A disturbing probe into the potential for apparently innocent biscuits' ability to do harm has revealed that an astounding 25 million Brits have been injured while indulging in some light coffee/tea break snack action, with 500 victims requiring hospital treatment. That's according to research outfit Mindlab International, which …
There's an IgNobel prize in here somewhere
That is all.
does this mean these are safe? jam or none jam variety!
Custard Creams are Deadly
Don't know about that, but I broke a tooth on one last night.
Re Bourbon and biscuits
Sarah, it's never too early to stop drinking Bourbon and changing to proper Single Malt - any time of day and night really.
Now I usually don't bother about an IT angle but here it's an all to obvious question: which biscuits' crumbs compromise worst a sys admins keyboard?
EA, reaching for the Bladnoch
"Moderatrix wonders if it's too early to start on the bourbon."
Would that be the drink or the biscuit. :)
One in the eye for creationists...
"three per cent ... have poked themselves in the eye with a biscuit."
How much more proof of Darwin at work do people need?!
Gee, d'you think?
We need to know...
The list includes plain "wafer", but the pink wafer is in a class of its own! Does anyone actually admit to liking these abominations of the biscuit world? You only have to see what they do to other biscuits - does any other biscuit have such a contamination ability; so surely it should be scored to warn us of the true danger they pose!
And interestingly, Wikipedia doesn't have a Pink wafer article, and my local google thinks I mean "pink water" instead of "pink wafer". The fact that these 2 esteemed institutions refuse to acknowledge the existance of the pink wafer speaks volumes!
I don't know what's stranger, that a company had to go to court to prove the difference between a biscuit and a cake because of the country's tax laws.
Or that the same tax laws classify a chocolate covered biscuit as a luxury item, but not a chocolate covered cake!
Sue the manufacturers
I've just been into Asda and after checking 43 packets of biscuits (assorted flavours and including Jaffa cakes, which for some inexplicable reason are not in the cake section) I found not a single one with a warning of the risks associated with biscuit consumption. There wasn't even a diagram illustrating a safe method of transferring the biscuit into one's mouth without injury. It's an accident waiting to happen. Think of the children!
Paris, as she frequently has a chocolate finger
"Does anyone actually admit to liking these abominations of the biscuit world? "
Er, no, horrible dangerous things. Best if you just parcel them all up and send them to me. I'll er dispose of them for you. <cough>
Living on the edge!
I ignored the warning sign placed on the leftovers from the meeting and have just consumed 3 custard creams and an oat cookie type afair (possibly a hobnob) and completely failed to injure myself in any way whatsoever.
Do I need to bring reality in line with statistics and start a food fight?
I've been participating in a new sport all day...
Extreme Biscuit eating!
Yes. We've been at the Oat , Nice biscuits and ... Custard Creams all day. We acknowledge that this new sport may have a few detractors because of its poor safety record but we Biscuit Eaters think you non-Eaters are a bunch of safety obsessed pansies.
@ The Indomitable Gall
yes but you are forgetting Garibaldi biscuits... For some reason every time i open a packet, there are only 4 biscuits in the pack!
/feels cheated !
Never knew that the real threat isn't a car bomb or suicide bomber; it's a BISCUIT!
Should we raise the threat level the next time those evil biccy-terrorists put biscuits on special offers or god forbid - TWO FOR ONE!
This is scary stuff!
I dunno about anyone else but I cant get the "two pints" biscuit song outta my head!
And I thought it was a track listing...
Cursory glance at the rankings looked like a track listing from some weird biscuit based concept album:
Custard Cream: 5.64
Choc Biscuit Bar: 4.12
Rich Tea: 3.45
Oat Biscuit: 3.31
Ginger Nut: 2.99
Caramel Shortcake: 2.76
Nice Biscuit: 2.27
Iced Biscuits/Party Rings: 2.16
Chocolate Finger: 1.38
Jaffa Cakes: 1.16
The government should make a law banning the dunking of biscuits - it clearly causes more accidents than driving whilst holding a mobile phone. What's next - banning driving whilst holding a conversation and dunking a biscuit? Restricting the sale of biscuits to those who can pass a competancy test? Are Custard Creams the most dangerous because only old people with no teeth dunk them and then when they drop them on the floor and try to retrieve them they fall over and injure themselves? Should we force manufacturers to make biscuits that do not go soft when you dunk them? Should we put a government warning label on biscuits 'Warning: may cause accidents'...
To Serve and Protect .... :-) Hmmm?
Is a brownie a proud biscuit or a weedy piece of cake ? :-) ..... http://tinyurl.com/kud5dm
"Sucking (hot) tea through a Peng^H^H^H certain choc-covered biscuit snack - heaven! (courtesy of my youngest sister-in-law)"
An orgasm in the mouth according to Natalie Imbruglia being interviewed many many years ago,
Jaffa Cakes may be safe...
...but you definitely want to stay away from the Goa'uld Cakes.
Jaffa Cakes relatively harmless?
Surely that should be Mostly Harmless?
two posts from
two posts from GrahAManFromArse and I nearly understand both of them. The chemists must be closed.
You think that's bad?
Down here there's things called Tim Tams...
and Lamingtons... And that godawful unmentionable marmite ripoff... And the beer don't taste right either... :(
I haven't been able to get a decent Rich Tea biscuit here in ages.
Passes a box of lincolns round as they dont appear on the list.
Paris - more tea vicar?
Hang On, that's not Fair .... Hob Nobs at Dawn, for Satisfaction, if you please.
"two posts from GrahAManFromArse and I nearly understand both of them. The chemists must be closed." .... By Anonymous Coward Posted Tuesday 8th September 2009 14:32 GMT.
Do yourself a favour, AC, and believe you're getting smarter. ........ unless you know different, that is.
The implication in your post is that you only understated doctored messages, which is not a great skill.
@Stef 4 - 14:03
"An orgasm in the mouth according to Natalie Imbruglia being interviewed many many years ago"
That's not what my girlfriend says it tastes like.
I know that Devendra Banhart looks an odd fellow, but I didn't realise he tasted strange too.
@ Stef 4 14:03
The idea of an orgasm in the mouth and Natalie Imbruglia got me all confused for a moment - if Devendra Banhart tastes of chocolate biscuits then only Natalie Portman can confirm it.
Just how does one slurp tea through a chocolate biscuit snack anyway? Unlike a Twirl they're solid.
Agree with the custard cream..
..it's the biscuit I remember having coughing fits with due to crumbs being breathed into my lungs!
Feel free to hit the bourbon--that is unless you are one of the tragic 3% who are prone to poking their eye out with cookies. If this describes you, you had better give up bourbon for Kool-Aid drunk from a no-spill cup with clowns and cute dinosaurs on it.
What about the tim tam challenge, that's an instant scolding risk if ever I saw one!
@sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD - We can get them in Pomeland too... Along with the Polish jaffa cakes which I hate to say, are even more smashing orangey than the originals! Assuming you opt for the orange flavour of course, they have a choice!
Someone sat in an office and thought "If it goes hard when stale it's a cake, if it goes soft when stale it's a biscuit", and the whole world excepts it. Where's the scientific rational behind that? As a reg reader I want experiments, a bit of physical proof! So after 10 cups of tea and 20 Jaffa cakes, I can Categorically state that; If it can be dunked it's a biscuit, if can't it's a cake. Jaffa cakes can be dunked.
@Sarah Bee's Love Slave
> Just how does one slurp tea through a chocolate biscuit snack anyway?
> Unlike a Twirl they're solid.
I have had the techinque demonstrated to me with TimTams, it is surprisingly pleasant.
* Nibble the chocolate off diaginally opposite corners to expose the biscuit.
* Place one nibbled corner in hot beverage.
* Suck on other corner until beverage reaches mouth, indicating biscuit is saturated.
* Quickly scoff resulting soggy mess before it dissolves completely.
Progress ..... to Higher Levels of Beautiful Confusion
Three Rousing Cheers for Sarah Bee's Love Slave. :-) A Plum Posting in Deed, indeed. And a Passionate Position of Obvious Obstinate Significant Standing and Seductive Addictive CodeXSSXXXXdDual Attraction ....... Mutual Mirrored Intelligence Level/Quantum Plane.
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The whole "cakes vs biscuits" thing
The whole "cakes vs biscuits" thing was just an unfortunate side-effect of a stupid tax régime.
If the rate tax had been the same on cakes and biscuits in the first place, it would never have mattered. But I suppose that would have been far too sensible .....
So now some ultra-PC Nu-Labour do-gooder is going to require biscuit manufacturers to print a ciggie-pack style warning on all their packets so the poor helpless folk of Great Britain are further protected from their own inability to get through a day by themselves without some social worker watching their every move and wrapping them in cotton wool.
Critical missing info
Surely this article is missing a critical (and potentially life saving) piece of information - what EXACTLY makes a Custard Cream so damn dangerous?
Where do I stand...
...with my Tunnocks caramel wafer.
Damn shoddy research leaving out the king of snacks...