't make sense...
Which plane? The prime material plane? The ascended plane? And can't all three of them use a jump command? Afterall, it's just an unconditional break, sometimes called a GOTO.
I don't understand your joke. Oh, and penguins can't fly either.
There's a Linux penguin...
'There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, 'well, I can't jump because that would be silly. I'd rather just walk. After all, the plane hasn't taken off yet.'
I can't jump because...
Because jumping is only available in the next version dubbed Mountain Snow Leopard and I haven't paid to upgrade yet.
A priest, an irishman and a horse walk into a bar...
There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...
...iPhone lease in Nepal 'n' Apps to do that.
can't jump because...
There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because I'm full of shit
because...
"I can't jump because I'm still a virgin since I can't download iSex from the App Store!"
The Linux user jumps, since his desktop is in the Cloud(s) already.
A salami under one arm and a weiner dog under the other.
There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...
The penguin said he would jump after he updated his will. Being unable to decide between Emacs and VI he was parylzed.
The fanboi, lacking a crowd of lemmings to follow, was unable to find the exit.
The Windows user had his critical system files deleted by McAfee and was stuck at a grey screen.
As the plan neared the ground suddenly someone leaped to action. As the pilot left the plane he cursed the load of idiots so enamored with their toys that they forgot to live in the real world as the aircraft spiraled to the ground and burst into flame.
umm
...I won't fit out the door of Apple Airlines plane as I forgot my official Apple adaptor. £29.99 at all good retailers...
because...
iCANJUMP isn't available, despite information to the contrary leaked on the Interweb.
jump...
the fanboi cant jump because he/she is too busy bumming steve jobs, the linux penguin is worried about support and the windows luse... BSOD!!!!
paris... because shes a slag
and the fanboi says....
Good show. Readers are invited to provide the ending for another poser: There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...
...... "then I'll be gone in a FLASH!".....
I can't jump because...
If I land in the ocean, the moisture sensor on my iPad will void my warranty!
. . . because of the wonder-ful things he does . . . (something about a wizard)
Because . . .
His mom wants him back before dinner.
because...
..falling apples led to the discovery of gravity. We don't do those technological advances any more.
Jump? Why jump??
There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I won't jump because...
I know enough to walk back into the terminal and to wait for a real plane. Same way I know how to buy a real computer.
I can't jump because...
... Steve Jobs will sue you if I die, it's in my EULA. And brother, when Steve Jobs sues you, he sues you good.
And then the Windows luser says "Hang on, Steve Ballmer is lawyers just as big as Steve Jobs, that means I can't jump either!"
And then the Linux penguin says "If I die, all SCO's lawyers won't have anything to do and they'll turn on the hand that feeds them... you boys better watch out!"
So none of them jumped and the plane crashed.
and I quote
He would say:
Because "Jump" is a song recorded by the rock group Van Halen. It is the only single the group released in their career to reach number one on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100. It was released in 1984 as the second track on the album 1984. The song breaks the mold of earlier Van Halen songs, mainly in its rolling synth line (played on an Oberheim OB-Xa), although the song contains the standard Eddie Van Halen guitar solo, which Eddie claims as his favorite solo he never wrote. This refers to the fact that the producer spliced parts of two different takes to create the one heard in the song....
Then the other two jump off the plane.
I really want that photo
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!
Sent from my iPhone.
Flight
The fanboi says "I can't jump because it wouldn't provide a good user experience".
The luser says "I'm told I can't jump without administrator rights".
The penguin says "Who needs a plane when it's free to wave your arms up and down. I'll show you..."
uh oh
There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go,
The fanboi says, "well, I can't jump because i'm really the Windows luser trapped in boot camp which means i'm destined to crash"
The Penguin looks at the Apple Fanboi/Windows Luser and simply says "Screw you I can't jump because that violates one of Microsofts unknown patents that I have been taken to court for in the past" then just dumps all his packages that he doesn't need except for GIMP so he can doodle how much he hates the Mac/Windows Fanboi for installing the Full Adobe Creative Suite in both Windows & Mac OS
Three types of hardware owners ...
fanboi (fangrrl): Someone who takes personal exception to anyone criticizing their OS/platform of choice. For the most part, comments from these people can be safely ignored. Seriously, fankids, the OS and hardware don't give a rats ass about you, personally, nor does the billion-dollar multinational corporation whose shareholders you keep happy with your disposable income ... Why are you so emotionally attached to your kit? Seek help.
user: Someone who just uses their OS/platform of choice. May or may not be technically inclined. The cognizant reader can usually separate the wheat from the chaff when users comment. Most have a preferred OS/platform, but aren't emotionally attached to it.
admin: Someone who knows that all hardware sucks, all software[1] sucks, all OSes suck, all fanbois/grrls suck, but occasionally a user can become enlightened. Comments from admins usually walk the blurry line between trolling and cold, hard reality.
[1] There is no such thing as software. Software is merely the current state of the hardware.
I can't jump bacause...
I'm the BOFH, and my friend is PFY, so out you go Luser!
Look, it IS Friday (here in sunny California), so it is proper!
because...
... I have to pick up my turtlenecks at the dry cleaner.
because
Fanboi is locked in and doesn't have the choice to jump. Windows jumps because they can and Linux penguin can jump, but doesn't they don't want to.
Cupertinian overheard mysteriously saying
"We're all going to hit the ground eventually, so who cares how we hit it?"
I can't jump because
"The doors are locked and Steve says I'll be safe in a locked down environment."
The Linux penguin flapped his flippers indicating that, as usual, he didn't have the the ability to do standard tasks like opening doors.
The windows user put on his paracute, opened the door and jumped... crashes are a fact of life.
I can't jump because...
this is an Apple plane, and Apple products never crash! Boom boom!
OR
an Apple fell once before and landed on someone's head!
What? No entiendo. Это не имеет смысла. Jag talar bara en fanboi dialekt av C.
Fanbois can't 'Jump' - it's assembly language (a verboten fanboi tongue).
because....
There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...
we will still crash, Windows is so bloated!
My reply
There's a Linux penguin, a fanboi, and a Windows luser in a plane, and the pilot says, we're carrying too much weight, one of you has got to go, and the fanboi says, well, I can't jump because...
The apple fanboi says that Steve Jobs didn't approve the iChute application cause it implies that apples might be prone to crashes.
The luser then states that his own parachute was never updated to run on windows 7.
The Penguin then then takes luser's parachute and straps it on his back using wine, jumps out the plane only to fall to his death after wine crashes due the parachute not to not being fully tested on wine.
Both Fanboi and Luser look out the window to watch penguin fall to his death, Luser says "Do you want to be the one to tell the other penguins about this? Or shall I?" Fanboi says "I'll do it, I have an app for that", then looks at his phone and abruptly states, "I'll do it first thing when I get a steady wireless signal"
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