back to article Heigh ho, oh no! Politically correct panto dumps Snow White’s dwarfs

Culturally sensitive audience members attending this year's Christmas panto at Leicester's De Montfort Hall will be pleased to find that Snow White's seven dwarfs have been cut in favour of a septet of "friends". According to the Leicester Mercury*, a spokeswoman for the theatre explained that the term "dwarf" is "generally …

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  1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

    Oh for FFS...

    Quoting another version of Snow White as we used to tell it in high school:

    The first one said, "Who has been sitting in my chair?"

    The second one, "Who has been eating from my plate?"

    The third one, "Who has been eating my bread?"

    The fourth one, "Who has been eating my vegetables?"

    The fifth one, "Who has been eating with my fork?"

    The sixth one, "Who has been drinking from my cup?"

    The seventh one, "Who is ... Oh never mind, turn off the lights brothers, let's go to bed"

    1. Matt 21
      Joke

      Re: Oh for FFS...

      Oh, come on, making jokes about retarded dwarfs... it's not big and it's not clever.

      Boom boom!

      1. Voland's right hand Silver badge
        Paris Hilton

        Re: Oh for FFS...

        Oh, come on, I would call dwarf No 7 anything but retarded

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Oh for FFS...

          @Voland's right hand; Isn't "Dwarf No 7" the name of Boots' cosmetics for vertically-challenged people?

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Political Correctness Lunacy

    Stop the world, i want to get off.

    Indoctrinating children like this should be an offence in itself.

    1. GitMeMyShootinIrons

      Re: Political Correctness Lunacy

      Agreed - didn't we outgrow this stuff in the 90's? However, if we follow their logic the Soviet Socialist Republic of Leicester has made a major mistake. They still call the lead character Snow White. Surely, this too is discriminatory in a racist way - perhaps "Snow Counter-Racist-Approved-Pigmentation" would be a good alternative. I really think that this works for a new PC title....

      Snow Counter-Racist-Approved-Pigmentation and her Seven Friends

      Really rolls off the tongue (*rolls eyes*)

      1. BlartVersenwaldIII

        Re: Political Correctness Lunacy

        > Surely, this too is discriminatory in a racist way - perhaps "Snow Counter-Racist-Approved-Pigmentation" would be a good alternative.

        You're on the right track, but the term "snow" is also inherently racist; it's only ever manufactured in countries predominantly peopled with whites, it is itself white (unless artificial colourants are added at which point it's usually derogated as "dirty snow", known on the street as "slush", or "yellow snow" in a similar fashion to the "yellow peril"), and it's almost never exported to more non-achromatically aligned latitudes - presumably because all you selfish saps in the snow-producing regions don't want differentiatedly ethnicalised people muscling in on the market; all a big first-world protection racket as usual. Until we see snow attain an equal distribution across the globe it's just another blatant tool of the white patriarchy.

        As such, the play should be retitled "Non-Geographically-Constrained-Precipitation Counter-Racist-Approved-Pigmentation and hir Seven Friends" in order to avert its inherent offensiveness.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Political Correctness Lunacy

          Isn't most of the job of a parent to indoctrinate their kids. You know, "don't talk to strangers", "wash your hands before eating", "don't stick your tongue in an electrical socket", "Schrödinger's cat experiment is not to be repeated at home" etc. etc.

          1. Anonymous Coward
            Anonymous Coward

            Re: Political Correctness Lunacy

            >"don't stick your tongue in an electrical socket"

            Ah, so that's where my parents went wrong.

            1. Cynic_999

              Re: Political Correctness Lunacy

              I object to Snow White being female whilst being saved by Prince Charming, a male. That is not only horribly sexist, but the stereotypical portrayal of a romantic male/female adult couple discriminates against paedophiles and the LBGT community. In fact, presenting a show that is predominately designed to entertain young humans is both ageist and specist. To be safe the production should consist of an empty stage and no dialogue.

              1. Anonymous Coward
                Anonymous Coward

                Re: Political Correctness Lunacy

                Last panto Prince Charming I saw had some definite female characteristics.

                As to the ideal show being an empty stage and no dialogue, closest I've come is a fair bit of dialogue but a rather small audience. At least the actors on stage didn't outnumber those who bought tickets (though the curtain call might have been a close-run thing).

          2. h4rm0ny

            Re: Political Correctness Lunacy

            >>"Schrödinger's cat experiment is not to be repeated at home"

            Until you look in their bedroom, it is both tidy and untidy at the same time.

          3. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

            Re: Political Correctness Lunacy

            Isn't most of the job of a parent to indoctrinate their kids.

            I thought it was the job of parents to raise and educate their kids. We could all do with less of the indoctrination bit really, it's the root cause of this sort of lunacy.

            The healthy position is to teach children how to ask questions, not to teach them to accept everything they are told.

            Without that sort of attitude, we'd be living in a pre-enlightenment society, which would be fine only for those at the very top of religious organisations.

        2. Captain Hogwash
          WTF?

          Re: "it's only ever manufactured in countries predominantly peopled with whites"

          Such as Nepal, India, Pakistan, Bhutan to name but four.

      2. PatientOne

        Re: Political Correctness Lunacy

        "Snow Counter-Racist-Approved-Pigmentation and her Seven Friends"

        How about: "A person and some people."

        That should fix all potential issues, yes?

        1. Marcelo Rodrigues
          Devil

          Re: Political Correctness Lunacy

          "How about: "A person and some people."

          That should fix all potential issues, yes?"

          No, no! This will not do it! You see, "some people" is clearly derogatory, implying that the "vertically challenged people" are less than the tall (and white!) one.

          This is clearly a disaster, and we should scrub the whole thing. How about a choir, with just the vocalization? You see, lyrics are far too prone to offend someone to be permitted.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Joke

          Re: "A person and some people."

          Title must consists of eight characters...

      3. Captain DaFt

        Re: Political Correctness Lunacy

        "Snow Counter-Racist-Approved-Pigmentation and her Seven Friends"

        RACIST! How DARE You imply pigmentation has anything to do with a person's worth?

        And what's with all that sexist exclusionism,"Her seven friends"?

        Obviously the correct title should be, "Eight Acquaintances".

        (Standing by, waiting to see which SLWs I've offended.)

    2. Dave 126 Silver badge

      Re: Political Correctness Lunacy

      >Indoctrinating children like this should be an offence in itself.

      Whilst I agree with you that the decision of this theatre is idiotic, I have to ask "Isn't indoctrinating children the whole point of fairy tales?"

  3. Stork Silver badge

    I thought the PC term was Person Of Restricted Growth (or PORG).

    1. tony2heads

      But

      "Melanin Challenged and the Seven Persons Of Restricted Growth" doesn't have the same ring does it.

      1. Fungus Bob
        Childcatcher

        Re: But

        ""Melanin Challenged and the Seven Persons Of Restricted Growth" doesn't have the same ring does it."

        But "Snow White and her Seven Friends" sounds like a porno.

    2. David Roberts

      You have completely revised my understanding of Porgy and Bess.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    Bloody Fools

    If Mr Davis is happy with the proper title, then that's good enough for me.

    I wonder if this sensitivity is really all about cultural destruction. Can't let the little be too comfortable with their traditions, can we?

    1. Rosie Davies

      Re: Bloody Fools

      "If Mr Davis is happy with the proper title, then that's good enough for me."

      This, which pretty much captures the whole reason that this decision is problematic.

      With any term that may or may not be abusive and lead to an allegation of having one of the -isms or -phobias it is not up to anyone other than the presumed target of the offense to decide whether it is insulting or not. Anything else is suggesting that the presumed target population is unable to think for themselves and needs to be told what they disapprove of by someone who knows best. Which is possibly a little patronising?

      Rosie

    2. h4rm0ny

      Re: Bloody Fools

      The thing with an actual term like dwarf, black, gay or whatever else some bigots have a problem with, is that it's not term that is the problem, it is that someone thinks the thing it describes is bad. So presumably well-meaning people decide to try and prevent the use of the term as a solution to that. But it doesn't solve it, it just cedes ground to the bigots and says "yes, there really is something wrong with being X, let's try to hide the fact that someone is by finding a polite way of putting it". In pretty much the same way you'd find a polite way of putting it when someone's boyfriend was an irritating moron or other social situation where you need to be delicate. But there's no good reason to attack someone for being any black, short, gay, straight, whatever. You can't just endlessly kowtow to bigots.

      Yes, sometimes a word eventually gets so tarnished, so used as a term of abuse, that it becomes effectively unrecoverable. But that's a thing we should strive to avoid, not pander to. If someone uses the term dwarf as a term of abuse, they get the ostracism, not the English language.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Being six foot two

    I'm deeply offended that I'm positively discriminated against in favour of these short arsed pipsqueaks. I could have said dwarves but apparently that's not PC.

    1. Voland's right hand Silver badge

      Re: Being six foot two

      Beware of the member of the Campaign for Equal Heights wielding an axe.

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        Re: Being six foot two

        And of course 6'3" Corporal Carrot was a Dwarf, and it wouldn't occur to any Dwarf (of closer to mean height for their demographic group) that he wasn't. (The Fifth Elephant).

        [Oh jeeebus, I have read the book twice and only just now whilst writing the above have I twigged that it is an pun on the Fifth Element. Is there a term for when two bits of info exist within the same brain but only collide some time later?]

        1. VinceH
          Facepalm

          Re: Being six foot two

          You forgot the appropriate icon!

        2. Mutton Jeff

          Re: Being six foot two

          Is that the world record for "world's tallest dwarf"?

          And what about the "world's shortest giant"?

        3. TeeCee Gold badge
          Facepalm

          Re: Being six foot two

          Is there a term for when two bits of info exist within the same brain but only collide some time later?

          Slow on the uptake.

    2. Kane
      Coat

      Re: Being four foot one

      Robin Hood: And you're a robber too. How long have you been a robber?

      Strutter: Four foot one.

      Robin Hood: Good lord! Jolly good. Four foot one? Well that-that-that is-is- a long time, isn't it?

      .

      Mine's the one with the time portal map in the inside pocket...

      1. g e

        Re: Being four foot one

        Napoleon...

        Alexander the Great...

        Ahhh Time Bandits

        1. Kane
          Thumb Up

          Re: Being four foot one@ g e

          Litlle things, hitting each other!

  6. Dazed and Confused
    Joke

    I'd have thought

    That if they wanted to be all PC about it calling the lead character "Snow White" smacked of blatant racism.

    1. alain williams Silver badge
      Coat

      Re: I'd have thought

      That if they wanted to be all PC about it calling the lead character "Snow White" smacked of blatant racism.

      And sexism - I want to see the lead role played by a man!

      1. Dave 126 Silver badge

        Re: I'd have thought

        >And sexism - I want to see the lead role played by a man!

        Oh c'mon, this is panto - the dame is usually a man, and the young prince (or Peter Pan) is often played by a woman!

    2. VinceH

      Re: I'd have thought

      "calling the lead character "Snow White" smacked of blatant racism."

      Which, IMO, reinforces Warwick Davis' belief that "it's all a smokescreen anyway. The profit margins for pantos are not very big and it's obviously much cheaper to involve schoolchildren than it is to pay lots of professional short actors."

      If they wanted the panto to be politically correct, they'd change that aspect of its title as well - and probably a few other things in the content.

  7. Flakey

    Nice to see

    ..Mr Davis giving De Montfort Hall short shrift... ok I'm going

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Any publicity is good publicity however it's not big and it's not clever, where is de montford? and how far away are they?

    I thought the PC term was vertically challenged.

    Also if anyone is wondering about the difference between a dwarf and midget you apply the cartwheel test, dwarf have little arms.

    I hope no one is offended by this but if they are my uncles cousins flatmates brother is a dwarf.

    1. Pascal Monett Silver badge

      The PC term for dwarf is dwarf.

      Anything else and you're just being insulting.

      There is no shame to be had by height or color since there's nothing anyone can do about either, and neither has anything to do with intelligence or usefulness to society.

  9. Chris G

    Fiver

    In the seventies one of the lads in our gruop suffered from dwarfism, he was about 4' 10" at the age of 20. His standard greeting was;" lend us a fiver "' cut down obviously from lend us a fiver I' a bit short this week. A wicked sense of humour and ha hard worker he ended up a successful stockbroker.

  10. The Vociferous Time Waster

    I met Warwick last year

    I met Warwick last year and watched him deliver a very effective IT class to a group of ten year olds for charity with only a couple of hours preparation. The man is a total legend and a true professional.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: I met Warwick last year

      I have to agree that Warwick is indeed a lovely person, and always has time for people......

      I just wonder when Leicester took over the PC mantle from our beloved Hackney council

      We don't even have black and white TV's anymore

      If people ask me why i'm short I tell them I have Dwarfism, seems that most normal people understand that, if I said "I have vertical challenging" they'd assume I was taking the piss and probably larrup me one and walk away

  11. wolfetone Silver badge

    This Isn't Political Correctness

    The problem here isn't the fact the people who run the panto are thinking "Lads, we might offend people here if we use the word dwarf or dwarves".

    No, the problem comes from these idiots listening to maybe one or two people who have nothing better for doing other than to complain, and then taking that as a gauge of the country's opinion.

    I don't have a problem with the word dwarf, but then again I'm 6ft 3.

    1. Warm Braw

      They're certainly trying to occupy the moral high ground. And I'm not sure I like their altitude...

      1. Hans Neeson-Bumpsadese Silver badge

        "They're certainly trying to occupy the moral high ground. And I'm not sure I like their altitude..."

        Just be the bigger man and rise above it

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Trouble with dwarves is, if you argue with them they'll bring you down to their level and win.

          1. Cynic_999

            "

            Trouble with dwarves is, if you argue with them they'll bring you down to their level and win.

            "

            A bigger problem is that they just can't keep their nose out of other people's business.

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