back to article iPhone 6: Most exquisite MOBILE? No. It is the Most Exquisite THING. EVER

We had certain unavoidable production issues with this piece from our occasional "tech guru" Stephen Pie. Rather as plainly happened in the case of Stephen Fry - any other similarity between the two is purely coincidental - Mr Pie's thoughts on the iPhone 6 have had to be published almost completely without benefit of sub- …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    is it double irony

    or triple? I got lost in the layers, please somebody less sluggish this morning, could you make it clear to me?

    yawn, where's me trusted san francisco with a cracked screen... need to make a few calls...

    1. Semtex451

      Re: is it double irony

      I had my coffee, and reading that article, I very nearly shat myself

    2. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: is it double irony

      San Fransico what a great phone for era/money and yes every single one had a craked screen!

      1. Metrognome

        Re: SanFrancisco

        Speak for yourselves.

        Both of mine work just fine, their screen is beautiful (coming as they were from the first batches that had the better screens) and thanks to some neat ROM's I'm using the 4GB card as native memory space which means it can run everything (sloooooowly) and have 100+ apps installed.

        Still, 4 years and 2 batteries later they're going strong. They're not my daily-use phone, but they've got pride of place on my bedside table, always ready to step in, in an emergency.

        Best value for money ever.

        1. phil dude
          Megaphone

          Re: SanFrancisco

          and the ROMs didn't affect the warrany?

          I think you have just highlighted the central point - it's a nice phone- but you still have to root it.

          P.

          1. Trainee grumpy old ****

            Re: SanFrancisco

            >> and the ROMs didn't affect the warrany?

            Response 1: Warranty? After 4 years? Good luck trying to get any phone manufacturer to fix anything under warranty after so long - even if the phone had been kept in pristine condition.

            Response 2: The San Francisco was both relatively cheap and about as close to un-brickable as is possible that there were plenty who were able to take the risk of flashing it over and over again.

      2. Richard Barnes

        Re: is it double irony

        And possibly the shitest camera ever put in a smartphone.

    3. JeffyPoooh
      Pint

      Re: the first iPhone "...wait until he could achieve perfection."

      Hmmm. Then explaining the iPhone "2" thru "6" might a bit awkward.

      :-)

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: the first iPhone "...wait until he could achieve perfection."

        The original guardian article now has the correction:

        This article was amended on 17 September 2014. An earlier version referred to Apple having had “all but 3%” of the personal computer market. This has been corrected to “just 3%”.

        Truth can be stranger than fiction.

    4. Al Black

      Is it triple irony?

      The ironic thing is that the "heartbreakingly dead staggering genius Steve Jobs" was stupid enough to entrust his liver cancer to a Homeopath. Homeopathy is a medical practice that claims to work by diluting various things in a solution. Homeopathy is the exact opposite of modern pharmacology in the belief that things get more potent as they become more dilute. By current laws in most countries, in order for something to be labeled as "homeopathic" it must not contain anything but the solution that the treatment has been "distilled into". Homeopathy is entirely "natural", and "harmless", because it is in most cases simply water.

      1. Vimes

        Re: Is it triple irony?

        @Al Black

        You can still drown...

    5. N13L5

      Re: is it double irony

      Hardly irony.

      Thick skin? That only gets acquired by emotional injury. Injury to what?? False identification which certain products and ideas that got derided by some hacks in the interwebs?

      Its a load of emotional baggage over things human beings should be completely and utterly aloof from.

      Only a fan boy for some corporation or other can waste his time and brain cycles in so miserable a way. Well done corporate brainwashing... Maybe it was Apple's Orwell commercial that got him.

      Or maybe the oh-so-shiny surfaces of various objects of tech-distorted desires. This kind of loving attention should be reserved for sentient beings, not dead objects.

      Whatever...

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Look

    I know Mr. Fry is massively overexposed on the media, and has become famous for his sagacity because he can listen to someone telling him something in his ear and regurgitate it as if he had just thought it up himself - admittedly a useful skill - but still...

    But still what?

    Come to think of it yes, it is only just parody. Carry on as you were.

    1. Yugguy

      Re: Look

      Yes, it's the same skill Paxman has and Gascoigne had on University Challenge - giving the impression that they actually KNEW all the answers to all the questions.

      1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

        Re: Look

        At least Bamber Gascoigne took the time to read the questions beforehand and research around them, so that he could make a judgement as to whether a slightly off answer could be deemed to be correct.

        Paxo can't even properly pronounce the words in any vaguely science-based question, but still manages to maintain an air of snotty self-importance.

        1. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Look

          "Paxo can't even properly pronounce the words in any vaguely science-based question, but still manages to maintain an air of snotty self-importance."

          In other words, a typical member of the British governing classes.

          1. Loyal Commenter Silver badge

            Re: Look

            Really, he's a better example of the British upper middle class. Thankfully, he has no authority, other than over eight students for half an hour at a time. He does, however, manage to act as if he is a figure of authority. Whilst this might be amusing when watching him make weasly politicians squirm on national television, I would imagine that being in a room with him for any amount of time would lead to a desire to chew through the walls in order to escape.

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: Look

          > Paxo can't even properly pronounce the words in any vaguely science-based question, but still manages to maintain an air of snotty self-importance.

          It's the same with maths - his mask slips occasionally in that he looks surprised when a contestant successfully answers a maths question for which he himself didn't have a clue.

          But it's the sneery derision directed at the contestants for either (a) not knowing obscure Victorian poetry or (b) knowing some popular culture music answer that has the made the programme utterly unwatchable for me during his tenure.

  3. Cliff

    With sub editing...

    This is primed to appear in all the technology pages of the broadsheets columnists sections

  4. IHateWearingATie

    I read the guardian article stephen fry wrote...

    ... and this is hardly even a parody!

  5. Dave 126

    Was it Wednesday's Guardian or Independent...

    ... that provoked this Reg article? One or the other had a half-page piece by Stephen Fry about the iPhone 6 yesterday.

    Anyway, last time the Reg had a piece like this, its name was brought by Stephen Fry's blog to the attention of thousands of people who had never heard of it.

    I wouldn't be a regular Reg reader if I wasn't cynical, but cynicism cuts both ways.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: Was it Wednesday's Guardian or Independent...

      It was The Guardian, still on the front page of the web site...

      1. PleebSmash

        Re: Was it Wednesday's Guardian or Independent...

        Check out that correction at the bottom... classic

    2. joeldillon

      Re: Was it Wednesday's Guardian or Independent...

      There's literally a link to the Guardian article at the top of the page.

  6. Dan 55 Silver badge
    Devil

    Paid-for piece

    Apple commissioned The Grauniad who went to Fry?

    Did the money cover Fry's cheque and the overtime the Grauniad's mod is putting into deleting the comments below?

  7. Napoleon
    Gimp

    I came ...

    And i don't have yet lay my unworthy hands on this object of desire ... tomorrow ... yes tomorrow ...

  8. emmanuel goldstein

    A peasant asks...

    How, Mr. Pie, do you reconcile the paradox of Apple producing the most beautiful object in the universe without the almighty Steve running the show?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: A peasant asks...

      Come now, with the passing of the Steve Jobs, he is now where he was always meant to be; controlling not only apple but the universe from the drivers seat.

  9. Piro Silver badge

    Fry is becoming less of a national treasure, and more of a national joke. This is sad.

    1. Dave 126

      National Treasures and National Jokes aren't mutually exclusive (almost the opposite, in fact)... with all the news about British politicians of late, I've been missing Screaming Lord Sutch. And Vivian Stanshall, obviously.

  10. Roy Nottroy

    Sounds like someone needs a shag.

    1. This post has been deleted by its author

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Stopped reading at "early late-nineties to mid late-nineties".

    Really? What?

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      re: Really? What?

      I believe it's a satirical piece, written in a style that mocks the original Guardian article/advert.

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: re: Really? What?

        I see. Satire is an excuse for writing badly. All is clear now.

        1. Steven Raith

          Re: re: Really? What?

          it is IMHO, if you're ripping the overly flowery prose, language manglement and general style of the original author.

          See Troy Queef, a rip of the overly wordy and florid car mag journos.

          " What man-made metal monster would presume to peel apart the green garden of Great Britain’s inner Eastern reaches? At the risk of sounding like an ardent Australian, don’t worry; it’s Eco, Sport.

          Cleave the comma from the end of that sentiment and you arrive with elegant ease at the handle of the hot baby I am helming for this all-out, balls-out pedal across the feculent flatlands that coddle around Kettering for this morning’s wheelsmith steed is none other than the Blue Oval’s B-seg class buster, the high riding family funster they call EcoSport."

          "Firing in spicy to an especially testing switchback I make a laser guided lunge for the bullseye marked ‘apex’ and then slam shut the taps to see what reacts. The answer is a playful tail, slyly stepping sideways to get in on the action. I simply caught it with a dab of oppo and I was away.

          The Ford EcoSport 1.5 TDCi Titanium is a bitch. And I spanked it."

          Which is a gentle tease of David Vivian, et al.

          Props to Richard Porter for that particular fake journo.

          Steven R

        2. Anonymous Coward
          Anonymous Coward

          Re: re: Really? What?

          There is no chance, I suppose, that you might be of the American persuasion?

  12. Mondo the Magnificent

    Humble Pie

    The iPhone 6's pre and post release hype has gained more press coverage than the Scottish referendum, all things ISIS, Kate and Will's second sprog and the Dalai Lama's third refusal to be allowed into South Africa. It's a fucking phone, not a pacemaker... and I so love the mix of hype and sarcasm that this is iMustHave is wrapped up in.. and with it being water resistant, Mister Fry can gag on it's beauty and functionality without his saliva ruining it..

    1. h4rm0ny

      Re: Humble Pie

      >>"Kate and Will's second sprog"

      To be fair, I actually do find new mobile phone technology more interesting than some random couple's baby, functionally no different from any other baby. So I'm going to give them that one.

      1. JEDIDIAH
        Devil

        Re: Humble Pie

        > To be fair, I actually do find new mobile phone technology more interesting

        Except it's not "new technology". It's just another iteration of something that has been around for awhile now.

    2. Fungus Bob

      Re: Humble Pie

      "It's a fucking phone, not a pacemaker"

      Yes, pacemakers get smaller with each new model...

  13. bex

    Trully the jesus Phone

    If Huffpost are on the right track the iphone 6 is the second coming, and there was I thinking it was just another phone with no back button.

    1. David 138

      Re: Trully the jesus Phone

      Why would a touch phone need a button?

      1. Anonymous Coward
        Anonymous Coward

        Re: Trully the jesus Phone

        To turn it on of course...are you sure ur holding it correctly.

    2. N13L5

      Re: Trully the jesus Phone

      Can only hope its not the second coming, or people won't have much time to enjoy their new electronic dog leash...

  14. Yves Kurisaki

    I'm sure there's professional help for this obsession with Apple.

    Or maybe actually getting invited to an Apple event will cure it?

  15. JDX Gold badge

    meh

    El Reg's harrying of Fry is staler than Apple's R&D department.

    1. Anonymous Coward
      Anonymous Coward

      Re: meh

      Havd you read the Guardian "article"? He really was asking for it.

      1. JDX Gold badge

        Re: meh

        El Reg just seems desperate to start a feud. Maybe Fry refused to sign an autograph, or maybe it's just a cheap publicity grab. But it seems rather crass to stoop to tabloid levels to choose a target of ridicule.

        1. Eponymous Cowherd
          Meh

          Re: meh

          I think its a general dislike of numpties who set themselves up as tech authorities / gurus.

          Fry always comes across as a likeable enough chap, but he sure does spout some unmitigated bollocks.

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