The American Academy of Pediatrics is determined to tackle a major threat to the wellbeing of US kiddies: killer hot dogs which present a clear and present choking hazard. According to a report (summary here) in the academy's journal Pediatrics, choking is "a leading cause of morbidity and mortality among children, especially …
Ok, so there are 300,000,000 people in the US. Assuming even distribution from age 0 to 60, each child has roughly a 1:10,000,000 chance of dying from this.
Compare this to the 1:10,000 chance of dying that every American, young or old, has of dying from car crashes every year of their life. That's 1000 times the chance, and for your whole life, not just the first 3 years.
Grow up people, and learn to analyse risk.
Are you choking? Theres an app for that...
Stop eating so fast
I still occasionally choke on potato chips, not because of their design, because I try to eat them too quick.
Okay so I'll switch to hash brown or mash potato. I suggest hot dog lovers switch to sausages. Sausages actually use real meat cuts in them too btw.
Total choke risk
Children under 14 ARE more likely to choke to death than be killed by gunshot, but that includes ALL types of choking,
* For Children 14 and Under
Motor Vehicles 3,059
Firearm 181 (2.7% of fatal accidents)
So less than 10% of choke deaths are hotdogs and this is about 0.2% of deaths?
(though the site seems less objective than it claims to be)
I think we should hide the matches and give them free lifejackets and swimming lessons.
Death by Sharks to kids under 14 (with or without lasers) is not listed. Snake bite more likely.
we could try being responsible parents... Dunno, just a thought.
Re: "with or without lasers" -- the kids, or the sharks?
Fair suck of the saveloy
"choking kills 77 US children annually"
That's terrible of course.
But this from a country where 10,000+ people are shot and killed every year by guns.
Not including suicides.
I reccon Mochi is a better plug.
I find polyurethane foam to be highly effective myself. Soon shuts the blighters up.
A colleague assures me on closer reading that there is no word on how many hotdogs actually kill - 77 children die of choking each year; an unnamed number die of food-related choking, of which 17% are from hot dogs. By our calculations, 6 chokings were food-related (the rest were lego), of which 1 was a hot dog.
Great, so we need to ban LEGO instead
you and your fancy mathifying
oh. my. god.
only 77 a year? ONLY 77 a year? you would have thought with a nation half filled with imbeciles that this figure would be higher! that Dr. Evil-a-like who sits at the honcho chair in the wiener (ha!) factory must be cursing his ill luck.
i wonder what the Doctor's response to that rather sensible mother who redesigns the cylindrical foods on her own would have been. perhaps he thinks she ought to license (licence) herself and patent the method?
Yes, we are that damn stupid...
over here. You hear the latest "Oh think of the children" drumbeat.
And then start asking questions.
And then find out the devestatingly high number.
And compare it against the number of children in the rest of the world dying of dehydration, malnutrition and endemic disease.
And immediately want to swat the reporter and concerned others in the head with a drill hammer for being so selfishly self-involved about such an insignificant impact their cause-d'joure really has on the global arena.
The figure for gun deaths is only accidents, not homicides I suppose?
Someone will probably discover that a child is more likely to be murdered by a parent than by anyone else (maybe). Although if you're not a parent then you may have expected it to be the other way around. Noisy screamy things.
I think Snopes said that an alarming number more than the choking figure already given, of older youngsters I suppose, including late teens, die in the course of erotic self-asphyxiation.
And horses are better off with Julienne carrots
Seriously, they can and do choke. Not much chance of a Heimlich maneuver either.
A word of warning
Under no circumstances should you try and look up "hotdog smoothie" (the obvious solution to the problem), particularly on urbandictionary.com.
@ A word of warning
I did........comes with mayonnaise apparently..! Very continental! :-)
A word of wisdom from George Carlin
Fuck the children. People have a child fetish and it's just disgusting (why isn't this woman being prosecuted as a pedo?). To paraphrase a bit, the kid who is too stupid to masticate his hot dog before swallowing isn't supposed to make it.
As humans, we have gotten so completely wrapped up in trying to save every last one of our kind that we can hardly even fathom that there's not more we can do. We shouldn't have to worry about the .000000000001% of the world's population that die because they don't properly chew their food. If you're such an awesome fucking parent, TEACH YOUR KIDS TO CHEW, fucktard!
OK, I'm better now. Where's me coat?
only seven orders of magnitude out, there...
So long and thanks for all the sarcasm
Next time, i'll include a sarcasm meter for those unable to decode it properly (maybe a big sign with tits on it to grab attention?).
I Hate This
I'm so embarrassed to be from the States. It has been getting worse for the past 15 years or so but this is just too much.
The bright side?
Nah, people have always been stupid. They just announce it to the world more now. I blame Jerry Springer.
Since it is possible for some parents, or some workers at places like day-care centers, to be unfamiliar with the choking hazard posed by hot dogs, it is reasonable to expect a consumer product to have robust safety characteristics.
In the case of the humble hot dog, the molds or extrusion devices used to make them could be modified to make them star-shaped. Admittedly, this creates a need for more wrapping material, but it does help.
Ewww.. Sorry about that...
Unfortunately, that would not work one bit. Imagine the scene:
Young tike picks up the NEW (IMPROVED?!) Star Dog! Lunchmeat Product Substitute(tm) and bites off one of the star points, not chewing as is normal.
The point of the star allows easy, streamlined entry down the throat... only to get stuck in the tyke's esophagus as the widening meat shape proves too much for the youngster's developing muscles. It lodges in tight! And because of the ragged edge at the base of the "point" (from biting), it cannot turn around or be easily slipped up and out by Heimlich.
You sir, have just created a MORE EFFICIENT choking food! Bravo!
Natural Chlorine for the gene pool.
Why don't you just redesign kids with wider throats along with a suitable liver for your first child? Or treat this as natural chlorine for the gene pool of obese children who can't remember how to chew.
What with the president of the world cancelling constellation it looks like we're stuck on this planet for a bit longer that originally anticipated... we need to thin things out people!!!
Sarah, you should be ashamed
"you're branes" or your branes. I accept the mis-spelling as artistic licence, but I think yours should be revoked.
Where did you learn your english? Sorry, I forgot, you're a Yorkshire lass. Only us southerners speak english proper.
And yes, I know that last sentance is not grammatically correct.
Re: Sarah, you should be ashamed
You berk. Look at this:
See? I'm really surprised these threads don't show up there more often.
I am by no means a Yorkshire lass, I was born in London and will probably be here until I die of cynicism. I merely had the misfortune to be brought up there.
And er... I suppose I'll let you off on the misspelling of 'sentence' since there's no way you could have known I'm not actually from the north. But still, you should think on, as they say.
Doesn't "El Reg" have a twat-o-tron, as there are some real prize winners... <sigh>
Sarah, please don't die, of cynicism or anything else. I love the way you use the word "berk" :D
Well, you really did ask for what's coming. Ms Bee's response, I imagine will only be a foretaste.
Re: until I die of cynicism
"until I die of cynicism"
That a liver disease, innit? I think I got it too...
Re: until I die of cynicism
so in about 10 days then?
I learnt two things today.
1, Pen lids have holes in them to stop you choking, I thought it was to save money, like the stripes on the striking surface on a match box.
2. I do not like the work "Upvote", in fact I am sure someone will point out, is it a real word? I think it should be changed.
Back when I was at school, pen lids did not have a hole
and yet, I didn't manage to choke to death on them
Ah, those were the days
When pens didn't dry out overnight because they had a big hole in the lid.
With you on both
So much so, I just positively acknowledged your comment ;o)
I hope this isn't a product of the stimulus.
In the USA according to
150 million hotdogs are consumed in the USA on the fourth of July, let alone the total over the year. Even assuming just one in ten hotdogs are eaten by kids, the consumption to choking ratio should be getting the product a design safety award.
The kid who can't eat food without dying doesn't get to pass on his or her genes.
Gee whiz, it's just like the web!
How to solve the problems posed by children interacting with the web (and seeing porn thereby) and with hot dogs (and choking to death thereby): ban children from using the web and from eating hot dogs. Fine, jail, torture parents who allow their crotchfruit to do otherwise.
Someone needs to set up "Kiddies' Web" where all sites are guaranteed innocuous and there's no way to break through onto the real web.
I don't know what the hot dog equivalent is.
Cunningly ignoring the hundreds of kids who die because the US doesn't provide decent medical care for poor people. When inner city areas in the world's greatest democracy have higher still-birth rates than some African countries you know that something reeks.
Very good point ...
... I wish I could give you more than one up-vote.
Shove a stick up the middle, of the hot dog not the child, cover it in batter made from corn meal and give it to the kid. If the kid chokes, grab stick protruding from bun shute and pull.
I could be called a corn dog and because it is on a stick all kids will like it.
products that could possibly be consumed by children should be pre-chewed or molded into small pellets. Looking at the 127 deaths by falls # all children should wear helmets anytime they are not laying on the floor. We could probably stop the poisioning by forcing them to wear scuba gear at all time, which will also prevent the drownings. To prevent the huge escalation in child deaths due to improper scuba maintenance and use, we could assign a government worker for every 2 children to monitor their scuba gear. They could also assure proper usage of fire retardant clothing and do fire inspections daily at residences. To prevent firearm deaths we should arm the government assistants so they can gun down anyone (else) who brings a gun near the children. Then we'll keep the children at school 24/7 to prevent transportation deaths, which will cut down on the costs of the government assigned assistant.
When those children reach 15 they graduate to the real world where they will probably get themselves killed immediately since they have no experience and no fear.
Anyone else here reminded of...
...that old Monty Python sketch, part of their "Cycling Tour" episode, where the cyclist (Palin) encounters a quirky scientist (Jones) whose current project is designing "safer food"?
"Here, that tomato's just ejected itself!"
"Oh? It, works! IT WORKS! IT --" >screeeeeechSMASH!!<
Don't tell 'em about Peanut Butter!
According to a food handler's safety class (required), taken by your's truly many many years ago, peanut butter is the number one cause of infant/toddler death by choking.
But that was 20+ years ago. Perhaps we've devised a better method of exterminating the little rug rats by now...
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