Exciting news from Vulture Towers - we're overhauling your comments system to make it more accessible and satisfying for you to use. After an extensive consultation with our valued board of 'tame' commentards - those of you who responded eagerly to our call for comment consultants last year - and weekly all-staff comments …
May I suggest
The ability to highlight the worst horrors such as "your not going their", and add a little pop up box with the correction and the explanation?
Also I believe it's necessary to permanently ban the username and i.p. address of anybody saying the likes of "should of gone".
Re: May I suggest
Some things are still going to be down to my discretion, although I am going to be more hands-off from now on. I'm mulling the idea of instant zappage for anyone who uses the word 'sheeple', makes a prison rape joke or says 'if you can't do the time don't do the crime'. For now, I just moderate them out in the forlorn hope these things will die out if starved of the oxygen of publicity.
We were thinking of a comment editing service too, to clean up any typos - thoughts?
And editing feature
Would actually be a great idea.
Editing would have to be prevented once there is a reply to the comment, but being able to correct typos would be useful.
Re: comment editing service too
I think this is serious so I'll give a proper answer. NO. Fat fingers are all part of the game and I think we all realise when it has happened so this shouldn't be used as a reason for giving us the ability to go back and change the context of what we've written.
you forgot to include
If you have nothing to hide ....
Re: And editing feature
I'm taking all these suggestions as seriously as I always do.
Apart from the home visits....
Yeah, I know this'll be rejected, but what the hell.
How about putting the current number of comments next to the title ... al la guardian.co.uk?
Must be worth £1/day, £2/week of anyone's money.
Oops, sorry wrong paywall pricing.
...although I am going to be more hands-off from now on...
This will disappoint the legion of Commentards who we all know fantasise about having a hands on session with the Moderitrix...
Overall the whole scheme suggests that someones been down the pub for too long chatting to the powers that be at the Times. Of course I reckon people would pay a £1 for El Reg more easily than for the online Times. Sad really given the heady past glories of "the Thunderer".
Can I suggest that Top Post on a particularly hot topic could be auctioned on Ebay?
I was thinking lips...
you shouldn't have ought gone there at all
and i'm not going their either
"...towards making the boards truly democratic"
Democracy? I've always thought we were a commentardorship.
I think you will find it is a Moderatrocracy
Please could we have a 3-strikes system for "where's the IT angle?". My thinking is that if 3 commentards ask the question and each comment is upvoted 3 times, then the article is removed from the server forthwith and the author's subsequent 3 articles. I would suggest that any article on the first day of April is wildcard time though and thus escapes such measures.
No comment generator?
I would gladly subscribe of course, but your plans lack a random HYS-style comment generator.
If only I could input a few words (up to 3? maybe 5?) in some boxes, check either + or - next to each word, and finally click on "Create Comment", this would make my life so much easier! If that happened, not only would I get the top subscription, but I would also go and post reviews of El Reg saying how much better than iFlorist it really is.
HYS-style comments would be just a start, I would also love to be offered the option to have my comments either generated or auto-translated into that language(?) amanfrommars uses.
Everything in moderation
You're missing a trick here.
I'm sure that some would pay well over the odds to get a kicking from the moderatrix.
Too easy, but...
Does not being able to work out if the posts from people apparently outraged and not 'getting it' are genuine, or not, make me a retard?
Paris, because I'm beginning to worry myself.
You could ask for a "Sarcasm Detector"
as another option for a tenner a year or so.
Alternatively, go grab yourself a coffee, I also struggled this morning over a few stories, but brain has resumed normal service after coffeine + nicotine fix.
Mmmmm......I believe this!
I suppose this is to cover the annual increase in the Moderatrix's voucher demands.
PS: Have you thought about charging for adding extra icons.........seriously don't, please erase that thought.
I thought I was the only one to remember the last year's prank. :-)
You got me on that one, El Reg. A rather convincing prank, as we all know the Moderatrix is our shield from Aaron Kempfs of the world.
Was Flo PolarI the author of this piece.
You guys are just so silly :o)
Yes, I'll allow you to pay me £12 per year to comment, but I do insist on an improved zap button that sends the BOFH round with a cattle prod...
"Full Comment Scan: Choose to view all deleted, withdrawn and unpublished comments - the unvarnished, unmoderated truth!"
Sod April 1st, I WANT this option !!
Oh, and could we have an auto-twat-o-tron comment completer as well while we're at it?
Disgusting behaviour from The Reg. First we have to put up with flashing adverts all over the site, distracting us from the important business of speaking our branes, and now this. A disgraceful two-tier system that punishes the poor while placing yet more power in the hands of the rich.
All this simply to allow overpaid Reg hacks to keep their personal flight machines filled with increasingly expensive fuel.
And on top of all this, where's the Platinum subscription that enables even richer commentards to vent their spleen at Orlowski, eh?
Once more El Rag (sic) has dropped the ball.
If I had a subscription, you could consider it cancelled.
we'll miss you when you're gone
of as Nelson says: HA HA
Auction of the First Post
So you pay for First post using the electronic payment method of choise,and your post stands as first until another gazumps you!
new bile platform?
What's not to love?
Better Instaspeak requested
"Instaspeak: Skip the story - simply click on any headline to comment."
Great idea in principle, but I object to the possibility that I may still inadvertently read the headline before commenting. Not fair!
You could add an optimization engine that finds the best fit between comment and story: reader posts comment and it will be moved automatically to the most appropriate thread.
For a few quid more, there could be an option to add some standard lines automatically, depending on the choice of icon (coat, PH, etc.), so readers don't have to invent lame jokes themselves.
This comment processing engine would of course introduce some embarrassing orthographic inaccuracies in each comment, unless you pay even more...
Better to get that first comment in
Than to bother reading the headline OR the article. TL, DR!
You had me scratching my head for a while there. I almost fell for it. But I must say that it was the response from the Moderatrix to the first post that finally gave it away for me.
>> Noted - I'll pass that straight along to the techies.
Brilliant! Or should I say, Oh Do F*ck On.
Re: Nice one!
But I really do pass all the commenty gripes along. It's not like I enjoy having to moderate all the same whinges over and over.
"It's not like I enjoy having to moderate all the same whinges over and over."
Well, just get a proper job then.
*ducks for cover*
No no no
Ducks make really poor cover. For one they keep flying off. Or worse for two.
Need more voting options
It's all well and good being able to vote posts up and down but in the quantum era I think something more multidimensional would better fit the flavour of our time.
When we can also vote things top, bottom, strange and charming then we'll truly have a service that reflects its users.
Will residents of San Serriffe be able to subscribe?
Paid for moderation?
Can we pay extra to get comments personally moderated... with *extra* ruthless efficiency... in private... with a nice cup of tea afterward.
Or do we have to be millionaires to get that perk???
With apologies to Chris W
What about a Gah! button that changes you to AC, for those occasional posts one comes to regret?
Nearly had me going
very disappointed ...
Could you have not introduced an autocomment feature which takes a mashup of your favourite news sites and generates a 250 character rant in that style.
Sort of :
"Google announce new web widget" (headline)
"So google are encouraging asylum seekers to come to Britain and grow their super skunk cannabis while stealing our jobs and causing house prices to fall won't somebody think of the children ?" (daily mail autocomment)
Isn't that how the original articles appear?
Why you are the Champions.
"All commenter's names will come with a 'zap' button - after this is clicked by three other separate commenters, the offending account will be deleted. This is the first step towards making the boards truly democratic." ..... :-) Or easily despotic and in control of ... well anybody really, ... from foreign governments to headcases and all in between.
Which would as you say, make the boards truly democratic .... but nowhere near fair and free.
But apart from that, it is good to see El Reg on the ball pushing the envelope... and 'avin' a larf :-)
"It's just a bit of light relief, and the ability to see whether other people are of like mind." ...... Peter Gathercole Posted Thursday 1st April 2010 10:23 GMT
Err .... Peter, IT is a National Secret Security Treasure with the Ability to Change Minds, and Right Wicked Social Therapy for those so Engaged. Just ask anybody who knows in the Know. Be careful though, Loose Lips Sink Chips is a valid Intel parameter and really FcUKSup their Analytical Algorithms .... Imperial Phormations ..... New World Order Planning and Crash Campaigns.
And how very heartening, El Reg, that so very few would have objected to paying for the Realities and Absurdities you Share and Host. You must be doing Everything Right.:-)
.. by having amanfromMars respond directly!!
I've often wondered whether he was speaking in code rather than translated Martian. I think that this post clarifies the matter, don't you?
My first zap will be for amanfrommars and his upper case/lower case painful to read garbage.
Clear as mud
Seriously. But welcome, none-the-less.
I got stung....
......by Wikipedia's Wife Selling article this morning so there's NO WAY I'm falling for this!!
@ Sarah - I don't hate it really, please don't reject me again.......! :0)
Imagine the fun
'You could ask for a "Sarcasm Detector"'
Yea, how useful would that be! *bang*
We need an auto commenter on types of story. Eg, to save time for linux users so they never have to comment on a "Windows has a problem" story, it auto posts "My operating system never suffers from that *smug*"
Or "iPad/iPod/iPhone/iPish censorship" - "You should have bought an Android/Windows/Symbian/other phone, like me"
Stories like that, combined with a '3 clicks and zap' option will have a few wars going.
I've been waiting for this so long
Great news, I just hope you support Western Union payments. I have some money tied into a Nigerian deal right now, but when that clears I'll be so flush I'll get the premium sub.
This might be one of the last comments I make before these charges come in, because I won't be paying. There are too many places I can vent my spleen for free.
It's ironic, really, that The Register wants to charge users so they can contribute to the site... as in "you make our site more interesting, and we charge you for the pleasure. double bonus for us!" Still, I think I can guess how interesting the forums will become after the charges are brought in.
Speaking of accessibility, I'd suggest a charging policy will make your forum less accessible (specifically to those who aren't subscribed and don't want to pay). And it's interesting to see El Reg wheel out some of those sickening spin lines so often seen in government press releases.. "to make it more accessible and satisfying for you to use". Yeah whatever!
Final thought... how many entertaining stories have you published about some random nutter posting utterly bizarre comments? I guess you'll be saying goodbye to those, as well.