back to article Commuters shouting into their mobiles? Just jam 'em

When a columnist starts off "Silent, but deadly..." you know he's trying to be funny; and Matt Rudd's recent praise for phone radio jammers is, clearly, not based on the fact he doesn't know what SBD actually means. Anti-social behaviour on trains these days isn't limited to producing methane; it is more commonly believed to …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Safety

    These jammers are dangerous... They are dangerous for the people with electronic implants (like pacemakers), because a jammer could disturbe a feedback loop. They are dangerous for trains, because the new safety communication and signalling standard uses gsm transceivers (the standard is called GSM-R), And they are dangerous for the user, because if someone happens to jam the conversation of a police officier the chance is high that said officier would only use shoot to stop rules against the user (aka. 'terrorist').

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    Re:I'd prefer....

    "....a device that was directional and powerful enough at close range to fully relax the sphincter in an offenders bladder ....."

    I DO believe such a thing actually exists. Works using high level infra-sound. Hit the resonant frequency of the victim's bladder and he/she gets that nice warm (and wet) feeling. You can also target the stomach, but you need to ensure you aren't sitting opposite.

    Trouble is I don't think its terribly portable.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Agreed

    "Got it for £25, shipped as 'LED Flashlight'"

    My "friend" has one too, the HK site in question ships everything as LED Flashlight so customs never open them... um, apparently?

  4. Cameron Colley
    Happy

    Re: Emergencies?

    And exactly why should people wait to receive a call? Because you're too easily distracted to cope with someone talking on a phone? Are you too cheap to buy some earplugs|phones? What are you doing that's so vital you can't be distracted and it can't wait until _you_ get to your destination? ;~)

  5. Mike Taylor

    @Jamie

    Just an amusing aside, really. Was changing at king's cross onto the northern line the other day, at the deep level, and my phone rang. Reasonable signal. I had a very bemused conversation with a colleague for a few seconds and rang off. There was a patch of perhaps 20cm across. Wasn't drunk either. I did wonder if there was a vent nearby (it was drafty...) or if there was an on-going trial. I haven't found the signal again.

    Say "hi" if you see a puzzled man waving his phone around on the northern line platform.

  6. Big_Boomer Silver badge
    Pirate

    Yet another technical "solution" to a people problem

    Why not just ask the selfish phone shouter / iPoop listener / stinky bloke to please keep it down / turn it down / take a shower.

    If they ignore you or get mouthy then you have a legitimate reason to throw their phone/iPoop out the train window. I don't recommend this in the case of the stinky bloke as murder is illegal, but getting the whole carriage to chant "you fuckin' stink" works well in those circumstances.

    Of course, once physical violence breaks out you should make room and let all the other commuters (who felt just like you did but were too polite to say anything) give him a kick or two as well.

    Never did understand phone shouters. They seem to think that if they shout it will get louder at the other end. Fuckwits! <LOL>

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  8. Andy Taylor
    Boffin

    Why do they shout?

    In the old days of telephones, when they had wires and a dial instead of buttons and you rented them from the GPO, they had something called sidetone.

    Sidetone is where some of the signal from the mouthpiece microphone is fed into the earpiece speaker. This means that when you are on the phone you can hear your voice coming out of the earpiece.

    Without this feedback, many people think that the phone isn't working properly and speak louder. Most mobiles have little or no sidetone, so people shout to compensate.

    Also, I was going to get some cards printed up with: Thank you for not saying "I'm on the train" to give to people who have managed not to say this annoying phrase during a phone conversation, but I am glad I saved my money as in 5+ years of commuting I have yet to need one.

  9. Tony Rogers

    Big Noise

    I would willingly listen to the odd phone call as a trade off of having to listen

    to the barpersons attempt at being a DJ and playing teenage gunk at annoying levels of discomfort for his own brain dead ammusement.

    Oh the wonderful days of a quiet pint and a chat without recourse to shouting.

    Mix the bar music together with the phones and it's getting like hell.

    Do I live in the big metropolis ?......not anymore.

    I moved down to The Lizard in Cornwall...as far away as possible...maybe the Outer Hebrides ????

  10. Francis Fish
    Alert

    Learn to use yer phone properly

    The shouting is because they're too witless to turn up the volume in a noisy background situation, they hear a quiet voice and start shouting back - very British. I'd bet 99% of people have no idea how to turn up the volume on their phone.

  11. Steve Wehrle
    Happy

    There are other alternatives....

    Ladies : if the person next to you is annoying you with their mobile phone conversation, just say rather loudly "Come back to bed, darling".

    Gents : the words "Come on, it's your round" will probably have the same effect.

  12. Big_Boomer Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Pure Genius

    Steve Wehrle, you are a genius. Be prepared for a massive increase in the divorce rate as I intend to implement this tactic immediately. <EvilGrin>

  13. Vulpes Vulpes

    Point and shoot solution to the Quiet Carriage noise polluters

    It actually increases the level of noise for a short time, but the point-and-shoot solution I have used in the past is pretty satisfyingly effective, at least as a means of revenge:

    1) Go to the buffet (you know what's coming now).

    2) Buy a black tea (no cooling milk).

    3) Return to the Quiet Carriage.

    4) Accidentally spill it in the bastard's lap.

    Result.

  14. Paul Smith

    Are you fishy?

    When playing poker, they say that if you don't know who the fish is, then the fish is you. I wonder if all the people who claim to have never been annoyed by others using the phones are the ones actually causing all the trouble.

  15. Zac Jackson

    Stop everything....

    Ooh, ooh, I know, why don't I hold a decibel meter 12" from my mouth (wow, that's Freudian!) while I'm talking to my slightly deaf Grandmother sat right opposite me on the train?! Really, I know that people can be thoughtlessly obtrusive - trust me, I work in China; you will never know what this means until you sit on a tube-train in Shanghai and hear "WEI?!" shouted in your ear at sound levels to challenge a Vulcan Bomber on take-off. Why do I notice this? Because I am from the UK, and things are much different there. DI-FFER-ENT. Grandpas' semina on how things were different in his day, over the hall - Room 101...Seriously, you have much bigger things to bitch about than a poxy phone conversation on the train. Get over it - it's an overheard conversation. For reference, my phone is only ever set on silent vibrate, and I feel embarrassed to shout in public on it. Still, I manage to retain some of my 'British Reserve'. What else do you want to disable to make me want to stay in China, home of perceived freedom? LOL! Seriously, you can't knobble the benifit of the many for the inconsideration of the few, if life were that easy, Pop Idol would not exist. Crap. I blew my arguement in the last line...

  16. Paul

    Quiet Carrage.

    I find the best thing to do is ask people sat in there to stop using there phones. Genraly they ignore me and carry on, but I find that then other people start asking them as well, and eventualy they get fed up and hang up and look sheepish.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Better fun anyway

    is the little key ring gadget that turns tv's off.

    Hate being forced to watch that management presentation ... or the footie in the pub.

  18. Claus P. Nielsen

    Re: Various anonymous cowards

    I think the title "anonymous coward" is really precise in this case.

    So confronted with a person that annoys you by shouting, you annoy them right back by shouting (which is really what these jammers are doing - only electronically and in the GSM band).

    The much more socially responsible way of simply asking someone to keep it down would involve courage, which is indeed what you miss.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Are You Fishy?

    Considering I've only take about 10 phone calls on my mobile device in the past year, I doubt it's me making all that noise.

    My secret is a pair of sound-isolating earphones -- I get to listen to music in peace while I'm on the web, or texting, and the rest of the carriage only hear my Blackbery buzz.

  20. Pete Silver badge

    @ "cough" friend

    ahh, I thinkI know the one you mean ($48, free P&P?).

    After getting the train from London to Bath during the week and having a tosser wittering away for the whole trip, and then ANOTHER on the way back I fully intend to get one of these.

    Personally I don't care if they're illegal. I don't care if it annoys one individual in the carriage and I know I will neither get caught nor prosecuted for having or using it. (I may however get a medal)

    If people simply don't have the internal resources to sit quietly for an hour or two, or are so invasive of (to?) the personal space of others, they deserve to be treated like the two-year-olds they are emulating and should have their lives controlled for them.

  21. Darkside

    Ask them nicely

    I'm for asking them nicely to keep it down, especially if you're interrupted by a REALLY loud annoying train announcement you've heard at every bloody station for the last hour, so that both of you are paralysed with laughter by the end of the announcement...

    Quiet carriage, hell.

  22. Cameron Colley

    Perhaps some introspection is in order?

    I am constantly amused that people allow themselves to be upset to such a degree by others going about their daily business.

    Are you really so bad at concentrating that you can't do so when someone is being loud? Perhaps Ritalin would help (or the aforementioned ear plugs)?

    Yes, people are annoying, but if you're not capable of making the best of the situation, or dealing with it like an adult and asking them politely to be quieter, then surely you're just as immature as the people who annoy you.

    Freedom is bsed upon tolerance, and understanding, not a unilateral decision to control the actions of others.

  23. John Stag

    "illegal and unwanted "

    Ummm....

    The jammers aren't constantly on (the batteries would only last a couple of minutes of they were. You push a button to make them work. They only work so long as the button is pressed.

  24. John

    Hmm

    Hell really is other people.

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