Our piece last week on Eddie Murphy's cinematic train-wreck A Thousand Words - a possible nominee for the worst film ever - had El Reg commentards queuing up to recount their celluloid nightmare experiences. And chilling reading it made, to be sure. Inspired by your litany of cinematic shame, we've decided to run a poll this …
The Men Who Stare at Goats
The Day After Tomorrow
Garfield the Movie
All extremely bad films - but if I had to nominate the film I think is the worst I've ever seen it would be this one:
Vantage Point - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443274/
Was trying to be clever with the same 20 mins of action shown from multiple viewpoints - it succeeded in being the most annoying film I've ever seen - in fact I think this was the only one I have ever been close to walking out of (I have a REALLY high tolerance for bad films) - so many people were walking out - an audible groan every time it reset to another viewpoint.
These movies are all extremely recent, with the exception of The Cable Guy, and don't represent the worst of the worst in cinema within the last 30 years by far.
Can I nominate this as the worst movie ever. Its only redeeming factor was that the very annoying main character died at the end, so no sequel. Yay.
Worst Movie ...
R.O.T.O.R. is easily the worst movie I have ever seen.
I've always had a personal dislike for this movie for so many, many reasons.
Why? Halle Berry gets her tits out. And very nice they are too. For that reason alone, this is nowhere close to being the worst fim ever.
So bad I couldnt believe it
Along time ago I saw a Gibraltan movie called "Sergeantt revenge", or "Sergeants gun", not sure which was the original name. And it can't be found anywhere, not even in imbd.
How bad was it? It had some half known actors that acted so stiffly I haven't seen that stiff anywhere. Even a deep frozen conservative politician shows more feeling. Not even porn films actors act that bad.
Not a cult film, but I had to watch it to the end, as I couldn't believe how bad the movie was.
No way in hell I'm reading 481 posts...
But in case it has been missed... In my *extensive* misspent youth watching telly, I would have to say the absolute worst pile of shit I ever had the misfortune to watch must surely belong to "The Class Of Nuke 'Em High III". I've seen some movies so poor they were forgotten before the credits finished, but this one bored a hole into my mind. When people talk of terrible movies, I think of this and think "naaaah".
Any new age, spiritualist, ufo, environmental movie ever made. Any Matrix movie. Tron. All the zombie movies. The ones with the dude with the razor blades for finger nails (freddy kruger? if that is not freddy, then add him too). Anything about anybody named Kennedy or Diana. Anything involving Andy Warhol or Woody Allen. Almost anything from Holywood since Reagan. Anything at all "made for TV", broadcast or cable. Anything with disco or rap music, except Tupac or Biggie Small, thy were as great as they thought they were, too bad that they are both gone. Anything with Halloween in the title, or about ghosts. Anything with the word Alien in the title.
500ish posts later, and nobody's mentioned 1967's "Barbarella"?
How could it be anything but Barbarella? And hands-down.
Anything with Woody Allen's name on it is a distant second.
Third, close behind Allen, are all remakes.
Third.0, anything with "3D" in the title.
 Outside the Jazz world, of course!
Re: 500ish posts later, and nobody's mentioned 1967's "Barbarella"?
What? Barbarella is in "so bad it's good" territory. Which is far better than "so bad it's unwatchable".
Piranha (3D) is another....
Did anyone else go to see it simply to see Kelly Brook swimming nude in 3D?
...I'm going to have to suddenly add a second nomination. Netflix just recommended to me, as part of what they cryptically refer to as my "Top 10" this particular jewel:
"Shriek If You Know What I Did Friday 13th
In this goofy horror spoof, a masked slasher stalks the teens of BF High on what happens to be Friday the 13th and Halloween night at the same time."
Without even watching it, I'll go ahead and nominate it on the basis of confusing the 13th of October for when Halloween falls, spoof or not.
Eyes Wide Shut
As a long-time fan of Stanley Kubrick, I was sorely tempted to have him euthanased after my having sat through the first two and a bit hours of this stinker. Even the train-wreck-watching rubber-necker in me was unable to make it through to the end.
One of my more resiliently constituted mates watched it to its conclusion with his partner, (on a dare or a promise, I suppose), and I asked him what happened in the forty-odd minutes between the point where I shot through and the end credits. To which he replied "nothing".
So not much different from the beginning then.
And just in case that doesn't meet your standards of worst movie ever, consider that other remarkably interest-free dog turd of a film, The Remarkable Lightness of Being. Remarkable Likeness to Boring, more like. May the director of that waste of human heartbeats never be allowed near a motion picture set again in his/her miserable life.
That is all.
About 20 years ago I had been at a sleepover (I was about 13?) we hired a film - we watched about 10 mins of this woman whom before moving out of the house insisted on saying goodbye to everything such as the light fittings, walls etc.
I cant think for the life of me what it was called, chain moving -something like that? Have no idea who was in it nor anything else - it was abruptly cut short by my friends parents whom had deemed it to be a load of tosh. Anyone remember it?
Recently, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button sent me to sleep as did the twilight dross...
"The skill of gymnastics, the kill of karate."
I don't think movies can be made this bad on purpose.
It is true....
.....that there are many low budget / straight to video / we were only having a laugh......honest, stinkers out there, so I think we have to exclude these and only allow those turkeys that got a wide cinematic distribution.
Thus I have to agree with what many enlightened commentards have said and go with Highlander II. What a cast-iron stinker that was! Also I saw it in the cinema and I don't think you can truly appreciate how bad it is 'til you've done that.
I can't quite believe how many films that I actually like have aquired the odd vote or two.....
Enter the Void
Enter the Void is far, far worse than any of the other movies mentioned here. It shoots right through "so bad it's good," all the way to "so bad you will regret I ever mentioned it." If you're tempted to watch it just to see how bad a movie can be, don't bother. It's that bad.
THX 1138- pure symbolism. no color, acting, or excitement (despite the car chase and escape to the surface at the end). YAWN.
Independence Day- Jeff Goldblum takes out the alien mothership with a virus. Composed on a Mac. Please.
Waterworld- There isn't enough water in the ice caps to cover the entire planet apart from Mt. Everest. Also, if the water level is that high, how do they breathe? (The air pressure above 20,000 ft is insufficient to survive). Where does the asshole in the tanker get the gas for his Cadillac with no tires? And wasn't the Exxon Valdez destroyed in the wreck off Alaska in 1989?
Star Trek V- "The example against which all badness is measured" -Rajesh Koothrapali, Big Bang Theory
Beerfest- Seriously, what the hell? I'm glad I didn't pay for it, but I wish it wasn't taking up space in my rack.
>Also, if the water level is that high, how do they breathe? (The air pressure above 20,000 ft is insufficient to survive)
Hmmm, let's do a bit of thinking here. The air pressure at 20000 ft is low, because the air's settled down in the 20000 feet below that. You know, pressure gradients and the like.
If you start out at 20000 ft, 20000 is the new 0.
Re: air pressure
Although it should be a smidge thinner than before, since the average diameter of the Earth has effectively been increased by 8 miles, and so there's a little more surface to cover.
Worst film ever made
Sort of the same difficulty of stating which was the best.
Somewhat subjective based on culture and setting... bad movies can be funny with the right audience, still bad but just funny.
I have seen thousands of films, naming the worst is very hard, there are so many to choose from.
The no excuse one, money can not overcome bad taste and no real plan:
Heaven's Gate - pretentious hubris, ego run out of control.
The $1.98 budget selection:
The Beast of Yucca Flats - I hope someone had fun making this turd.
One small note... even a bad film is hard to make... but making them this bad takes a special talent.
Tagline "lightning does strike twice"
I'm not joking
I take back what I said earlier, someone just reminded me of Pearl Harbour.
My two ......
The Rocky Horror Picture Show. WTF? A complete crock of shite. And;
Pulp Fiction. Everybody seems to think this is a classic and to slag it off is heresy. I think it's classic rubbish.
My personal opinion and not trolling
Lord Of The Rizzzzzz
Any of the Lord Of The Rings films - over-hyped, overacted, over-long and over here.
The Return Of The King was probably the worst, jeez that could have been done in about an hour and a half less than it took; just cut out all the long lingering looks, speak the pompous dialogue at a normal speed, and only use each bit of tacky CGI battle footage once, and the whole thing would have been over in 90 minutes tops.
The fact that they reckon they need 6 hours to do The Hobbit (that's well over a minute a page!) says it all.
Re: Lord Of The Rizzzzzz
If you couldn't stand the books you won't like the films. If you absolutely loved the books then the films will inevitably disappoint. But worst movie of all time ... come on, have you really considered all of the above posts and decided RotK was worse than any of them?
AI is the worst, because we expected so much before it started, then expected it to get better at some point, before becoming slowly anaesthetised. I didn't even have the will left to complain about it afterwards, I just slouched off home.
"Loaded with Hollywood insider jokes. "
i.e. up itself and totally unfunny to anyone who does not know 'Hollywood'
Dull, dull, dull :(
I think we need some rules...
It seems to me to define the worst film ever we could do with some constraints. One I would suggest is the films budget. While there are many many low budget films which are bad, you sort of expect that when the total film budget is less than Tom Cruise's catering outlay.
Therefore I would suggest that we only consider films with a budget of 50 mill or more or have two categories, worst budget, straight to videio/dvd and worst ' they spent how much on that pile of crap!!!' film.
On that basis can anyone say whether John Carter is really that bad
Perhaps some perspective.
It might be best to consider what should be the criteria for "Worst Film...EVER". First off, I think we can agree that the film had to be intended to be a serious legitimate film (thus the "No Troma" rule--if a film was MEANT to be bad and invoke the "So Bad It's Good" effect isn't going to count). And second, it has to be universally panned (so no cult favorites).
Given these criteria, it may behove some people to peruse this link on the TVTropes website: http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Horrible/Film
It lists what the Wiki writers there consider "So Bad It's Horrible". Now, a number of films already mentioned (like The Asylum, Battlefield Earth, unmentionable "seconds", and a certain cartoon adaptation from MNS) made the list. Among the entries listed there...
- Anything from Uwe Boll. Video game companies, DO NOT let him direct your movie adaptation. Full Stop.
- Dracula 3000 (though I have to wonder if the title alone could've irked some people prior to the box office; the REALLY bad ones should hook you in first, THEN have you running for the fire exit)
- The Undefeated (maybe not the worst film overall but a good candidate for Worst Documentary Film Ever)
And BTW, Eddie Murphy's latest effort wasn't his first complete bomb. Has anyone mentioned "The Adventures of Pluto Nash" yet?
PS. If I had to choose something from the list, I'd have to put it at "Disaster Movie". Yes, I know of the "No Troma" rule, but an exception should be made here because the point is that this film is a Troma-wannabe that was so bad at "being so bad" that it gives Troma-type films a bad name.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'll take my leave from the theater altogether. After enduring Avatar a couple years ago (I found it not be the worst ever but simply uninspiring and way too predictable--not to mention confirmation that 3D isn't the best thing since sliced bread).
War of the words with Tom Cruise.
Need I say more?
My wife recorded Titanic 2 which must go down as the biggest waste of magnetic flux of all time.
I have to admit that I am the sort of person blockbusters are made for. Generally, I like nothing more than something mindless after a day at work - big, improbable explosions, tons of CGI and a few good fights and I'm generally happy. Plot, writting and acting I find optional. I guess I see films as escapism rather than art, and personally I see nothing wrong with that. So, I'll put my hands up and admit that I've enjoyed such films as Matrix Reloaded / Revolutions, Terminator 3, Suckerpunch, 2012.
However, there are some films that have had me shouting at them, and no amount of splodes could save them:
The Da Vinci Code - hated it, it was slow, boring and Hanks (who is normally good) just couldn't be bothered with it.
Twilight - only saw half and hour or so of this (the girlfriend made me), found it completely tedious. It must be a female thing. Vampires don't sparkle!
The Core - I wanted to like this. Normally over the top, unrealistic stuff doesn't bother me too much but the utter ignorance of basic science made me really angry and shouty - again, this is coming from someone who enjoyed 2012. If you've not seen it, give it a watch and prepare to be astounded.
Doom - give it a different name and it would have been an ok, mindless action film. What annoyed me was that the source material and the idea of messing around with teleportation technology and opening a way into hell is an awesome premise. Instead, they ignored all the source material and came up with some DNA angry gene bollocks instead.
Philistine. This film is spectacular bullshit, with the all time greatest line in any film:
"It's best guess. That's all science really is."
Not to mention the "science 101" display of an apple and lit hairspray and "Unobtainium" a substance that defies the laws of physics.
Random musings to AC
The Matrix rocked. I don't think the sequels should ever have been made. They weren't bad, exactly, one of them (I forget which) was kinda fun, but both were just a total disappointment compared to the promise of the first. Reminds me of "Battle Royale". The first was great, the second had such a crap ending and so many logic flaws it actually hurts to think about it.
T3 was good, and brought the story full circle. I must admit my favourite is the first, because I think it was aimed at people with more brains and less tendency to "oooh, shiny!" and gawp at the effects.
2012 was actually a fun ride. Okay, hokey science, a personal drama for a story set against the impending apocalypse. It shares a lot in common with The Day After Tomorrow. But, come on, LA gets trashed. And when I mean trashed, I mean, fasten your seatbelt. Wow. Bet they had fun making that.
Sucker Punch is an awesome film. But I think it is so far left of centre that you'll like it (you get it) or you'll hate it (you don't get it).
The De Vinci Code. Crap, but Audrey Tautou speaking English. Mmmmmm!
Twilight - I'm with you there. There's one bit of dialogue that goes something like "you should be afraid of me" and then "i'm not, I love you". I swear to god I nearly choked.
The Core was fun because it was well aware of how rubbish the concept was, so it just played along and cranked the nonsense scale up to 11. Sometimes overanalysing can be a problem. Consider, for example, "One Missed Call" or "The Ring" (and I mean the Japanese originals, not the remakes). Good films both, but the possibility of that happening for real is up there with crop circles and the stringy haired ghost girl crawling awkwardly over the foot of my bed and... hang on... what the f....? AAAAAAAARGH!
I noted the "No Troma" rule, so I shall present an alternative option for worst film EVER. And, trust me, if you watch this, you'll regret it. A lot.
"The Psychotronic Man".
only trawled through the first 3 pages so far and no ones mentioned Twilight?....
It's been mentioned a few times already, mostly by men dragged into watching them by their girlfriends or wives. Probably not a candidate under the "cult hit" rule--men may hate it, but it seems a hit with women (given the source material, it isn't surprising).
I have to put my vote in for this sequence of every cliche known to sci-fi stitched together into one film.
I mean really: the psychopathic guy hiding out for years on the "abandoned" spaceship? Uh right, well I sure wasn't expecting *that* plot "twist".
This is the only film I've seen which I was actively trying to forget about even as I was watching it. Which is the only reason I can think of for why I didn't walk out.
I have 5 thumbs down for suggesting this one. Glad I'm not the only person who has put it in their personal 'Never Watch Again' list
Totally agree. I expected so much more from Danny Boyle and was pretty much bored for most of it. I'm trying to rack my brains now to remember the plot (apart from spaceship going to try and stop the sun going out) but can't...
That's "Doomsday 2012", not "Doomsday", nor "2012"...
I would have said Dark City
as it is the only film I have ever mourned the loss of those 2 hours of my life.
However Human Centipede takes the cake as involuntary surgical torture porn.
Have skimmed the majority of posts...
A lot of the films here have redeeming features, as they are so laughably bad, (see Star Trek V, Plan 9, etc...). However, one stands head and shoulders above the rest:
The Postman - so many hours of self-indulgent Kevin Costner shite with nothing actually happening.
Post apocalyptic obviously.
Not even Michelle Pfeiffer could save it. Does it save the film that at one point (Michelle singing to her presumed dead ero who is visualised all in white standing atop a pile of (white) smashed-up motorbikes surrounded by (white) clouds) I fell out of my chair laughing?
No, I don't think so.
So bad that it approaches pure brilliance.
What the hell are you on about? We don't do celluloid anymore.
Hanibal was a great book but the film was lousy, overplayed and really lost the heart of the characters.