You may not have noticed that you have a problem with fire stations, but fortunately the Department of Communities & Local Government is there to put you right. Today, the bit of government that is all that remains of John Prescott's expensive and ephemeral empire unveiled its "vision for a new generation of open, accessible, …
Look on the bright side
It appears that this government (yes, I know the term is more than generous) is doing it's bit for equality by employing many of those who are otherwise unemployable due to being cerebrally challenged (or thick as pigsh1t for the non-pc), or open to a different plane of existence - or, again for my non-pc audience, in cloud cuckoo land, away with the fairies, in la-la land...
Indeed I do remember Monkey Dust, and ROFL'd when I read this article...looks like some of John & Tony's pals were avid fans, too, only they didn't realise it was comedy.
Another suggestion for diversification: emergency kebab vans.
P.S. I wonder if the marketing consultancy responsible was named after female genitalia?
lowering response times...
"on site cashpoints", car parking space for rural areas, and providing "space for art displays."
in other words make the firestation a target for local youths to torch, the firemen get there in seconds, which will nicly lower there average response times, the kids get something to burn
its a win win situation!!
Instead of incorporating a community facility they should incorporate a jail.
It should be made a criminal offence to be in posession of a fire. This will apply to all fires and it should be the legal responsibility of the respondant not to own items that could be used in the ignition or fueling, including owning items such as cooking oil, cars, ovens, televisions and any other combination of potentially fire promoting stuff. The culprit should also pay a fine in a fire intervention for which the hourly rate for each fire-person to extinguish said fire will be £10000 per operative and your house forfeited etc, etc. No excuses for fire in this nanny state.(Unless it is a government owned fire in which case the law won't apply).
This message is not meant to upset or hurt victims of fire etc but made in good heart.
"Who the hell wants to see art at a Fire Station?"
I'm partial to Botticelli - a few chunky nudes might warm things up...
Its the economy, stupid
errr, haven't they noticed the property market going a bit south.
The cunning bit of this plan (the bit that was supposed to help the ever growing budget deficit) won't work as the commercial property market is dead, the resi market is just at the top of a very large cliff and the chances right now of a developer being able to borrow a few million for converting a fire station are about as likely as a something very unlikely!
Ever wondered why the trains, planes etc don't run properly, cos if they did we'd all feck off to a properly run country like err the Congo, or Burma or somewhere a bit more liberal and less taxed.
- Product round-up Ten excellent FREE PC apps to brighten your Windows
- Hi-torque tank engines: EXTREME car hacking with The Register
- Review What's MISSING on Amazon Fire Phone... and why it WON'T set the world alight
- Product round-up Trousers down for six of the best affordable Androids
- Why did it take antivirus giants YEARS to drill into super-scary Regin? Symantec responds...