WIN a 6TB Western Digital Black hard drive with El Reg

"Normally we say please try to keep it SFW, but given the content.." Further comment superfluous.

As with all Haute Couture, you'd feel a right tit wearing it in public...

It conceals the nipple guns perfectly.

To make a payment at the supermarket I just have to bend over the card reader.

Now, as to programming the thing, lets get down to bras stacks.

"It's fitted with a face recognition sensor and bluetooth technology. If it detects someone looking straight at it, then it sends a request to the wearers smart watch to slap them in the face."

I love getting my hands on new technology.

On the lines of the whistle activated key fob, new "Did I remember to wear a bra?" tech may need refinement.

If you are pulled over by a traffic cop, it auto-inflates.

(Terminator 3 reference)

Perfect if you are breast feeding a little Android.

For our second version we are linking it with MyVibe!

If I get an email it alerts me by making my nipples tingle.

Great for jogging in with the bounce cancelling technology.

I've isolated the problem; it keeps downloading Windows 10.

Of corsets underwired.

Never mind the quality, feel the width!

Meet the Katie Price special edition bra, just right for those silicone bits.

Miss Brahms on the telephone: "Ladies' intimate apparel...I said, Ladies' intimate apparel...oh, all right then, the knickers and knocker counter!"

(Are You Being Served, The Apartment)

You press the left nipple to select the required feature then the right nipple to run it. Double press both nipples to remove the bra.

It's part of our tele-dildoncis range

Although she admired the technology, Madonna did not think the styling was sufficiently outrageous for her stage show.

The wearer's range should be somewhat improved when we make a version that doesn't run on mains electricity.

My eyes are up here techies

You would have to be a bit of a tit to like the latest IoT invention.

Rather than use the familiar tick-tock cycle. Intel introduces the ding-dong cycle for it's digital bra

"...and here are the onboard fire sensors. When fire is detected the unit automatically sends a friendly Email to the wearer's emergency contacts, calls 0118 999 881 999 119 725 3, and plays an audible alarm declaring 'FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!'."

And with the matching panties, we'll have somewhere to store the battery.

Silica to inflate the boobs, now silica to protect the boobs.

BRAM - Boob RAM

coming soon to a car near you. "Protect your assets"

As soon as the car detects it is an accident the bra will expand and become an extra set of airbags to ensure the essential area's are well protected from impact.

We decline to comment on the rumours of an impending hack to allow women to make use of this feature in brs / nightclubs

I said siliCON dearie, siliCON... not CONE!

Ashlee had not worked out that the web-punters were paying to see her take it off!

The Intel engineering team realise that they may have overdone the 'Smart' when their new bra starts to complain about the terrible pain in all the diodes down its left strap.

Pay attention now, 007...

"Call that bra smart? It's the ugliest piece of lingerie that I've ever seen!"

We've had a product endorsement from seven of nine.

These babies are going to pay for themself

Silicon tits sell bits.

Although her roots matched the trim, a last minute change of the colour spoilt the effect by no longer matching the rest of her hair!

The team were shocked to learn that the T in IoT actually didn't stand for things...

This could be dangerous in the wrong hands, let's keep it away from the Norks.

The quality inspector pointed out to the management that he machinists really had to stop leaving lose threads on the finished garment

The only trouble is that it goes titsup if you lie back

We believe her crime was motivated by the discovery that she had been wearing self-aware underwear as much as that it had recorded her singing Justin Bieber.

Teleconferencing was the only way to be safe when reviewing the bra's defensive capabilities.

"I'm really sorry, Jenny, but I can't find your missing nipple in here anywhere."

Intel demonstrates their new 2 jigglebit storage device