John Travolta's Scientology Classic
I thought that was the Oprah episode involving the couch?
(oops...that was the *other* crazy Scientologist actor, wasn't it?)
Traumatised Reg SPB team barely survives movie unwatchablathon
The vital question as to whether it is humanly possible to watch celluloid trainwrecks Gigli, Pearl Harbor and Battlefield Earth back-to-back was answered last weekend when a crack El Reg Special Projects Bureau squad endured 403 minutes of continuous cinematic outrage and emerged alive, if somewhat shaken. As part of its pre- …
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Friday 8th May 2015 11:16 GMT Teiwaz
Only able to make 1/3 of a comment.
Out of the 3, I've only seen Battlefield Earth.
Pretty sure I've seen worse. I can't recall what they were or what the plot was about so obviously my brain blanked them out as a survival mechanism, I'm just left with the impression that I've seen worse.
I thought the book was okay though, but then how much you enjoy a book all depends on how much your own imagination will compensate.
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Friday 8th May 2015 14:12 GMT 0laf
Re: Only able to make 1/3 of a comment.
+1
I made it through Battlefield Earth. it has a "so bad it's funny" quality that reminded me of Edward D Wood's finest efforts.
I had to turn off Noah, really one of the least entertaining things I've ever seen and I rarely fail to finish a film.
Indy 4 was bad just for fact it ruined one of the great film trilogies of our childhoods. You could add Lucas' last three to that as well.
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Friday 8th May 2015 14:40 GMT Anonymous Coward
Re: Only able to make 1/3 of a comment.
And a good example of "far worse than Battlefield Earth" is Dünyayı Kurtaran Adam.
It managed to take good footage and music from other movies, combine it with nonsense, and produce something that actually made my brain hurt. On the plus side, it IS quite funny. But I still had to visit a neurologist afterwards.
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Monday 11th May 2015 19:35 GMT Intractable Potsherd
Re: Only able to make 1/3 of a comment.
Having just seen "Prometheus"again, I'd definitely put it as worse than "Battlefield Earth". Nothing is good, from the impenetrable "plot", through the beyond-wooden acting, to the complete disregard for any intelligence the audience might have. Adding this into the watchfest would have resulted in serious brain damage to the team ...
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Friday 8th May 2015 11:17 GMT Alien8n
Plan 9 from Outer Space
The original yardstick was actually so bad it became a cult classic and is actually watchable because it's so bad. You could not feed me enough beer in the world to persuade me to watch Battlefield Earth however. Have more beers*, you clearly didn't drink enough if you can still remember watching these films...
* There are beer movies (Transformers, Iron Sky etc) and then there are full alcohol poisoning movies...
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Monday 11th May 2015 17:12 GMT Michael Wojcik
Re: Plan 9 from Outer Space
I'd rather watch Plan 9 than, say, the miserable, worthless mess that is Transformers, any day.
Transformers versus Battlefield Earth? Tough call. Transformers is probably a less awful film by most metrics; but I can imagine a world where a Transformers film isn't completely terrible, whereas one where a BE film is anything but dreck is pure fantasy, so Transformers loses points for opportunity squandered.
All that said, there are plenty of films - ones with theatrical releases and everything - that are worse than Battlefield Earth, in terms of the sheer dreariness of watching them. Any number were featured on MST3K, for example, Just dull, poorly-made movies with lousy plots, scripts, acting, direction, and production. They just don't show up in this sort of exercise because they're too obscure and pointless.
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Friday 8th May 2015 12:59 GMT Anonymous Custard
Re: Needs more Cloverfield
And at what point to we tell him that they're considering making a 5th one...?
One other question for debate - how bad would a film be which co-stars Ben Affleck and Shia LaBeouf?
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Friday 8th May 2015 14:32 GMT Eddy Ito
Re: Needs more Cloverfield
Are you implying the 5th Indiana Jones is going to have the title character played by Ford, Affleck and LaBeouf in various flashbacks/forwards/obliques? Well, Ok but only if they can get Travolta, Sandler and Taylor Lautner to play the bad guy parts in the various flashes.
Oh, I see, you're talking of a completely different movie. Still, I think we've got the making of a trilogy here. To give the timeline cohesiveness with all the flashbacks, forwards and obliques we should start in the middle and work outward so if we wind up able to take it out to further sequels it won't matter if we go back, forward or oblique. Unconstrained by time, place and plot we can do anything we want; this thing is going to be absolutely brilliant!
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Friday 8th May 2015 15:23 GMT Anonymous Custard
Re: Needs more Cloverfield
Alright, one for Lester to consider and throw open to the commentards. How about we dream (if that's the right word) up the ultimate in fantasy "so bad they're terrible" movies? With categories like:
Leading Man
Leading Lady
Director
Supporting cast (human or otherwise)
Plot points/cliches/twists that must be included
Soundtrack (with extra points for cheesy but in-theme songs to include)
With extra credit for taking source material (books, real life events etc) that were good, respected and/or well known and then screwing them up by relocating them elsewhere or somehow similarly feeding them through a mincer...
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Friday 8th May 2015 16:54 GMT Boris the Cockroach
Re: Needs more Cloverfield
Ohh come on... I quite enjoyed cloverfield
Seeing which whiney annoying character was going to be squashed/bitten/dumped/explode next.
But I'm sure they got the camera guy good and drunk first because I've walked home for the pub steadier than that film.
But of the 3 films I've seen gigi and pearl habour... but never ever been brave enough(or drunk enough) to watch battlefield earth
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Saturday 9th May 2015 04:54 GMT Robert Helpmann??
Re: Needs more Cloverfield
...thankfully they've resisted the urge to make such a travesty of a movie...
I felt the same about the recent Hobbit
videogamemovies. I really wanted not to watch it after the LotR's missing the Scouring of the Shire from its ending, but was forced into attending a marathon viewing which sadly did not involve alcohol. Why anyone would take a kid's story and turn it into a torture device for kids is... well.. brilliant, but I still wish I could forget the hours I wasted watching this trilogy.-
Saturday 9th May 2015 12:11 GMT Dave 126
Re: Needs more Cloverfield
The Hobbit movies I didn't enjoy. I got the impression that everybody involved in making them was bored of doing so. A shame, but LOTR was so well done, especially in making the landscapes so central.
Cloverfield I enjoyed. I'd held off watching it for some time due to some prejudice on my part, but its found-footage conceit was well executed and it zips along at a good pace. I hadn't watched a found-footage film since Man Bites Dog, so maybe it was that I wasn't bored of the style.
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Friday 8th May 2015 11:54 GMT Amorous Cowherder
That's nothing...
I challenge anyone to watch, "Ground Control" starring Keifer Sutherland.
www.imdb.com/title/tt0137799/
Budget in the hundreds of dollars and, at the time, minor celeb attempts to save a piss poor boring script but instead stretches what should have been a 5 min student film into a 90min lurching, done-on-the-cheap disaster of a movie. The end result is that you want to scratch out your eyes and insert a fork into your earhole and scramble your brain to make it go away!
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Friday 8th May 2015 14:11 GMT VinceH
Re: How about a Nicolas Cage marathon shitfest?
"Whoever out of the SPB who makes it out alive after watching his filmography back-to-back wins a Transformers four-film box set."
On the one hand, I'd say that's a cruel and unusual punishment - and for doing nothing wrong.
On the other hand, I recently watched Pacific Rim. All of a sudden, the Transformers films didn't seem so bad.
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Sunday 10th May 2015 17:32 GMT Don Dumb
Re: How about a Nicolas Cage marathon shitfest?
@Steve Davies3 - I wouldn't put Nick Cage on a complete ban. He's had to make bad films partly to pay the bills but there are a few good films with him giving good performances - if you haven't seen Adaptation, that is worth viewing and he is genuinely very good in it.
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Biting the hand that feeds IT
