Brian Kelly, director of Flight Operations at the Johnson Space Center, described right now as "an exciting time to be a part of America’s human space flight program".
Until the next round of budget cuts, anyway.
NASA has put out a call for the next generation of astronaut candidates, in anticipation of regaining the ability to put people aloft space aboard US-built spacecraft. The space agency's head honcho, Charles Bolden, said: "This next group of American space explorers will inspire the Mars generation to reach for new heights, …
Hmm, "at least three years of related, progressively responsible professional experience" ...
"related" - Your work was related to your degree. OK.
"professional experience" - You got paid for it. Right.
"progressively responsible" - What's that again? Does that mean you climbed the corporate ladder?
Damn. I thought I might be in with a chance.
Hmmm. Doesn't say if they consider "Computer Science" to be engineering, physical science, mathematics or the banned "technology" category.
If it is, then I, as a 46-year old 17 stone desk jockey might actually qualify - the swimming part is easy (lots of buoyancy), and they could save money on a space suit (it would have to be bigger round the middle than normal, but with less insulation).
Capricorn One. A great dramatised documentary, with the added thrill of a star who later GOT AWAY WITH MURDER. Blonde wives of black lives don't matter.
Unbeatable.
Srsly, I stick to parts of 2001 for my fix of space-is-the-place.
More recently, Moon was also pretty great, but it is all on the Moon, except for the rushed ending.
Gravity is said to be good, but Clooney was so awful in the horrid parody of Solaris, and my capacity to suspend belief doesn't extend to him and Bullock pretending to be in SPAAACE, boycotted for now.
Have some Royal Space Force: The Wings of Honnêamise then. Shit's dope.
"If you can remember Falcon 3.0 you are probably too old and may be considered getting on a bit with 1000 hours on Falcon 4.0."
Yep, I was thinking that. Maybe I should put my grand-kids names down. They haven't quite got round to getting degrees or flying licences or American citizenship but I'm sure they could by the time the programme shifts into top gear. As backup maybe my great grand-kids who haven't got round to being born yet!
Then there will be a tiny bit of me that gets there and, hopefully, back. That would be good, very good.
The new qualifications will be riding on Branson and Scaled Composites' ride, if it ever gets into its fun-fair ride mode rather than sudden-death mode, *and* a bullshit degree in a bullshit field.
They will never be going to Mars.
I almost support Mars One, but they clearly have no idea.
Neither does NASA.
As I've said before, the USA leeched everything they can on free-fall survival from the USSR and Russian space programmes.
Radiation problem beyond the van Allen belts remain, I was much amused by the proposal to pack turds as they are expelled into the walls of the hypothetical craft for Mars. Think they will enjoy the inevitable stench?
If you really want to get there in an efficient way, a system for recycling human waste as soil is far more efficient.
In Britain, 'night soils', used as fertiliser around population centres. In Japan also, the collection and use as fertiliser probably predates the British.
What a waste and a destruction to flush it into the ocean.
The B Ark ran on autopilot and was programmed to crash, so even if you're the sort of person who head-butts asteroids in Elite Dangerous, you'll do.
(Been there, did that in the first training mission. I hit Emergency Boost and Silent Running on my HOTAS, but at least the resulting explosion took out four of the eight toxic waste canisters before I died)
From 14 December until mid February, NASA wants to hear from those pilots, engineers, scientists and doctors who think they've got the Right Stuff.
It says wannabes' CVs must include "a bachelor's degree from an accredited institution in engineering, biological science, physical science or mathematics", and "at least three years of related, progressively responsible professional experience, or at least 1,000 hours of pilot-in-command time in jet aircraft".
So sleep deprived, chronic masturbaters who's math skills drop off after the 10x table aren't on the wanted list?
Shit.
The cynic in me is wary of 'bigging up' comments about this being "an exciting time to be a part of America’s human space flight program."
That smells like a golden one way ticket to me, plus would there be a podule on board to check my salary had been paid OK I wonder and does Mars have pubs?
The mission will terminate early due to food cravings.
They'll be sitting around their Martian shelter, playing tiddlywinks in the low gravity environment.
Somebody will say, "I sure miss doner kebobs...", and the mission will terminate with immediate effect.
That's funny, I've been thinking.
You know what I miss?
I miss green.
You know, trees and.... And grass.
I love green.
I'd love a hot dog.
The Astrodome. Good hot dogs.
Astrodome?
You can't grow good hot dogs indoors.
Yankee Stadium, September.
Hot dogs have been boiling
since the opening day in April.
That's a hot dog.
-The yellow mustard or the darker one?
-Darker.
-It's important.
-Darker.
I can picture the NASA debate:
PHB1: "Astronauts need to be between 5'2" and 6'3" tall".
PHB2: "We need to me more sciencey, they need to be between 1.6 and 1.9m tall"
(20 minutes of argument later...)
NASA brass: "eff-it, let's make sure that NOBODY knows how tall they need to be, and give the spec in inches"