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back to article What's big, blue and red all over? IBM. Profit, z Systems down, cloud up

IBM today reported its second quarter financial results and the figures don't look good, with profits falling nearly 30 per cent. The venerable computing giant did perform slightly better than analysts expected, however GAAP revenues and profits are both down year-on-year. It's the 17th straight quarter of revenue declines for …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Trollface

    Things will get better next quarter

    By then, Big Blue's new DCO (Deckchair Cofiguration Officer) will be up to speed.

    5 0 Reply
    1. a_yank_lurker
      Reply Icon

      Re: Things will get better next quarter

      Buzzword bingo translation - We have hit an iceberg and are sinking. However, the pumps are slowing the rate of sinking. We will take 3 hours instead of 2 hours to founder. Also, there is not enough lifeboat capacity so someone get here soon.

      2 0 Reply
    2. asdf
      Reply Icon

      Re: Things will get better next quarter

      And he will say quick look over there, oh look somebody bought a bunch of IBM stock. What happened to our cash pile? Umm let me tell you about our cloud offerings.

      2 0 Reply
      1. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Things will get better next quarter

        Things will get better for IBM next quarter? Why, has Deep Blue worked out what next weeks lottery numbers are?

        I appreciate ZeroHedge is bordering on a conspiracy site, but they put IBM's "success" down to lowering their effect tax rate and low interest rates, and predict the low interest rates won't last.

        http://www.zerohedge.com/news/2016-07-18/ibm-beats-despite-17th-straight-revenue-decline-margin-miss-spike-net-debt

        1 0 Reply
  2. Code For Broke

    Lenovo...

    ...must be cracking their knuckles, ready for the second half. Too bad the US Government won't let them have it... Unless HRC wins, in which case the deal was already signed 16+ years ago.

    0 0 Reply
  3. Chris Miller

    Say it's not so!

    Have we reached peak mainframe?

    2 0 Reply
  4. gregthecanuck

    Are we getting close to the day when someone says "Remember when IBM made hardware?".

    4 0 Reply
    1. Doctor Syntax Silver badge
      Reply Icon

      Are we getting close to the day when someone says "Remember IBM?".

      FTFY

      0 0 Reply
  5. Doctor Syntax Silver badge

    "IBM continues to establish itself as the leading cognitive solutions and cloud platform company."

    A "sell" indicator if I ever heard one. Why do MBA types take it as "buy"?

    1 0 Reply
    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      "IBM continues to establish itself as the leading cognitive solutions and cloud platform company."

      Can anybody name another? That's like saying Southampton are the leading south coast football team playing in red and white.

      1 0 Reply
      1. Anonymous Coward
        Reply Icon
        Anonymous Coward

        Wipro have cloud, and they have a cognitive solution called Sherlock..... (no, I am not joking).

        1 0 Reply
        1. Anonymous Coward
          Reply Icon
          Anonymous Coward

          Yeah but....

          They also have a COC (Cloud Operations Centre).

          I am not joking either!

          0 0 Reply
  6. allthecoolshortnamesweretaken

    Maybe Watson can come up with a better business strategy?

    2 0 Reply
    1. Anonymous Coward
      Reply Icon
      Anonymous Coward

      Watson did...

      ...every time it was asked,it kept responding "until you get rid of Ginni, nothing will improve - have you fired her yet?"

      3 0 Reply
  7. SomeoneInDelaware

    Remember when IBM make really good hardware, and has great service?

    0 0 Reply
  8. Blahsheep

    Hybrid cloud sales did well did they?

    Nonsense. It has been pointed out before but it's basically a fraudulent manipulation of the figures. A hardware upgrade to a server that has been on premise for a decade will count as 'hybrid cloud'.

    Not entirely sure why people don't realise this? Does no one actually delve into the figures?

    0 0 Reply

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